How do I know if she will come back.

[Airick]

So I said my peace to her. I told her I really want to try things again but she wont even consider it. I have nothing left but NC. I don't know what I will do if she doesn't come back. I have been told they always come back but you have to get over them first. It feels so pointless to get over someone to try and get them back. If I am over her will I even want her back? I guess I am clinging on because I want to take her back if she comes back because I understand she is someone I could spend the rest of my life with. She never gave me a reason to hate her. She is perfect. Yet she doesn't love me back.

[confused1989]

Well I'm in the same position as you and the reason you let her go and go NC is because she doesn't love you back right now. Nobody knows if she will come back in the future. But there's no point to wait around if she doesn't love you. So all you can do is move on with your life and not think about whether or not she'll come back. She might someday, and by then you might have a different view of her and not want to get back together.

 

I'm just speaking from experience because when my gf and I broke up I begged and pleaded and it got me no where. I thought she was the most gorgeous girl in the world and I lost sleep at first wondering whether or not she would come back. Well now after a couple of weeks of not really talking to her I have a different view on it all and I'm not sure if I'd even want her back if she came back to me.

 

You will both have time to think about stuff now since you're in NC and if she wants you back she will come back to you then you can decide what you want to do. At first I questioned NC too, but it really is a win/win situation.

 

Take it from me, read some of my posts on here and I sound like a 5 year old, depressed and worried about whether she'd come back or not. Well slowly my focus is shifting away from her and more towards me where it should be.

[hoping2heal]

So I said my peace to her. I told her I really want to try things again but she wont even consider it. I have nothing left but NC. I don't know what I will do if she doesn't come back. I have been told they always come back but you have to get over them first. It feels so pointless to get over someone to try and get them back. If I am over her will I even want her back? I guess I am clinging on because I want to take her back if she comes back because I understand she is someone I could spend the rest of my life with. She never gave me a reason to hate her. She is perfect. Yet she doesn't love me back.

 

Airick, the point of NC is to move on and heal yourself. I can understand where the confusion of that lies because I see posts telling users to go NC and then turn around two sentences later and tell the poster that their ex needs to miss them and see what they don't have so they can want to come back.

 

Breaking up is hard to do, even when you are the one ending things. It does not feel good to hurt another person, especially a person who has loved you and been good to you. Also, sometimes breakups happen because the dumper realizes that feelings and attachment aside; the relationship is not going to withstand the incompatibilities or that two people have aspirations that cannot realistically coincide with each other.

 

Sure, there are more shallow reasons for breakups. Some people are not capable of love, not real love. If you ask many people what love is, they will tell you all about the wonderful feelings they are having. I think a few years ago I would have said something along the same wavelength. I see things differently now. I realize that love is the end result of knowing the flaws and limitations of another person, and still accepting them.

 

For some people, "love" is all about when the good times roll, and the slightest bit of conflict, or some of those flaws surface and they bail.

 

There are of course, those times when a breakup is made only to have the dumper recant and decide they do not actually want the relationship to end. Sometimes that is used as a rash means of getting a point across because they do not know any other way to communicate their needs or what they want from the relationship, so they end it, hoping this will render the dumpee ready to do whatever it takes.

 

Breakups are painful, but sometimes they are necessary. I am thankful for every breakup I have been through, painful as it is has been. All of those breakups have helped me learn and more importantly freed me to find love, real love; for the first time in my life.

 

No one is perfect OP. If someone does not accept you, and cannot love you, they are the last person you want to try and manipulate to come back into your life. Wouldn't you rather be with someone that can love and accept you as you are, without having to try and manufacture that? Or convince them to be with you?

[Mcnulty]

Who told you they always come back??!! They're talking cobblers. Course they don't, especially if they say no chance to getting back together and they don't love you.

 

Sorry if I'm being blunt, but that is how I am thinking after reading your post.

 

Sounds like you're ruminating over a relationship that has ended through her choice, so yes, I agree with you, nothing left but NC, because as confused has said, it's a win win situation for you now.

 

Good luck.

[Airick]

Airick, the point of NC is to move on and heal yourself. I can understand where the confusion of that lies because I see posts telling users to go NC and then turn around two sentences later and tell the poster that their ex needs to miss them and see what they don't have so they can want to come back.

 

Breaking up is hard to do, even when you are the one ending things. It does not feel good to hurt another person, especially a person who has loved you and been good to you. Also, sometimes breakups happen because the dumper realizes that feelings and attachment aside; the relationship is not going to withstand the incompatibilities or that two people have aspirations that cannot realistically coincide with each other.

 

Sure, there are more shallow reasons for breakups. Some people are not capable of love, not real love. If you ask many people what love is, they will tell you all about the wonderful feelings they are having. I think a few years ago I would have said something along the same wavelength. I see things differently now. I realize that love is the end result of knowing the flaws and limitations of another person, and still accepting them.

 

For some people, "love" is all about when the good times roll, and the slightest bit of conflict, or some of those flaws surface and they bail.

 

There are of course, those times when a breakup is made only to have the dumper recant and decide they do not actually want the relationship to end. Sometimes that is used as a rash means of getting a point across because they do not know any other way to communicate their needs or what they want from the relationship, so they end it, hoping this will render the dumpee ready to do whatever it takes.

 

Breakups are painful, but sometimes they are necessary. I am thankful for every breakup I have been through, painful as it is has been. All of those breakups have helped me learn and more importantly freed me to find love, real love; for the first time in my life.

 

No one is perfect OP. If someone does not accept you, and cannot love you, they are the last person you want to try and manipulate to come back into your life. Wouldn't you rather be with someone that can love and accept you as you are, without having to try and manufacture that? Or convince them to be with you?

 

So she never really loved me then? She was quick to point out all of my flaws. The more I think about it the more I realize maybe she isn't as perfect as she is in my mind. Yet, with that said, she still is a wonderful person and I felt that her complaints were justified because I felt the same way as her about myself. That is the main reason we broke it off. It was mutual because I knew I had to change myself. I am a different person now and I really miss her and want her back.