Am I wrong??

[misshurtdiva]

I have been married for only 4 years but I have been with my husband for seven. We have never lived together. He is an overseas contractor in Afghan. He did 30 years military retired as a command sergent major (so finding a job here state side shouldn't be that hard.) I gave him an ulitmatum of working there for five years because I want to start a family. I am 38. I told him when he came home at Christmas that I wanted him to quit in June. Well, he was suppose to come home the last week in May until... we got into a big arguement that lead to talk of divorce. And I want it.

I have never had access to his bank account. Whenever I had a household emergency I would have to contact my parents because he never gave me access. I have tried asking in the past and he would get mad. Well, I had enough and said that if he did not give me assess to the household account ( the account the money goes into and out) that I would use my power of attorney and get it from the bank. Well, that's when it all started... he told me by email 20 minutes later that he called the bank and told the bank his wife was leaving him and was going to empty his bank account. That was NOT the reaction I was going for. Unless he is MAJORLY hiding something what is the big deal? So, then he said if I have to have it that he might as well continue to work in Afghanistan:confused: Ok, something is not right with that. Was I asking for too much info? I thought that's what husband and wives do. They see all monies or most money coming into the household and has access. Well, its to the point where I checked his email today and he has put in for another job and accepted a position in Iraq working for a company there. I have been a faithful wife waiting for my husband to come home but it seems he prefers to work overseas. Either that or he has a woman overseas. Was I wrong to ask for access to the household account? Heck if he died I couldnt even write checks to burry him because I have no clue how much is in the account!! I wouldn't even be able to pay the mortgage or even know the account number. I am hurt that I gave up the last five years of my life being faithful while he has worked overseas doing whatever. I thought he would be overjoyed coming home and being with his wife and starting a family... but I guess not.

[JadedAmore]

It sounds to me that there is no trust in this marriage. He does not trust you enough to grant you access to the accounts that pay for the home you live in, and you are at the point where you're not trusting him because you feel there is something for him to hide.

 

Is it possible that he's hiding something, possibly an affair? Absolutely. With him living outside of the home, heck in another country, you have no idea what he's up to! I'm probably not the person to ask when it comes to that, I myself am a little jaded.

 

What I think it boils down to is this - when you and your husband married, did you have the same goals? Did you see the same future? Did he know you wanted a family? If so, then I absolutely think it is not unreasonable for you to ask him to move home in order to work on your future - TOGETHER. I'm honestly surprised you've tolerated it this long.

 

Good luck!

[Eddie Edirol]

Yeah it looks like you stayed with him without finding out first if he wanted to stay overseas, or he changed his mind and wanted to stay away from you. One of only 2 reasons that a man keeps his account separate is either cheating, or he knows you have a habit of spending his money frivilously. If he has had his account separate from yours for this long, there has to be a reason, and it couldnt be from cheating for this long. Plus if he is in afganistan, its highly unlikely that there is anyone for him to cheat with, but you never know.

 

you werent wrong to ask for access, but you already knew he would say no, you just havent told us why he is denying you access. its been seven years, you have to know why by now.

[misshurtdiva]

I couldn't figure out why after FOUR YEARS of marriage I didn't have access to the family bank accounts. He has been in Afghanistan for FIVE years while we have been married four years. I found out that he has been cheating for... FIVE YEARS w/another woman who is a contractor over there!!! So, that explains why he didn't want me to have access to the bank accounts. When he finally gave me access I saw where he sent another woman a gift basket. I told him I wanted a divorce. I found out about the other woman from reading an email and called his bluff. I said either you tell me about your affair or she is more then willing to. Well... he told me waaaaaaaay more then I was willing to hear.

 

Why is it now he calls me crying, begging me not to divorce him even though he cheated on me for FIVE YEARS!! All the while I was at home only seeing him twice a year while he was over there seeing someone else! He will say things like " no one will love you like I do" and " only I like the way you smell, your scent". I am 38, he is 55 does he REALLY think that he is the only man that can love me????