shellen Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I've been at this for a long time and I know I should let go, but every now and then ill be drawn back into it again. For those who dunno my story, basically its just that I love this Muslim guy a lot and we broke up initially because I was uncertain abt conversion to Islam, but now that ive decided im ready he is already seeing someone else, but nonetheless I went ahead to ask him back. He was very confused as to who to choose and decided to go with the flow and stay on with his current gf. It has been nine mths since we broke up but he said he still likes me. I asked him for a clear-cut rejection but he refuse to give it to me. I asked him if he loved his current gf and wanted to have a future with her, he can't answer me too. I asked him who does he really want to be with, he tells me he does not know. He says he dunno if it is right for both of us. I dunno what is his definition of "right" here, but I know it is definitely right for me. I asked him if he was afraid of my parents' objection he did not reply anything too. If he is not even certain of his love for his new gf after dating for at least 6 months why on earth is he still with her? I mean he cannot even tell me that he loves her. I will give him my blessings if to be with the new girl is what he really wants. But he is with the girl still because he does not know what he wants and he is so scared of everything he is like forced into inaction. Why is he so confused? Why is it so difficult for him to decide what he wants, he has had more than enough time. Is there any way or anything that I can do to help him realize what is it that he really wants? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I think that he has already realized he wants the other girl. It's true that he has not made a clear VERBAL statement to you about this, but he has made a clear statement with his ACTIONS. He spends his time with her, not you. When words and actions are in conflict, "listen" to the actions. You appear to have rewritten the story to make it out that he is just confused, "going with the flow", and hasn't really chosen this new girl over you. In my eyes, he clearly has. Why is he so confused? He doesn't appear substantially more confused than you. Is there any way or anything that I can do to help him realize what is it that he really wants? The best way to answer this kind of question is to turn it around. What if you were in his shoes? Would there be anything your discarded partner could do to "help you realize what you really want"? Unlikely. To the extent that your ex is capable of forming and stating his opinion, he has chosen this new girl. I guess it will take a while for you to realize and accept this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellen Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 actually "go with the flow" were his exact words.... if he is really that sure why does he keep telling me he does not know he does not know..and I quote him "hopefully one day I will not be so blur anymore"...And if he really so certain, he could have just told me to scram.what's stopping him?Seems to me that he does not want to say anything in case he regrets it later. What i mean to say is yes, he has chosen the other girl but it's for the wrong reasons. Maybe it is not my business that he based his decision on wrong reasons, but it concerns my lifetime happiness. and I'm not actually asking if I can physically do something to help him decide, but rather is there any perspective which he can look from that can perhaps help him to be "less blur".... well i dunno if he is spending time with the girl, but they are still attached so it is only normal. The thing is that the girl does not know anything about all these, including the fact that he still keeps in touch with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellen Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 -solemate- I realized u may have thought I changed my story to make my ex appear as if he was confused based on my previous posts where I said he thinks it is wrong to leave one girl for another, well he did say that, plus he does not know what the future will bring, we may still not work in the end, so he should jus go with the flow. He told me few days ago he did not which is the right path and I told him he will never know unless he follows the path he chose faithfully and stop treading on two paths. He knows he is doing that, but he continues doing it anyway. well I did imply to him that I wanted to stop contact, but he did not take it seriously until I had to tell him directly that I do not want to be friends for now. But I regretted almost immediately after i said it. And we are kind of in contact again. He wants to stay in touch but he is not gonna tell his gf abt it. its quite frustrating that ill have to be his little dark secret. Link to post Share on other sites
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