how do I let go?

[caity]

In May I met the most wonderful person. He is so much like me, I have never met someone that I felt a connection with so fast. I had a bad relationship that ended four years ago, with no feelings towards anyone until I saw him for the first time. We became fast friends and kissed every now and then, when I initiated it, but the feelings were always recipricated. He told me that he needed space for himself and that this was just the worst timing on our parts, and that he cared deeply for me. I tried distancing myself from him, but I missed his frienship too much. About two weeks ago we got into a situation where we spent the night together. I felt that it was due to the fact that we both cared about each other. He is leaving for the west coast in three days(3,000 miles away) so I just assumed that it was a last good-bye situation. Last night we were in the same situation, but he felt that having sex was a bad thing because he was leaving, and the other night was a mistake. This hurt me so deeply because I felt rejected. I put my feelings on the table and he just pushed them aside, while declaring how much he cares for me. What do I believe? How do I let go without collapsing into the same shell I have been in for the past four years?

[Tony T]

I think he cares for you a great deal but is practical enough to know the geographical separation would be difficult for a relationship. I would not take his unwillingness to have sex as a rejection but rather as a shining example of honesty and an earnest desire not to mislead or hurt you. He did not push your feelings aside as much as he demonstrated that regardless of your feelings, reality is that he is going away and it is not practical to get anything going between the two of you now.

 

Sometimes timing just sux!!!

 

You met him only in May so he must have told you he was moving soon after. So you knew he would be going and you had time to prepare yourself and your emotions for that eventuality.

 

This is just one of those things in life that happens. You have no choice but to let go. It seems though that after all this time your heart is receptive to new love and that's a great sign. Keep in contact with this guy but also keep your heart open for other possiblities. And, for Gawd's sake, pay attention to what these guys say and do...keep your eyes and ears open at all times.

 

It sounds to me like you are ready to Rock and Roll!!!

[flamy]

Caity ........wake up

 

"He told me that he needed space for himself and that this was just the worst timing on our parts, and that he cared deeply for me". ---- he sounds like a very selfish person to me and making an excused for himself. Don you think that he always assure you that he cared in order to gain you trust so thatr to satisfy his needs for sex and then later re assuring you again that he should not have done it because he's leaving for the sake of a friendship. He's trying to push aways his responsibility and make it sounds like you are the willing party to give it to him. So if any thing happens he do not need to be responsible and answer for it.

 

Caity ......listen to me he is making use of you. Leave him even for the friendship. Its not worth keeping it. Forget about the whole matter and carry on woth your life theres still lots of worthy friends out there for you. Theres still a long route in front of you and theres still lots of new people you have yet to meet. Life carries on don't look back it only brings you to depression and states of self pity only. Be brave and strong.

In May I met the most wonderful person. He is so much like me, I have never met someone that I felt a connection with so fast. I had a bad relationship that ended four years ago, with no feelings towards anyone until I saw him for the first time. We became fast friends and kissed every now and then, when I initiated it, but the feelings were always recipricated. He told me that he needed space for himself and that this was just the worst timing on our parts, and that he cared deeply for me. I tried distancing myself from him, but I missed his frienship too much. About two weeks ago we got into a situation where we spent the night together. I felt that it was due to the fact that we both cared about each other. He is leaving for the west coast in three days(3,000 miles away) so I just assumed that it was a last good-bye situation. Last night we were in the same situation, but he felt that having sex was a bad thing because he was leaving, and the other night was a mistake. This hurt me so deeply because I felt rejected. I put my feelings on the table and he just pushed them aside, while declaring how much he cares for me. What do I believe? How do I let go without collapsing into the same shell I have been in for the past four years?

[sun]

Assuming that his mention of "bad timing" referred to the fact that he would be leaving for the West Coast at the end of the summer, I think you're lucky to have met a great guy who is being upfront and straightforward with his feelings. I strongly disagree with flamy in the opinion that this guy is "using" you to satisfy his sexual desires. If that was the case, I would think that he would have taken advantage of this most recent opportunity and then used the impracticality of a long-distance relationship to end things with you.

 

You know, guys have feelings too. If the chemistry between you two was as strong as you described, my take is that he is probably trying to protect himself as well. I mean, I think it's a well-known phenomenon that sexual activity only strengthens the ties of a relationship that already has a good base. As Tony said, he's just being realistic; somebody had to make the hard decision.

 

I guess the question that begs to be asked is why didn't he cut things off sooner? Well, I think we all that sometimes, especially in matters of the heart (that sounds so cheesy), it's difficult to make the hard choice. It's so much easier to just kick things in to cruise control and enjoy one another until the last minute, when you are finally forced to confront the realities of a given situation.

 

I think that's basically what happened here. I don't think he meant to hurt you in the way that you described. It's natural that you'll miss him, long for him, etc.; but eventually, I think you'll find in this whole affair a pleasant bittersweetness.

 

Take care.

Caity ........wake up "He told me that he needed space for himself and that this was just the worst timing on our parts, and that he cared deeply for me". ---- he sounds like a very selfish person to me and making an excused for himself. Don you think that he always assure you that he cared in order to gain you trust so thatr to satisfy his needs for sex and then later re assuring you again that he should not have done it because he's leaving for the sake of a friendship. He's trying to push aways his responsibility and make it sounds like you are the willing party to give it to him. So if any thing happens he do not need to be responsible and answer for it. Caity ......listen to me he is making use of you. Leave him even for the friendship. Its not worth keeping it. Forget about the whole matter and carry on woth your life theres still lots of worthy friends out there for you. Theres still a long route in front of you and theres still lots of new people you have yet to meet. Life carries on don't look back it only brings you to depression and states of self pity only. Be brave and strong.