dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Once again, I wasn't intentionally bashing anyone. Just making a comment on how things look from my side. As for your question WorldIsYours, I have loved the man since I was 16, that has been over 30 years. That is a lot to toss out because of less than a year. My H hasn't said that, in fact he takes whatever I release. It's like I said, the people around us that know (and even some that don't). I just don't like when society seems to think that it is more acceptable for a man to devastate his wife than it is for a woman to do the same thing to her husband. Like someone else said, pain is pain. I think generally women see: we have a long, happy history how can I let this throw it all away? I think generally men see:we had a long, happy history and she threw it all away for something so cheap! Neither is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Actually, and talking in general terms, it is much harder to find an unrepentant WW than it is to find an unrepentant WH. My story, and that of other BH, bears witness to this. WW justify their betrayal by blaming their BH for everything wrong in the marriage. The sadistic behavior of a WW knows no bounds. WW are also more likely to file for divorce in the belief that the OM is their 'soul mate', throw their BH out of the family home and move their OM in, and get custody of the kids as well. How many stories are there where the reverse is the case? Not many that's for sure. IMNSHO, the American court system rewards WW and punishes WH. Does it surprise you to know that 67% of all divorce filings are done by women? After all this, do you still wonder why WW are so despised? Link to post Share on other sites
Author woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 wow woggle, we must not travel in the same circles. It is automatically assumed that if a guy has an affair that it is because his wife is lacking and not keeping him happy. One the other hand, if a woman cheats it's because she is a slut. That is the world in which I live in. Think 1940s. I've never known a man who was cheated on who was treated that way. They got the house, the kids, and she got run out on a rail. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Actually, and talking in general terms, it is much harder to find an unrepentant WW than it is to find an unrepentant WH. My story, and that of other BH, bears witness to this. WW justify their betrayal by blaming their BH for everything wrong in the marriage. The sadistic behavior of a WW knows no bounds. WW are also more likely to file for divorce in the belief that the OM is their 'soul mate', throw their BH out of the family home and move their OM in, and get custody of the kids as well. How many stories are there where the reverse is the case? Not many that's for sure. IMNSHO, the American court system rewards WW and punishes WH. Does it surprise you to know that 67% of all divorce filings are done by women? After all this, do you still wonder why WW are so despised? Oh I don't wonder, I do wonder why cheating men aren't despised a little more though. The bulk of divorce filing stat though.... men cheat statistically more then women in a marriage and often do this instead of leaving. Women more often cut off the relationships, cheater or not. The BW will do it because she can't take it and the WW will do it to go play games with OM. WH are more likely to stay in marriages then WW and therefore less likely to file for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know what world you live in but that is certainly now how it is in my circle. I am sorry if it comes across like I am beating up on you but you really did come across at first as if you were sort of high fiving woman who cheat. Be honest do you sometimes get satisfaction when women cheat because you feel they turned the tables? Link to post Share on other sites
Author woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 ABSOLUTELY NOT! Cheating is unacceptable, no matter who does it. I wouldn't cheat, not even after what he did, not even to make him feel the pain I'm feeling. If I ever feel like I want to be with someone else I will end it. I'm all for equal rights; for those of us who are faithful and committed. I hate lying and cheating and I hate selfishness. Your wife, my husband, and anyone else who has ever had an affair may have had problems with us but they should have been mature enough to come to us and ask to deal with it or tell us they were leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 ABSOLUTELY NOT! Cheating is unacceptable, no matter who does it. I wouldn't cheat, not even after what he did, not even to make him feel the pain I'm feeling. If I ever feel like I want to be with someone else I will end it. I'm all for equal rights; for those of us who are faithful and committed. I hate lying and cheating and I hate selfishness. Your wife, my husband, and anyone else who has ever had an affair may have had problems with us but they should have been mature enough to come to us and ask to deal with it or tell us they were leaving. Then we are both on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 The bulk of divorce filing stat though.... men cheat statistically more then women in a marriage and often do this instead of leaving. Women more often cut off the relationships, cheater or not. The BW will do it because she can't take it and the WW will do it to go play games with OM. WH are more likely to stay in marriages then WW and therefore less likely to file for divorce. Couldn't agree more. Solid and accurate, by my experience. So many men marry, then try to transform their wives into mommy #2. These spoiled mommie's-boys are the typical male cheaters; told their whole lives that they are 'special' and 'better' as a reflection of the mother's low self esteem. They do them no favors. My mom kicked my ass if I didn't behave. I tasted her wedding ring more than once and love her for that. Character is not a birthright. I do wonder why cheating men aren't despised a little more though. Couldn't agree less. Use the internet as your guide and google 'cheating'. The overwhelming majority of the pages focus on helping women deal with their straying males. Give me a break!! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Then we are both on the same page. And that is page number 3 Yay everyone agrees, let's go bash some cheaters....kidding, let's go um post some more stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Oh I don't wonder, I do wonder why cheating men aren't despised a little more though. I don't know where you get this impression, but catch any weekday show for women and you will find no simpathy for cheating men (men are pigs) but when the topic of cheating women comes up, there is an attempt to rationalize it (husband was emotionally distant). men cheat statistically more then women in a marriage and often do this instead of leaving. Actually recent studies show that women have practically caught up with men in the cheating spouse department. And the place where they meet the OM, is the same place WH have met the OW, the work place. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Couldn't agree more. Solid and accurate, by my experience. So many men marry, then try to transform their wives into mommy #2. These spoiled mommie's-boys are the typical male cheaters; told their whole lives that they are 'special' and 'better' as a reflection of the mother's low self esteem. They do them no favors. My mom kicked my ass if I didn't behave. I tasted her wedding ring more than once and love her for that. Character is not a birthright. My husband had his ass kicked by "Mom" a little too hard I think. Emotionally he's pretty screwed. Couldn't agree less. Use the internet as your guide and google 'cheating'. The overwhelming majority of the pages focus on helping women deal with their straying males. Give me a break!! I am confused. Wouldn't that make the cheating men be less despised? Edited April 5, 2011 by dreamingoftigers spelling Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know where you get this impression, but catch any weekday show for women and you will find no simpathy for cheating men (men are pigs) but when the topic of cheating women comes up, there is an attempt to rationalize it (husband was emotionally distant). Maybe we went to different schools. Perhaps it is another BS gender thing, we feel kind of like the opposite-cheating gender has it easier in some way. Actually recent studies show that women have practically caught up with men in the cheating spouse department. And the place where they meet the OM, is the same place WH have met the OW, the work place. Blech, that sucks, I wish people would just keep the bottom half of their clothes on. Since I lost 50 lbs my old jeans fall down sometimes and I still have managed not to cheat. It can't be that impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Men, women, it really doesn't matter. It all comes down to one word: selfishness. Our spouses were willing to throw us under the bus to take care of themselves. We all have needs. Those of us with an ounce of integrity will not seek to met them by any means necessary and at all cost. I'm sure that most of us could name some things in our Pre-A marriage that WE would have liked to have had improved. Yet WE didn't "show them" by having an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Blech, that sucks, I wish people would just keep the bottom half of their clothes on. Since I lost 50 lbs my old jeans fall down sometimes and I still have managed not to cheat. It can't be that impossible. The 'Infidelity' diet is the best weight loss diet for BS. It's guaranteed to melt away those ugly pounds or you get your WS back. Edited April 5, 2011 by TMCM edit Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 The 'Infidelity' diet is the best weight loss diet for BS. It's guaranteed to melt away those ugly pounds or you get your WS back. I lose an average of 15-20 lbs every time I have a D-day, some people think that I am crazy giving my husband one last chance, but I want to fit into the jeans I went to high school in. Link to post Share on other sites
Oneofall Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 The discussion in this thread moves me emotionally. It's very good to see you guys post about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 @dreamingoftigers - I've been walking everyday that it isn't storming. Wouldn't you know she was thinner. Gee, now that doesn't give me a complex. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 @dreamingoftigers - I've been walking everyday that it isn't storming. Wouldn't you know she was thinner. Gee, now that doesn't give me a complex. I will focus my telepathic energy on shedding my pounds and adding them to hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Because men are different then women. When a woman cheats on us it tears our ego down to the lowest level, why is he better than us, what did she see in him, and now that she has taken a man to bed she is tainted. Sorry like I said our egos are fragile and finding out the love of your life is cheating is like someone hit you in the balls with a sludgehammer. It hurts and you never forget and few, I mean very few forgive and reconcile. I will focus my telepathic energy on shedding my pounds and adding them to hers. Could you give her a few warts too while you're at it. Between the eyes would be great! Link to post Share on other sites
Author woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Don't know how first quote got there. Reply was meant for dreamingoftigers. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 :confused:Is my imagination or do the men on this site jump on the "get a divorce now" bandwagon a whole lot quicker when it is a man who found out he has been cheated on? I read the thread for oneofall and I not think I've seen such instant pushing toward a particular decision before. Why is it so much worse to you guys when a woman screws around on one of you than when our men screw around on us? my advice doesn't change if its a man or a woman doing the screwing around. I think anyone can better their situation by no longer being with a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 There are tons of women who high five each other about cheating and take the woman's side no matter what so this goes both ways. Why are you trying to make this a man vs woman thing? Do you want all men to pay for what your husband did? absolutely, I have seen this trend here and elsewhere. but it is displayed by a very few women. i've seen a couple, by no means a large number, of women here will basically insinuate that when a woman cheats, it should be understood and that there was a good reason they cheated. as opposed to when a man does. man or woman, there isn't a good reason to cheat, doesn't need to be understood, and both are reprehensible. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Really? Let's see: men don't put up with betrayal? My H had an A with his best friend's wife! It damages YOUR ego? I can't look in a mirror without crying, I get up an hour before him on my days off to make sure he doesn't see me at less than my best. While men get away with beer bellies and gray (or balding) hair we are judged by every ounce and wrinkle. I would NEVER " criticize a hurt man because he's not putting up with a cheating tramp". I just get tired of the boys club that will pat each other on the back about each others conquest and sympathize about the "old lady" and yet will have a field day over one of their own facing the same thing. And what exactly do you think it says to us when our H cheats on us? Let me help you: you don't measure up, "I love you" is a lie, I can get someone else and don't you forget it, you aren't valuable enough to me to be faithful, and you're disposable. Sound familiar? I think that the idea that men have a right by their maleness to react differently is what is "ridiculous"! wounded, have you considered divorce? Because I would highly recommend it. I know all to much about the ego being hurt. But ego aside, its the knowledge that your spouse(and my X) is a slimy cheater that will give me reason to not want such a person. I know you took an ego hit, but its not your fault. I recommend divorce because you can do MUCH BETTER. There are better men for you, and you can find one. Divorce is tough, I know this all too well, but when its all said and done, you will start living, loving life, and having fun. I can attest to that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 :confused:Is my imagination or do the men on this site jump on the "get a divorce now" bandwagon a whole lot quicker when it is a man who found out he has been cheated on? I read the thread for oneofall and I not think I've seen such instant pushing toward a particular decision before. Why is it so much worse to you guys when a woman screws around on one of you than when our men screw around on us? Why should we be told to consider all kinds of factors before jumping to a decision but the guys on here are more likely to tell another man to kick her to the curb, that she doesn't love him, and can never be trusted again? Just seems that way to me. Guess what, I'm hurting too, I'm humiliated too, I didn't deserve it either, but I have take everything into account. Maybe you guys should too. Just saying... A lot of times men will tell other men to just get a divorce when they read that a wife is completely unremorseful about what they've done. If they're unremorseful about it, it usually dicates that they've checked out of the marriage a long time ago, and let's face it, women and be very stubborn creatures. If they decide they're done, there's usually not much a guy can do to change their minds. Now what I hate is how uneven the blame is veiwed in society and day time talk shows. If a guy cheats then he's a dog, a playa and lower than pond scum. But, if a woman cheats it's because he wasn't paying attention to her, didn't fulfill her needs, he put up and emotional wall, there was a breakdown in communcation..etc...etc.. So, essentially if a guy cheats it's his fault if a woman cheats it's still his fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Interesting thread. I think the feelings and heartache over a spouse's betrayal are very much the same whether a man or a woman. I know I can relate to any BH's posts on here. However, I think reactions often differ between men and women. Men tend to take action or recommend taking action so there are the "dump her sk@nky ass" comments. Men also frequently react in anger. Women tend to reach out to others for support, to try to understand the unthinkable and wallow in their sadness. A BW and a BH are deeply hurt to the core though. Link to post Share on other sites
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