No contact reasons

[nycpetit]

A few things I wanted to post about, and maybe they'll start a convo/thread. First off, why I am here...my fiance and I , now ex, have been waivering back and forth for over a year on whether we are together or not...and blah, blah, blah..stretching from ending an engagement, then his taking another job elsewhere, but i stay behind in our home, and then him coming back to visit frequently, but keeping me out of his plans with others.

 

It just got ridiculous.and so i wanted to add my two cents when it comes to the "no contact" thing. I don't know of too many guys who come begging to be taken back if they feel there is nothing that can be different the second time around..no matter what they feel for you, or what you shared. Sometimes you need to sit down and make a list of all the "bs" that has been said and done, and evaluate what is going on. I realized that this man is weaker than me. Has no college education, went into the Navy to get away from home..a father that was mean to him verbally, and hasn't stopped running since. My point...when a guy isn't good enough for you...he makes it your fault, and takes his anger out on that case in point on you. Even his deal with the Navy wasn't truthful..turns out he wanted out of that too..because he couldn't handle it psycholgically....claimed homosexual behavior (this was prior to Clinton's act) and so that allowed him to get out without doing even 90% of the time he had originally enlisted for.

 

He makes promises he never keeps..and AFTER I moved in with him (and yes we had the finance convo before I moved in..and the convo about what living together meant for each of us) I find out he is 35k in debt...and people are calling for money left and right. Since he moved away for a job elsewhere, but under the decision between the two of us that we would still be together..this was eight months ago..he has become more and more messed up. Nothing he said he wanted to work on within himself is any better..his finances are even worse now..even though while we were living together..with my help in budgeting...he was almost debt free...last count I think he is back up to 20k. He wanted my help then..but of course now it is said that it grossly inhibited his life. I don't know exactly what extra money he thought he had to not be inhibited..but whatever.

 

Do I hurt regardless that these things are not really acceptable? Of course..my point? The no contact would have been better than taking these last eight months, or really year..and ocntinuing like this...not really being together, not really being apart..while I find out that he is galavanting around with his friends..so he can come here and complain of no money and we sit and watch a movie...that he has told people negative things about me that are untrue (I am however able to accept responsibility for the part I played in arguments and not nice things too),...and i have spent months listening to him say he has to be alone to fix things..but then at the end of the day...I find out during one of my "I can't take this anymore phases" that he joined eharmony.com.

 

Figure out if he is really worth it. And if you are better than him...face it and move on...because I realize I keep picking guys that are not evolved enough. I have issues, sure..but i am also very accomplished, independent, financially able to care for myself...have lived all over the world (was a professional ballet dancer), been working since I was 15, moved to NYC on my own then, have moved myself all over the place, am now getting a doctorate in psychology....

 

realize that sometimes the guy's anger might really be because there isn't much they CAN do (in their minds..in the traditional sense) to enhance your life..because you already have far more going on than him..and more going for you....

 

Yes it hurts..I wasted two and a half years on this loser...and watched two cousins younger than me get married in the last year...I am almost 35 and realize my time is probably much more limited than others..but I try to remaiin hopeful that eventually i will meet someone.

 

Thanks for reading this tome

Natalie

[reasontosigh]

Along the way to your doctorate in psychology (good for you!!! ) seems you took a course or two from the School of Hard Knocks. I certainly feel for you - been there, done that myself.

 

I wasted two and a half years on this loser...

 

Same here. Ended so horribly it took me 4 years to finally get over it.

 

...I am almost 35 and realize my time is probably much more limited than others..but I try to remaiin hopeful that eventually i will meet someone.

 

I think all will work out well in the end. I take it you are now well away from this jerk, and just needed to vent. Totally understandable.

 

Best wishes.