xxoo Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I don't understand why wives are always perceived as naggers and the husbands have it so rough at home they just have to run into the bosom of some young stripper to make everything better. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: I can't roll my eyes enough at this. Suck it up, buttercup! It is absurd to me, too. I'd be horrified. Still, I wouldn't tell him to suck it up. I don't want him to tell me to "suck it up" when he goes to the strip club, after all. I'd want him to be happier at home, for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
highviolet Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 "A perceived attempt to control." No matter which way you slice it it IS an attempt to control. If my wife tells me not to go and I go then I am not honoring her wishes. By the same token if she tells me not to go and I listen, isn't she not honoring my wishes? It's a two way street. There are many reasons why he might be going not the least of which is this, strippers don't nag. You get to see them naked and then you leave. You don't have to put in the AC units, mow the lawn, drop the kids at school... I know that doing these things is part of being in a family etc, but sometimes being nagged about it gets old. Sometimes having a young attractive women flirt with you just feels nice. Let the man go and have his fun. Talk about why it bothers you, let him reassure you, even talk about how much money is spent, etc. But honestly I think only part of it has to do with the venue. It has been my experience that my wife gets weird about me going out on a long bicycle ride or a run. He married you, he is staying married to you. Don't get too clingy and demanding because it will only drive him away. No, I think it is not an attempt at control. Even if the H percieves it as one, does not mean the W's motivations are to control her H. I believe her motivations are to not get hurt by her husbands actions and apparent lack of concern over said hurt feelings. And I don't care what he says, if he's going out with his buddies and they are all getting lap dances, he is too. If he doesn't pay for it, then his buddies will probably buy one for him. I have seen it a million times. And also by your logic, the OP's husband should be okay to let her go out and find a suitable young hottie to flirt with her and make her feel good, because her H doesn't do it for her at home, what with all the house cleaning and child rearing she does. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) What the women at clubs are interested in VS what the strippers are interested in isn't really the problem. The problem is what your spouse is interested in and how much of a dent in shared time and money it takes whether they end up with their D in P or not..... ..... What difference does it make which one she can cheat with easier if she wants to screw them both AND it eats into time and money you have a claim on? I don`t think this is even an issue in this situation considering the OP`s husband only goes a couple of times a year with colleagues. It can`t possibly be a burden on the financially and a couple of nights a year surely doesn`t put a "dent" in their quality time since she is more than agreeable to him going out anywhere else even more often. They want to cat around that bad they can get gone and cat around all they like on their own dime and time. Again, this isn`t relevant in the situation described in the OP. He goes a few times a year so it can hardly be called "catting around" and technically it is being done on "His time and dime". And as a former stripper, I find people who are comfortable buying others and seeing them as little more than attractive piles of meat disgusting. Yet you had little trouble being that pile of meat for economic reasons. Couldn`t that be considered disgusting in itself? Edited April 13, 2011 by linwood Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I don`t think this is even an issue in this situation considering the OP`s husband only goes a couple of times a year with colleagues. It can`t possibly be a burden on the financially and a couple of nights a year surely doesn`t put a "dent" in their quality time since she is more than agreeable to him going out anywhere else even more often. Again, this isn`t relevant in the situation described in the OP. He goes a few times a year so it can hardly be called "catting around" and technically it is being done on "His time and dime". Yet you had little trouble being that pile of meat for economic reasons. Couldn`t that be considered disgusting in itself? It isn't his time and time once HE became a WE. Just like its not her time or dime either after SHE became a WE. And I don't find dancing, being nude, or earning a living to be disgusting acts. Do you? I didn't expect to find the behavior of the clientele to be so appalling. I didn't have to deal with that element much because I didn't work out of a strip club. Strip clubs will sometimes book dancers through review agencies to headline and that is what I did. What I saw that the women who did work at these places permanently dealt with was what disgusted me. They didn't hire their own bouncers so the bouncers didn't care how they were getting treated by patrons unless they were getting extra via money or sexual favors. Where as my security was employed by me personally. If they had not taken it seriously, I'd have fired them. And I'm sorry but lap dances, however infrequent IS cheating. Its why I'd have never worked somewhere where I'd have been expected to provide them. Its like you guys think its some closely guarded secret that you leave there with a load of jizz in your pants and women don't realize it. Frankly its a bunch of BS. If your marriage to your wife is so awful you need to go drop a few grand for booze and lap dances from a stripper to find reprieve from her company for a handful of nights a year, stop being so chicken ****, take control of your situation and get a divorce. Any married guy with kids (that doesn't live in Illinois ) can get a fair shake in court. Another not so closely guarded secret is that most men DON'T WANT to parent their kids without nanny/wife carrying most of the load and don't even try for the shared parenting that diminishes most of the child support costs. I know this because my ex roomie has for 14 years now been a single father with primary custody of his son, and runs a nationwide support group for single fathers and fathers going through divorce. And I have a large law firm in the family. This is what I learned through both of these venues. The vast majority of the complaints men hold up about what happens to them during a divorce with children are bogus now. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 It isn't his time and time once HE became a WE. Just like its not her time or dime either after SHE became a WE. Obviously we have different views of what marriage is. I didn`t have to give up "myself" when I got married or I wouldn`t have done it. And I don't find dancing, being nude, or earning a living to be disgusting acts. Do you? Not at all, I married a stripper. What I find "disgusting" is engaging in an act for money when you believe the results of that act to be unethical or immoral. By doing so you become part of the foundation for that immorality. You become part of what you see as "disgusting". Its like you guys think its some closely guarded secret that you leave there with a load of jizz in your pants and women don't realize it. It seems you`ve found us out. Honestly, I know of no guy who has been this "easy" at a club. I don`t doubt it happens but from my experience it`s not the norm nor is it common. Frankly its a bunch of BS. If your marriage to your wife is so awful you need to go drop a few grand for booze and lap dances from a stripper to find reprieve from her company for a handful of nights a year, stop being so chicken ****,.................. through divorce. And I have a large law firm in the family. This is what I learned through both of these venues. The vast majority of the complaints men hold up about what happens to them during a divorce with children are bogus now. You seem to have a little bitterness regarding this subject. I think you`re more than a little over the top over what is essentially nothing. The more I read in this thread the more I thank my lucky stars for the woman I chose. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparty97 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I don't understand why wives are always perceived as naggers and the husbands have it so rough at home they just have to run into the bosom of some young stripper to make everything better. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: I can't roll my eyes enough at this. Suck it up, buttercup! Yeah...that eye rolling does a lot to dissuade my opinion that SOME wives might be naggers. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparty97 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 No, I think it is not an attempt at control. Even if the H percieves it as one, does not mean the W's motivations are to control her H. I believe her motivations are to not get hurt by her husbands actions and apparent lack of concern over said hurt feelings. And I don't care what he says, if he's going out with his buddies and they are all getting lap dances, he is too. If he doesn't pay for it, then his buddies will probably buy one for him. I have seen it a million times. And also by your logic, the OP's husband should be okay to let her go out and find a suitable young hottie to flirt with her and make her feel good, because her H doesn't do it for her at home, what with all the house cleaning and child rearing she does. It is an attempt to change his behavior, therefore an attempt at control. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 The more I read in this thread the more I thank my lucky stars for the woman I chose. I was thinking the same thing about the man I chose. Compatibility can be a blessing! Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Men are just as naggy as women, in my experience. Luckily, my spouse and I have clear boundaries and we are not wishy-washy with what type of behaviour we will or will not tolerate. It makes it easier on us both. If I do A, I can expect B to happen. Consistency is a great thing! He doesn't go to strip bars and I don't go to strip bars. We have no reason to. I don't nag. I may ask him more than once to get something done, but I never nag. He does the same thing. We talk to each other as adults. Link to post Share on other sites
willma Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 I may be a little late with my post, here. However, I did have a somewhat similar situation with my wife of 24 years. She was invited to a bachelorette party recently, and yes, it ended up with a trip to the local male strip club. At first, she didn't want to go, mainly because she was a bit older than the rest of the girls, and was married. She had never been to a strip club, so, right or wrong, I clicked onto a few internet videos. Then, of course, she said she didn't want to be a part of that...I think she just was concerned about my feelings. This was an interesting conversation that followed, but basically, I told her that after all these years, I loved her more than ever. Sex is just sex, no matter how much you love the other person...or not. We were virgins when we met and have not had anyone else. We are very secure in our relationship. I am not the jealous type. If some other guy wants to check her out at the gym or the pool, so what. It makes me feel good that my wife has still "got it" and that I don't have some biased view. I not only told her to go, but to have all the fun she wanted. I didn't want her to feel like she had to sit at the back of the room and watch the other girls. If she wanted to stroke or suck something, have at it. It's just a one-time deal. I told her that I knew what could go on, but I also knew that she would come back to me. To me, cheating is only cheating if there isn't consent by all the parties involved. Having said all of that, she went to the party, she had a lot of fun. She got to handle a few guy's packages, got a lot of laughs from her girlfriends, but that was all that went on. I saw the video evidence after my wife told her girlfriend it was OK to show it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 She was invited to a bachelorette party recently, and yes, it ended up with a trip to the local male strip club. ... It's just a one-time deal. Just curious. Now that this has happened and both of you are nothing but good with the results, do you think this was a one-time deal? Link to post Share on other sites
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