orangelady Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 But I want a boyfriend NOW, not later. I fee like I'm rushing into things just simply because I do not want to wait for what I really want. I also feel that I'm becoming desperate and taking the best new thing I can get, because I'm afraid that what I really do want will never come around. I don't know what to do. This sucks. I think you should learn to direct your energy and focus to things other than men. They say what goes around, comes around. So becareful...also I think perhaps you need some time to stand on your own two feet and learn to be happy alone.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Your 26?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 I know. Shocking. you'd be almost positive I was older. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 DreamerGirl, Serious question(s) for a 'serious' girl: Have you had any healthy relationship role models in your life? Your parents?Siblings?Relatives?Friends (excluding your crush)? Have you observed anyone close in your life fiercely go after what they wanted (and perhaps got it) - even when everyone was telling them they couldn't or shouldn't? I get your conflicted nature, because I'm currently going through my own inner conflicts. Only difference between us is that I'm a few steps (and years) ahead of you in terms of personal growth. I've been reading some of your other threads. You may remember I posted on your 'Destined to be alone' thread. It is quite alarming how much you seem to love being in this situation - despite your protestations. Watching you 'beat down' everyone's advice to you to either be upfront with this guy or let him go only seems to make you want to pursue him all the more. Are you used to people telling you not go after something/someone? Are you doing this to rebel? A little tip: you're never going to be happy /satisfied / content - at least not if you keep doing what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 PS. Watch Ally McBeal. I think you 2 may have some things in common. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 DreamerGirl, A little tip: you're never going to be happy /satisfied / content - at least not if you keep doing what you're doing. Actually, I retract a little: I think you are comfortable where you are. You're in a position of not really being hurt. (And no, not getting what/who you want is not an example). Which goes back to what I mentioned in your other thread about being 'scared', except I think you are **** scared of really being with someone. Hence why you have these fantasies about how the story should play out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 DreamerGirl, Serious question(s) for a 'serious' girl: Have you had any healthy relationship role models in your life? Your parents?Siblings?Relatives?Friends (excluding your crush)? yes, my parents have the healthiest relationship on the face of this planet. Most ppl here would think it is unhealthy, though, because my dad is 55 and doesn't have any friends. I think there comes a point in your life where you don't need friends. I certainly don't need them. I need one guy in my life...my husband. whoever he may be. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 I know. Shocking. you'd be almost positive I was older. Um. I will just say that I am absolutely shocked that you are only two years younger then me. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) yes, my parents have the healthiest relationship on the face of this planet. And in what ways do you feel this is so? Interesting how 'extreme' you chose to describe your parents' relationship. Why not simply say 'a healthy relationship'? Are you trying to convince yourself/us of something? Out of the questions I've asked you, I wonder why you decided to zero in on this particular one? Most ppl here would think it is unhealthy, though, because my dad is 55 and doesn't have any friends. My dad died last year without having any social contacts other than through my mum (and even my mum was lousy at keeping contact with her friends). A few months before he died, he mentioned, while I was visiting, how 'weird' he thought he was because he didn't have any friends. Although he never discussed it, a lot of it had to do with his childhood. It wasn't a happy one. In turn, I've taken on some of his traits and behaviour. My dad and I were/are both naturally introverted people, so have found it hard to make (and harder to maintain) close friendships (and by 'close', I mean a confidante, not someone you just tend to hang around with). Which leads me on to ask:- I think there comes a point in your life where you don't need friends. I certainly don't need them. I need one guy in my life...my husband. whoever he may be. What about you? Do you have any close friends (other than your crush) that you can confide in? Also, what are your ideals for a husband? What internal qualities do you feel he should have? (Forget the whole Hanson-rocker-type here). Do you think a husband should be 'everything' to his wife i.e. physically, emotionally, intellectually, financially? Edited April 22, 2011 by ALonerAgain Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 What about you? Do you have any close friends (other than your crush) that you can confide in? Also, what are your ideals for a husband? What internal qualities do you feel he should have? (Forget the whole Hanson-rocker-type here). Do you think a husband should be 'everything' to his wife i.e. physically, emotionally, intellectually, financially?[/ Answering the last one first. 'Course. Why wouldn't he be? and yes, I have a couple friends outside of my crush, but I really only like one of them. The other one is way too religious for me. I'm spiritual, but not religious. I believe in God, but I do not find bible studies fun and this one particular friend I have, that's all she ever wants to do. and she's one of those types that looks down upon you if you don't have the same beliefs. She's really judgmental. Anyway, the other friend I have that I like, I consider her my best girlfriend, but we don't live in the same state. That's difficult. Really difficult. I wanna move, but I don't have the money right now. Anyway, my ideal husband would basically be...the guy that I like, just a little more mature. lawl Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) Answering the last one first. 'Course. Why wouldn't he be? Anyway, my ideal husband would basically be...the guy that I like, just a little more mature. lawl Interesting - do you see a correlation between your seemingly idealistic nature and the fact that you insist on having only 1-type of guy - but that you can't seem to 'get', is always out of reach? Again, you have avoided answering my other questions about your parents' 'healthiest' relationship and choose to focus on your describing your dream guy. Why is that? Personally, I think there's more to your background/upbringing than you would have us perceive. I think deep inside you have been hurt in some way and you're using your fantasies and idealism to cover it up. Because in our fantasies, no-one can hurt us. They shield us from the realities of dealing with real life; real problems that may be too painful to face. So painful to some, that they completely convince themselves that there's nothing wrong with them. I think this is what's happening to you. I would recommend you go talk to a therapist, but I don't think you're ready, because you don't really believe you have a problem. Yet. Or you haven't hit 'rock bottom' yet to want to change. Want to look at yourself and ask yourself about the choices you've made and the beliefs you hold? (Hang on, I thought that was what being 'spiritual' was all about - taking responsibility for yourself and doing some serious soul-searching?) Which is fine. But then why come on LS creating mutiple threads about this one perfect/not-perfect guy (conflict), almost bordering on obsession? and yes, I have a couple friends outside of my crush, but I really only like one of them. The other one is way too religious for me. I'm spiritual, but not religious. I believe in God, but I do not find bible studies fun and this one particular friend I have, that's all she ever wants to do. and she's one of those types that looks down upon you if you don't have the same beliefs. She's really judgmental. Anyway, the other friend I have that I like, I consider her my best girlfriend, but we don't live in the same state. That's difficult. Really difficult. I wanna move, but I don't have the money right now. Reflection of yourself, perhaps? Can you confide in your out-of-state friend about your situation? Edited April 22, 2011 by ALonerAgain Link to post Share on other sites
mikkyedward82 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 hi dear Don't meet him if all you're doing is using him and that you'll just drop him like a hot potato if the other guy comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
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