Depression, Drugs and Breaking Up

[whatdoido1717]

I am 26 years old and my significant other is 26 as well. We began a long distance relationship, about an hour and a half drive, over 7 months ago. I would come up on the weekends, and she would come down during the week when she had time.

 

We quickly fell for each other. When we first met she had just broken off an engagement with her ex-fiance of 2 years. I knew when I met her she was in a bad spot with depression. She has had almost every imaginable thing happen to her growing up as well as current family issues with her sister and mother as well as drinking and drug use.

 

Well, our relationship had been great up until a couple weeks ago. I had a few insecurities, mostly because I didn't get to see her very much and these eventually resulted in a big fight between the two of us where I said some very regrettable things. One thing that hurt her very bad because it cut to the core of who she really is.

 

I saw her this past weekend and we hung out all weekend although things were far from being smoothed over. She told me that "I had all of her" and, while in tears, told me that I was the most amazing person that had ever come in to her life. That I cared about her more than anybody ever had but still felt like I betrayed her by talking to her friend (when I was emotional after our fight and afraid of losing her) and really hurt by what I said.

 

This weekend, we were having an intimate moment in bed and her sister exploded and told me to get the F out (she thinks I am a bad influence on her sister, which is mind boggling to me since I have been trying to help her quit drinking), and my SO rushed out of the room and screamed at her not to talk to me like that and they ended up getting in a huge altercation and my SO getting kicked out of the house after this weekend.

 

This, needless to say, crushed her, as the sister she was fighting with was pretty much the last person she had a close relationship with other than me. When I left Sunday, I asked her "if I still have her" and she didn't take it very well, because I think she wanted more time to think about everything that had happened. (I didn't really contact her at all last week and thought that was what I was giving her, but I guess it was not enough).

 

Well, she said, I just got in a huge fight with my sister over you, you obviously have me! A few minutes later I said my goodbyes and headed back to my apartment. On the way, I talked to my best friend and he told me she was going to a baseball game next Friday (which she hadn't mentioned to me, which is a little weird) so I called her up casually and asked if she was going. She said she was not going but that she had been invited by her ex-fiance (who she maintained casual contact with) but she wasn't going. I simply said that I was happy she wasn't going because it seemed a little awkward since it would've been the one year anniversary of when he proposed.

 

Well, she got upset at that point, and was like I cannot do this anymore. I can't deal with the drama. She told me, which I already knew I guess, that she was at the end. That she couldn't take anything anymore. She said she was extremely depressed and now was about to be homeless and didn't have anywhere to go. She said she couldn't do this anymore because she was almost to the point of complete collapse and needed space to figure herself out and that we had to break up because she couldn't deal with the drama when she was already in such a low spot.

 

I have been reading more about depression and I can empathize with where she is and I want nothing more than to give her her space and I will. At the same time, I am so sad to lose her. She told me I was like no man or person in her life before, and although I said one mean, in the heat of the moment, thing, it is like that has undone all I have done for her and how I have been there. I am deathly afraid I have lost her for good or that she is going to turn to her ex for a shoulder to cry on.

 

I want to respect her space but I also want her to know that I can empathize and I want her to get better. I want to tell her that I am not going anywhere if she needs anything. Is there anything I can do here? I know most will say give her her space and if she realizes what you have then she will come back but I don't want to giver her space to the point that I am no longer in her life. I care about her more than anything on the planet and want her to be healthy and if that means leaving her alone I guess I have to but I don't want her to throw away "the best person thats come into her life" because of a couple bad weekends and because she is sick. She has to do this on her own but she doesn't deserve to lose those who do care about her well being. I feel sick. Please help.

 

is writing a letter still too much? is one phone call telling her, without being emotional, that I am here for her still but will respect her space too much? Is there anything I can do other than silence?

[waitely]

Depression can be brought on by significant stress situations in your life. A break up or divorce is definitely a stressful time. Everyone has some feelings of sadness or down days, especially after a relationship break up.

Feeling down and depressed is part of the natural cycle of grieving. It becomes a problem when the feelings of sadness and depression start to interfere with your day-to-day life.

Depression is a medically recognised illness if you have feelings of extreme depression or despair that last over two weeks which interfere with your daily activities such as working, eating or sleeping.

 

 

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