l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 We both got a bit carried away last week and end dancing closely. I was then sitting on his lap for about 30 minutes or so and his hands started going through my waist and bottom. I touched his chest. I realized what was happening and left the party. I'm not sure if this is cheating but I know for sure I'd be very pissed off if my man let another woman sit on his lap or made those type of advances. As for women trying to hit on my man, there would sure be a verbal confrontation. I haven't told him this yet but can't keep it anymore. I'm already feeling like the biggest liar on earth. Even if it wasn't cheating, it was still disrespectful and inappropriate. I have never done any of this in my life nor on my previous relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Guys would you consider this cheating, if your girlfriend did that? There is really nothing missing in my relationship and apart from the booze, I don't know why that happened. I just don't know. I feel like a liar. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I'm not a guy, but I would definitely consider that cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I'm not a guy, but I would definitely consider that cheating.Thank you for your input. This is some mess I've gotten myself into and part of me wants to sweep this under the rug but another I'd then even not only be lying to him, but to myself. I have never hidden any secrets from him until now. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I would consider it cheating as well. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I would consider it highly inappropriate and very untrustworthy. Yeah cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I am a guy and I would consider it cheating. However, just seeing in your post how torn up you are about it, could actually earn you points in your mans eyes as it shoes you really do regret what happened. Tell him what happened, tell him how you regret it and that you left as soon as you realize what happened, and that you are willing to try and make it up to him. Honesty is the best way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Tell him what happened, tell him how you regret it and that you left as soon as you realize what happened, and that you are willing to try and make it up to him. Honesty is the best way to go.I hope it somehow works out but if he proceeds on breaking up, then there isn't much I can do. Now if he ask me why I did it, what would I say? Honestly, all I can say is I was drunk and don't know why it happened. I don't know would be my answer but it wouldn't do him any good. I can't think of any reason at all. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I am a guy and I would consider it cheating. However, just seeing in your post how torn up you are about it, could actually earn you points in your mans eyes as it shoes you really do regret what happened. Tell him what happened, tell him how you regret it and that you left as soon as you realize what happened, and that you are willing to try and make it up to him. Honesty is the best way to go. Imitchell, this is the best advice and you should take it. Tell your bf right away and let the chips fall where they may. He has a right to know and if you keep it in it will make your relationship toxic. It will be a bigger mess if you hide it and he finds out later. I gaurantee it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 It will be a bigger mess if you hide it and he finds out later. I gaurantee it!If he finds out elsewhere or from someone else then it would be over for sure. In the beginning of our relationship he once told me if anything happens or I cheated, that he would rather know it from me than other sources. I would expect the same if he cheated on me. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I am a guy and I would consider it cheating. However, just seeing in your post how torn up you are about it, could actually earn you points in your mans eyes as it shoes you really do regret what happened. Tell him what happened, tell him how you regret it and that you left as soon as you realize what happened, and that you are willing to try and make it up to him. Honesty is the best way to go. She's not torn up about it nor is she remorseful. If she really cared she would tell him instead, she's on here trying to justify her cheating by saying she was just drunk and don't know why it happened. This guy needs a real woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 She's not torn up about it nor is she remorseful. If she really cared she would tell him instead, she's on here trying to justify her cheating by saying she was just drunk and don't know why it happened. This guy needs a real woman.No I'm about to tell him within the next hour. I was just calling him now but his mother answered and said he's not unavailable. Don't assume things too fast without getting my message. I don't know why it happened that's the truth. I don't know why. What exactly you want me to say? I'm only going to say what happened but not why because I don't know why. The last thing I need is someone like you, to rub it in my face and accuse me of lying. I honestly don't know why it happened at all. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 No I'm about to tell him within the next hour. I was just calling him now but his mother answered and said he's not unavailable. Don't assume things too fast without getting my message. I don't know why it happened that's the truth. I don't know why. What exactly you want me to say? I'm only going to say what happened but not why because I don't know why. The last thing I need is someone like you, to rub it in my face and accuse me of lying. I honestly don't know why it happened at all. Don't take it personally. Sometimes when people have been burned they need to ascribe the worst motivations to it. Just do what you need to do and stay focused on being trustworthy and repairing things if you can with your bf and learning from this either way. Link to post Share on other sites
CloudLiver Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I feel for you l.mitchell25, but lets not kid ourselves. You did it because you were turned on at the time. Then you realized your mistake and got off. But you won't say that to your boyfriend because you know it would make things worse. Just tell him you messed up and apologize. Whatever happens next is for the both of you to figure out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Don't take it personally. Sometimes when people have been burned they need to ascribe the worst motivations to it.I've been burned too by backstabbing friends but never did I harshly judged anyone. I get it that some were perhaps cheated on but if they're not even going to try to listen to my story why bother writing ludicrous assumptions. But ok, I'll just ignore rude posters from now on and focus on fixing my relationship (if he gives me a chance). Just do what you need to do and stay focused on being trustworthy and repairing things if you can with your bf and learning from this either way.On my way to making things better. First, I need to get a hold of him. I think he should be available within 40 minutes from now or less. I felt so sick that it got to the point of not coming to work today. I called it off and told them I had a doctor's appointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I feel for you l.mitchell25, but lets not kid ourselves. You did it because you were turned on at the time. I guess so. He was kind of cute. I think I got caught up in the moment and it's like this wild side within emerge for the first time. Then you realized your mistake and got off. But you won't say that to your boyfriend because you know it would make things worse.It definitely would. I would be upset if my man cheated and his only reason was ''just it turned me on'' because then I would know it's not a miscommunication within the relationship nor my personality. Just tell him you messed up and apologize. Whatever happens next is for the both of you to figure out.Time for me to face the music and whether he wants to stay or break up, it's his choice. I'm not going to beg him to stay if he decides he can't handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Not all cheating is created equally. This isn’t as bad as if kissing had occurred. Sitting on guys lap and grinding and touching his chest is cheating. Just tell your guy about it and agree what you did was wrong and disrespectful to the relationship and him. This doesn’t make you a bad or dishonest person, you just did something wrong, but I think its forgivable. The only reason I would dump a girl for this is if I had to find this stuff out on my own or when she told me she acted like it was no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Time for me to face the music and whether he wants to stay or break up, it's his choice. I'm not going to beg him to stay if he decides he can't handle it. doesn't sound like the relationship was all that important to you in the first place otherwise you would not have put yourself in that position- drunk or not. almost as if you're more concerned about having a 'stain' on your record. perhaps you should consider breaking up with him first and not leave it to him ? once you break the news it won't be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Don't assume things too fast without getting my message. Believe me, I have experience with folks of your caliber. I don't know why it happened that's the truth. I don't know why. What exactly you want me to say? I'm only going to say what happened but not why because I don't know why. You do know why it happened. Stop trying to justify your behavior as if you're a little kid who didn't know what you were doing. You did it because you wanted to, with disregard of your relationship with your man. From what you type it seems you're more concerned about youself than your boyfriend. The last thing I need is someone like you, to rub it in my face and accuse me of lying. I honestly don't know why it happened at all. The last thing you need to be doing is trying to defend yourself for something you caused. No one's rubbing it in your face, you wanted advice and now you got it. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I am a guy, and I would consider it cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
allenmj Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 it's like this wild side within emerge for the first time. Come on, really? Why not let the "wild side" emerge with your own man, instead of some other dude. What type of relationship do you have that you were at this "wild" party without him anyway? Yeah. You cheated. And in my opinion its worse than just a drunken kiss then you realize oh crap. You sat on this dudes lap for 30 minutes? Wow. Just.. wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I just told him over the phone. He's upset but much more that I waited a week to tell him. He told me he'll think about it, that he'll call me tomorrow and talk about this more. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Well it is out of your hands now and you did a good thing by coming clean about it. (even though delayed) You can't take back what you did, but you can let it become something to keep you from making the same mistakes or letting your guard down in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Well WorldIsYours I'm going to assume you're trying to give me some advice here even though you're being too judgemental. You can't really put everyone in bag one because we're all different and don't react the same. Each one of us is a different world. You do know why it happened. Stop trying to justify your behavior as if you're a little kid who didn't know what you were doing. You did it because you wanted to, with disregard of your relationship with your man. From what you type it seems you're more concerned about youself than your boyfriend.So are you saying that even hours or days before going to the party, I was seriously thinking of sitting on a random dude's lap while drunk? Are you saying I had this on my mind for days, to meet a random dude I don't even know his last name? How about I didn't do any of this on my other past relationships? I was used party back then too and didn't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l.mitchell25 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 What type of relationship do you have that you were at this "wild" party without him anyway?He doesn't like going to parties that much. There was never a party in which I never invited him but most of the times he declines them. Link to post Share on other sites
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