25 year old virgin

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What a lot of you guys don't get is that making more female friends does three things: 1. Makes you more comfortable in talking with women 2. Gets you more dates! Statistically proven. 3. Gives you a foundation for a potential relationship.

 

You start with friends and then amp it up a little. Cone back and ask for advice on how not to be friendzoned when you are that far along!

 

Yes, but you also have to change your core action system, if you keep on making friends and nothing more.

 

The last girl I crushed on actually got angry at me for liking her more than a friend. While her friend, that I wasn't attracted to, got angry at me for liking her friend more than her (she had a crush on me.)

 

I've learned that girls are pretty territorial, and if one likes you, she's going to make you drop any competition. Which may or may not include her own friends.

[Dust]

So wait, you're saying that being assertive and giving her real, tangible clues that you are sexually interested might eventually lead to getting some actual stanky? LOLOLOL, whatevs.

 

Next you're going to tell me that a boob doesn't feel like a bag of sand.

 

Yes assertive with common sense. You can’t just walk up to a woman and ask for sex, but surprisingly you can just walk up to a woman and invite her back to your place and end up having sex with her.

 

In public feel free to kiss her and maybe even quickly make out with her. But when alone feel free to make out good, bodies pressed against each other, eventually fondling her boobs and butt, and then of course testing the waters by reaching into her pants. Take it slow and enjoy it.

 

As for boobs they feel real good, that’s all any one needs to know. Feel free to suck on them and pinch the nipples during sex. (she’ll let you know if you’re doing it wrong)

 

Twice I had a girl that I was completely infatuated with, inside my apartment. And all we really did was play videogames and do homework. If I tried to kiss her, she probably would have punched me with a whole lot of yelling thrown in.

 

You can’t pass up an opportunity like that twice. You should have tried but didn’t. If she punched and screamed, just try to hold back your amusement, and hide your boner because that only gets them angrier. That reaction would be very unlikely.

 

I know the move is complicated, just try to remember the move isn’t “invite a girl over to just study and play video games and do exactly and only that.” This is why you never had girlfriend. You refuse to try because of some hypothetical screaming punching girl.

[AKollegeGuy]

You're making an erroneous equation here. You seem to be drawing upon the belief that because you haven't yet lost your virginity, you are unworthy/unwanted/unattractive. That's not necessarily true. Instead, you've likely compounded your situation by growing more and more nervous and feeling more and more pressured about this issue - to the point that your behavior is probably driving any potential women away.

 

What can you do? You ask where confidence comes from. Sometimes, you have to draw deep and FAKE it. You know how when you go on a job interview and you slap on your smile, show off your portfolio, answer the interviewer's questions while you sit upright and show it all off?

 

The first part really got to me in an eye opening way. I was basing myself almost solely on the fact that I was a virgin, not on my other accomplishments. It helps, but I do know that I still have to work on getting laid. It really tears at you when you have so much to be thankful for, but you don't appriciate it because you feel so miserable. Plus I have freinds who got married, so again I feel like I'm standing still while my friends are blasting forward.

 

The second part I have a problem with: Fake it? Wouldn't that lead to problems if you are dishonest right from the start?

[Dust]

The second part I have a problem with: Fake it? Wouldn't that lead to problems if you are dishonest right from the start?

 

He used a job interview as the example. Even though you might be nervous and unsure of yourself and capabilities to do the job, when asked "why would you be a great asset to the company?" You don’t answer “I dunno I’m scared” you say something like “I know given the opportunity I will prove every day through my work here just how much we can accomplish.” So, it’s not about being dishonest but instead being positive.

 

Now get out there and go through the motions a confident version of yourself would even if you are scared and self deprecating.

[yessy21]

Im sure that when ur time is right u will find the perfect person that will make u feel comftorable.

[desperate_princess]

If that makes you feel better, I'm three years older than you and I have never even held hands with anyone. And I'm still hopeful.

[Dust]

If that makes you feel better, I'm three years older than you and I have never even held hands with anyone. And I'm still hopeful.

 

Quick send one of the desperate guys to this girl for some good ole hand holding. If you’re lucky maybe they’ll also have the courage to put their hand on your knee.

[jean-luc sisko]

I’m a 25 year old virgin, as the title says. At first I just didn’t go after women because I believed that I would eventually find the right girl for me. After 25 years, I realized that was not going to work. Now I’m in my last leg of Graduate school with no girlfriend, no sex life, and no clue how to get those things. My first kiss was from a girl that was guilted into it and so far the only girl that ever flirted with me was just using me to make my friend jealous.

 

It seems everywhere I go there’s sex and it’s starting to get to me. Once I was roommates with three guys from the hockey team and they had their girlfriends practically living with us. Next thing I know, they’re having sex in their rooms with paper thin walls and in the shower. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I also have friends who practically brag about their sex life to me and it gets aggravating to hear how everyone I know is getting laid and I’m still ‘the virgin’. One of my friends even told me that he and his girlfriend are now swingers.

 

Over the past few years I’ve noticed I’m growing more and more irritable and cynical. I seize up when put into stressful situations. If I feel that I offended someone or made them uncomfortable I have to go out of my way to apologize or see if they really are offended, otherwise I feel very nervous and guilty and get physically ill. My friends have noticed that I am getting tense and wound up. A girlfriend of a friend once told me that I need to get laid, but I find it odd that I have to get laid to loosen up to get laid.

 

Recently, I’m almost feeling hopeless and desperate, but I don’t talk about it because no one likes a whiner or a desperate virgin. The littlest things set me off, seeing sexually related stuff, hearing about sex, even when a couple kiss or when a girl caresses a guy I suddenly feel tense and get a knot in my stomach. My roommate says I have the soul of a bitter old man.

 

People tell me to go out more and talk to women and be more confident, but how? Where does the confidence come from? And how do I talk to them? I can talk to women, but not in terms of flirting or romance. I feel that I missed out on so much of my life and that I’m passed my prime. I don’t want to be ‘the virgin’ when I hit 30. I really need help. A few times I had accepted the fact that I’ll be alone forever.

 

Women are people too.

 

I would say though that:

 

- Nobody needs sex

- Seeking sex is only something that youth culture/contemporary pop culture says is good

- Regular is not something one needs to be content

[Ross MwcFan]

If that makes you feel better, I'm three years older than you and I have never even held hands with anyone. And I'm still hopeful.

 

Have guys shown interest in you before?

[PelicanPete]

you're only 25, but you might as well wait for the right person. When you find them and finally get around to having sex, it will be a lot more special. If people are bugging you about it they're just trying to hide their own insecurities, and if you're bothered by it don't be, try to be proud of yourself. Ive known quite a few people that lost their virginity early and wish they hadn't and that they've waited til marriage or whatever. Just don't pursue it, when it happens it happens.

[Duckduckgoose]

Don't stress it. I kind of wish I had waited for a better guy to do it with, but I did what I did. I felt used after and it made a dent in my self-esteem. Now I kind of look at sex as something you do, not something that's special. Kind of sad really.

 

I hoped I would snap out of it when I got married and I did till he stopped having sex and focused solely on the porn. Now I kind of view sex again as something you do. I kind of keep my emotions out of it

[AKollegeGuy]

I've been talking to a friend, the one that announced that he was a swinger, about my problem. He says he's looking for a girl for me to lose my virginity to, but whenever he tells me he has a lead or anything, I tense up, like I'm doing something wrong. I know a lot of people say I should wait, but it’s been my experience that if I don't push it or work at it, its never going to happen.

 

I'm trying to be more satisfied with myself, but not having a girlfriend or sex life is driving me nuts when everyone I know has one. I feel left out, a freak. Not to mention that as a 25 year old man, the urges are both agonizing and embarrassing. To be flustered by a girl's skirt or tight shirt makes me feel like I'm immature.

 

I'm losing my mind here, what should I do?

[Eeyore79]

I think you should be trying to get a girlfriend, not a sex partner. The whole thing will go much more smoothly, and you'll feel better about it now and in the future if you do it with a woman you trust and care about. I had sex with a 26yo virgin; we cared about each other deeply, and we were both glad that he didn't just sleep with some random person beforehand.

[Ross MwcFan]

Plenty of men have lived their entire lives as virgins. Its just a matter of growing used to it. It must suck sometimes, but hey, no one ever said that life is fair.

 

if you are a virgin you must have reasons for that. Are you short? Skinny? You can fix the skinny part if you are, but the short part will be hard. Don't be picky, go with whoever shows you interest and still, if you can't get a woman attracted to you, fly down to the European Countries where prostitution is legal and have fun.

 

And think of it this way. There have been studies made on this, and it seems that about 80% of the men who ever lived never got any. So you're basically normal, and the guys who are getting it on are weird. Don't worry about that.

 

80% of men who have ever lived never got any? I find that impossible to believe.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ain't propaganda great?

 

Well near enough every single guy I've known in my life (I'm 35), from geeky to alpha has had a girlfriend or a relationship at some point. So obviously these guys must sometimes have sex.

 

What makes you think 80% of males never get any?

[AKollegeGuy]

I highly doubt that 80% of men are virgins. I did come across a article that said that people who lose their virginity around their early 20s are more likely to have sexual dysfunctions. Although I question the validity of that statement too.

 

Anyway I've noticed that I have a hard time seeing women as 'normal people' i.e. they're as flawed and faliable as I am. I find it hard to believe that girls are willing to have sex with guys that they just met or something. I'm also have a hard time believing that a girl would want to have sex with me of all people and that I have to 'trick her' by doing or saying things that are just lies. I know that its cynical and untrue but I can't shake this feeling or my bitterness.

 

I don't like what I've become over the years and I don't like having another birthday were I'm girl-less and sexless. What can I do?

[Dust]

Statistics are bogus. How could you even do a study on 80% of the men who ever lived. Does this study count boy who died as babies back before medical deliveries?

[somedude81]

I think it's better to say that 80% of men don't have sex on a regular basis.

 

There are many men who go years without having sex, not counting hookers.

[alethean]

I highly doubt that 80% of men are virgins. I did come across a article that said that people who lose their virginity around their early 20s are more likely to have sexual dysfunctions. Although I question the validity of that statement too.

 

Anyway I've noticed that I have a hard time seeing women as 'normal people' i.e. they're as flawed and faliable as I am. I find it hard to believe that girls are willing to have sex with guys that they just met or something. I'm also have a hard time believing that a girl would want to have sex with me of all people and that I have to 'trick her' by doing or saying things that are just lies. I know that its cynical and untrue but I can't shake this feeling or my bitterness.

 

I don't like what I've become over the years and I don't like having another birthday were I'm girl-less and sexless. What can I do?

 

Yeah, I can see how this type of thinking might impede your progress. Do you have female friends? What are your redeeming qualities (if any) and why do you feel you have to lie?

[AKollegeGuy]

Statistics are bogus. How could you even do a study on 80% of the men who ever lived. Does this study count boy who died as babies back before medical deliveries?

 

Some guy posted that finding but it looks like he deleted his post so I think it was bogus

 

Yeah, I can see how this type of thinking might impede your progress. Do you have female friends? What are your redeeming qualities (if any) and why do you feel you have to lie?

 

I had female friends back in my elementary school days. In fact I was made fun of because I got along with them better than the boys but then I moved to another city and that was the end of that. Now I the only female friend I have is my best friend’s girlfriend and I don’t want to get to close to her for obvious reasons.

 

As for my redeeming qualities, well I’m a college graduate soon to be a grad student graduate. I have no history of drug abuse or alcoholism. I’m working on a thesis that looks promising. I have some really good friends and family. Other than that I can’t think of anything rather remarkable about me. My friends and family often compliment me on stuff but I usually brush off the remarks in my head because I just think that they’re just being nice and don’t want to hurt my feelings.

 

I feel I have to lie because I just don’t know why a girl would fall for me. I’m not popular, I’m not sexy looking, I’m not even proud of the accomplishments in my life, to me they’re just stuff I did, no more important than tying my shoelaces in the morning. I don’t want to ruin some girl’s life with my problems.

 

Again, I am aware that this is all cynicism and self-doubt, but no matter what I tell myself, the bad feelings remain.

[theseeker]

Talk to women the same way you talk to your friends, minus the vulgarities and crude jokes.

 

Seriously though, it is not difficult. You will find that women, in general, will do most of the talking for you.

We like to hear ourselves talk.

And we like being around men.

We like to hear ourselves talk while being around men.

 

Just be yourself and relax. We are humans, not monsters who want to eat you alive.

 

And just a side note: Please try talking to the really gorgeous smart girl who is always reading or working on papers at the local coffee shop. PLEASE! After you've gotten a little comfortable and confident, PLEASE try it at least once. SHE WANTS YOU TOO!

Edited April 30, 2011 by theseeker

[somedude81]

Talk to women the same way you talk to your friends, minus the vulgarities and crude jokes.

 

Seriously though, it is not difficult. You will find that women, in general, will do most of the talking for you.

We like to hear ourselves talk.

And we like being around men.

We like to hear ourselves talk while being around men.

 

Just be yourself and relax. We are humans, not monsters who want to eat you alive.

 

And just a side note: Please try talking to the really gorgeous smart girl who is always reading or working on papers at the local coffee shop. PLEASE! After you've gotten a little comfortable and confident, PLEASE try it at least once. SHE WANTS YOU TOO!

That's a great way to make friends.

 

As for the girl working on a paper or reading, how do I know if she wants company or not?

[theseeker]

That's a great way to make friends.

 

As for the girl working on a paper or reading, how do I know if she wants company or not?

 

You're right, that is a great way to make friends. I guess I'm confused, does he want a legit girlfriend or to just get rid of his virginity with a one night stand?

If he wants a gf, he should probably be friends with her first. I mean, how else will he be able to relax? There has got to be an element of trust there first.

 

But, I see what you mean. Friendships with the other gender are different for women then with men. I've heard that men make the decision if they are sexually attracted to a woman or not within the first 7 seconds he sees her, or something like that. And after that decision is made, it doesn't change. If a guy is friends with you that is because he is sexually attracted, if he weren't then he wouldn't want to be friends.

I don't know if that is true or not. I DO know that women can go back and forth from feeling that a guy is only a friend to having a giant crush and back again at a drop of a dime. We are unpredictable and like to keep ya'll guessing! But, I think, once the feelings are expressed - and are mutual - we stop being so fickle.

 

HAHA! Because I've been that girl. When I was getting my bachelor's I studied SO MUCH! I thought 'how the hell am I going to meet people, or a man, if I am cooped up in my bedroom all day?' So I started studying in public places, just to be around people. It worked, I made a lot of acquaintances. Didn't get a boyfriend, though. Had to be a little bit more aggressive and less studious to catch one of them. But I see TONS of girls doing the same. I said it to be silly, but I don't see why it can't be just as good of a way of meeting a girl than any other. *shrug*

[Dust]

That's a great way to make friends.

 

As for the girl working on a paper or reading, how do I know if she wants company or not?

 

Getting a girlfriend is just like making friends. Unlike your male friends you are picking some one you find beautiful and sexy to become friends with. Also you’re going to flirt and get physical with this person. You already know what you need to do but are so afraid of getting rejected you refuse to even try. Yeah you might very well get rejected any where down the line from first introductions up until after years of marriage and kids. Still life is worth giving a try.

[orangelady]

You need to get a whole new bunch of new friends.