25 year old virgin

[Floridaman]

A friend's son recently turned 30 and he's likely a virgin, though I haven't asked about his sexual experience.

He and they tell me he only had 1-2 sep. dates in his life, but is now dating this nice older woman....

 

He may have been a loner, but he's no loser in his career and seems a likeable fellow.... You could call that guy a late bloomer.

 

Did get some of his dating experience out of him in conversation at friends' house once.

Didn't want to ask about virginity, as was prying enough, so am assuming he's one.

(It's easier to bring that kind of thing up here on these boards:p).

 

Funny, as he seemed to be a shy guy who was unconfident when asking women out, yet he seems like he has his life together, etc.

The older woman he's dating, she's divorced. They've been dating a year or so, so he seems to be handling himself well for a guy who hasn't really dated much.

 

 

On shyness, A woman I knew in HS (not a GF) told me this the other day in a facebook PM, after I told her I wished I'd done a lot of things differently when I was young(er).

 

 

".......you were a shy, quiet to yourself guy, Tom was too to a point and everytime i said no he pursued it more....."

 

 

I have so many regrets... If were to find myself single, things would be a lot different, that's for sure...

Not sayin' I'd have sex with every woman I dated (okay, as a man, physically I might want to, but wouldn't do casual sex), but I wouldn't be so timid or scared about doing things....

Edited October 14, 2011 by Floridaman

[Floridaman]

Don't go to thinkin' of yourself as ugly.

Gets to be like some women on these boards who post how they think THEY'RE "ugly."

When they post a pic link of themselves, most guys think they're attractive.

Couldn't edit this in to the post.

Here's a "Learning to live with being ugly thread..."

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=383300&p=4936547&viewfull=1#post4936547

 

That woman is FAR from ugly, as is Ashely, another poster there who thinks she's unattractive.

[AHardDaysNight]

Only active users can see links!

 

I was banned from ENA, so I can't see links there.

[Floridaman]

Only active users can see links!

 

I was banned from ENA, so I can't see links there.

 

Will post the direct link to the woman's pic. She & Ashley, the other poster, are far from unattractive.

[danmorisson]

Don't go to thinkin' of yourself as ugly.

Gets to be like some women on these boards who post how they think THEY'RE "ugly."

When they post a pic link of themselves, most guys think they're attractive.

 

I'm genuinely ugly though. I have to avoid people in groups. I'm one of those guys that has to void people because they laugh. If a group of people (especially a group of girls) were to walk past me they'd mock my appearance and laugh. My sistuation is really bad.

[binny]

This is good advice.

 

But this part, have to disagree a little.

 

Errrr....

Not so soon in the relationship.

 

Don't let one's virginity or lack of experience come up too early.

Save that info. for later when the two of you are emotionally closer and maybe have "made out" some (kisses etc.).

Even if you have sex with someone, don't say anything about your virginity until later.

 

 

How long into dating or being in a relationship should I tell the other person I'm a virgin?

 

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I managed to get myself into a really awkward situation once where a guy just wanted a ONS and I thought he wanted more.. needless to say, after I told him I was a virgin he said "I wish you had told me sooner..." and we never really spoke after that dispite the fact we spent a lot of time hanging out before he found out.. Although perhaps he would have pushed for sex sooner, it just so happened that it wasn't appropriate.

 

I am quite relieved to find out that there are other virgins out there that are a similar age to me. I also thought I was the only one, a lot of my friends joke that I'll be the female version of the "40 year old virgin".. There was a point where I felt left out and depressed. I've since realised that if I've waited this long to find the right person then I might as well keep waiting. There would be little poing in going out and having sex with a guy who just wanted a ONS.

[Floridaman]

How long into dating or being in a relationship should I tell the other person I'm a virgin?

IMO,

When you're comfortable about talking about such things.

Not too early in the relationship, but maybe after a month or two when one partner makes some sexual moves.

The other might say he/she doesn't feel ready to go that far yet.

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I managed to get myself into a really awkward situation once where a guy just wanted a ONS and I thought he wanted more.. needless to say, after I told him I was a virgin he said "I wish you had told me sooner..." and we never really spoke after that dispite the fact we spent a lot of time hanging out before he found out.. Although perhaps he would have pushed for sex sooner, it just so happened that it wasn't appropriate.

You did right here.

That guy sounded like a player.

 

That shows a lot of immaturity or impatience on his part.

If he truly loved a woman, he would be patient and wait.

Love means putting the other's needs first. He seemed more concerned about his sexual needs.

 

The woman I dated in my early 30s (and later married), we waited about 3-4 mos. before we got sexual. Of course, I had sexual needs but really wanted a relationship first. .. like since college.

 

Made a move toward her on the couch one night and she asked if we could wait. She didn't say she was a virgin, but sounded like she was interested and wanted to wait like until an upcoming weekend.

 

She wasn't a virgin, but like me, had very limited experience (her, 1 partner in her 20s).

Honestily, thought it would be like some other virgin and non-virgin women I dated in my late 20s who would let me engage in some "everything... but."

 

Waiting was fine by me as I saw some potential in this woman. When the time came a couple of weekends later after we visited her family on an out of town trip, it felt natural for both of us.

 

We didn't discuss our sexual experience early in our relationship.

I think I asked her about her experience as we were undressing for that first encounter.

 

I am quite relieved to find out that there are other virgins out there that are a similar age to me. I also thought I was the only one, a lot of my friends joke that I'll be the female version of the "40 year old virgin".. There was a point where I felt left out and depressed. I've since realised that if I've waited this long to find the right person then I might as well keep waiting.

There are many virgins or ones that have little experience. I didn't have a lot of experience (several times in HS, same girl, and all of 2X @25-26).

Many of the women I dated in my mid-late 20s were virgins or ones who had little experience, like 1-2 partners.

 

There would be little poing in going out and having sex with a guy who just wanted a ONS.

Good attitude.

 

ONS can kill what could be a great relationship and leave you feeling worse than before.

Talkin' from experience here (my 2 encounters in my 20s)...

 

There's no rush. Let the relationship develop.

If the guy is in too big a hurry to get into your pants, that shows you he won't be patient or understanding in other areas of your relationship.

 

Rememer, the other partner always controls the frequency and quality of sex.

 

It's all up to you and your feelings.

Edited October 15, 2011 by Floridaman

[binny]

The guy was a player (probably still is although he is now engaged).. I'm just thankful it didn't get past kissing.. He was even against using condoms.. he actually said "I just trust the other person doesn't have any diseases" EEWWWW!!!!!! I don't even want to know what kind of stuff he was carrying..

 

Anyway, I'm glad there are still some decent guys around like you Floridaman, your wife is a very lucky lady! just a shame I never seem to meet any in real life - they all seem to be online! I wonder where you all hide

[somedude81]

25 virgin female? How'd you manage to pull that off?

[binny]

25 virgin female? How'd you manage to pull that off?

 

I'm assuming you mean me...

 

I don't know.. I guess guys have never showed much interest in me in that way.. Except for the occasional player who sees me as a "challenge" and I have no interest in guys like that.... I was never one of the cool kids at school and I had acne up until quite recently.. I guess the guys could never see past the acne.. or maybe I'm just very unattractive...

[somedude81]

Acne can be an issue but it really depends on how sever it is. I know a girl who has obvious acne but she isn't doing badly with the guys at all.

 

The main factors that affect if a man will be attracted to you is; your body weight, (if you are proportional), hair style, clothes you wear (how conservative or form fitting, stylish) and how sociable you are.

 

How would you describe yourself according to the above?

[binny]

I think I'm about average in body weight - not really slim but not really fat either.. towards the heavy side of normal on the bmi tables.. I like eating desert too much to be very slim

 

I'm not sure what you mean by hair style really.. I brush my hair and occasionally put it in a pony tail or something.. I don't style it in the sense of using hair spray etc

 

clothes I wear depend on where I am and what I'm doing.. for example if I'm going out to dinner I'll wear a nice dress.. during the day I'll wear jeans and a jumper or something casual.. I don't usually wear very provocative clothing though.. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong? Although, wearing provocative clothing will more than likely attract the wrong kind of guy..

 

I guess I'm not the most sociable person... While I was at Uni I used to mostly stick with my group of friends.. Since I started working I've found it hard to make friends around where I live as I've been moving around and don't really know many people in the town I work in now.. I've made friends with a few people here but they have ended up moving away due to work.. I guess I don't really know where to meet people..

[AHardDaysNight]

Girls can be virgins, if they're incredibly socially awkward.

[Floridaman]

Girls can be virgins, if they're incredibly socially awkward.

Not necessarily.

 

I've dated older virgin women, in their late 20s, and one who was 30, that were waiting for the right relationship. Or had standards. Or just hadn't met the person they wanted to marry.

 

My wife wasn't a virgin when I met her. She had a fiance she had sex with after engagement in her early 20s.

Her BF likely pressed her, but she had standards, though at that time, she wasn't as religious as she is now.

 

I asked her what she would have done if I had pressed her sexually early. She said we likely wouldn't have dated anymore.

Though she dated, she never met the right guy and didn't have any sex until 4 mos. after meeting me. As we met when she was in her mid-30s, that's nearly 10 years, so though she wasn't a "virgin," she lived with her standards. She wouldn't have had casual sex.

No one I know would've considered her socially "awkward."

 

Sure, that 30 y.o. virgin I dated was a little shy, and maybe a little quiet, but was fairly strong-willed, IMO.

I couldn't "get away" with anything with her.

 

Okay... I realize what I just posted may actually support your posting, and in some cases, the women could be a little awakward, but I don't necessarily think these older virgin women are socially awkward.

Just maybe the quiet types, have religious views or standards they want to keep.

Edited October 17, 2011 by Floridaman

[turnera]

I'm genuinely ugly though. I have to avoid people in groups. I'm one of those guys that has to void people because they laugh. If a group of people (especially a group of girls) were to walk past me they'd mock my appearance and laugh. My sistuation is really bad.

When I was raising my DD21, I told her to avoid the best-looking guys, and just look for the personality. I told her that the better looking you are, the more likely you are to be shallow, mean, and selfish. And I told her that guys who aren't so 'lucky' are far more likely to be sensitive, caring, attentive, and just generally nice.

 

She's really pretty, so she had the opportunity to date all kinds of guys, and she has validated my teachings. She doesn't even give good looking guys the time of day now, because she knows from experience they will NOT be the kind of guy she'd want to be with long term.

 

I'd be willing to bet it's not your looks that are turning people off, but your insecurity and low self esteem ABOUT your looks.

 

Try to remember that girls, generally speaking, care less about looks than guys do, because they are more into a real relationship, and not just having arm candy. But they DO want someone who's confident in his (inner) self and projects that. Work on your self esteem, not your looks, and the girls will notice.

[danmorisson]

I would like a girlfriend but that's very unlikey to happen though, I've never even had a female friend before so it would be very tough. But I'm not as uncomfortable as you make me out to be though -- I can talk to people just fine.

 

"Try to remember that girls, generally speaking, care less about looks than guys do"

 

That's just not true. Women care about looks just as much as we men do. Just because beauty varies that does not mean we don't care about looks. Everyone cares about looks.

[binny]

Girls can be virgins, if they're incredibly socially awkward.

 

Well I guess I'm incredibly socially awkward.... I admit that my social skills aren't the best, but I don't think they are the worst either, although.. perhaps I'm wrong..

 

I have standards, which I guess might be considered high by some.. I'm not very picky when it comes to guys, looks generally don't bother me as long as there is an attraction.. I don't mind how much he earns as long as he earns enough to support himself.. The one thing I'm really picky on though, is sexual experience. I don't want a guy who has lots of experience.. I know its unrealistic of me to expect, especially at my age.. But I want a guy who will think I'm special, how can I be special if he's been sleeping around with anything that has legs? I want to know that he is also a bit clueless about what he is doing, it would make me feel more comfortable and I think it would be nice if we learned from each other and tried things together..

 

I've been in relationships in the past (very few and they didn't last very long) and there was a constant pressure from the guy for sex - the pressure honnestly put me off, and besides it just didn't feel right.. I guess I've just got to an age now where I feel I might as well wait until I'm married..

 

Try to remember that girls, generally speaking, care less about looks than guys do, because they are more into a real relationship, and not just having arm candy. But they DO want someone who's confident in his (inner) self and projects that. Work on your self esteem, not your looks, and the girls will notice.

 

Agreed.

Edited October 17, 2011 by binny

[danmorisson]

@binny

 

Agreed? That is Internet clap trap and you know it. If anything, it is we men that 'appear' to care less about looks because we are much more diverse. But it only appears this way because we are much more diverse (Bbw anyone?). Everyone cares about looks and women care about looks just as much as we men do.

 

It is we men that 'appear' to care less about looks: http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/ssbbw/1

 

But only 'appear'

 

Where are all the fat men sites for women? Where is your evidence that women care less about looks?

Edited October 17, 2011 by danmorisson

[turnera]

How many women have you heard of who leave their husbands because he got fat? Go read the thousands of posters who have left because they're fed up with the emotional aspect of their marriage; looks rarely, rarely come up in their conversations. In fact, more often than not, the woman will say 'yeah, he's gained a lot of weight, but I don't care: I just want him to talk to me.'

 

They leave them because the men don't talk to them, or the men don't listen to them, or the men don't cuddle unless they want sex. Women typically want a companion who connects with them emotionally.

 

Does a 20 year old want a hot guy? Of course. Who wouldn't at that age, when most people look reasonably good. But there's a reason why it's common culture that men want arm candy while women want a soul mate.

[danmorisson]

Who says you can't learn to love someone? But, there always has to be some sort of physical attraction between both partners in order to get things kick-started.

 

What you are on about reminds me of the celebrity world where this fashion model will date this 800 pound Sumo for his fame (status) or money and then learn to accept/love him over time.

[beautifulearth83]

There are many things in life that are more important than sex. I myself have revolved much of my life around getting laid and scoring, etc., but what you find is that it just causes more trouble. There are people out there who appreciate the finer qualities of life and have higher standards for sexual encounters.

 

I myself don't like trashy strip clubs and talking to girls like they are a piece of meat. I did however have a girlfriend who I experienced my sexual prime with and it didn't happen until a couple years ago (I'm now 28). Since then, us breaking up, I haven't really been able to get it on with anybody because she was so damn sexy and we would really get into it. Nowadays, I'm working on connecting with somebody a bit closer to the heart, in hopes of a spiritual connection. That's what makes me horny. Love and happiness and a good vibe make me so horny.

 

Unfortunately, Men are often pigeonholed to a certain type: macho, likes sports, doesn't clean the dishes, etc. It may be the artist in me, but there are certain ideals and conditions that must be met for me to do something so amazing. Plus, if you think about it, the whole point of having sex is to reproduce.

 

That is why we have these organs. People these days are just raping their pleasure-centers by eating loads of candy, drinking coffee, having sex, watching T.V., when there is really something to be said about taking it easy, walking slowly, smelling the flowers and kissing your partner down to the very most microscopic and wonderful taste on her lips.

 

That is what matters. Sex can be a relieving thing as far as stress if it is part of your path and you are really sharing something with somebody and it opens up a part of yourself that needs to evolve. So take pride in the fact that you have respect for yourself and Woman. Hold onto your seed for a special person that will allow your child to bloom into a beautiful and pure flower.

Edited October 17, 2011 by beautifulearth83
spacing

[turnera]

there always has to be some sort of physical attraction between both partners in order to get things kick-started.

That's a big difference from the other person having to be pretty or hot or good-looking. Just look at all those House Hunters type shows on HGTV. I wouldn't classify hardly ANY of those people who are couples (male OR female) as hot or pretty or particularly good-looking. just normal looking people, even what some call ugly. But they met and felt attracted, all the same. It really is about what's inside.

[danmorisson]

Continuation from my last post

 

So there is no 'caring less about looks' about it

 

 

I am really ugly and I don't have anything, fame nor money, to entice women, to get things kick-started, then maybe she could learn to love me.

[turnera]

I am really ugly and I don't have anything, fame nor money, to entice women, to get things kick-started, then maybe she could learn to love me.

So you have no personality? You have no thoughts, no intelligence, no wit, no humor, no curiosity, no passion, no thoughtfulness, no attention to spare, no dreams?

 

THAT is what a woman falls in love with.

[somedude81]

So you have no personality? You have no thoughts, no intelligence, no wit, no humor, no curiosity, no passion, no thoughtfulness, no attention to spare, no dreams?

 

THAT is what a woman falls in love with.

It might be what women fall in love with, but it's not enough to open the door.

 

In other words, the things you listed could help a guy get a 4th date, but not a 1st.