Is the idea that "it happens when you least suspect it" just a pop culture belief?

[jean-luc sisko]

Is there actually any truth in that statement?

 

Is there some mystic force of the Universe that says "OK, xyz is not looking for a date, let's surprise him when he's minding his own business exercising in the gym with a hottie checking him out!"

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I believe in God. I believe in fate.

 

However, I don't believe that God will make someone fall in love with you. He can only bring you two together, in the same place. It's up to YOU to make it happen.

[d'Arthez]

It is nonsense. We can fall in lust, but that is the easy part. To love takes work, and is not easy at all.

 

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

[somedude81]

Yeah, it's complete nonsense. Especially for a man. I'm sure I don't need to explain why.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, it's complete nonsense. Especially for a man. I'm sure I don't need to explain why.

 

Because women don't approach men?

[somedude81]

That's part of the reason, yes.

 

And even then if you randomly meet a girl when you weren't looking then suddenly think she's "the one," she can still reject you.

[Annoioso]

This saying is as much B.S. as the one that says there's a woman out there for every man or that their is a soulmate for everyone.

 

Depending on what you read, there are from 22 to nearly 40 million more men than women in China, 20-30% of the entire Chinese male population has no chance to find someone because the women don't exist. Go ahead and tell them that they'll find someone when they least expect it.

 

I also think male/female ratio statistics are fudged in North America/Anglo cities. Economically, men are preferred because they are beasts of burden, it is more economically viable to have many more men than women who prefer cushy government or private sector jobs, or jobs that produce little economically (no offense). But you do no want to scare away these excess, economically productive men by revealing that there is not enough women for them--therefore, I think gender ratios are fudged, and you get cities full of women with bad attitude because they have too many choices for mates.

Edited April 5, 2011 by Annoioso

[jean-luc sisko]

I believe in God. I believe in fate.

 

However, I don't believe that God will make someone fall in love with you. He can only bring you two together, in the same place. It's up to YOU to make it happen.

 

I agree that one has to make the other like you, so to speak.

 

But I don't get why waiting and not actively seeking out a relationship leads to a relationship. Or why this is the only rational way to get involved with somebody.

 

If it's just that people have personally experienced this in their lifetimes, then fine. But personal experience is relative, it cannot be anything else. Perhaps if we constantly seek out, we give off subsconscious vibes that turn people off, who knows?

[Disillusioned]

Originally Posted by somedude81

Yeah, it's complete nonsense. Especially for a man. I'm sure I don't need to explain why.

 

Because women don't approach men?

 

That's it.

 

But if women approach me when I least expect it, I tell them they must be thinking of some other guy.

[Eddie Edirol]

Its something that lazy quitter people say to avoid accepting or admitting that they dont know what it is they have to do to get who they want.

[daphne]

It's the silliest thing that smug married people say to single people, while carefully ommitting the hoops they had to jump through to find and keep their current significant other.

 

I used to believe that nonsense too. Until I let years pass and woke up and realized that no one's going to ring my doorbell and ask me out.

[Disillusioned]

I used to believe that nonsense too. Until I let years pass and woke up and realized that no one's going to ring my doorbell and ask me out.

 

Hahahahaha!!!!!

That's because you don't have ESP. I don't either. :-P

[Disillusioned]

Is there some mystic force of the Universe that says "OK, xyz is not looking for a date, let's surprise him when he's minding his own business exercising in the gym with a hottie checking him out!"

 

Yes.

 

Just remember not to get on the wrong side of the Karma Enforcer.

[affable]

This saying is nectar for the lazy, or the insanely lucky. Save maybe Julia Roberts in "Pretty Women", I don't think it's worked for anyone else.

 

God, Fate, Destiny, and the Powerpuff Girls (among other things) will not help you.

[Leigh 87]

um, it happened to me when I least expected!

 

Not a relationship or anything serious, but....

 

I had a 5 year sex and man dry spell; not sex at all for 5 years. Or men.

 

I had an eating disorder and my hair fell out and I was not very attractive with my very thin, very small amount of hair.

 

However, I gained weight and started to get better from the eating disorder, but still had thin hair. Out of no where, a hot body builder wanted to have sex with me; he has never had casual sex before, we are still friends, and he is not the type to have sex with girls that easily like some guys can be like.

 

 

I had very thin hair and not many guys found me attractive ( as no guys checked me out), so the hot body builder was out of no where. Just like the latest guy I have...

 

The latest guy I had added me on a dating site, which I joined for fun when i was ill and stuck inside; I didnt even want a relationship of any sort. Yet we talked, liked each other, met, and we are still together over 2 months later.

 

 

I was not expecting or looking for a guy either of these times, but got them. Yet I was DESPERATE for sex at times, given I had been without it for so long, yet I COULD NOT get a guy to be attracted to me or look at me, before the gym trainer/ body builder.

 

So I wanted sex and did not get any, then I gave up and got it.

[orangelady]

That's part of the reason, yes.

 

And even then if you randomly meet a girl when you weren't looking then suddenly think she's "the one," she can still reject you.

 

True. A lot of my female friends reject guys who think they are the one for him. And vice versa.

[orangelady]

I agree that one has to make the other like you, so to speak.

 

But I don't get why waiting and not actively seeking out a relationship leads to a relationship. Or why this is the only rational way to get involved with somebody.

 

If it's just that people have personally experienced this in their lifetimes, then fine. But personal experience is relative, it cannot be anything else. Perhaps if we constantly seek out, we give off subsconscious vibes that turn people off, who knows?

 

 

I think people who say this just wants you to relax about it and not be desperate. But I don't think that it works for everyone who doesn't actively seek. Funny, for things like money, success and jobs, we are asked to actively try, but not love.

 

I think people who found someone when they were not looking are the ones who say this so that it fits their experience.

[Good Arms]

It can happen. I'm a guy who got his first girlfriend at 31, and she came after me. I had all but given up on ever being in a relationship or having sex.

 

But I would strongly recommend no-one relies on that old adage, and just sits and waits like I did. I imagine for many socially awkward people - guys especially - they don't luck into that bit of fate. We have to somehow overcome our problems and make up for the confidence 'normal' people developed by having relationships from when they hit adolescence.

[Disillusioned]

I cheated.

 

I got tired of waiting, so I bought my Realdoll.

 

Women have proven to me that they can't be trusted to do anything positive, so why should I wait until the real thing comes along?

[light2]

lol that is a nice video, bit cheesy/predictable but still makes you smile.

 

 

Regarding this topic, I think its misunderstood. It's not saying, lets just sit and wait for someone to fall into our laps. How I interpret this quote is basically don't be desperate but when the opportunity presents itself, take it and don't let go.

 

My story is like this. I did not have a girl friend until I was 23, entering the 5th year of university. The first few yrs in university I wanted a gf but it just didn't work out because i was not that social. But 5th year, when i was just focused on sports and graduating, my landlord somehow found the most random girl to be 1 of my roomates. I have roomed with girls throughout university but nothing ever happened.

 

The first moment i saw her i was mesmerized. But from my history i knew a crush is just a crush, so i just still focused on school and was away 2 weeks for a part time job. One day i somehow left class early, saw her on the bus, and rest was history.

 

Basically what I'm saying is, the person you can end up with may just fall into your lap, but you still need to put in some effort.

 

Obviously for the volume daters and really outgoing people, then this does not apply. just my opinion/story.

Edited April 17, 2011 by light2