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fuel is found elsewhere.... the secretary at work, the boss, the random girl in line at starbucks that has a booty to die for (I mean you can bounce a quarter off that as* :) ). Its miraculous...you could be virtually anywhere and a nice piece of "insipration" walks by and the guys (yes, married as well) in the vicinity that notice her will look at each other, smile, give the nod of approval and you just know what eachother's thinking lol you just smile and nod at eachother......

 

You're insane if you think your partner isnt getting any "inspiration" elsewhere

 

I too quite enjoy the view sometimes, but neither I or my husband is forking over portions of our earnings to the admin asst at work, the boss, or random Starbucks employee so they will wipe our bodies down with their own. You must be dreaming (or likely a complete moron) to need something so obvious pointed out to you.

 

You're insane if you think that's a good way to invest your joint earning after marriage.

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dreamingoftigers
I too quite enjoy the view sometimes, but neither I or my husband is forking over portions of our earnings to the admin asst at work, the boss, or random Starbucks employee so they will wipe our bodies down with their own. You must be dreaming (or likely a complete moron) to need something so obvious pointed out to you.

 

You're insane if you think that's a good way to invest your joint earning after marriage.

 

Very very nicely put.;)

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I hate strip clubs, and I've never been to one, but if my wife, for example, said she was going to one with some girlfriends I would feel a bit uncomfortable, but I would definitely not stop her. I think it gives the other person a very bad and negative feeling, like I don't trust you! I believe it boils down to a matter of trust and to the strength of the marriage. I don't quite see anything particularly wrong with participating in lap dances if it doesn't cross the line. He is having fun. Personally, I would find it degrading, but we are not all the same...

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I too quite enjoy the view sometimes, but neither I or my husband is forking over portions of our earnings to the admin asst at work, the boss, or random Starbucks employee so they will wipe our bodies down with their own. You must be dreaming (or likely a complete moron) to need something so obvious pointed out to you.

 

You're insane if you think that's a good way to invest your joint earning after marriage.

 

LMAO...

 

So now the argument is money?

 

Because my response to you was as a result of you questioning getting all "reved" up somewhere else...it happens...get over it.

 

So you want to talk about money....then lets do so

 

A) Who said going to a strip club is an investment? its an expense...theres a difference. That said too much of any expense isnt good....whether its eating out too much, over spending at the grocery store on food thats going to get wasted (very common in North America), the bars, strip clubs, alcohol, cigarettes you name it.... once is a while its ok; too much? no good. Now THAT you'd have to be a complete moron to have pointed out to you. Take into account that the OP's husband only goes a few times a year and I really dont see what your point is....How often do the ladies here get their "mani's" and "pedi's" and go shopping for yet another pair of shoes they dont need because they were "cute"?

 

B) Who said you have to use joint money? you go out with your friends or do your own leisure activities no matter what it is that should be on your dime....oh, dont tell me you're one of those that pool all your money together are you? :confused::rolleyes:

Edited by StoneCold
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This thread would be more productive without the gender wars....

 

It seems to me that a man that is getting LOTS of great sex at home wouldn't want to upset that apple cart. Can the guys tell me why a man who has an enthusiastic sex partner would risk that enthusiasm for a night out in a strip club, even if it is just a couple times a year? Because it would affect me if my H chose to go hang out at strip clubs. It would make me see him differently, and desire him less.

 

Question for the OP--can you offer your H a trade? He can trade strip club visits with the guys for....some crazy action with you? Steak, lingerie, and BJ night? :cool:

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This thread would be more productive without the gender wars....

 

It seems to me that a man that is getting LOTS of great sex at home wouldn't want to upset that apple cart. Can the guys tell me why a man who has an enthusiastic sex partner would risk that enthusiasm for a night out in a strip club, even if it is just a couple times a year? Because it would affect me if my H chose to go hang out at strip clubs. It would make me see him differently, and desire him less.

 

Question for the OP--can you offer your H a trade? He can trade strip club visits with the guys for....some crazy action with you? Steak, lingerie, and BJ night? :cool:

 

 

Its the controling that we dont like...... I wouldnt like my wife telling me what to do especially when I'm not doing anything wrong

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But it IS wrong if she doesn't like it. If you going to strip clubs (or church or wherever) hurts her, then it's the wrong thing to do.

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dreamingoftigers

Perhaps you should look at what the expense is for again

 

And it would be a type if investment with the return being twofold: 1. You are paying to have some stranger wipe you down with their body so that you get a temporary ego boost and some jerkoff material and 2. You alienate an already willing partner by using someone else to wipeout their self-esteem.

 

And yes money after a marriage is a joint investment.

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Perhaps you should look at what the expense is for again

 

And it would be a type if investment with the return being twofold: 1. You are paying to have some stranger wipe you down with their body so that you get a temporary ego boost and some jerkoff material and 2. You alienate an already willing partner by using someone else to wipeout their self-esteem..

 

Ok that made no sense

 

Please see definition of investment

 

investment

 

 

 

 

 

 

Definitions (2)

 

1. In finance, the purchase of a financial product or other item of value with an expectation of favorable future returns. In general terms, investment means the use money in the hope of making more money.

 

2. In business, the purchase by a producer of a physical good, such as durable equipment or inventory, in the hope of improving future business.

 

 

And yes money after a marriage is a joint investment.

 

 

No....joint money is joint money for joint expenses and joint investments

Edited by StoneCold
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Feelin Frisky

Perhaps the guy just goes to stay one of his clique. That is not something that distinguishes him positively but it may mitigate some of the OP's concerns. Now if he's the one who conceives the idea and wants to keep this alive in his clique, all the worse.

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Its the controling that we dont like...... I wouldnt like my wife telling me what to do especially when I'm not doing anything wrong

 

No one likes to feel controlled, true. I think it is an important thing for the OP and her H to talk about--does he feel controlled?

 

But if expressing a concern, or caring about your partner's feelings, always feels like CONTROL! I'm being CONTROLLED!....that makes it nearly impossible to work out problems together. In that case, it really isn't about the strip clubs at all.

 

Also, while strip clubs might not be "wrong", disregarding her feelings about them is. If he insists he is "right" and goes anyway--and she grows more resentful and less attracted--has he won?

 

Perhaps the guy just goes to stay one of his clique. That is not something that distinguishes him positively but it may mitigate some of the OP's concerns.

 

I thought about that too...that he wants to fit in, and maybe worries about looking "whipped" if he doesn't go.

 

He might feel better if he can say "Sorry Guys, I'd rather go home for Steak and BJ night" :lmao:

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Feelin Frisky
...He might feel better if he can say "Sorry Guys, I'd rather go home for Steak and BJ night" :lmao:

 

It might be best if he just gets some grown p friends or tell the boys he's grown up and married. (Geez, listen to me :eek::confused::p).

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Is a woman going to make strip clubs just as bad? If so then I will agree that married men should not be going to strip clubs.

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dreamingoftigers
Ok that made no sense

 

Please see definition of investment

 

investment

 

Definitions (2)

 

1. In finance, the purchase of a financial product or other item of value with an expectation of favorable future returns. In general terms, investment means the use money in the hope of making more money.

 

2. In business, the purchase by a producer of a physical good, such as durable equipment or inventory, in the hope of improving future business.

 

No....joint money is joint money for joint expenses and joint investments

 

Please review the definition for yourself.

 

"with and expectation of future favorable returns"

 

i.e.: investing money into said stripper so that she favorably returns wiping her body on you.

 

"in general terms using money to make more money"

 

A return on investment is not always financial.

 

Another example would be the way someone puts their money together in a marriage. By pooling together, you invest your money into getting a return of increased trust etc.

 

Investing does not mean getting "more of the same" by definition.

By "investing your time" into getting an education, the return in the future is not more time, (most likely) it is more income in the long-run.

 

Therefore investing your money does not mean simply to get more money, there can be other payoffs you are investing in.

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Please review the definition for yourself.

 

"with and expectation of future favorable returns"

 

i.e.: investing money into said stripper so that she favorably returns wiping her body on you.

 

uh...not quite.

 

 

 

"in general terms using money to make more money"

 

A return on investment is not always financial.

 

sure... but as I said... in this example....not quite

 

Another example would be the way someone puts their money together in a marriage. By pooling together, you invest your money into getting a return of increased trust etc.

 

So you base trust on money??? This is getting better and better.... I would say thats a bad "investment"

 

Investing does not mean getting "more of the same" by definition.....

 

:confused:

Who said that?

Edited by StoneCold
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In that case, it really isn't about the strip clubs at all.

 

 

Well no it almost never is about the strip clubs. If a girl doesnt want her man to go to a strip club and he goes anyways or he fights her on it...its not because going to a strip club is so important to him because its not (thats the bad assumption many of you make).

 

Its the fact that he feels she is controlling him.... he married her "pledges his life" to her, spends 95% of his free time with her, makes compromise after compromise to appease her and now he cant go out wih is buddies every now and again without her sticking her nose in that too? no no..........especially when you know you aren't doing anything wrong....Thats the line

 

 

If he insists he is "right" and goes anyway--and she grows more resentful and less attracted--has he won?

 

 

I don't know....

 

if he bends to her will for the bazillionth time and grows resentful of her because he doesn't even feel like a grown man in his own home and personal life and the last time someone told him what he cant do with his friends; it was his mother...and he was 15yrs

 

has he won?

Edited by StoneCold
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dreamingoftigers
Its the controling that we dont like...... I wouldnt like my wife telling me what to do especially when I'm not doing anything wrong

 

It isn't "controlling" to say: your activities of going and staring at other women who have specifically been selected for that job based on their physical assets runs a chance of depleting our intimacy. That fact that you prioritize this over the crappy way it makes me feel tells me that you do not care as much for me. That is the message these actions send.

 

He can still make the choice. He is a grown man but he cannot expect her to shove her feelings and be behind him 100% if he is disregarding her. Quite frankly, a husband like that and I may disagree about what is "wrong" but at the end of the day we should respect one another.

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dreamingoftigers
uh...not quite.

 

okay....

 

sure... but as I said... in this example....not quite

 

uh-huh....

 

So you base trust on money??? This is getting better and better.... I would say thats a bad "investment"

 

I base trust on a lot of things. In a marriage what we do with our joint assets has a lot to do with trust. It isn't the "basis" but it is a component.

 

:confused:

Who said that?

 

I thought that I would cover it off for clarification.

 

Just because someone might have a different opinion doesn't mean that they are "wrong."

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I'm quite liberal and, as I said, if my wife went once in a while with her girlfriend, I wouldn't mind... well, not that much! If I wanted to go and my wife asked me not to go because she felt uncomfortable, I wouldn't go, full stop. We are talking about strip clubs, after all, not a tennis match.

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Its the fact that he feels she is controlling him.... he married her "pledges his life" to her, spends 95% of his free time with her, makes compromise after compromise to appease her and now he cant go out wih is buddies every now and again without her sticking her nose in that too? no no..........especially when you know you aren't doing anything wrong....Thats the line

 

You are assuming a poor general relationship, while I am assuming a good one. From the OP:

 

My husband is a wonderful person and we are very compatible, but we have one reoccurring issue... him attending strip clubs.

 

I feel very strongly against him going and he feels very strongly about going. He says he doesn't feel like it should be such a big issue and that it's just a way to unwind and hang out with the guys. (I have no issue with him hanging out with the guys, I think he should. I just don't agree with the venue.)

 

It sounds to me like they are happy, and she supports him going out with his friends. She specificially is uncomfortable with him going with his friends to strip clubs. If that makes him feel controlled, he may well be oversensitive to feeling controlled. Or, there may be a real issue of control in the marriage. Both are possible.

 

FWIW, I think most happily married men understand that going to strip clubs will not help their marriage, or foster their wife's desire for them.

 

Is a woman going to make strip clubs just as bad? If so then I will agree that married men should not be going to strip clubs.

 

I don't think strip clubs are "right" or "wrong" for either gender, but any loving partner should prioritize their spouse's feelings over strip clubs. I know some couples who enjoy them--together and seperately--and it is no problem since they are like-minded about it.

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It isn't "controlling" to say: your activities of going and staring at other women who have specifically been selected for that job based on their physical assets runs a chance of depleting our intimacy.

 

I've never known that kind of discussion to be so..."civil" lol

 

Its usually charged with implied ultimatums and threats which is saying.... "do as I want you to or else" in a round about way....which is controlling because in not so many words you're telling them what to do.

 

That fact that you prioritize this over the crappy way it makes me feel tells me that you do not care as much for me. That is the message these actions send.

 

perhaps....perhaps not...it depends from what angle you look at it. However be that as it may this all goes back to the flaw in the concept of marriage.

 

He can still make the choice. He is a grown man but he cannot expect her to shove her feelings and be behind him 100% if he is disregarding her. Quite frankly, a husband like that and I may disagree about what is "wrong" but at the end of the day we should respect one another.

 

Sure...but it there are underlying threats and duress shes indirectly removing this choice.

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You are assuming a poor general relationship, while I am assuming a good one. From the OP:

 

 

 

Well you asked for a guys opinion...I'm a guy...so are many of my friends...and thats the general consensus amongst us

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Well you asked for a guys opinion...I'm a guy...so are many of my friends...and thats the general consensus amongst us

 

True. But your relationship is pretty miserable, right? I was trying to understand why a guy in a happy relationship would go, as the OP seems to be describing.

 

Of maybe the real answer is--happily partnered men DON'T go to strip clubs (if it upsets their partner).....and she needs to take a closer look at the relationship.

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True. But your relationship is pretty miserable, right? I was trying to understand why a guy in a happy relationship would go, as the OP seems to be describing.

 

Of maybe the real answer is--happily partnered men DON'T go to strip clubs (if it upsets their partner).....and she needs to take a closer look at the relationship.

 

my relationship isnt good no... but not all my friends come from bad relationships.

 

in the end of the day guys (married especially) need independent time (completely independent). Because the concept of marriage really doesn't suit men quite like it does women. It takes many of us right out of our comfort zone and its very emasculating when your wife starts telling you what to do in your own independent time.

 

 

I dont know xxoo... I have many female friends that understand this

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I've never known that kind of discussion to be so..."civil" lol

 

Its usually charged with implied ultimatums and threats which is saying.... "do as I want you to or else" in a round about way....which is controlling because in not so many words you're telling them what to do.

 

 

 

perhaps....perhaps not...it depends from what angle you look at it. However be that as it may this all goes back to the flaw in the concept of marriage.

 

 

 

Sure...but it there are underlying threats and duress shes indirectly removing this choice.

 

so a man should,feel free to hang out at strip clubs if he chooses to do so

his wife should basically be told to STFU or risk being called "controlling" ?

 

Sorry I don't buy that, freedom to do as you wish to make your own choices doesn't carry with it the promise that everybody in your life is going to agree with your choices.

 

All that said, if I tell my husband that something he is doing seriously bothers me and after hearing me out he announces he's going to continue doing said activity, he's let me know pretty clearly where I fall on his list of priorities and I will respond accordingly.I don't reward disrespect & I'd call blowing jointly held funds on lap dances in strip clubs to be highly disrespectful.

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