singlelife Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I am not a jealous guy and when I date women they get upset because I don't care if they go out with their friends or if other guys flirt. So it makes me think girls like it if guys trip on them. Girls explain this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Well women do seem to like drama and tension in their relationships. They too often seem to be looking for negative and destructive excitement to spice up their life. It must be really boring not having a penis. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singlelife Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Well women do seem to like drama and tension in their relationships. They too often seem to be looking for negative and destructive excitement to spice up their life. It must be really boring not having a penis. WOW!! lol we'll see where this heads Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I don't like jealous men. But if a man is coming on to me I would hope my bf would show I'm his by holding my hand or an arm around me. Link to post Share on other sites
EyesWideOpen Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I am not a jealous guy and when I date women they get upset because I don't care if they go out with their friends or if other guys flirt. So it makes me think girls like it if guys trip on them. Girls explain this to me. Yes and no. Yes in that I will admit that it does make me a little joyful that my BF is capable of having jealous feelings over me. And this is not to imply that it has anything to do with craving attention or drama. It is more along the lines that the jealous feelings are signs that validate our relationship. These emotions being stirred up in him indicate to a girl that he loves her, values her, feels as though she is "his"...and in turn imply that he is fearful of the idea of losing her, or something going wrong with the relationship. It's a subtle compliment...or something to that affect. Now for the resounding NO! There's a huge difference between having those feelings, and acting on them. If a guy isn't able to restrain himself from acting controlling, or showing that he's incapable of trusting her to not act on other guys' attentions...then it's a MAJOR turn off. H*ll, it's down right offensive. So, feeling a little bit of jealousy...and giving subtle hints of that? Good. Acting like a jealous and untrusting jerkwad? Bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I am not a jealous guy and when I date women they get upset because I don't care if they go out with their friends or if other guys flirt. So it makes me think girls like it if guys trip on them. Girls explain this to me. I think a small amount of jealousy is healthy. Otherwise you wouldn't care. What turns me off is someone that hopes you get jealous or tries to make you jealous. So the fact that these women got upset with you tells me they might just be attention hounds and hope you get jealous. Not worthy of my time. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelemort Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 There's a difference between a little jealousy - like being a little unnerved when she's going out with a male co-worker or friend - and being VERY jealous, calling her 10 times a day. I've experienced both ranges of jealousy. My ex was very jealous and controlling - to the point that he would insult my weight, call me 10 times in a row if I didn't answer, then get angry afterwards when he knew I was spending time with my GAY best friend. My friend was even in a relationship at the time. Yet the rest of the time, he was content to go off and do whatever! His jealousy only started acting up when my friend was around. His controlling behavior ultimately played a role in my decision to dump him. My boyfriend now experiences and shows a little jealousy when another man is giving me attention. Usually with him, it's just tone of voice that tips me off to his jealousy. As someone who has experienced intense jealousy (that's in another thread and partly caused by my significant other), I wouldn't wish it on him or on anyone. I'd literally rather die than have to experience the most crushing phase of that jealousy again. It is waning now, but it is a God-awful feeling. A little jealousy is normal and healthy in our culture. At some point, it crosses that line. Link to post Share on other sites
theodora Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I can't speak for all women but i like it when my bf gets a little bit jealous because it shows he cares. And also because I feel jealous over him, so it shows we care equally. I don't think it's fair for people to try and make you feel jealous, but I do think jealousy is a natural feeling to have if you're intimately involved with someone, because it comes from a fear of losing them, or having them 'taken away'. It's probably not a very mature feeling, but it's also reflective of the reality that you can never truly be secure with another person, and that possibility that someone else might come along who is better for them is always out there, no matter how long you've been together. If you don't feel at ALL jealous, then...maybe you're not that into her? But if the women you are going out with expect you to be jealous when they go out with their friends?? Then maybe they have a warped idea of what is healthy in a relationship. I think it's possible that if you've had a very controlling jealous relationship in the past, then you've appropriated that and explained it to yourself as 'he really cares about me'. Even negative attention is still attention. And for whoever insultingly suggested that it's only women who crave attention, I think that's unfair. All human beings crave attention. All of us. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I don't like jealous guys, but I also don't want to date someone who would be totally cool with me flirting with others (I don't do so, so being jealous would be silly) or who didn't care what I did. Who wants to date someone who doesn't care about them or their behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I kinda did a bit when I was younger. A little jealousy was to me then, reassuring. Now I wouldn't like it at all. Someone I care about feeling distresses enough to be jealous isn't something I find solace in and it makes me question their perception of my character. Most of my experience with it has been with guys who carry a lot of baggage. They were not jealous because of anything I did but what someone else they'd dated did in the past. That was a real drag I'm glad I don't have to deal with anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mutant Debutante Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I don't like jealous guys, but I also don't want to date someone who would be totally cool with me flirting with others (I don't do so, so being jealous would be silly) or who didn't care what I did. Who wants to date someone who doesn't care about them or their behavior? Yeah. I do like a little bit of normal jealousy. If my guy doesn't care about other guys flirting with me or touching me, maybe he just doesn't care about me that much in general, kwim? But I'm definitely not interested in a hyper-emotional dude who spins into jealous rages at the drop of a hat, or has big control issues. And btw most of the guys I know are like this, too. They like their girl to be a little proprietary, show that she is emotionally invested enough to be a tiny bit jealous sometimes. I guess they manage to be bored even though they have those penises to play with. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I don't view a guy being bothered by some other guy getting inappropriate towards their SO to be about jealousy. A guy who gets inappropriate with women they know are in relationships isn't something to be jealous of. I'd get upset with a guy like that and it wouldn't be because I was jealous of how he was acting. So if I was with someone who didn't get upset when someone else was being rude to me I would wonder if they cared how I was treated at all. I just don't consider a negative response to that kind of situation to be about jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Yeah. I do like a little bit of normal jealousy. If my guy doesn't care about other guys flirting with me or touching me, maybe he just doesn't care about me that much in general, kwim? But I'm definitely not interested in a hyper-emotional dude who spins into jealous rages at the drop of a hat, or has big control issues. And btw most of the guys I know are like this, too. They like their girl to be a little proprietary, show that she is emotionally invested enough to be a tiny bit jealous sometimes. I guess they manage to be bored even though they have those penises to play with. Lot of wisdom here! I have seen guys that are completely irrational about this, if a guy so much as looks at "their girl" it kicks off these childish tantrums. That is just overboard. But it seems to me that it is healthy and normal to be just a wee bit jealous if you have feelings for somebody. Like you said, it shows that they care. If somebody never cared at all I would have to wonder if they were sociopaths. Like most things, moderation is key. Link to post Share on other sites
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 A guy who gets inappropriate with women they know are in relationships isn't something to be jealous of. It inst? What if a guy knows a woman is in a relationship and has daily correspondence with her, sometimes even hinting at dumping her boyfriend? At what point would the other party in this relationship be justified in getting jealous? Or maybe jealous is not the right word, maybe it's more like annoyed with the d-bag that is trying to steal her out from under him? Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Jealousy is an instant turn off to me, and a deal breaker. I agree with s4s, though: I don't view a guy being bothered by some other guy getting inappropriate towards their SO to be about jealousy. A guy who gets inappropriate with women they know are in relationships isn't something to be jealous of. I'd get upset with a guy like that and it wouldn't be because I was jealous of how he was acting. So if I was with someone who didn't get upset when someone else was being rude to me I would wonder if they cared how I was treated at all. I just don't consider a negative response to that kind of situation to be about jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 It inst? What if a guy knows a woman is in a relationship and has daily correspondence with her, sometimes even hinting at dumping her boyfriend? At what point would the other party in this relationship be justified in getting jealous? Or maybe jealous is not the right word, maybe it's more like annoyed with the d-bag that is trying to steal her out from under him? That is a woman leading a guy on; way different than some guy just being inappropriate in the moment due to a lack of basic respect for others. A situation like what you're talking about is down to the behavior of your own partner rather than just the behavior of someone else. It can cause jealousy to manifest but that should be taken up with your partner instead of just puffing out your chest at the person they are leading on with their behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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