Being kinder to myself and others

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've noticed lately that I've become a very angry and unkind person. This scares me, because I'm not like that at all! I'm actually a very caring, gentle, and compassionate person.

 

I'm going to take some time out from stressing about upsetting things, and just...relax. If something is stressful, then I will just walk away from it. I don't need to hold the stress inside.

 

I have currently moved back home, and my mom is extremely controlling. She tried to control my life when I lived alone, and now she's trying to control me here. I guess I've been in a particularly bad mood the last few days, because she's been getting worse.

 

Both me and my mom are taking care of my grandma, who is elderly. She also is unkind at times, and whenever my mom gets upset, she takes it out on me. Which means that it's passed down through the grapevine. I've tried to calm her down, but I end up just getting upset in the process.

 

I tried to talk to her about it yesterday, but she doesn't seem to understand why I would be angry with her. My grandma, I can understand (because she has dementia), but my mom is playing with a full deck.

 

I just don't understand how to handle this living situation, but at the same time, I am worried about my mother. It's like a toxic love/hate relationship. I do love her, but sometimes I can really hate her.

 

Can anybody relate, or give advice? And help me to become the calm and gentle person I was before I moved back here? Now I feel like screaming at the world.

[worlybear]

You sound like you need some space. Is there anyway that you could rent a room by yourself?

Or, if you are working-maybe you could arrange to go out with colleagues to give you some time out?:bunny:

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I lived in an apartment on my own, but had to give it up since I don't have a job, and have social anxiety, so I was having trouble going out.