She is so angry all the time.

[Green Light]

My wife is so angry all the time. I told her this weekend that she has an OCD disorder that revolves around anger. Of course, this made her angry. She will look into the future and come up with something that makes her angry and then she will experience that anger as though it's already happened.

For example, let's say that she needed to have a car repair done. She will imagine all the things that will go wrong with dealing with the repairman. She will imagine the repairman screwing up/lying to her/ignoring her/screwing her over and her having to yell at the repairman and then she will experience all these emotions as though they have happened and she hasn't even called the guy yet!

She does this with EVERYTHING!

All of this hit me very clearly this weekend. I always just thought of her anger as more of a personality quirk but now I see it is more serious than that. This is really affecting our relationship in a big way and I don't know if I can deal with it anymore.

Does anybody else live with somebody like this? How do you deal with it? Is there a name for this condition?

[Green Light]

"unhappy marriage"

 

Ha! I don't know if that was a joke or not but it is very true.

Things are getting worse and I am thinking about moving out.

[tinktronik]

OP it's called pessimism. It sounds as though your wife needs a. A weekend at the spa with nothing else at all to worry about. b. Some therapy to both handle her anger and learn how to unravel the process of angry thinking.

 

I know when I am super stressed out and have no one else to rely on sometimes I will look forward and think of all that could go wrong in any given situation. But in general I'm a pretty optimistic person and assume whether something goes wrong or right that it's not the end of the world or that worth getting angry.

 

Maybe your wife has some depression issues.

[whichwayisup]

Ha! I don't know if that was a joke or not but it is very true.

Things are getting worse and I am thinking about moving out.

 

Don't run away and move out. You tell her how her attitude is affecting you, and the marriage. Let her know how you feel about it and suggest that she go talk to someone to calm down and deal with reality and the NOW, not perpell into the future and make up dramatic and negative senario's that probably aren't going to happen anyway.

 

If she has OCD or any anger issues, CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can help her. Encourage her, be supportive, don't enrage her and confront her. You need to be calm and positive, yet firm with her.

 

If she refuses, then you let her know that she needs to get help, work on this because if she doesn't you're afraid that the marriage isn't going to last much longer.

 

Aside for what you've mentioned, how is the rest of your marriage? or do you feel like you don't love her anymore and want out anyway?

[Green Light]

OP it's called pessimism. It sounds as though your wife needs a. A weekend at the spa with nothing else at all to worry about. b. Some therapy to both handle her anger and learn how to unravel the process of angry thinking.

 

I know when I am super stressed out and have no one else to rely on sometimes I will look forward and think of all that could go wrong in any given situation. But in general I'm a pretty optimistic person and assume whether something goes wrong or right that it's not the end of the world or that worth getting angry.

 

Maybe your wife has some depression issues.

 

Oh she has depression issues. She will openly admit to that but she will not do anything about it because she hates doctors of any kind. I have had to listen to MANY rants about the medical profession. There is just no way to get her to talk to somebody.

She has very fiery opinions about everything. When we first met I found her fire to be attractive because it was mixed with other emotions. Now the other emotions are gone and just the anger is left.

I have suggested the spa thing to her last year but she won't do that either. She's not a spa type of girl.

[Green Light]

Don't run away and move out. You tell her how her attitude is affecting you, and the marriage. Let her know how you feel about it and suggest that she go talk to someone to calm down and deal with reality and the NOW, not perpell into the future and make up dramatic and negative senario's that probably aren't going to happen anyway.

 

If she has OCD or any anger issues, CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can help her. Encourage her, be supportive, don't enrage her and confront her. You need to be calm and positive, yet firm with her.

 

If she refuses, then you let her know that she needs to get help, work on this because if she doesn't you're afraid that the marriage isn't going to last much longer.

 

Aside for what you've mentioned, how is the rest of your marriage? or do you feel like you don't love her anymore and want out anyway?

 

For the most part we can do most things without fighting. Sex has become infrequent and routine and she doesn't really think that's an issue. Basically we have become roommates. She rants about stuff everyday and I listen. What's strange is that most of the rants are about the outside world and not about me, although she does rant about me sometimes. She has become a very emotionally "closed off" person. The only way to communicate with her in any serious way is to fight. It's like the only language she understands now. I've been noticing that when we fight, the louder I yell the more she seems to like it. I can tell that she is enjoying it. I find this unsettling because I was not raised like that. It's strange to me. Is this natural?

We spent most of the weekend yelling a screaming and by Sunday night I was exhausted. I noticed, however, that between the yelling and screaming she was being kind of nice to me. For example, I ran into the drugstore to get something while she stayed in the car. It was taking a long time because there was a long line and she actually came in to check on me because she was worried that something happened to me in the store. She has NEVER shown that much caring for me before. But we had just fought the whole way to the store so it didn't make any sense to me. Then she was nice for the rest of the day and even wanted to have sex. After all of the fighting I wasn't really in the mood and she got kind of upset about that.

I'm starting to think that she is looking for a release and is getting it when we fight. I feel like I'm living the movie "Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf."

[Sparty97]

As her husband you should be the one to control her anger. Try to control her temper. You should atleast do whatever to stop on making her angry. And, you should not be the reason for her anger.

 

Maybe, she just need a little petting and why not treat her out?

Show her some love and caress. That would work! Don't let her anger be a barrier of your marriage. Save it! =D

 

 

Hunh? How about as an adult SHE controls her temper?

[Green Light]

Hunh? How about as an adult SHE controls her temper?

 

I agree. Why should I be responsible for her emotions? I know that I am certainly responsible for my own emotions. That's part of being an adult.

I've noticed a lot of posts like this where if the man just did all the right things then the woman wouldn't be so angry or she would want sex or whatever. It is unfair to say that the woman's emotional well being is solely the man's responsibility.