Need advice

[Katarina]

Hey. I'll try to keep this message as short as possible. I have been dating the same great guy for almost 4 years, ever since I was 17 years old. My only complaint would be that the relationship is so much like a marriage it scares me sometimes. Well, recently I've been thinking about this guy I know from school, who has been in classes with me for a little over a year. I definitely have a crush on this guy and my curiousity about him is running wild. I find myself fantasizing about being with him. And I do feel guilty about feeling this way for someone else, but at the same time it's exciting to me to have a new guy to focus on. And I found myself flirting with this guy, subtly, even though I have a boyfriend! Now it's time to go back to college and I think this guy is going to be in at least one of my classes. Every time I see him I get all nervous and I can hardly make eye contact because I'm afraid he'll know I'm into him. Now my questions are: Am I crazy? I'm not positive this guy likes me, though I suspect at one point he may have (before a mutual acquaintance asked me right in front of him if I had a boyfriend and I said yes of course--that probably put him off because he seems like a gentleman). This crush of mine is a very sweet and kind person, he laughs at my jokes, always chats with me before class and I just have this desire to get to know him better. What should I do? I return to school in two weeks and this is driving me nuts. I know when I see him again that all those secret feelings I have will come back. But I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. I love him. That's why this crush I have on this guy at school bothers me so much. I just can't seem to resist flirting with this guy, giving him signals that I'm interested, etc. Is there something wrong with me? Should I take a break from my relationship and try to figure out what I want? Please help, I would really appreciate it.

[Tony T]

You started seeing your boyfriend at a very young age. You still have lots of years left for flirting and seeing other people.

 

You need to really give some thought to your current relationship. If you are having these feelings about another guy and thinking about him the way you do, you certainly aren't ready to be in a committed relationship no matter how much you love your boyfriend. You can fall in love many many times before you are ready for a committment. That;s the great thing about love. You have a serious decision to make here. It just sounds like you have lots of exploring to do.

 

I really think if you don't explore your feelings for others guys as they come along, you will resent it later on and wonder if you made a mistake settling down with one you met at 17.

 

It's nice to think about your guy's feelings but you shouldn't mess up your entire life because you were afraid to hurt somebody's feelings. If after careful consideration you feel you should be free to meet and get to know other guys, come to an understanding with your boyfriend to do that. Be right up front with him.

 

You will be doing yourself an grave disservice if you let these important years slip by without letting your heart travel all it can before settling down.

[Katarina]

I wanted to thank you Tony for your valuable advice. You should start your own advice website--"Ask Tony"-- because you have a talent for providing people with honest, considerate advice. And you have helped me understand that there is nothing terribly wrong with how I feel. I appreciate the time you took to write a response to my plea for help. Thank you so much.

 

Katarina

Hey. I'll try to keep this message as short as possible. I have been dating the same great guy for almost 4 years, ever since I was 17 years old. My only complaint would be that the relationship is so much like a marriage it scares me sometimes. Well, recently I've been thinking about this guy I know from school, who has been in classes with me for a little over a year. I definitely have a crush on this guy and my curiousity about him is running wild. I find myself fantasizing about being with him. And I do feel guilty about feeling this way for someone else, but at the same time it's exciting to me to have a new guy to focus on. And I found myself flirting with this guy, subtly, even though I have a boyfriend! Now it's time to go back to college and I think this guy is going to be in at least one of my classes. Every time I see him I get all nervous and I can hardly make eye contact because I'm afraid he'll know I'm into him. Now my questions are: Am I crazy? I'm not positive this guy likes me, though I suspect at one point he may have (before a mutual acquaintance asked me right in front of him if I had a boyfriend and I said yes of course--that probably put him off because he seems like a gentleman). This crush of mine is a very sweet and kind person, he laughs at my jokes, always chats with me before class and I just have this desire to get to know him better. What should I do? I return to school in two weeks and this is driving me nuts. I know when I see him again that all those secret feelings I have will come back. But I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. I love him. That's why this crush I have on this guy at school bothers me so much. I just can't seem to resist flirting with this guy, giving him signals that I'm interested, etc. Is there something wrong with me? Should I take a break from my relationship and try to figure out what I want? Please help, I would really appreciate it.