MarKus Posted April 4, 2004 Share Posted April 4, 2004 me and my ex together 3 years, she asked for a break, (3 months ago) we have had some contact during this time, and if i ever texed her or anything she would reply back, so there has never been a no contact rule going on, even though contact was very brief and by text, but i met her once to give her some photos i took while we were together of her dog a month into the break, which felt weird But a month ago she asked to meet up for a chat sometime, i replied yes, but didnt hear anything back, so i left it at that. So a month went by with no contact from me She text me last week, asking if i could print some more photos for her, which i ignored. She also text 3 days ago which said "Hello how ru? Have u been up to much, Text back x" I dunno she always seems to wanna know if ive been up to much, the last few messages she has sent me, had contained saying have i been up to much. I dunno if i should stick to my guns and not reply, cos im used to doing it now after a long period of not contacting her, Or shall i just say "Yes im ok, how are you" Help Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted April 4, 2004 Share Posted April 4, 2004 Stick to your guns Markus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarKus Posted April 4, 2004 Author Share Posted April 4, 2004 You reckon?? Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Yes you should. just dont answer. Any contact takes you back to that place that hurts. If she wants to come back she knows how to find you. And she really would not text you if she wanted you back. She would call. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I agree with them. Don't make it easy for her. Link to post Share on other sites
lady104 Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I replied to another of the same post you had up, with a harsh reply! Soz. But on second thoughts, I find your g/f's text reminiscent of this annoying guy who used to text me the same thing over and over. "Anything new?" "So what's new?" "Missing you, so what's new?" It begins to sound meaningless and just plain nosy. Send her a reply, and see if she regurgitates the same message. If yes, then maybe if you think back to your sexlife before the break it was running a similar repetitive theme. Time to spring clean? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I find your g/f's text reminiscent of this annoying guy who used to text me the same thing over and over. She broke up with him. There is nothing annoying that his ex is doing. He still loves her and wants to be with her. He does not know why his ex is txting him. If Markus knew that his ex wanted to be with him again, I'm sure that he would text her right back. That's not the case. She keeps leading him on...Markus ignore her unless YOU want to become friends with her. If she decides that she made a mistake by dumping you...then the ball would be in your court... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarKus Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Hurtingandconfused, Thanks for your input....i would type out my entire situation to you....if you wanted to see it please read the last few pages of 'Needing time & space' thread to get the whole picture...it will be there somewhere If we didnt get back together.....no matter how much i would love and want to....i dont think i could be her friend...i just couldnt Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarKus Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 Hmmm.... I never replied to her msg, but I saw her last week when i got my new car (first car it took me 8 months) and when i drove it for the first time i had to give way 2 pedestrians, and guess what, she crossed over with her friend.....she didnt see me at first so i tooted my horn....she waved and smiled at me.....a few days later (friday).....i see her at the bus station in a different shelter, after she finished work...she was with her friend again.....the shelter faced the other way from me....but she put her and up and waved over....i just smiled....but i didnt go over to talk to her....i thought about it but didnt....neither did she....mabye cos she was with that friend of hers who i hate. Anyway that evening i get a call from a private number....i pick up the phone and say "hello" but then it goes dead....so i am sure that it was her....the 10 minutes later i get a message from her saying. "Alright, howz you? U finally got a car then? Im buying my mums car off her later in the year. U been up to much? I saw your mates the other day. Hows your dog molly doing without gemma? Text back x" (Btw gemma is my dog that died a couple months ago) Anyway ive not responded to her recent attempts to text me i have not made it easy for her she might be wondering why i havnt responded....im thinking about replying to this one though.....i havnt contacted her in like 6/7 weeks....i still feel the same way about her and all that....what to do? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I doubt that she will change her mind about getting back together. If you want to talk to her as friends go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Markus, From the sound of things, you don't want to get involved with her again. I wouldn't then. Just ask her how's she's doing like she said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarKus Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 well thats the thing....i still feel the same way about her....and id do anything to be with her Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by MarKus well thats the thing....i still feel the same way about her....and id do anything to be with her Ahhhh, I didn't know that. Let me tell you from experience that when you reunite with someone that you once were with, it is NOT anything close to being like it used to be. Something great has been severed. I personally won't ever go back to a former relationship. It's had it's place and time in my life, and you can savor the good memories you once had with that person, but that's all it should ever be. It's painful to think that way, but it's really true. I don't know your ex, and I don't know what her intentions are....but, when my ex would keep trying to reunite with me, and I finally did, I discovered the very hard and painful way that I was his ace in the hole. Our relationship was that comfortable shoe for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarKus Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 i see wht you mean. I havnt contacted her in 6/7 weeks, that was when she txt me asking me if i wanted to meet up with her and have a chat sometime, i replied 'yes' but got no reply, so i left it at that. Over the last 3 weeks she has contacted me via text 3 times....i have ignored all 3....but i might reply to this last one. We never had a no contact thing going on.....i know if i text her post break she would respond. Its strange cos during our 3 year relationship....she was the one obsessing with things....and 2/3 months into the relationship we started to spend every single day together....she wanted this, me too....yes it was great but after a while we were in eachothers pockets all the time so to speak....and we would argue about silly things occasionally....so i told her we should spend a couple days/nights a week at our own houses....otherwise we would drive eachother away and i didnt want that to happen cos i love her i had our best interests at heart....but she wasnt having any of it....she was paranoid thinking i didnt want to ber with her etc....i told her she was being silly....and she was so insecure about everything....i kept telling her and reassurung her that i did want to be with her and no one else....one time i said to her "your mums hair looks nice" she replied "I expect you fancy her, just cos shes got big boobs!" how crazy is that!!! her mother for god sake. I suppose she was insecure because she loved me, i know how much in love with me she was....with everything she put into it....all the stuff she got me and said to me....i put all i could into it. Thats why i dont get this turnaround.....she wants this break I noticed her being a bit different when she started going about with a new workfriend of hers, she is 3 years younger than my gf/ex....it went weird then she asked for a break. anyway.....do i respond to this latest attemp to text me....she keeps trying Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Yes! Write back in the same casual manner. If she wants to be friends (which might lead to being more-than-friends) she'll write you again. If she's just curious about you, she probably won't. Either way, unless you have a specific reason to maintain no contact, I think it's a little rude not to respond to a message like this. You don't have to JUMP whenever she texts, but a casual response a day or two later seems perfectly reasonable. Move slowly and don't expect much. You may get a pleasant surprise, though. Link to post Share on other sites
di Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 If you want a win/win relationship, you have to communicate with her. So, go ahead, communicate. Before you do though, decide what it is that YOU want from this relationship, and then use your communication to support that decision. Use "I" messages to tell her how you feel, without putting her down or putting her on the defensive. To be most effective you need to be willing to do two things... First, listen....seek to understand her side, THEN seek to be understood. Second, you need to feel confident enough in who you are, to be able to express your feelings, needs, and wants, limits and boundaries.....you have to be willing to lose her, yet do all you can to assure that that does not happen, if in fact you want a healthy relationship with her, after all you have been through. A relationship is not two people coming together to become one. If it's not two wholes coming together, the relationship is doomed to failure. Good luck!!! Listen to your gut, it usually knows best!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 MarKus, Hey...I feel that we are here to advocate your happiness on this board....and here's what I think. She probably misses you a lot, because you sound like a really nice, good guy. But, she's been sort of leading the way down a path you didn't want. I know you miss her...but if she can hurt you like that, does she feel about you the way you deserve to be cared about? I agree with Hurting and confused that she should really call you and tell you something more significant than just sort of "checking in" with you before you put your heart on the line. By that, I mean... maybe she could actually say that she misses you, or that she wants to spend time with you...something that shows she values you. Because you deserve that! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarKus Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 Thankyou all 4 the advice There is no specific reason why i havnt contacted her....alot of people think its the way to go....it has helped me a bit but not that much. For instance in the first week of the break i text her everysingle day, just panic....and called her twice....then thereafter i only replied to her messages....oh and i wished her happy birthday. Then 6/7 weeks ago she asked if we should meet up for a chat sometime, i said yes....got no responce and that was the last time i did contact. Over these past few weeks she's tryed to contact me 3 times, via text and i havnt responded to them.....a phone call would be much better for me though. I think she dosnt quite realise....that these simple messages do hurt a little for me....she is an emotional girl anyway....ive known her long enough. I (think) that mabye she does miss me....otherwise why keep on text me?? Its like when we were together.....if she messaged me and i didnt respond right away she would flood me with text messages afterwards I want to respond to this....but when i do, it will only be simple Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Markus, Sounds like you two are playing games. Don't hang on every word she says or thing she does. My fiancee used to call her ex about once a month just to see how he was doing. It didn't bother me, but he got the wrong idea in his head. She was just concerned about him as a friend. It wasn't until him & me had an encounter that showed her what was really happening. As for the 'mom' statement, I got that too. My fiancee is different than her mom. Her mom is like very laid back and accepting of things. I mentioned to her that she isn't like her mom and then I got the speech & the question asking if 'I wanted to marry her mom'. lol.. I should've said yes. Anyway, I don't know your story but it sounds like you were hurt quite a bit. But like what Stephanie said, even if you were to get back together I doubt it would be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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