Update- I told the W and MM not angry

[26pointblue]

And dating others is actually a very good idea while in a EMR, it is very realistic approach.

 

Got It - Dating while being in love with MM didn't work for me at all. Sure, I went through the motions, either because I felt like I should be doing it & it was unfair that he stayed married & I stayed his single OW waiting around on him, or because I was honestly trying to move on & forget about him [depending on the stage of our affair] but always I thought of him, wanted to be with him instead, compared the guy to him, felt empty & bored with the guy, felt guilt for both the guy & the MM - like it wasn't fair to the guy that I was dating him when really my heart was MM's, & it wasn't right to MM that I was dating another guy for the same reason. I know everyone's experience is different but I think that if you really & truly love someone, you can't possibly get anything good out of dating someone else while still focusing on that person. It's just trying to escape from the issue, or torture yourself, in my opinion.

 

So Jessica I know you may be different from me but I was just wondering how does it feel when you date other guys? Do you think you are really in love with MM? Are you really happy in this arrangement? How long do you think you can stay happy in it?

 

These may be more questions to ask yourself, if you want to. Good luck.

[26pointblue]

You are believing all his nonsense and need some reality smack yourself. You actually have the best possibilities but you swear like you know the outcome. We'll sit back and wait for 4 months of your precious life to go by and you'll gives us the update, ok?! OK.

 

I have a bad feeling for Jessica that this is true. :-( He is not going to leave his wife & eventually she will get hurt. And if he does leave his wife, or gets discovered & kicked out by the wife, she won't want him, because this is just a game to her.

 

:-(

 

Jessica I am worried for you. You can do much better than this situation! Get out before you get hurt. [i know it's easier said than done - it took me way too long. I know you won't get it until you get it. I just feel obliged to post the warning.]

[Bionic Me]

I have a bad feeling for Jessica that this is true. :-( He is not going to leave his wife & eventually she will get hurt. And if he does leave his wife, or gets discovered & kicked out by the wife, she won't want him, because this is just a game to her.

 

:-(

 

Jessica I am worried for you. You can do much better than this situation! Get out before you get hurt. [i know it's easier said than done - it took me way too long. I know you won't get it until you get it. I just feel obliged to post the warning.]

 

 

Question is: Would she get hurt? She doesn't seem to care. She said that she is having "fun"! Either this is her coping mechanism to mask reality or she is really just having fun and who cares who she drags down. Self-destruction at its finest!

[26pointblue]

Question is: Would she get hurt? She doesn't seem to care. She said that she is having "fun"! Either this is her coping mechanism to mask reality or she is really just having fun and who cares who she drags down. Self-destruction at its finest!

 

Idk. But if she does in fact love him, she is going to get hurt. If not, then I guess it's just all 'fun' for her & maybe he will end up getting hurt, definitely his wife will . . . & she'll just move on from her little game. Although I really fail to see how affairs can just be 'fun' or 'games' [i do realize I'm biased by my past experience. What I can't reconcile with Jessica's story is that she [u]says[/u] she loves him yet she doesn't act/ treat him like she loves him. I loved my xMM with everything in me & I could never have referred to it as just having fun or not caring. That's not love!] So I've concluded that she is either lying to us or herself that she loves him, or she is fooling herself that she can just have 'fun & games' & not end up hurt, with someone she truly loves. Either way, I find it very very sad for everyone involved, including Jessica. :-( I have a feeling that it's just 'fun & games' for both of them but the OW rarely comes out on top - MM will have his fun & stay married to his wife, & Jessica will have her fun but then have nothing. :-(

[Got it]

Not everyone is looking for their MP to leave. That isn't the necessary dynamics of every EMR.

 

And yes dating doesn't work for some while in the EMR but while the MP goes home to a spouse, it is in the best interest of the SP to date others as well. I can't say I did it the whole time, but I did keep my options open as I was not going to put all my eggs in one basket if it wasn't reciprocated.

 

Bionic - do you add any value to these threads or just get your jollies off poking at other people?

[Got it]

Idk. But if she does in fact love him, she is going to get hurt. If not, then I guess it's just all 'fun' for her & maybe he will end up getting hurt, definitely his wife will . . . & she'll just move on from her little game. Although I really fail to see how affairs can just be 'fun' or 'games' [i do realize I'm biased by my past experience. What I can't reconcile with Jessica's story is that she [u]says[/u] she loves him yet she doesn't act/ treat him like she loves him. I loved my xMM with everything in me & I could never have referred to it as just having fun or not caring. That's not love!] So I've concluded that she is either lying to us or herself that she loves him, or she is fooling herself that she can just have 'fun & games' & not end up hurt, with someone she truly loves. Either way, I find it very very sad for everyone involved, including Jessica. :-( I have a feeling that it's just 'fun & games' for both of them but the OW rarely comes out on top - MM will have his fun & stay married to his wife, & Jessica will have her fun but then have nothing. :-(

 

26 - you are projecting. That may not be love to you but it is unfair to judge Jessica because she isn't falling into your definition for your EMR. Your EMR had the dynamics like you and your MM set up and I am sure they differed from mine but that doesn't make one more legitimate than another.

 

That would be like me judging another OP because she only sees her MP a few times a week/month/year and if you got less than 5 days a week well then it isn't a worthy EMR.

[26pointblue]

26 - you are projecting. That may not be love to you but it is unfair to judge Jessica because she isn't falling into your definition for your EMR. Your EMR had the dynamics like you and your MM set up and I am sure they differed from mine but that doesn't make one more legitimate than another.

 

That would be like me judging another OP because she only sees her MP a few times a week/month/year and if you got less than 5 days a week well then it isn't a worthy EMR.

 

Actually, I was just going by what she wrote . . . her own words. She loves him yet is just having fun. I don't understand that based on the contradiction in her own posts.

 

I'm certainly not judging her. Just worried for her is all. [if she really loves him. If anything I'm not judging the affair but I would say that by anyone's definition love doesn't equate to 'just in it for fun.' There is fun & there is love . . . those are two different things entirely & that has nothing to do with an affair.]

[Got it]

Actually, I was just going by what she wrote . . . her own words. She loves him yet is just having fun. I don't understand that based on the contradiction in her own posts.

 

I'm certainly not judging her. Just worried for her is all. [if she really loves him. If anything I'm not judging the affair but I would say that by anyone's definition love doesn't equate to 'just in it for fun.' There is fun & there is love . . . those are two different things entirely & that has nothing to do with an affair.]

 

No that is your definition. Someone can love someone but still be in it for fun. There are many degrees of love and the two can coincide.

 

If Jessica is happy in her arrangement, and even with her "contradication" then why the worry? She isn't worried. Not all EMRs end up in turmoil, angst and with the OW under the bus.

[26pointblue]

No that is your definition. Someone can love someone but still be in it for fun. There are many degrees of love and the two can coincide.

 

If Jessica is happy in her arrangement, and even with her "contradication" then why the worry? She isn't worried. Not all EMRs end up in turmoil, angst and with the OW under the bus.

 

Well most do [from reading here & other boards & reading statistics], it sounds like hers probably will since he had a chance to leave & didn't take it, & is clearly telling the wife different things than he's telling her & I'm just saying that if she truly loves him she's not going to be able to just walk away & say 'oh, that was fun.'

 

I know all affairs don't end up with OW under the bus but nor do they all end up with OW & MM together. So this is something Jessica needs to consider if she really does love him. Just that the possibility is there & that if she does love him she is not going to be able to walk away without being hurt. I have never heard of such a thing anyway - I guess she could be the first case I've heard of. It makes no sense that someone would say 'I loved him, he chose to stay with his wife & cut off the affair, & I'm not hurt at all.'

 

On another note, I have no idea where you're getting your definition of love, & I can't argue with whatever you think it is, but to me there is only one kind of love, not many different kinds of love - yeah there is infatuation, lust, puppy love, selfish 'love' in terms of stringing someone along or playing with them or needing them to meet your own desires, & maybe Jessica means one of these things [i suspect she does], but real & true love is not any of those things. Real love feels hurt if it can't be with the person it loves, it wants what's best for them, it looks after the other person's best interests. It doesn't sound to me - based on Jessica's own posts, not my own affair, although yeah, I am who I am & I've been where I've been & this is how I give advice or input, just like you - that either Jessica or her MM is doing any of these things. It sounds like they are both playing games, & that's fine, but there's no way you will convince me that that is real love.

 

I really don't know why you're taking issue with my posts but that's just how I see it. I don't understand how you see it but that's fine. :-) No need to act like I'm wrong just because I happen to think love is one thing & you think it can be a variety of other things. We just have different viewpoints, I'll keep mine & you keep yours. :-)

[Jessica232]

I want to clarify.

 

I love my MM. He is the absolute love of my life. You always hear people say, when it's "the one", you'll just know. I just know. We are deeply emotionally connected, so connected it's almost a psychic connection.

 

When MM came back to me, and said, I have to try to do what's right for my kids, I understood. I don't care what anyone says, I totally get that, as I've done the same. That's a damn good reason to stay in an unhappy marriage in my opinion.

 

That being said, it still hurt. I made the decision that if he felt he needed to try to save the marriage, I could not sit around waiting, being the OW. I have to live my life. I don't want to look back and feel like I wasted years waiting. Though my heart belongs to someone else, I force myself to meet other people. I am having fun, keeping things light, and keeping myself occupied.

 

When I posted that I was a smart girl, who knows how to get her way, I was deep into an almost mental breakdown from MM about my dating. He's having a really hard time with it. I do not doubt that this may push him to divorce. Am I manipulative? I certainly didn't start with that intention, but from his reaction, I can see that this may just be the wake up call he needs.

 

 

Will I get hurt? Probably in some way. All I know is that there is real true deep love between us. We cannot be apart right now. I wipe this man's tears every day, and I feel his anguish. We accept what we have, and we try to deal with it.

[summerdowling87]

Your dating other what makes you think he's not or talking to other cause he's married?

[linwood]

What a lucky woman you are. Imagine he is home kissing his wifes ass but he loves you so much he is willing to still keep you hanging on at the same time. Lucky you!!

 

His dday was his chance to get out. Divorced men spend much more quality time with their children. Don't let him use his kids as an excuse. Stop being his little bandaid to what is missing in his marriage.

 

Seriously, I just don't get this at all. You are right back where you were but worse because he is doing everything he can right now to keep his wife happy while playing with you.

 

I agree with your post all but the highlighted above.

That statement is just crazy.

[Got it]

I agree with your post all but the highlighted above.

That statement is just crazy.

 

Why is that crazy?

 

I believe the poster was talking quality over quantity.

[jthorne]

I wipe this man's tears every day, and I feel his anguish.

Seems like if this man is so upset that he is crying every day, he'd get the stones to do something about it but cry. Edited April 14, 2011 by jthorne

[Got it]

Well most do [from reading here & other boards & reading statistics], it sounds like hers probably will since he had a chance to leave & didn't take it, & is clearly telling the wife different things than he's telling her & I'm just saying that if she truly loves him she's not going to be able to just walk away & say 'oh, that was fun.'

 

I know all affairs don't end up with OW under the bus but nor do they all end up with OW & MM together. So this is something Jessica needs to consider if she really does love him. Just that the possibility is there & that if she does love him she is not going to be able to walk away without being hurt. I have never heard of such a thing anyway - I guess she could be the first case I've heard of. It makes no sense that someone would say 'I loved him, he chose to stay with his wife & cut off the affair, & I'm not hurt at all.'

 

On another note, I have no idea where you're getting your definition of love, & I can't argue with whatever you think it is, but to me there is only one kind of love, not many different kinds of love - yeah there is infatuation, lust, puppy love, selfish 'love' in terms of stringing someone along or playing with them or needing them to meet your own desires, & maybe Jessica means one of these things [i suspect she does], but real & true love is not any of those things. Real love feels hurt if it can't be with the person it loves, it wants what's best for them, it looks after the other person's best interests. It doesn't sound to me - based on Jessica's own posts, not my own affair, although yeah, I am who I am & I've been where I've been & this is how I give advice or input, just like you - that either Jessica or her MM is doing any of these things. It sounds like they are both playing games, & that's fine, but there's no way you will convince me that that is real love.

 

I really don't know why you're taking issue with my posts but that's just how I see it. I don't understand how you see it but that's fine. :-) No need to act like I'm wrong just because I happen to think love is one thing & you think it can be a variety of other things. We just have different viewpoints, I'll keep mine & you keep yours. :-)

 

26 - first off many BS will tell you there is never "true and real love" in an EMR as it is all fantasy and fog.

 

And I am not saying you are wrong in your view of love, what I am pointing out is it is not fair to put your view of love, or whatever, and judging the OP based on your terms. Your terms are fine, for you, but it isn't fair to judge another based on something subjective and love is subjective. There is no way to truly quanitify it, prove it, etc. It is a feeling and we all feel differently.

 

 

What I take offense to is the idea that she, or anyone, needs to prove their love/relationship to anyone else. I am not hear to judge your, Jessica or anyone else's relationship and deem it true, worthy, etc. If it makes someone happy, then I am happy for them. It it doesn't need to look at why they aren't happy, what they need to be happy, what is realistic or obtainable, and focus on the areas they can control.

 

In no way do I think your wrong in your beliefs and expectations in a romantic relationship, etc. I do think you are wrong for judging Jessica.

 

And you are right, that is just my opinion.

[Bionic Me]

Not everyone is looking for their MP to leave. That isn't the necessary dynamics of every EMR.

 

And yes dating doesn't work for some while in the EMR but while the MP goes home to a spouse, it is in the best interest of the SP to date others as well. I can't say I did it the whole time, but I did keep my options open as I was not going to put all my eggs in one basket if it wasn't reciprocated.

 

Bionic - do you add any value to these threads or just get your jollies off poking at other people?

 

I should copy and paste. This is a public forum. You don't have to read, listen or care to what doesn't apply to you. That simple. Every head is a different world and your opinion is not the only one that applies. Poking at what? At someone that thinks having R with MM is a joke and all fun and games and comes here to gloat about it? Yeah, if that is poking then it is poking.

 

Better asking Jessica what kind of support she is looking for. Since after all this is a "support forum". Seems like there is more search of a celebration. Let's not be hypocrites, now. I forgot who said, yeah this kind of gives "OW" a bad name. Not everyone on here has this type of mentality, so save it.

[Bionic Me]

I want to clarify.

 

I love my MM. He is the absolute love of my life. You always hear people say, when it's "the one", you'll just know. I just know. We are deeply emotionally connected, so connected it's almost a psychic connection.

 

When MM came back to me, and said, I have to try to do what's right for my kids, I understood. I don't care what anyone says, I totally get that, as I've done the same. That's a damn good reason to stay in an unhappy marriage in my opinion.

 

That being said, it still hurt. I made the decision that if he felt he needed to try to save the marriage, I could not sit around waiting, being the OW. I have to live my life. I don't want to look back and feel like I wasted years waiting. Though my heart belongs to someone else, I force myself to meet other people. I am having fun, keeping things light, and keeping myself occupied.

 

When I posted that I was a smart girl, who knows how to get her way, I was deep into an almost mental breakdown from MM about my dating. He's having a really hard time with it. I do not doubt that this may push him to divorce. Am I manipulative? I certainly didn't start with that intention, but from his reaction, I can see that this may just be the wake up call he needs.

 

 

Will I get hurt? Probably in some way. All I know is that there is real true deep love between us. We cannot be apart right now. I wipe this man's tears every day, and I feel his anguish. We accept what we have, and we try to deal with it.

 

The bolded-You see, that makes more sense and kinda gives your post at the time, a more 'realistic' ring to it. I would be sad if you really are the type to mess around with someone's emotions for fun and games. There are people like this in this world but I hardly doubt they are capable of offering healthy love. Good luck!

[Jessica232]

I should copy and paste. This is a public forum. You don't have to read, listen or care to what doesn't apply to you. That simple. Every head is a different world and your opinion is not the only one that applies. Poking at what? At someone that thinks having R with MM is a joke and all fun and games and comes here to gloat about it? Yeah, if that is poking then it is poking.

 

Better asking Jessica what kind of support she is looking for. Since after all this is a "support forum". Seems like there is more search of a celebration. Let's not be hypocrites, now. I forgot who said, yeah this kind of gives "OW" a bad name. Not everyone on here has this type of mentality, so save it.

 

 

A celebration?? Of what exactly. I'm sorry, but in this situation there would be no cause for celebration with ANY outcome. This is the most heart wrenching situation imaginable. MM will hurt and hurt others in any direction he goes. I don't see anything celebratory in any of this.

[Bionic Me]

A celebration?? Of what exactly. I'm sorry, but in this situation there would be no cause for celebration with ANY outcome. This is the most heart wrenching situation imaginable. MM will hurt and hurt others in any direction he goes. I don't see anything celebratory in any of this.

 

 

Sorry, I had posted that before reading your last thread.

 

Listen, for us to know something on here, you must first write it. From what you first had posted to then admitting why acted that way was a far jump.

 

You do know that saying what you said before sounded like a person with not exactly good intentions, right? You probably were acting out but it was written. Thanks for clarifying...

[Jessica232]

Sorry, I had posted that before reading your last thread.

 

Listen, for us to know something on here, you must first write it. From what you first had posted to then admitting why acted that way was a far jump.

 

You do know that saying what you said before sounded like a person with not exactly good intentions, right? You probably were acting out but it was written. Thanks for clarifying...

 

 

Yes, I realized I came across as someone playing a game, or just a straight out b**ch. I'm really not at all, I love and care about this man so deeply, which is of course, why I stay.

 

And, disclaimer here......sometimes I post while drinking wine:laugh:

[stace79]

\

 

 

Definitely disagree. I feel nothing but respect. I'm more secure now than ever. He's meeting my needs, while still(in his mind) trying to do what's right. I'm not pressuring him to get out of his situation, as I'm still in mine. He's not showing me disrespect, the disrespect is going to the W. He respects the boundaries I've set. Obviously, his path is NOT toward his wife. If it was, there would be NC. I encourage him to seek counseling because I know in his mind he's trying to do the right thing, but struggling greatly with it, and I know what the outcome will be.

 

Do you really think, if he ever actually gets divorced and is with you, that he will treat you with any more respect than he treated his W?

 

He's not "struggling greatly" with trying to do the right thing. He is telling his wife what she wants to hear to keep his marriage intact (that he won't have any contact with you). He is telling you exactly what you want to hear so that you'll keep seeing him and talking to him.

 

He may be the greatest player out there.

[26pointblue]

26 - first off many BS will tell you there is never "true and real love" in an EMR as it is all fantasy and fog.

 

And I am not saying you are wrong in your view of love, what I am pointing out is it is not fair to put your view of love, or whatever, and judging the OP based on your terms. Your terms are fine, for you, but it isn't fair to judge another based on something subjective and love is subjective. There is no way to truly quanitify it, prove it, etc. It is a feeling and we all feel differently.

 

 

What I take offense to is the idea that she, or anyone, needs to prove their love/relationship to anyone else. I am not hear to judge your, Jessica or anyone else's relationship and deem it true, worthy, etc. If it makes someone happy, then I am happy for them. It it doesn't need to look at why they aren't happy, what they need to be happy, what is realistic or obtainable, and focus on the areas they can control.

 

In no way do I think your wrong in your beliefs and expectations in a romantic relationship, etc. I do think you are wrong for judging Jessica.

 

And you are right, that is just my opinion.

 

I didn't mean to judge her at all - if anything I was judging her words & she came off as very smug - 'I'll get my fun & then move on' - & to me that directly contradicted 'I love him.'

 

Now that she posted a follow-up explanation I understand more of what she's going through. She is hurt & is trying to deal with it by accepting what she can from MM & focusing on the positives. At least this is what I get out of it - yes, based on my experiences & own opinion.

 

Anyway I just don't want her to get hurt - I feel that if there is deep love involved, & if MM choses to stay married [which, let's face it, they usually do] - then there is a hurt OW. If she can stay un-hurt by focusing on the fun she's having with him & what she gets out of the relationship, more power to her!

 

And Jessica if your MM loves you it is going to hurt him that you're dating other people. That's what I tried to say in my earlier post - it's just not realistic to think that an MM will say 'sure I'm married, so she can date, even though I love her.' Yeah it's a double standard but it's human nature to want the person you love to be all yours -- problem is here, is that you are not all his. And I seriously doubt that anything you do & don't do is going to cause him to get divorced. Sorry. But he has to get divorced when & if he's ever ready on his own accord [or if his wife initiates it]. Yes he will be bothered by your dating & not want you to do that, but it's because he's at least unintentionally being selfish & cake-eating: he wants you all to himself but he wants to stay married too.

 

What I don't understand is that he's made it very clear to you [it sounds like it anyway] that his intention is to focus on his marriage. He sounds like he is really struggling to do this. If you love him do you want to help him in his goals or be an obstacle to his goal? If he had made it clear to you that he had wanted to get divorced & be with you, my advice would be different. But here he has said he wants to stay married, so how are you helping him towards his goal [or yourself] by staying with him? That is the part to me that makes no sense.

 

Anyway if I judged you I apologize, it was not my intention.

[26pointblue]

The bolded-You see, that makes more sense and kinda gives your post at the time, a more 'realistic' ring to it. I would be sad if you really are the type to mess around with someone's emotions for fun and games. There are people like this in this world but I hardly doubt they are capable of offering healthy love. Good luck!

 

I agree. Her first posts were very confusing because she was saying she was just in it for the fun & off dating others etc. but also said she loved MM. I almost thought she was trying to stir the pot. But then the post where she admitted pain was much more realistic & human-like & what I was trying to warn her against- getting hurt [although I do realize that's inevitable in affairs where there is love].

 

BUT I would beg to differ with you that this is only a 'support' forum. I think it's a support AND DISCUSSION forum & I am all for open discussion & if someone wants to 'gloat' about being an OW [which is not what I think Jessica is doing] - fine with me. But I was just confused about what was really going on & trying to warn her against hurt OR against hurting her MM & his wife unnecessarily. If she was just in it for the fun then she should get out because it's someone's marriage & she can have fun with single guys. If she's in it for the love she should realize he doesn't love her enough right now to leave - & deal with it accordingly. Which now it sounds like she is trying to do in her own way. I was more pointing out the inconsistency of the posts that trying to say this has to be a 'support' forum or trying to censor what OWs can or cannot talk about here.

[26pointblue]

Do you really think, if he ever actually gets divorced and is with you, that he will treat you with any more respect than he treated his W?

 

He's not "struggling greatly" with trying to do the right thing. He is telling his wife what she wants to hear to keep his marriage intact (that he won't have any contact with you). He is telling you exactly what you want to hear so that you'll keep seeing him and talking to him.

 

He may be the greatest player out there.

 

I doubt it!!, or they would be having sex.

 

It does sound to me like he is really struggling.

 

I do believe people can struggle with whether to leave a marriage. People are human - most people aren't monsters or saints, but somewhere in the middle, with a bit of both.

 

Whether it's good for Jessica [or him] for the affair to continue in any form is a separate question. But I don't believe at all that he's just playing her. [if anything it came off like she was playing him earlier - now, no.] He is honestly struggling to do the right thing & that's why I'm advising Jessica that if she loves him she should give him space to figure it out.

[Jessica232]

I didn't mean to judge her at all - if anything I was judging her words & she came off as very smug - 'I'll get my fun & then move on' - & to me that directly contradicted 'I love him.'

 

Wine. And pain.

 

Now that she posted a follow-up explanation I understand more of what she's going through. She is hurt & is trying to deal with it by accepting what she can from MM & focusing on the positives. At least this is what I get out of it - yes, based on my experiences & own opinion.

 

Exactly.

 

Anyway I just don't want her to get hurt - I feel that if there is deep love involved, & if MM choses to stay married [which, let's face it, they usually do] - then there is a hurt OW. If she can stay un-hurt by focusing on the fun she's having with him & what she gets out of the relationship, more power to her!

 

And Jessica if your MM loves you it is going to hurt him that you're dating other people. That's what I tried to say in my earlier post - it's just not realistic to think that an MM will say 'sure I'm married, so she can date, even though I love her.' Yeah it's a double standard but it's human nature to want the person you love to be all yours -- problem is here, is that you are not all his. And I seriously doubt that anything you do & don't do is going to cause him to get divorced. Sorry. But he has to get divorced when & if he's ever ready on his own accord [or if his wife initiates it]. Yes he will be bothered by your dating & not want you to do that, but it's because he's at least unintentionally being selfish & cake-eating: he wants you all to himself but he wants to stay married too.

Oh man, you hit the nail on the head. Major drama has ensued. And I agree, HE has to be ready to divorce, and I doubt my actions will affect that, but wow you wouldn't believe the almost near breakdowns that occur over my dating.

 

What I don't understand is that he's made it very clear to you [it sounds like it anyway] that his intention is to focus on his marriage. He sounds like he is really struggling to do this. If you love him do you want to help him in his goals or be an obstacle to his goal? If he had made it clear to you that he had wanted to get divorced & be with you, my advice would be different. But here he has said he wants to stay married, so how are you helping him towards his goal [or yourself] by staying with him? That is the part to me that makes no sense.

 

Your whole post is dead on. It's a great reply. And you're absolutely right here. I know I should let him go, to try to repair the marriage, because I know he cannot do that with me in the picture. I do love him, and I hate seeing him agonize and struggle every day. I think about letting him go every day. I really honestly have no insecurity in letting him go, as I actually feel like that is what will bring him back to me freely. I attempted to have that conversation with him yesterday, about letting him truly try to work on things, but nothing has changed as of right now. It will probably come to that, but God it's just hard.

 

Anyway if I judged you I apologize, it was not my intention.

I really appreciate that.