threebyfate Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I'm leaning on my best friend right now while we're both sitting on the couch. He's watching some tropical fish show on Oasis channel while I'm goofing around on LS. Every so often he points something out to me. I can see that he's dying to go fishing, maybe try spear fishing. In a little while, we'll both go to bed where we'll make more oxytocin, after which he'll crash while I rev around the house like the Energizer bunny. Maybe tonight, plse, plse, plse, no teething, Bump will sleep through the night. Is that such a bad existence? I personally love him and our mundane existence. Don't know what this woman is talking about but her version sounds infinitely cold and lacking. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Woggle, why would anyone want to spend the rest of their life with someone who wasn't their best friend? 'A best friend that you love to have sex with' is the perfect definition of the ideal partner.......anyone who says they don't want that is just kidding themselves. You have a happy marriage - focus on that and stop reading nosense on the dating section of LS. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Even though everything is messed up between us, my husband is still my friend. (haha I nearly typed fiend!) Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I'm leaning on my best friend right now while we're both sitting on the couch. He's watching some tropical fish show on Oasis channel while I'm goofing around on LS. Every so often he points something out to me. I can see that he's dying to go fishing, maybe try spear fishing. In a little while, we'll both go to bed where we'll make more oxytocin, after which he'll crash while I rev around the house like the Energizer bunny. Maybe tonight, plse, plse, plse, no teething, Bump will sleep through the night. Is that such a bad existence? I personally love him and our mundane existence. Don't know what this woman is talking about but her version sounds infinitely cold and lacking. QFT. Substitute your husband's fishing for gaming, and your LS for my wife's livejournal surfing and you can get the typical day between my wife and me. Pretty mundane with little surprises injected every few days. I can definitely live with that for a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
WutheringH Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 If Im to add my two cents.. In terms of the rawest most erotic passionate 'love', friendship shouldn't play a part. Part of the early onset of Lust is the mystery surrounding this other person you are engaging with. The very fact that you don't know them and yet they are handing their sexuality to you. It is part of the fire in the early stages of obsessing over a sexual partner. You can envisage all sorts of potential scenarios as to their preferences and behaviours and thus on one level you hold out to see if your fantasys might actually be fabricated on some sense of reality. In nature we actually find the opposite sex most attractive in a state of high anxiety. Hence a suprising number of men and woman have highly erotic fantasys about sex with strangers and even rape fantasys. Whether you could physically relax and enjoy the process is another matter however.. In a marriage obviously you'd like to know your partner. As early romantic love seems to fades so fast. Friendship truely is the bond of deep love. Sex in reality takes up a tiny percent of time in a marriage so if you actually don't like the other person your with your in trouble. The irony is that attraction and Lust that are the cataylist to make most long lasting relationships occur. Don't appear to function on any rational level. Men for example are even more prone to falling in love fast on a visual basis, that plays a tiny role in whether the relationship will last. The most discreet things play a huge role in who we fall for. Such as whether our partner has an opposing immune system. Pheromones play a HUGH role. Not to mention the fact that a first kiss is essentialy just a potent chemical exchange for the brain to make a judgment on suitability of the person. It appears for Love to last ironicly we either marry our best friend or get lucky with whom we are passiontly attracted to! Link to post Share on other sites
zakfar Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 In response to 'Should spouses be friends with each other', I will say, it depends. I know people have different perspective to choose life partners, but wait, we need to know the mentalities too before we share everything with our spouses. We need to learn how a male and female mind works. We need to know the priorities of our spouses. Some things are acceptable, and somethings are not. If you ask me, my personal opinion is to have a spouse with as much openness as it is possible. Share everything that you have in your mind. I, myself, have such a relationship. Alas! That's not possible in many cases. In some relationships, it is wiser to hide a few things at least. It helps both of them to have happy relationship. When people learn about the things that they hate most, they never like it, no matter how much compromising they are. This also results in some psychological trauma for them, if they want to neglect/avoid the facts themselves. What kind of relationship you should have, it depends on the priorities of both of you, and you should have a mutual agreement on that. One thing that I want to mention here, you should not lie. Lie is the something that can worsen your relationship. Hiding something is different than lying. Now how can you do this? It's little complicate to answer this in short. Technically, you need to build a system where both of you know what is going on. If you are hiding something, your partner actually knows (with an indirect approach, and obviously not direct) that you are doing so. Some people try to be pushy to find out those hidden truths, and in that cases, we need to choose the wise words (not for defending ourselves later on, but to give an impression that it is better not to try to drag the dead cow, and that you don't prefer to talk about that). Mutual understanding is the base of a relationship, and marriage is actually a contract of that. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 After reading another I have realized that some women like to keep attraction and friendship very separate and the two should never meet. My wife and I do great in the bedroom but we also have similiar hobbies, love to do things together and can talk to each other about almost anything. Am I ruining her attraction for me by doing this? Will she eventually come to see me as nothing more than a brother or good friend? No way! DF is my best friend We have lots in common too, even though not everything. We are playful and silly. I am very, VERY turned on by him. He is extremely hot and sexy in my eyes, in a way no man can compare too. He is beautiful, handsome, sexy..and sensitive, masculine, sweet, yet gruff...He is not perfect persay but man..he is definitely perfect for me. I am glad we are friends, there is no friend zoning him..that is for sure :love: Link to post Share on other sites
zakfar Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Those who are saying that a relationship should be completely Open... please read the first problem (retroactive jealousy) of mamamamamam: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272718/ The second problem is not related to this. That's a different topic. But first one is exactly what I'm saying. Her husband shared with her about his previous sexual experiences with other girls. Although she wanted to trust him, she started to have delusions, and bad feelings for his past. This is indeed not what he expected. In this scenario, she knows that she is wrong, still she can't stop herself from thinking for feeling so. My point is simple. Share everything, but take time. Don't try to open everything just right away. It's indeed 'Perfect' if you know each other to 'Maximum degree'. But that needs time. Sometimes it is better to not discuss about something that your partner does not like. Sharing everything is different than 'making fun of his/her feelings for you'. Sometimes you don't want to do that, but you unintentionally do that. So, be smart while discussing things with your partner in the initial stage. By time, you will learn what to share and what to not, and when. A time will come when you will be both aware of almost everything about each other. She will know lot of things about you that you never told her, and you will have have all the knowledge of her untold secrets. It's not bad. In fact, it's good to develop the relationship this way. Sharing and bringing closeness does not mean that you should right down the whole story of your life in a book, and present it to your spouse. You build Mutual Understanding while taking the steps, one by one. But one thing, you should do that not for being 'Selfish', but for the sake of your partner. If you have this perspective in your mind, you will be able to develop your relationship in a lot better way. Link to post Share on other sites
Baroness67 Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Just My Humble Opinion. I truly believe that the fact that my husband and I were best friends at the same time we were truly madly lustful for each other during the first 15 years when we were young, has been instrumental in the fact that we are still together now. Friends meaning, we got each other's sense of humor, I was able to wear sweats and a baseball hat, we went to a college where it was uncool for a girl to wear tons of makeup and high heels (the guys made fun of them, the imports, when they came in) ... I followed that trend. Come to find out, the woman my husband cheated on me with was ... shall I crib from the Jersey Shore ... a Guidette. Totally opposite from me. So ... to answer the original question ... the only way we'd still be together, is if we were still friends from long ago, and have a relationship that works. If the sex were most important, he'd have left me long ago. Hard to have great sex and look like JWoww with 4X kids and laundry without the cameras documenting my every move. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 as long as you're having sex then you're ok Sheer genius!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 Is this dig up old woggle thread day? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Is this dig up old woggle thread day? New international holiday. Or didn't you get the memo? Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Ideally, I think your spouse should be both your lover and your best friend. It is ok if those things undulate in importance over time a bit. That said, you don't want your best friend to become a roommate and not have passion for your lover. It is best when those relationships support each other and one makes the other stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 My wife is my best friend, one of only a few friends I have. I also am always a bit puzzled by the belief that it`s unhealthy for you to have only your spouse as a friend. For the past 12 years the only, and I mean pretty much the only, recreational time I`ve had was spent with my spouse and family. When I go out I go with my wife. I don`t hang with the boys after work, I don`t have any other confidant in my life besides my wife. I have two male friends I would consider hanging out with but one has entirely different interests than I and the other pretty much just hangs with his family too. I have no female friends nor do I want any as that`s just a problem. I do not feel deprived or isolated or unhealthy. I think I`m this way because I really don`t like people in general and find I rarely share any interests with most people. The two men I have mentioned as friends have unknowingly jumped through numerous mental hoops I have to become people I consider "friends". I feel perfectly happy with this lifestyle. Something wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 QFT. Substitute your husband's fishing for gaming, and your LS for my wife's livejournal surfing and you can get the typical day between my wife and me. Pretty mundane with little surprises injected every few days. I can definitely live with that for a very long time. Me too, me too! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I feel perfectly happy with this lifestyle. Something wrong with me? Nothing wrong with you! We are similar. It isn't for everyone, but it suits us just fine Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 My wife and I do great in the bedroom but we also have similiar hobbies, love to do things together and can talk to each other about almost anything. Sounds ideal. It is HIGHLY frustrating that for men, the rules for successful attraction seem diametrically opposed to the rules for successful LTR maintenance. However, once in the LTR, I think simply avoiding the obvious doormat behaviors will do most of the job of keeping you out of any kind of friendzone. I've found that even being semi-intentionally jerkish -- something I was too afraid to do but needed to do a lot more of when I was single -- actually does more harm than good in my marriage. Who knows? Someday it may be OK to talk about . . . FEELINGS. Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 If you were purely friends, you'd be best friends. Purely lovers, you'd be f*ck buddies. Successful and happy relationships are those that combine both. Link to post Share on other sites
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