Steven T Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years last week. It has been 11 days since the break up and we havent spoken since. This is the longest I have not spoken to her. We broke up a few weeks back too because we keep having silly arguments (I initiated the break up again). But she got in touch 5 days later and we managed to sort out our differences and tried to avoid these arguments. It has come to my attention that I might have made a mistake, but now I think it could be too late to try and get her back. I am afraid to get back into contact with her as she may still be upset and angry and moving on from me. I just dont like these silly arguments anymore thats why I keep ending the relationship. We never used to argue, everything used to be perfect. I guess you dont realise what you have until its gone BUT we may argue again even if we do sort things out again and be in this constant vicious circle. What do I do? Is it best to move on? or try to work it out again? Steven Edited April 5, 2011 by Steven T Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 My ex-bf and I broke up for roughly the same reasons. We were in a constant cycle of stupid arguments and being on the verge of breaking up. We would decide to stay together and work on things, but somehow we just didn't manage to fix them, so we were constantly back to where we started. And at one point we had to admit defeat. I guess we tried long enough that it was a mutual decision, so there's no hard feeling of any kind or any thought about getting back together, which might not be the case with you. But I suggest you analyse your relationship and the past few months of arguments and be very honest about wether you think you will be able to fix it. Think about what triggered the arguments and what they were about. Don't contact her until you have done this. Cause it may be the case that you come to the conclusion that the problems you started having couldn't really be fixed and if you contact her before you will just be causing her more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you for your reply. That does make sense, I will have to work out what is causing these arguments and see if they can be fixed before contacting her. I think she is half to blame too, we both are, thats why I broke up with her. Am I the person who has to make first contact then? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 There's not set rules. But if you want her back and if you think you can really work things out, then you should contact her. I wasn't saying she wasn't to blame as well. It takes 2 to tango. But you need to analyze YOUR side of it and try to understand the why and the how. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you. I will write it all down and contact her to see how she feels about it. I do believe this relationship is worth saving, she is my first love and my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you for your reply. That does make sense, I will have to work out what is causing these arguments and see if they can be fixed before contacting her. I think she is half to blame too, we both are, thats why I broke up with her. Am I the person who has to make first contact then? maybe you should explore the cause of the arguments here first. Whats going on? What causes these silly little arguments? Thats good that you want to try to see if you can figure this out, but you needed to do this along time ago, what prevented you from doing it before breaking it off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thats the thing, we tried to work it out before hand. What caused the break ups before was not seeing eachother enough. We decided to make time for eachother every Tuesday and Saturday because she works alot and that seemed to be working out ok. Then I was at her friends wedding party with her a week ago and she wasnt paying any attention to me all night neither was her family, I was just sitting there. So I decided to get up and leave. Sometimes I feel she uses me, just someone to be company for her. It's things like this that causes drama between us, and next time it might be something else that causes the break up. I would like to work things out, but if it is all going to end in tears again further down the road then is there any point? Love hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I would like to work things out, but if it is all going to end in tears again further down the road then is there any point? That's exactly the point. You need to figure out if this is something that you can actually fix, for good! Cause no, there is no point in going back just to go through all of it again in a couple of weeks or a month. Sometimes you just need to know when to give up. Giving up is ok if you tried before. You just need to be able to identify the time to give up. It might be now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 Yeah maybe it is time to call it a day. But it's extremely difficult not speaking to her. It's been 11 days now with NC. She did wish my mum happy mothers day through a txt though, does that mean she still cares for me and my family? I want to contact her but I feel I wasnt in the wrong and she should be the one contacting me. It is my birthday on the 18th of this month if I dont hear from her then, I will move on with my life and forget her. Link to post Share on other sites
pink.fairy Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I want to contact her but I feel I wasnt in the wrong and she should be the one contacting me. I think if you're thinking along the lines of this, then you don't really think the relationship is worth saving. You said yourself that the problems in your relationship come from both sides; does it really matter who makes contact first, as long as you both put in the effort to reconcile the relationship? If you want to talk about it in those terms though, you were the one to break up with her; so perhaps you should be the one to try and patch things up too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 I feel the longer I leave it, the more her feelings will fade for me and she is moving on. It has been 11 days since we split, how long should I leave it if I am going to make contact with her? Link to post Share on other sites
pink.fairy Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I feel the longer I leave it, the more her feelings will fade for me and she is moving on. It has been 11 days since we split, how long should I leave it if I am going to make contact with her? I can't really help you with that, I'm afraid. I'm in a situation where my boyfriend has not long broken up with me, and I'm wanting to reconcile. Everyone seems to think NC is the way to go about this, but like you, I'm afraid this will only give him the opportunity to forget about me and move on. Like I said, I'm no expert, but I think it would be good for you to take some time writing her a letter/email. Just telling her you think the two of you are great together. That yes, your relationship has it's problems, but you think with effort from both of you it could be great. Obviously not that exactly, but whatever it is you feel. I plan on doing the same thing sometime soon; I'm just taking the time to compose the perfect email. Like I said, I don't know if this is what is best for you. But I know I need to do it so I can know, even if it doesn't work, that I tried all I could. I won't look back and regret not trying more. You said it's been 11 days of no contact, so I don't think some form of contact hoping for reconciliation will be a bad thing. If she doesn't reply, then that is your answer and you can move on. If she does, then you have to be sure to sort through all your problems before jumping back into something again. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 Thanks for replying again. I am going to take your advice and write an email then post it to her then see what happens. I think we can work through this together, 3 years of being together is a long time and would be a shame to waste. Link to post Share on other sites
Thatguyintx Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I think we can work through this together, 3 years of being together is a long time and would be a shame to waste. Have you ever heard of "sunk costs"? It means since you have already put so much money/time/effort into something it would not make sense to not continue putting money/time/effort into. For example, you have an older car. It keeps needing repairs. You keep putting money into it. Finally the transmission fails and will cost $2,000 to repair even though the car isn't really worth $2,000. But, you reason you might as well do it since you already put lots of money into keeping this car running. Probably not the best decision though. Apply this to your relationship. Just because you have three years into it, does it make sense to continue investing in it? Is it the best for you and her? Nobody here can answer that but you. I will say that you are in the middle of the "detox" from the relationship and your brain may be telling you all kind of different stories while it tries to process this. I think I can understand your feelings. All I can tell you is 7 months after breakup, I know I made the right decision to let her go. But it took months to really feel that deep down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 I can see where you are coming from. I am currently writing the letter now but I may not send it. I am feeling better for writing down my feelings, but like you said maybe breaking up is the best for both of us. I think I am going to give myself more time to see how I feel further down the line. This site and the people on it are great. Link to post Share on other sites
pink.fairy Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I can see where you are coming from. I am currently writing the letter now but I may not send it. I am feeling better for writing down my feelings, but like you said maybe breaking up is the best for both of us. I think I am going to give myself more time to see how I feel further down the line. This site and the people on it are great. That's what I have done too. I've spent the past few days composing an email to send to him. I might decide I won't even send it; but it feels good to be writing down what it is I have to say. As for the comparison of the relationship with a car; I think it's like apples and oranges. A car is just an object; sure some people can have sentimental value with objects, but it's not at all comparable to a person. Being together in a bad relationship for a long time isn't reason enough to continue on with it, no; but being in a relationship for 3 years with small, possibly fixable problems I think is. I can definitely relate. My relationship was 3 years long as well; it's not something you just want to throw away over something so small! But you have to think about the relationship and decide what you want, before contacting her and bringing her into it all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) Yeah I may not send this letter. We had an amazing relationship, we were to compatible it was perfect. Then these silly arguments began to occur, maybe we began to take eachother for granted? It's so hard deciding whether to contact her or not. I feel I should because I broke up with her but I felt like she was in the wrong too so why should I! Think im going to wait until the 18th to see if I hear from her for my Birthday but I feel every day that goes by, is another day shes fading away and maybe losing feelings for me. Edited April 6, 2011 by Steven T Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven T Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 I decided to send the email. The past 11 days has made me realise how much I love her and how she has never done anything wrong to me, ever. She always tried her best to please me, she did everything for me. Being away from her made me see this clearly. Somethings in this life are worth fighting for, she is one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassygirl2 Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Well, Steven, what happened? Did she respond to your email? I'm reading your thread/posts and am curious as to how you are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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