Is sitting on a guy's lap and grinding considered cheating?

[TheLoneSock]

Yes, it is cheating, which means you cheated.

 

His penis doesn't have to be inside your vagina for it to be cheating, there is no dancing around it and it doesn't matter if it was spur of the moment or not.

 

I feel bad for your guy, he should dump you and get someone worth a damn.

[l.mitchell25]

feel bad for your guy, he should dump you and get someone worth a damn.

Did I specifically ask what should my boyfriend do? I don't think so.

[aisle_seat]

LMitchell I think that you have clearly stated that you were wrong, felt a lot of guilt for it, and admitted it to your boyfriend. That is good enough, nobody is perfect. I was a bit surprised though when you said you had no idea why you did it. Drinking makes people act stupid, plain and simple, no deeper reason is needed. To keep it from happening in the future, I'd say that's the source right there, don't go out drinking without him. Fingers crossed for you, girl.

 

I agree except about the part where you said there's no deeper reason needed. Being drunk doesn't make you do something you aren't thinking about doing anyway. She made a decision and acted on thoughts she had about this guy, that's the plain and simple part. But you're right; no one's perfect. She is remorseful and has done the right thing by telling her boyfriend and that was the right thing to do, IMO.

[sweetjasmine]

I'd consider it highly inappropriate and disrespectful.

 

You can't take back what you did, but you can let it become something to keep you from making the same mistakes or letting your guard down in the future.

 

Yup. Now you know you're capable of doing something hurtful like this, you can use that awareness to stop yourself from doing it again. You did the right thing in telling him, though it would've been better if you hadn't waited. He has a right to be hurt and break it off.

 

Don't let other people make you feel too horrible, though. If it had been him in a strip club getting a lap dance, most people would call you uptight for thinking it's cheating.

[WorldIsYours]

Well WorldIsYours I'm going to assume you're trying to give me some advice here even though you're being too judgemental.

 

No one is being judgemental to you. You just want validation.

 

You can't really put everyone in bag one because we're all different and don't react the same. Each one of us is a different world.

 

All cheaters are the same even if there are different circumstances. That doesn't mean cheating and trying to rationalize it makes it okay.

 

So are you saying that even hours or days before going to the party, I was seriously thinking of sitting on a random dude's lap while drunk?

 

You think because you had a few drinks that minimizes what you've done? That you still couldn't control your actions? Even if you did have a lot to drink, you knew what type of environment you were in and that it could get out of hand so enough with the excuses. Just own your fault.

 

Are you saying I had this on my mind for days, to meet a random dude I don't even know his last name?

 

Is that your guilt coming out?

 

How about I didn't do any of this on my other past relationships? I was used party back then too and didn't do that.

 

So because this makes it okay to cheat on your boyfriend eh? Because you were faithful to all the other ones, right?

[l.mitchell25]

As far as the update goes, yes he upset about the delay but will let it go just this time and obviously don't ever do something like this again. If my b/f has found this out himself, this would have been over and he wouldn't even give me time to explain anything at all.

She is remorseful and has done the right thing by telling her boyfriend and that was the right thing to do, IMO.

I'm pretty sure many who cheat would have hide it and only admit it when caught. It was too easy confessing to this because I was thinking for sure, I was going to lose him.

[dreamingoftigers]

I am glad to hear that he acknowledged your efforts. Just keep your nose clean and he might have further reactions to it in the future. Be understanding. Stuff like this underlines a lot of insecurities.

[l.mitchell25]

So because this makes it okay to cheat on your boyfriend eh? Because you were faithful to all the other ones, right?

WorldIsYours I'm going to ignore all your other statements as it's nothing but gibberish and doesn't say that much at all but negativity.

This is the only statement I'll focus on. Why did you changed my question?

 

I asked you something and you're not answering it. All you did was turned it around.

 

I asked how come I didn't do that on my former relationships?

 

And no I'm not the same. I'm not one of those that confess only when caught. I confessed to this because I was feeling terrible about it and I would want to know to if he did this.

[l.mitchell25]

I am glad to hear that he acknowledged your efforts. Just keep your nose clean and he might have further reactions to it in the future. Be understanding. Stuff like this underlines a lot of insecurities.

Thank you.

[TheLoneSock]

Did I specifically ask what should my boyfriend do? I don't think so.

 

You didn't specifically ask for many of the things said in this thread. Truth hurts.

[whammy]

personally, i would forgive and and kind of let it go...but I would put in the "is she good enough to marry" file. One of the things, I do when judging women that I date is to look for things like this. Remember that spring break undercover show on mtv a few years back, where they would follow girls on spring break and have their boyfriends in disguise and watching everything they do. What happened everytime? the girls were all over guys...and hooking up every. single. time. and what did they say when their boyfriends confronted them? they always said, " I was just trying to have fun." every,. single. time.

 

So if I was your boyfriend, I would be leaning towards excepting the fact that that you might be one of those girls. The kind of girl that cant have fun without some kind of over the top interaction with the opposite sex. And I highly doubt that this is the first time you have done something like this with guys. You have shown the ability to disassociate yourself from your actions. You act like somebody else did it. You did it, you ARE your choices and actions...and apparently this type of behavior is a need for you. you also showed a hypocritical side, by saying how mad you would be if your saw your bf doing this so that puts you down to 0-2 in my "is she good enough to marry" file. so my advice is stop making excuses and be loyal and honest every second of every day and respect your bf or get out.

[ComputerJock]

You say he forgives you, but this is the normal reaction. Over time he will look at you and the image of you grinding down on another man's groin will flash in his mind. Read about triggers, BS rage, and revenge affairs on this site. You are not done, your cheating has set in motion the hurt and pain that those of this site felt when their SO's wandered. Good Luck, I hope the BOTH of you can get over this, but the journy is just starting and his pain is only begining.

[WorldIsYours]

WorldIsYours I'm going to ignore all your other statements as it's nothing but gibberish and doesn't say that much at all but negativity.

This is the only statement I'll focus on. Why did you changed my question?

 

I asked you something and you're not answering it. All you did was turned it around.

 

I asked how come I didn't do that on my former relationships?

 

And no I'm not the same. I'm not one of those that confess only when caught. I confessed to this because I was feeling terrible about it and I would want to know to if he did this.

 

Lady all I gotta say is just own your faults, learn from it, and never do it again. Don't even try to stop or judge him if he wishes to no longer be with you because after what you done, it'll be well within his rights.

[An3maePhreek]

Wow. Most of the people that replied here are beyond harsh. She started with the intent to come clean, has come clean, showed remorse, admitted guilt, and even took everybody's criticism/judgement of her with nothing more than sharp retort. She hasn't cursed or called anyone names; she has only said that she will choose to ignore the unpleasantness that is unhelpful to her situation. What else could you guys want? To stone her to death? Even her boyfriend has said that he'll overlook it this one time, so that should be the end of that no? In all honesty, yea she effed up, she's sorry, she was the one to tell him, he forgives her. That should be the end of that. If I was seriously in a bind and wanted some advice, I think advice would be nice, instead of all these affirmations that I effed up. Like I need a billion little voices telling me that I effed up over and over again, when oh, I already have that driving me batsh*t crazy. Why else would I post it on the internet hoping to find the answer?

 

In any case, l.mitchell, hope everything works out. Wish you the best.

[jnj express]

Hey IM---what kind of a relationship do you have with your BF??---how long??--How serious??

 

What I am getting at, is it sounds like the 2 of you don't do a whole lot together---you are invited to parties, you ask him he doesn't go---you stated he isn't the real party type---but yet you still go without him---and in this instance you got into trouble---

 

If he doesn't like to go to parties, then why are the 2 of you not doing other things together???

 

You have a problem here if he is a basic stick in the mud---and you wanna be a swinger---how do you intend to resolve that part of your relationship---cuz the 2 of you better talk about it--before you move any farther along

 

As to what happened at the party---please don't tell us you did not know why!!!!---you sure knew what you were thinking---you sure knew this wasn't your boy-friend, that you were dry-humping on the dance floor---you sure knew this wasn't your bf's lap you were sitting in for 30 minutes, while he felt you up, and you allowed it to happen----BELIEVE ME YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING---and don't play the alcohol card

 

You and your BF---have majors problems, whether you wanna admit it or not

[ccfan]

personally, i would forgive and and kind of let it go...but I would put in the "is she good enough to marry" file. One of the things, I do when judging women that I date is to look for things like this. Remember that spring break undercover show on mtv a few years back, where they would follow girls on spring break and have their boyfriends in disguise and watching everything they do. What happened everytime? the girls were all over guys...and hooking up every. single. time. and what did they say when their boyfriends confronted them? they always said, " I was just trying to have fun." every,. single. time.

 

So if I was your boyfriend, I would be leaning towards excepting the fact that that you might be one of those girls. The kind of girl that cant have fun without some kind of over the top interaction with the opposite sex. And I highly doubt that this is the first time you have done something like this with guys. You have shown the ability to disassociate yourself from your actions. You act like somebody else did it. You did it, you ARE your choices and actions...and apparently this type of behavior is a need for you. you also showed a hypocritical side, by saying how mad you would be if your saw your bf doing this so that puts you down to 0-2 in my "is she good enough to marry" file. so my advice is stop making excuses and be loyal and honest every second of every day and respect your bf or get out.

 

THIS. also the fact that he forgave you "for now" doesn´t mean -like other posters already said- that he will not start to recreate those images of you with that guy in his head... and he will eventually doubt if you told him the whole truth, in his head he´ll wonder if you slept with the guy no matter how many times you said it didn´t happen. I think you nearly killed your relationship... believe me (im a guy) this is not over for him.

 

You definetely did wrong and i´m sure next time you have a few drinks and there´s a guy you like next to you you´ll do the same... sadly...

Edited April 6, 2011 by ccfan

[liverpool fc]

im going to suggest a future solution - perhaps only go to parties with him in the future?

[ComputerJock]

ccfan I think you right on and she doesn't yet the long road to getting their relationship back on solid ground, if ever.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow. Most of the people that replied here are beyond harsh. She started with the intent to come clean, has come clean, showed remorse, admitted guilt, and even took everybody's criticism/judgement of her with nothing more than sharp retort. She hasn't cursed or called anyone names; she has only said that she will choose to ignore the unpleasantness that is unhelpful to her situation. What else could you guys want? To stone her to death? Even her boyfriend has said that he'll overlook it this one time, so that should be the end of that no? In all honesty, yea she effed up, she's sorry, she was the one to tell him, he forgives her. That should be the end of that. If I was seriously in a bind and wanted some advice, I think advice would be nice, instead of all these affirmations that I effed up. Like I need a billion little voices telling me that I effed up over and over again, when oh, I already have that driving me batsh*t crazy. Why else would I post it on the internet hoping to find the answer?

 

In any case, l.mitchell, hope everything works out. Wish you the best.

 

Agreed, often the posters are easier on those who want to leave a marriage with kids to go play house with OM/OW.

[Mutant Debutante]

 

Don't let other people make you feel too horrible, though. If it had been him in a strip club getting a lap dance, most people would call you uptight for thinking it's cheating.

 

 

Ok, that made me laugh because it's so spot on. I've seen a ton of threads here and elsewhere where guys were defending going to strip clubs and getting lap dances because it wasn't cheating, it was just fantasy. i.mitchell, your description of your night sounds pretty close to you giving a lapdance to me, except you probably had more clothes on and didn't get paid.

 

Hey, I think it was cheating and it was wrong. But then, if my bf was out getting lapdances I'd feel like he was cheating on me, too.

 

You did the right thing by telling him, something most people don't do so good for you...and you're lucky he seems like he's taking it really well. Even though he says he's forgiving you for now, don't start thinking he's totally over it, though. If he's still upset for a while, you gotta expect that and accept it, don't start minimizing his feelings.

 

Unless maybe you've been together a really long time I would expect this to weaken your relationship. Sometimes something like this is the beginning of the end, even if it doesn't end it right away. Just something to prepare for.

[Memphis Raines]

Even if it wasn't cheating, it was still disrespectful and inappropriate.

 

you dont have to worry about IF it was cheating, because it was.

 

unless you think getting off on someone else, clothed or not, isn't cheating.

 

how would you feel if your man was had a girl bent over on the dancefloor rubbing his crotch against her ass like he was F'ing her? trust would go right out the window.

[Memphis Raines]

Guys would you consider this cheating, if your girlfriend did that?

 

absolutely, and I would end the relationship as a result. i don't want someone that would disrespect me like that or any other way.

[Memphis Raines]

As far as the update goes, yes he upset about the delay but will let it go just this time and obviously don't ever do something like this again.

 

ok, so looks like he is going to forgive you.

 

so to pay him back for not dumping you, you are going to stay away from parties from now on, right?

[Memphis Raines]

im going to suggest a future solution - perhaps only go to parties with him in the future?

 

but my guess is that kind of defeats the purpose of going to parties for most people.

[WorldIsYours]

Look, everyone is saying it's cheating....pfffttt no it's not.

 

Pfffttt yes it is.

 

You were having a good time and like yo usaid, yo ugot carried away and went a little overboard at a party....big deal.

 

Oh so she just fell on his lap, right? So it's nice to dry-hump on another man's d*ck at the expense of your boyfriend? Yea, it's not a big deal.

 

It is disrespectful to your partner and not appropriate, just be careful next time. These kinds of things yo uhave to give up if you want to be in a good relationship.

 

So you say it's no big deal and she was having fun, yet disrespectful to him.

 

I consider someone who sneaks around, has sex or any sort of relationship behind my back as "cheating" What yo udid was got carried away at a party....no big deal, just be a little more careful from now on.

 

She was grinding on another man's crotch and drinking with an entourage encouraging her selfish behavior. That's cheating and it's a big deal. She let herself get carried away. I'm sure you wouldn't want your SO to be grinding with someone else and then deciding on whether to tell you about it or not.