Can't figure out ex-girlfriends bizarre behavior

[phi_one_zero]

I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a little over two months ago. Our breakup was over whether or not we would ever have children together, an issue on which there can be no compromise, so it was completely necessary and about as amicable as a breakup can possibly be, and we decided to continue being friends.

 

Unfortunately, we made the mistake of not taking a time-out period, which of course is asking for disaster, and disaster struck in the form of a very hostile confrontation a few weeks later. We didn't have any contact after that until a few weeks ago, when she e-mailed me saying that I mean way too much to her to walk away feeling as bad as she did about it, and asking if we could try being friends again.

 

My knee-jerk response would have been to say, "No. Go away. Leave me alone," but I like to think I'm mature enough not to resort to knee-jerk responses, so instead I said that I can't make any promises, but let's take a time-out period and see what happens. She agreed to this, saying "take as much time as you need," and we set a date on which I would be contacting her again.

 

Last night, I recieved an e-mail from her, saying how excited she is to be accepted into the school she wanted to transfer to, and that she wants to share it with everyone she cares about. On one hand, I was (and still am) genuinely happy for her, but I was also very annoyed by the blatant breach of the agreed-upon time-out period a full month before the established date. And this time, unfortunately, I replied with a knee-jerk response, which of course was a mistake, but oh well. Damage done, lesson learned.

 

What I don't understand is how she could have possibly misunderstood the concept of a "time-out period." It seems perfectly simple and clear to me. Not to mention the statement "take as much time as you need," which apparently in her world means, "I'll be contacting you as soon as I have something completely irrelevant that I arbitrarily decide I want to tell you."

 

Can anyone give me any insight? Because I just don't get it. Thanks.

[cherryblossom]

Well, I'm not a psych/relationships expert, but perhaps I can lend some insight as to why she might have done that.

I think some people are predisposed to acting out on their emotions more than logic or reasoning. I tend to act more on

my emotions and gut feelings. The way I see it, when she said "take all the time you need" i'm sure she meant it with purest intentions, with hopes to stay on your goodside,. But suddently, when this "monumental" event in her life took place, perhaps she assumed it was big enough to transcend even your time out period. She was probably heavily debating whether to tell you or not, and decided that maybe the pride you would feel for her acheivement would outweigh any breach on her part of the agreement.

 

Plus, who wouldn't want to share such a great occasion with those who are most special to them in their lives? Anyway, this is merely my perspective. Because honestly, I think I would have responded the same way.

[lady104]

Hi,

 

I feel like the ex you're talking about. For some reason, I'm not allowing the "time out". He probably wants nothing to do with me, but MSN is a killer! I keep messaging, a week without seems like a lifetime. E-mails, big-time, just whatever gut feeling I have. Definitely. I even say things to him, just whatever's on the tip of my tongue, like "my sister says I might have seemed like a stalker after sending you a Valentine's text? Do u think so?" I try and make things as awkward as possible, though absolutely unintentionally. I'll let him know any major things happening in my life, because I want to share it with someone I love - is that a crime? Even if the love's unrequited, it wasn't like this just a few mnths back. My logic is that there's no logic. I have no pride or self-respect. If I still love him, I'll tell him so, cos' it's the truth. That's what I feel in me 24/7. Why suffer in silence, if he's the object of my desire? If I want to sleep with him, I'll probably stoop so low and tell him that too! What's there to lose?