StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 so a man should,feel free to hang out at strip clubs if he chooses to do so his wife should basically be told to STFU or risk being called "controlling" ? Just dont stick your nose in it to begin with... and on the reciprocal he shouldn't with you. Just so long as he isnt out all day and night or strand you with kids or shirk his responsibilities to the family whats the problem. jointly held funds on lap dances in strip clubs to be highly disrespectful. Again where is this "jointly held funds" coming from???? he can go out with his own money Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 my relationship isnt good no... but not all my friends come from bad relationships. in the end of the day guys (married especially) need independent time (completely independent). Because the concept of marriage really doesn't suit men quite like it does women. It takes many of us right out of our comfort zone and its very emasculating when your wife starts telling you what to do in your own independent time. I dont know xxoo... I have many female friends that understand this Why get married then? Men who think like this are extremely immature. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) Why get married then? Men who think like this are extremely immature. Thats the mistake many make...they always think it will be something its not. So its immature to want to maintain independence? Well of course because it doesn't suit you You sir just drank the punch (if you are a guy) ..... and if you are a female...then of course you would say that to propagate your mandate guys stop buying into this...it doesnt work; the stats dont lie...I've seen it time and time and time again Edited April 8, 2011 by StoneCold Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Thats the mistake many make...they always think it will be something its not. So its immature to want to maintain independence? You sir just drank the punch (if you are a guy) ..... and if you are a female...then of course you would say that to propagate your mandate guys stop buying into this...it doesnt work; the stats dont lie...I've seen it time and time and time again Sucks to be them eh..... I'm a huge proponent of getting married after the age of 30. Also, i'm a huge fan of co-habitating beforehand. You have a chance to get a feel for boundaries, etc. There's nothing immature with wanting independance. What I think is immature is whining when your wife is uncomfortable with you going to watch naked chicks shake their tits. Of course she has a right to feel uncomfortable. Get over it. If you want independance, join a sports league, start jogging, play chess...something. Strippers and beer have nothing to do with independance. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) If you want independance, join a sports league, start jogging, play chess...something. LOL there it is right there LMFAO Strippers and beer have nothing to do with independance. No...but the CHOICE to decide what to do with YOUR time DOES. You're completely missing the point Edited April 8, 2011 by StoneCold Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Just dont stick your nose in it to begin with... and on the reciprocal he shouldn't with you. Just so long as he isnt out all day and night or strand you with kids or shirk his responsibilities to the family whats the problem. Again where is this "jointly held funds" coming from???? he can go out with his own money so when a man calls and announces "Honey, I'm gonna hit the strip club tonight with my friends, have a few beers get a few lap dances, have a nice night with the kiddies" a wife is supposed to say what exactly? on the flip side, just how many husbands would be ok with their wives hitting strip clubs, having naked men rubbing all over them to the point of orgasm? As for myself, I'm all done with marriage, I have only casual FB or FWB relationships, I'm sworn to fun with alliance to none and I find it a LOT more satisfying a lifestyle than any committed relationship ever was. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 so when a man calls and announces "Honey, I'm gonna hit the strip club tonight with my friends, have a few beers get a few lap dances, have a nice night with the kiddies" a wife is supposed to say what exactly? The thing is... he shouldnt give those details. "Honey, I'm out with Craig and Mike tonite....be back around XXX"....thats it...thats the important stuff...she knows who hes with in case of emergency and she knows when he'll be back on the flip side, just how many husbands would be ok with their wives hitting strip clubs, having naked men rubbing all over them to the point of orgasm? I dont know... what would you say If many didnt care? As for myself, I'm all done with marriage, I have only casual FB or FWB relationships, I'm sworn to fun with alliance to none and I find it a LOT more satisfying a lifestyle than any committed relationship ever was. Smart.... I cant wait till I get there myself Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 So its immature to want to maintain independence? It is about balance. For many people, strip clubs clearly go too far. As for my own experience with independence as a wife and mother....independence?? What's that??? Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 LOL there it is right there LMFAO No...but the CHOICE to decide what to do with YOUR time DOES. You're completely missing the point No, I'm not. The point is the the OP's husband is acting like a spoiled child who can't have his cake and eat it to. He got married and had children. With that, comes responsibility. I have ZERO sympathy for the poor whiny-boy married men who can't do what they want because mean ole' wifey won't let him. Poor little babies. Men are becoming more infantile with each generation. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 He got married and had children. With that, comes responsibility. LMAO...what exactly is your point? you saying that just because he wants control over his free time he isnt responsible to his family??? I question your logic Men are becoming more infantile with each generation. No we're just waking up... not playing your woman games anymore. Before he would have just taken it...now they are trying to stand up for themselves....and soon they will just opt out. Baby steps. But I get it Canuck...its contrary to your mandate so your going to call it "infantile" "immature" thats all you got left Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I've never known that kind of discussion to be so..."civil" lol Its usually charged with implied ultimatums and threats which is saying.... "do as I want you to or else" in a round about way....which is controlling because in not so many words you're telling them what to do. perhaps....perhaps not...it depends from what angle you look at it. However be that as it may this all goes back to the flaw in the concept of marriage. Sure...but it there are underlying threats and duress shes indirectly removing this choice. Sorry to hear that the conversations have not been civil. My husband is a sexual addict and to be quite honest the vast majority of our conversations ARE about that civil. We might have gotten further if they weren't. conversations about hot-button issues in a marriage virtually have to be civil or else things get very volatile very quickly. Saying that there is a consequence for an action or behaviour is not a "threat" or "controlling." there us a good chance that the husband may not know how it affects his wife, that's why married couples (if they approach it right) tell the other what is important to them and why. It isn't about twisting the other one to do your bidding. Quite frankly I would rather see my husband forego the activity because he is concerned about the message he sends me then to forego if because I twisted him to do it and now he resents me and wants to do said activity even more. l Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 LMAO...what exactly is your point? you saying that just because he wants control over his free time he isnt responsible to his family??? I question your logic No we're just waking up... not playing your woman games anymore. Before he would have just taken it...now they are trying to stand up for themselves....and soon they will just opt out. Baby steps. But I get it Canuck...its contrary to your mandate so your going to call it "infantile" "immature" thats all you got left I agree... better to not get married and have kids if you want your independance. It really sucks getting married, having kids then deciding it's not for you. Legal fees, and spousal and child support really put a drag on the lifestyle. What are these woman games you speak of? Sounds like you got ****ed-over by someone. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 LOL there it is right there LMFAO No...but the CHOICE to decide what to do with YOUR time DOES. You're completely missing the point So, he can do whatever he likes? What's the point of being married, then? Surely, being married implies making compromises and to me not going to strip clubs is one of those... if he doesn't "get it" or he doesn't want to make a little compromise for his wife, then he is selfish and should get out. It's not matter or being controlling or being told what to do and what not to do, it's matter of showing a little respect to your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 LMAO...what exactly is your point? you saying that just because he wants control over his free time he isnt responsible to his family??? I question your logic No we're just waking up... not playing your woman games anymore. Before he would have just taken it...now they are trying to stand up for themselves....and soon they will just opt out. Baby steps. But I get it Canuck...its contrary to your mandate so your going to call it "infantile" "immature" thats all you got left IME "mandates" "agendas" "controlling" "games" tends to be more of a guy thing that I have found. I also have noticed over the years that guys don't tend to have as much problem with the 'core' of the message if it is delivered properly. Generally: "you going and staring at strippers instead of going to another venue shows me that you don't respect me and our marriage. I believe that it shows me that I am not special to you in that way." tends to work a lot better then coming up with 60000 reasons why a guy is a 'scumbag' and shouldn't do something unless I clear it first. The core of it is that his actions have the consequence of causing her some negative feelings (and rightly so really, it is a sexually charged atmosphere as one other poster stated) and a husband needs to decide if that us how he wants to treat his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Sorry to hear that the conversations have not been civil. My husband is a sexual addict and to be quite honest the vast majority of our conversations ARE about that civil. Good for you... that makes you an anomaly because.... But they hardly ever are....check out the divorce stats....dont tell me there are no arguments in that realm Saying that there is a consequence for an action or behaviour is not a "threat" or "controlling." Well that really depends whos looking at it and from what angle Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 And that would be why conflicts have to be handled well.... Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 So, he can do whatever he likes? What's the point of being married, then? Surely, being married implies making compromises and to me not going to strip clubs is one of those... if he doesn't "get it" or he doesn't want to make a little compromise for his wife, then he is selfish and should get out. It's not matter or being controlling or being told what to do and what not to do, it's matter of showing a little respect to your wife. I have a theory that there are some men who secretly like being controlled by a momy-wife. They act in a way that will upset their momy-wife, and then secretly like the "punishment." Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 So, he can do whatever he likes? Why not? so can she...... I thought marriage was supposed to be all about trust??? Y'see there is the problem with marriage...they say one thing but they really havent bought into it...apparently nobody has here. But I dont blame them because...theres something wrong with the idea of marriage. Which leads into...... What's the point of being married, then? Ah y'see thats the second part of the problem.... nobody can speak out against marriage for some reason. All social info put into our heads about it is that its something we have to do...why? god knows... and how its the "right thing to do"...and when you get married its "this" wonderful...and we do it.... and then once in realize the other pats that nobody told us and then your f*cked. Sure you may have to leave but they make that difficult (and expensive) as hell. Easy to get married...hard to leave.... but until you actually up and GO it will be near impossible and pointless to sit on your hands Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I have a theory that there are some men who secretly like being controlled by a momy-wife. They act in a way that will upset their momy-wife, and then secretly like the "punishment." says the "superior" woman Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Why not? so can she...... I thought marriage was supposed to be all about trust??? Y'see there is the problem with marriage...they say one thing but they really havent bought into it...apparently nobody has here. But I dont blame them because...theres something wrong with the idea of marriage. Which leads into...... Ah y'see thats the second part of the problem.... nobody can speak out against marriage for some reason. All social info put into our heads about it is that its something we have to do...why? god knows... and how its the "right thing to do"...and when you get married its "this" wonderful...and we do it.... and then once in realize the other pats that nobody told us and then your f*cked. Sure you may have to leave but they make that difficult (and expensive) as hell. Easy to get married...hard to leave.... but until you actually up and GO it will be near impossible and pointless to sit on your hands At one time, marriage was a business contract uniting families. Also, it was a matter of survival. Man gathers food, woman preps food and tends to offspring who will then help with the survival of the homestead/community/whatever... We don't have that anymore. The West is prosperous, women can make their own money, therefore, society has changed the definition of marriage. They don't want to rock the boat because it will then cause problems in their profits. If anything, they are re-enforcing the idea of marriage so they can make more $$$$$. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Why not? so can she...... I thought marriage was supposed to be all about trust??? Y'see there is the problem with marriage...they say one thing but they really havent bought into it...apparently nobody has here. But I dont blame them because...theres something wrong with the idea of marriage. Which leads into...... Ah y'see thats the second part of the problem.... nobody can speak out against marriage for some reason. All social info put into our heads about it is that its something we have to do...why? god knows... and how its the "right thing to do"...and when you get married its "this" wonderful...and we do it.... and then once in realize the other pats that nobody told us and then your f*cked. Sure you may have to leave but they make that difficult (and expensive) as hell. Easy to get married...hard to leave.... but until you actually up and GO it will be near impossible and pointless to sit on your hands ah, I see... you only want the convenient parts of the marriage... the other less convenient parts "f*ck you"... and what other parts of a marriage you didn't know existed? Don't forget that they have children... so, I'm afraid he can't do what he likes... or he can, but then he shouldn't be surprised that his wife is pissed off about him and his behaviour. If you want to live as a single person, I repeat, don't get married... Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 says the "superior" woman I know. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 For me the way my partner goes about sexuality is very important to me. I would not want my partner to go to a stripclub because I don't like that expression of sexuality. Just like I wouldn't want excessive porn use or porn use where my partner watches extreme stuff. I feel that such expressions of sexuality poison one's mind. Even if you are tempted to expose yourself to that kind of sexuality, you can make a conscious choice not to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 What women here seem not to understand is that it is not about strip clubs or porn or whatever else. I agree that men having women dancing on their lap is a very good reason for a wife to get upset but it is more than that. We live in a day and age where men feel very emasculated and under attack by women. It feels like women are trying to constantly change us and mold us into what they want us to be then when we do change they don't want it anymore and leaves us feeling very confused. These issues are where many men are drawing a line in the sand and standing our ground. I have friends who I can't even go out to dinner or lunch with without their wives throwing a fit. Last summer I had a friend over to take a dip in the pool and his wife comes knocking at the door screaming and yelling like she is his mother and he disobeyed her . I have seen time and time again married friends or even friends in relationships becoming more and more whipped to the point that they are afraid to speak without asking their wives first. Strip clubs are an extreme and I admit not healthy way of revolting against this. Add to this the fact that some women who are so much against strip clubs turn right around and then condone women having affairs and you see why men defend this right so much. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 ah, I see... you only want the convenient parts of the marriage... the other less convenient parts "f*ck you"... and what other parts of a marriage you didn't know existed? Correction Giotto.... WHAT WAS SOLD to the general populous (which includes me and you) is the convenient parts of marriage....now I want NO part of it. What other parts I didnt know existed? - complete loss of independence for many - risk of becoming sexless (that one blind sided me) ...to name a few Don't forget that they have children... so, I'm afraid he can't do what he likes... or he can, but then he shouldn't be surprised that his wife is pissed off about him and his behaviour. If you want to live as a single person, I repeat, don't get married... Kids are fed...you spend time with them, teach them, raise them, play with them. tuck them in. They are off in bed and you have your turn to go out and you're there for your kids flipping pancakes in the morning....whats the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts