25 year old virgin

[AKollegeGuy]

I’m a 25 year old virgin, as the title says. At first I just didn’t go after women because I believed that I would eventually find the right girl for me. After 25 years, I realized that was not going to work. Now I’m in my last leg of Graduate school with no girlfriend, no sex life, and no clue how to get those things. My first kiss was from a girl that was guilted into it and so far the only girl that ever flirted with me was just using me to make my friend jealous.

 

It seems everywhere I go there’s sex and it’s starting to get to me. Once I was roommates with three guys from the hockey team and they had their girlfriends practically living with us. Next thing I know, they’re having sex in their rooms with paper thin walls and in the shower. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I also have friends who practically brag about their sex life to me and it gets aggravating to hear how everyone I know is getting laid and I’m still ‘the virgin’. One of my friends even told me that he and his girlfriend are now swingers.

 

Over the past few years I’ve noticed I’m growing more and more irritable and cynical. I seize up when put into stressful situations. If I feel that I offended someone or made them uncomfortable I have to go out of my way to apologize or see if they really are offended, otherwise I feel very nervous and guilty and get physically ill. My friends have noticed that I am getting tense and wound up. A girlfriend of a friend once told me that I need to get laid, but I find it odd that I have to get laid to loosen up to get laid.

 

Recently, I’m almost feeling hopeless and desperate, but I don’t talk about it because no one likes a whiner or a desperate virgin. The littlest things set me off, seeing sexually related stuff, hearing about sex, even when a couple kiss or when a girl caresses a guy I suddenly feel tense and get a knot in my stomach. My roommate says I have the soul of a bitter old man.

 

People tell me to go out more and talk to women and be more confident, but how? Where does the confidence come from? And how do I talk to them? I can talk to women, but not in terms of flirting or romance. I feel that I missed out on so much of my life and that I’m passed my prime. I don’t want to be ‘the virgin’ when I hit 30. I really need help. A few times I had accepted the fact that I’ll be alone forever.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am a 28 year old virgin. I know exactly how this feels.

 

Sorry dude.

[Ginger Beer]

I'm 22 and a virgin but it doesn't bother me. Probably because I'm a virgin by choice, I've had chances to lose my virginity but didn't want to. I've had attention from girls all through my teenage years so I suppose it's different.

 

I don't think it's that important tbh. But that's just me, like you I am waiting for the right girl.

[nezbo]

1 week of alcohol and hookers. might make you feel more comfortable with women and sex

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

1 week of alcohol and hookers. might make you feel more comfortable with women and sex

 

Yeah, you definitely want to turn into Charlie Sheen.

[Vince1980]

drink aload of beer or jack daniels.....find some girl and talk to her....

 

easy

[Saphira]

im a 20 year old virgin. and around my friends im also 'the virgin' my friends tell me i need to find a f**k buddie O.o hahahaha well if your having problems talking in a romantic way idk just try and relax. you don't have to start very romantic. just have a conversation and ask her out. The first time you talk to someone you dont need flowers in hand. just say hi, start a conversation and see where it goes. Good Luck and dont worry your not going to be alone forever. you just haven't found the person yet.

[tman666]

Well, I'll try giving you some advice from the perspective of a 25 year old non-virgin.

 

First of all, girls can smell bitterness, sadness, anger, negativity, a defeatist attitude, desperateness and lack of confidence from a mile away. Some guys don't understand this and think they can just hide it with the right set of words or "moves".

 

Here's my approach to the whole thing: remember that girls are humans, just like you. They make mistakes, get embarrassed, have insecurities, have secrets, and have desires, just like you. You need to learn to go with the flow when you're around them. When there's a girl in the room that you find attractive, talk to her like you would anyone else. Pick up lines and "game" are for the "little people". You're above that. Just go in, start up a conversation, joke, tease her, laugh, talk about what you like to do, let her talk about what she likes to do, etc. If she's frigid or if you guys don't have much in common, no sweat. Tell her it was good talking to her and move on to the next one. Not every girl responds to this. Some girls want the players and the pick up lines. Let those guys have em.

 

Basically, find what style you're comfortable with and run with it. There's not one set of hard and fast rules.

[Kelemort]

I'm a 23-year-old woman, but I lost my virginity a few months shy of turning 22. I'm still with the same guy, but I still wish that we hadn't slept together yet. Of course, I understand that there are different pressures on women in regards to sex and that on men.

 

You aren't "behind." Along a similar vein, I was well into undergraduate school before I started dating. Many of my friends had been dating for years and some had been with multiple people. At the time, I was deeply humiliated and ashamed that no one until then had found me attractive. But on the other end of things, there was a silver lining - by the time I was old enough to date and have sex, I felt I was responsible and mature enough to know how to take better care of myself.

 

Some of my friends wound up pregnant. Some of them were so immature and using relationships as therapy instead of as a mutual give-and-take between two loving people. Some of them didn't finish school. Some of them got married before they were out of college. This is true of both men and women friends of mine. They were dating at points in their lives when they were still genuinely immature and unprepared for taking on the real world.

 

At 25, you have some serious perks at your disposal. I don't think "going out and losing it to a hooker" is the best idea - because after you lose your virginity, the next problem is, "I had to pay someone to take my virginity." By this point in your life, you're getting more established and you're likely more mature now than you were when you were 20.

 

You're making an erroneous equation here. You seem to be drawing upon the belief that because you haven't yet lost your virginity, you are unworthy/unwanted/unattractive. That's not necessarily true. Instead, you've likely compounded your situation by growing more and more nervous and feeling more and more pressured about this issue - to the point that your behavior is probably driving any potential women away.

 

What can you do? You ask where confidence comes from. Sometimes, you have to draw deep and FAKE it. You know how when you go on a job interview and you slap on your smile, show off your portfolio, answer the interviewer's questions while you sit upright and show it all off?

 

That's sort of what you need to do here until it feels more comfortable and genuine. Act like you're on stage, acting out a role. Pretend that those around you aren't you aren't thinking about you (and let's be honest here - most people are far too concerned with what YOU are thinking of THEM to think about what they think of YOU).

 

Because right now, you are not showing confidence and you're not getting anywhere with the ladies. So what will happen when you start acting confident and stop acting like women are goddesses of whom you are unworthy? Maybe you will start drawing women in. And even if you don't right away? Maybe you will eventually - or better yet you'll just start to feel better about yourself.

 

I'd sleep with a virgin before I'd sleep with a man who has been everywhere any day. Not because I have "Ooo, a virgin" type fantasies (...all right, maybe a little bit).

[Dust]

25 is not past your prime by any stretch of the imagination. Stop worrying about every one else and just do what you have to do. The trick to confidence is just doing things even though you might fail and are scared. So go out there and just flirt with girls and ask them out and all that uncomfortable stuff even though you are scared because it sounds like you really want to add experiences to your life.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, I'll try giving you some advice from the perspective of a 25 year old non-virgin.

 

First of all, girls can smell bitterness, sadness, anger, negativity, a defeatist attitude, desperateness and lack of confidence from a mile away. Some guys don't understand this and think they can just hide it with the right set of words or "moves".

 

Here's my approach to the whole thing: remember that girls are humans, just like you. They make mistakes, get embarrassed, have insecurities, have secrets, and have desires, just like you. You need to learn to go with the flow when you're around them. When there's a girl in the room that you find attractive, talk to her like you would anyone else. Pick up lines and "game" are for the "little people". You're above that. Just go in, start up a conversation, joke, tease her, laugh, talk about what you like to do, let her

talk about what she likes to do, etc. If she's frigid or if you guys don't have much in common, no sweat. Tell her it was good talking to her and move on to the next one. Not every girl responds to this. Some girls want the players and the pick up lines. Let those guys have em.

 

Basically, find what style you're comfortable with and run with it. There's not one set of hard and fast rules.

 

This is what more guys need to listen to!

[somedude81]

This is what more guys need to listen to!

LOL, what he said is very basic. It's also a great way to make a friend.

[dreamingoftigers]

LOL, what he said is very basic. It's also a great way to make a friend.

 

What a lot of you guys don't get is that making more female friends does three things: 1. Makes you more comfortable in talking with women 2. Gets you more dates! Statistically proven. 3. Gives you a foundation for a potential relationship.

 

You start with friends and then amp it up a little. Cone back and ask for advice on how not to be friendzoned when you are that far along!

[Ross PK]

LOL, what he said is very basic. It's also a great way to make a friend.

 

Nah, I think there's definatley something in it.

 

Also, supposedly, most people in relationships started off as friends.

[tman666]

LOL, what he said is very basic. It's also a great way to make a friend.

 

Of course it's basic. Do you think that there's some sort of complex magical tome hidden deep within a secret temple on some remote island that explains exactly how to win the affections of every girl out there? It's not rocket science. Plus, there's nothing you can say or do to keep a girl from friend-zoning you if she really wants to, no matter what you say to her.

 

My main point was that you have to go with what you're comfortable with. Some guys are comfortable with the whole player, flirty thing. Others are comfortable with a milder, more friendly approach. Not every girl will respond to one type of guy.

 

For what it's worth, every time I've had relations with a girl (except for my first girlfriend, but that's a different story), it's started in a way more or less like the way I described in my earlier post. It's my modus operandi.

[somedude81]

The steps to get girls to sleep with you are very different from getting one to be your friend.

 

I've had many female friends and I can have more if I wanted to. But getting further than that is the hard part.

 

From what I've experienced in my life, it's not possible to turn a female friend into a lover.

 

And how do I talk to them? I can talk to women, but not in terms of flirting or romance.

That's what the OP wants.

 

Not how to make friends.

[tman666]

The steps to get girls to sleep with you are very different from getting one to be your friend.

 

I've had many female friends and I can have more if I wanted to. But getting further than that is the hard part.

 

From what I've experienced in my life, it's not possible to turn a female friend into a lover.

 

 

That's what the OP wants.

 

Not how to make friends.

 

Mind detailing to us the steps of getting girls to sleep with you? I've got my notepad and pen at the ready.

[somedude81]

Sorry man, I can't tell you that.

 

But I can give you 1,000 ways that are guaranteed to fail.

[Perhaps]

I don't see what the deal is.

 

Three-four generations ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal.

 

It's all in your head.

[627]

it's easier to have PHDs in 5 majors than to figure women out 21 years old and on that same boat but personnaly I dpn't really care that I've never slept with anyone, I care more that I never had a girlfriend to hold hands with and share stuff and whatever

[Dust]

Mind detailing to us the steps of getting girls to sleep with you? I've got my notepad and pen at the ready.

 

This is pretty complex so I’m not sure if you guys will follow. After going out together and having a good time you suggest going some place private most likely your place or her place, which ever works best. If she asks why, just say you want to show her something, doesn’t matter what. Once there you start making out, then you start feeling her up etc. Once she allows you to put you’re hand down her pants chances are she will be willing to get naked and have sex. If she doesn’t want to have vaginal sex try suggesting oral sex, many girls will say yes to this even if not willing to do the other. Remember this is all very complicated. Oh yeah and don’t forget to call her the next day so she doesn’t feel like a slut. See told you it was complicated almost forgot an important step. You should print this out and paste it to a card to keep in your pocket and refer to.

[tman666]

This is pretty complex so I’m not sure if you guys will follow. After going out together and having a good time you suggest going some place private most likely your place or her place, which ever works best. If she asks why, just say you want to show her something, doesn’t matter what. Once there you start making out, then you start feeling her up etc. Once she allows you to put you’re hand down her pants chances are she will be willing to get naked and have sex. If she doesn’t want to have vaginal sex try suggesting oral sex, many girls will say yes to this even if not willing to do the other. Remember this is all very complicated. Oh yeah and don’t forget to call her the next day so she doesn’t feel like a slut. See told you it was complicated almost forgot an important step. You should print this out and paste it to a card to keep in your pocket and refer to.

 

Can't tell if serious...

 

 

:laugh::laugh:

[Dust]

Can't tell if serious...

 

 

:laugh::laugh:

 

Yes the “lets go back to my place so I can show you that thing” method is very serious. Just ask the virgins, did you ever invite a girl back to your place, and if so did you try making out and everything else outlined? I’d bet my life on an honest answer being “no.”

[tman666]

Yes the “lets go back to my place so I can show you that thing” method is very serious. Just ask the virgins, did you ever invite a girl back to your place, and if so did you try making out and everything else outlined? I’d bet my life on an honest answer being “no.”

 

So wait, you're saying that being assertive and giving her real, tangible clues that you are sexually interested might eventually lead to getting some actual stanky? LOLOLOL, whatevs.

 

Next you're going to tell me that a boob doesn't feel like a bag of sand.

[somedude81]

Getting to the make out is the hardest step. At least for me.

 

Most likely because the energy was all wrong for a kiss, and we spent time having fun together as friends.

 

Twice I had a girl that I was completely infatuated with, inside my apartment. And all we really did was play videogames and do homework. If I tried to kiss her, she probably would have punched me with a whole lot of yelling thrown in.