A question for the guys (and gals too)

[nycpetit]

Just a question for the guys...and gals..in reference to male actions

 

When it is the guy who does the breaking up...or at least the initiating of the "waffling period" (I don't know what I want..but then they don't actually DO anything about it..and they are still around), or the "I need space" or leaving and coming back.......

 

did they ever come crawling back....when they realized you weren't dealing with the "bs" anymore....I am curious to hear some responses from out there.

 

In my situation it has been the guy who has waffled, and been nasty, been apologetic as well..back and forth on the merry-go-round we went until I said no more. To which he replied that he knew he was going to regret it (uh, what? I was the one that ended it....weird).

 

Problem is he has so many ISSUES...money problems, job dissatisfaction, depression, blame on everyone and everything that breathes....he is in a total downward spiral...so i am just wondering, since i was so often the one who would talk him through the really bad times, and the one he said has always been there for him..but his life is just so sucky....he just doesn't know what to do anymore...

 

what are the chances he is going to come crawling back? I say...none (although I live in his apartment..yes, I pay the bills..he lives elsewhere)....because after two and a half years, and an engagement...his bills and finances, and job searches have never settled...and so he has continously felt he can do no right, and that life is out to get him. I grew tired of being the good and bad guy (pointing out the positives...being the only one privy to his negatives and worries/insecurities..which he told/shared different stories with friends and family)...and hearing that he couldn't be in a relationshp and fix his life...but at the same time didn't want to lose me.....

 

I didn't know what to do anymore..so i ditched it...but I am curious to know anyone else ever been in this sort of situation? And did they come back? This is the first time i put my foot down..and I have NO intention of picking up that phone to call him...been a week so far...and I am basically doing fine..but hope he is well..

thoughts?

 

natalie

[dolphinsunshyn]

It sounds as if this guy just needs a good swift kick in the a$$ to get his act together. What you are doing sounds like the right thing to do. And congratulations for not putting up with his ambigiousness.

 

I had a boyfriend once that just didn't have it together either after a couple of months of him sponging off of me, I broke up with him to give him the motivation he needed to get his act together. He got a job the very next day.

 

However, in my experience, once they get their act together, they rarely come back nor give you credit for doing what was necessary (even though it was painfull for you) to help them out of their rut.

 

Just keep doing what you are doing. It shows that you are very strong. He needs the time to get his life together. In a few months, after he has made some progress, congratulate him and let him know you'll be there (if that is what you want) for moral support. But it is important that he does it by himself. Hopefully, then, a relationship could work between you both. But, it can't until he is happy with himself first.

 

Good luck!

[Mjfru]

Hey,

 

I kinda know where you are coming from although I don't have all of these problems with my gf. Ya see, me and my gf have been going through very rocky stuff lately and to answer your question about getting a guys opinion about coming back, I would say if he really loves you then yes. I continue to come back to my gf and lately I have been smothering her and everything for fear that she will leave me so I need to learn to back off and give her some space and so does he. Good for you that you went away from him, give him time to get his life straight and if he loves you he'll come back, and you guys should be much better off then

 

Love will always prevail . . .

Best of luck to you