25 year old virgin

[AKollegeGuy]

It's great that you went out as part of the group.

 

But the whole being a great dad stuff, eh....

 

What? Why wouldn't I be?

[Diamonds&Rust]

What? Why wouldn't I be?

It's probably not that you would or wouldn't be a good dad.

 

Consider the following coming from the nicest place possible: "You'd be a good dad," is in that context a pretty asexual thing to say to someone, and in a teen movie sort of way you had maybe an hour before that to have tried to grab her and kiss her like it's Times Square in 1945 but instead you didn't and so the subtext kind of stings with the dad comment.

 

Or, she could be really old fashioned and really does want to marry you and have kids with you, but she'll probably **** a bunch more dudes who aren't nice to her first because they thrill her in a weird way.

[FredRutherford]

KollegeGuy,

Am gonna have to agree with the previous posters.

It's not good when a woman compares you to "dad..."

That's not a good sign.

 

You don't want to be their "father" or their "friend."

 

You want to date them, kiss them and (later) ML to them.

 

Now, I'm not recommending you just grab yourself any girl and have sex with her (though that wouldn't be so bad now, would it???), nor recommend you do anything against your morals or Christian belief (if you have a faith), but you really need to ramp-up your dating and try to be more proactive with women.

 

Like you, I was too hesitant.

Thought it would be better to "get to know the girl" better before asking her out.

 

The time to ask her out is when you first meet and sense some attraction !!

If you don't step-up to this, some other guy will !!

Trust me, he won't have any qualms about asking her out on first meeting or doing other things once they get to dating.

 

 

Though she was coming out of a relationship, you should have asked her then and there to meet you for coffee or lunch, something simple and "non-threatening."

 

If she objected and said she "wasn't interested in a relationship," tell her you're aren't either but would like to talk more with her about whatever it was you talked about. You want to talk more about that subject over lunch or coffee...

 

A little fibbing is okay. You are clearly interested in a relationship but you don't want to appear clingy and needy.

Remember, there are no rules in love and war...

After all, women who say they're "not interested in a relationship" ARE interested in a relationship.

It would be more truthful if they said:

"I'm not interested in a relationship (with you)."

 

Yes, got that line too but didn't know they weren't truthful. They just weren't attracted to me or thought I was too shy.

Women like confident men, men who are comfortable with their own lives, other's lives and the world around them.

 

And men who aren't so hung-up on the woman they date, as if they would be happy living their lives without them.

That being "non-chalant" helps attract women too, Kollege Guy.

 

 

From 19-25, I was a lot like you, shy and not too forward in my meetings with women.

That may be why I recently counted only having 5 single dates through college and not many more the first couple of years after college, though I certainly tried.

 

 

Really hope you break out of your shell, like I had to do @25-26, and start talking with and meeting more women.

 

 

 

Have more to say but as am work, don't have the time. May offer some other solutions.

Edited March 9, 2012 by FredRutherford

[Diamonds&Rust]

For what it's worth, I think that men who are paralyzed to make the first move are often superficially disgusted with men who are more brazen about their attraction for women.

 

They imagine that the ideal girl for them would be really relieved not to have to put up with such caveman behavior. Additionally, they'd like to be honored for putting a woman's feelings first and not making it all about what their penis wants.

 

What they fail to recognize, and perhaps OP's guilty as well, is that it can be very hurtful to a woman for someone who seems interested to not make that interest clear. They can begin to feel undesirable, which is a totally ****ty feeling. These gentle, cautious men would probably never imagine that they're responsible for that feeling, but that doesn't change the reality of it.

 

So when people complain about moving into the "friend zone," it's often characterized as the result of a woman's irrational unwillingness to become aware of what they want. It's more likely a perfectly rational defense against the pain of feeling undesirable.

 

Take a risk! I'm aware you never mentioned explicitly that you want this girl, but it seems pretty clear to me. It may be too late to get this girl to see you as an attractive potential partner, but at least she won't torture you with details of her crappy relationships that you pretend to want to hear because it satisfies your self-perception that you're a great friend.

[FredRutherford]

For what it's worth, I think that men who are paralyzed to make the first move are often superficially disgusted with men who are more brazen about their attraction for women.

 

They imagine that the ideal girl for them would be really relieved not to have to put up with such caveman behavior. Additionally, they'd like to be honored for putting a woman's feelings first and not making it all about what their penis wants.

 

What they fail to recognize, and perhaps OP's guilty as well, is that it can be very hurtful to a woman for someone who seems interested to not make that interest clear. They can begin to feel undesirable, which is a totally ****ty feeling. These gentle, cautious men would probably never imagine that they're responsible for that feeling, but that doesn't change the reality of it.

 

So when people complain about moving into the "friend zone," it's often characterized as the result of a woman's irrational unwillingness to become aware of what they want. It's more likely a perfectly rational defense against the pain of feeling undesirable.

 

Take a risk! I'm aware you never mentioned explicitly that you want this girl, but it seems pretty clear to me. It may be too late to get this girl to see you as an attractive potential partner, but at least she won't torture you with details of her crappy relationships that you pretend to want to hear because it satisfies your self-perception that you're a great friend.

Diamonds&Rust is likely right, sad to say, from what I read on these boards.

It seems that's many women's natures, to quickly assign someone to the "friend zone" if they don't detect any immediate interest.

 

I was prob. one of the guys Diamonds&Rust's talking about.

Didn't play games with women, didn't let my penis guide my moves and truly cared for women's feelings.

But look where it got me: single @30.

 

Lucked out in that my wife's married best friend set me and her up on a blind date.

Met her friend on a business lunch she had (we worked in the same industry).

Her friend didn't ask me about my dating successes/frustrations, but I happened to blurt-out to her how disappointed I was with dating in the city I was in.

She said she knew a woman in the next town and asked if I'd like to meet her?

OF COURSE !!!

 

We had that blind date and I asked her out on other dates, which led to a long term relationship and marriage.

 

Though I wasn't a pushover and played it cool, we didn't have to go through all the games many play in dating, though I likely experienced women like you experienced -- ones that quickly judged you "unfit" as a dating partner.

Like you, I was shy as well and didn't know how to make moves.

 

Interestingly, @30, I was starting to "settle" into the fact that I likely would be single for a long time. That's not what I wanted, of course, but it wouldn't make any sense to get an attitude and become bitter about women rejecting me. Women don't like bitterness or sour attitudes.

 

Women I dated @30, tried not to get my hopes up and think this one would be "the one." If it didn't work out, no biggie. Would be another one I could date.

 

So KollegeGuy, please "network" with your business colleagues and friends, not only to advance in your career and land a better job, but to meet other people through friends and possibly find a dating partner.

I'm a success story that blind dates work.

[Diamonds&Rust]

Diamonds&Rust is likely right, sad to say, from what I read on these boards.

It seems that's many women's natures, to quickly assign someone to the "friend zone" if they don't detect any immediate interest.

That may be true, but I'm not sure if you understand why I'm right.

 

If a woman immediately decides you're just a friend, that's just not being attracted to you. Usually, when people refer to the "friend zone," it's not because they didn't detect any immediate interest; it's because after they showed interest, the friend-zoned Dude did not reciprocate.

 

So complaining about the fickle attractions of women is missing my point, when it's really about insensitive behavior on the man's part.

 

I was prob. one of the guys Diamonds&Rust's talking about.

Didn't play games with women, didn't let my penis guide my moves and truly cared for women's feelings.

But look where it got me: single @30.

So again, you may be correct in saying you're one of the guys I'm talking about, but your comments don't make it appear that you've recovered from it and changed your ways. You're still blaming the woman, saying she will only respond to manipulation, reject an inhibited man, and prefer to have her feelings disregarded.

 

Ignore what the pick-up artists tell you, I'm not saying the friend-zoned man is not a meek fool who lacks manipulation skills. I'm saying that they want to be rescued from their fear of rejection by a mind-reading woman whose feelings they only consider insofar as their own projections.

 

It's not "playing a game" to let her know right away that you're attracted to her, it's being straightforward and not playing a game. You stigmatize letting your penis guide your moves, but many times it's appropriate to let a potential vagina know your penis may be interested. The alternative is you're hoping that the idea of falling for you will just dawn on them without you making an effort at all. That seems far more manipulative to me.

 

I guess what I'm saying about the much-maligned "nice guy" is that he's not really so nice at all, because he's not considering what a woman feels when someone they might like doesn't appear to be attracted to them. The reason the nice guy prefers to imagine she feels constantly put-upon by men and she'll possibly find him refreshingly different is because it shields him from addressing that fear of rejection. The failure of the delusion to work itself out magically results in a backlash of misogynistic bitterness, as though it's on women to sort out which nice guys are secretly harboring a crush.

[Nightsky]

You should have been hitting on her and striking while the iron was hot if she was hot... Not telling her you were a virgin and going to kill yourself at 27 if things don't chage. Was she hot? Only ways you should have been using her as a shoulder to cry on is if you had zero interest in her.

[AKollegeGuy]

It's probably not that you would or wouldn't be a good dad.

 

Consider the following coming from the nicest place possible: "You'd be a good dad," is in that context a pretty asexual thing to say to someone,and in a teen movie sort of way you had maybe an hour before that to have tried to grab her and kiss her like it's Times Square in 1945 but instead you didn't and so the subtext kind of stings with the dad comment.

 

Or, she could be really old fashioned and really does want to marry you and have kids with you, but she'll probably **** a bunch more dudes who aren't nice to her first because they thrill her in a weird way.

 

KollegeGuy, Am gonna have to agree with the previous posters. It's not good when a woman compares you to "dad..."

 

That's not a good sign.

 

You don't want to be their "father" or their "friend." You want to date them, kiss them and (later) ML to them.

 

Now, I'm not recommending you just grab yourself any girl and have sex with her (though that wouldn't be so bad now, would it???), nor recommend you do anything against your morals or Christian belief (if you have a faith), but you really need to ramp-up your dating and try to be more proactive with women.

 

Like you, I was too hesitant.

 

Thought it would be better to "get to know the girl" better before asking her out. The time to ask her out is when you first meet and sense some attraction!! If you don't step-up to this, some other guy will !!

 

Trust me, he won't have any qualms about asking her out on first meeting or doing other things once they get to dating.

 

Though she was coming out of a relationship, you should have asked her then and there to meet you for coffee or lunch, something simple and"non-threatening."

 

If she objected and said she "wasn't interested in a relationship," tell her you're aren't either but would like to talk more with her about whatever it was you talked about. You want to talk more about that subject over lunch or coffee...

 

A little fibbing is okay. You are clearly interested in a relationship but you don't want to appear clingy and needy.

 

Remember, there are no rules in love and war...

 

After all, women who say they're "not interested in arelationship" ARE interested in a relationship.

 

It would be more truthful if they said: "I'm not interested in a relationship (with you)."

 

Yes, got that line too but didn't know they weren't truthful. They just weren't attracted to me or thought I was too shy.

 

Women like confident men, men who are comfortable with their own lives, other's lives and the world around them.

 

And men who aren't so hung-up on the woman they date, as if they would be happy living their lives without them.

 

That being "non-chalant" helps attract women too, Kollege Guy.

 

From 19-25, I was a lot like you, shy and not too forward in my meetings with women. That may be why I recently counted only having 5 single dates through college and not many more the first couple of years after college, though I certainly tried.

 

Really hope you break out of your shell, like I had to do @25-26, and start talking with and meeting more women.

 

Have more to say but as am work, don't have the time. May offer some othersolutions.

 

You should have been hitting on her and striking while the iron was hot if she was hot... Not telling her you were a virgin and going to kill yourself at 27 if things don't chage. Was she hot?Only ways you should have been using her as a shoulder to cry on is if you had zero interest in her.

 

To be honest, I’m not really interested in a relationship with this girl. For one, I won’t be in college much longer. I’ll graduate with my thesis within the next month or so and she still has a few years of college left. And two, I really don’t mind being her friend right now because I don’t have any female friends. Plus I said those things to try to bring her out of her depression by showing that he life could have been much worse, it could have been mine.

 

She is very attractive, but I never even thought about going out with her. I’m not sure why, maybe I had been so disgusted with myself that the thought of even getting attracted to a hot girl no longer registers. Or maybe she just isn’t my type, I don’t know.

 

My councilor has asked me to ask them to teach me how to flirt. I did ask one of the girls, but she felt like flirting was something that could not be taught. However, I have been getting out a lot more, including the gym and a Relay for Life overnight thing where I hung out with the girls.

 

For what it's worth, I think that men who are paralyzed to make the first move are often superficially disgusted with men who are more brazen about their attraction for women.

 

They imagine that the ideal girl for them would be really relieved not to have to put up with such caveman behavior. Additionally, they'd like to be honored for putting a woman's feelings first and not making it all about what their penis wants.

 

What they fail to recognize, and perhaps OP's guilty as well, is that it can be very hurtful to a woman for someone who seems interested to not make that interest clear. They can begin to feel undesirable, which is a totally ****ty feeling. These gentle, cautious men would probably never imagine that they're responsible for that feeling, but that doesn't change the reality of it.

 

So when people complain about moving into the "friend zone," it's often characterized as the result of a woman's irrational unwillingness to become aware of what they want. It's more likely a perfectly rational defense against the pain of feeling undesirable.

 

Take a risk! I'm aware you never mentioned explicitly that you want this girl, but it seems pretty clear to me. It may be too late to get this girl to see you as an attractive potential partner, but at least she won't torture you with details of her crappy relationships that you pretend to want to hear because it satisfies your self-perception that you're a great friend.

 

This describes my thoughts and feelings about courting that it’s eerie. It’s just that how do I make my intentions clear without coming across as either a desperate virgin, a creepy dork, or the aforementioned ‘brazen men’?

[Dust]

To be honest, I’m not really interested in a relationship with this girl. For one, I won’t be in college much longer. I’ll graduate with my thesis within the next month or so and she still has a few years of college left. And two, I really don’t mind being her friend right now because I don’t have any female friends. Plus I said those things to try to bring her out of her depression by showing that he life could have been much worse, it could have been mine.

 

You know when I graduated from college it would have been ridiculous for me to have a "no college girls" policy. You've taken it a step further saying "well I graduate soon so not like I want to start dating a girl who has time left." Live a little more in the here and now. You can't say "oh she doesn't graduate at the same time so if I move it won't work out." You just can't do that.

 

As a single guy you can't be all about making girls you like your "friend." Also you need to look at girls as an entire person, as in you can be great friends with a girl and also kiss her and touch and yes have sex! The fact that she's some one you want to be friends with should only add to her sex apeal. When a girl tells a guy "I just see us as friends" thats just a nice way of rejecting some one. It has nothing to do with some philosophy that guys and girls who date arn't friends. You're more then just friends.

 

She is very attractive' date=' but I never even thought about going out with her. I’m not sure why, maybe I had been so disgusted with myself that the thought of even getting attracted to a hot girl no longer registers. Or maybe she just isn’t my type, I don’t know. [/quote']

 

Guys with your problem often report not being able to just enjoy and feel sexualy attracted to a girl while in their presence. It's something they do and think about outside of the girls presence. You need to let yourself get horny around the girls you like. You need that animal motivation. Overthinking this stuff is not good.

 

If you personaly find her "very attractive" then she is your type! If you said something like "she's very attractive but I don't find her attractive" then you'd be communicating she's not your type. If you're saying "oh yes I find her very attractive" that means she very much is your type, and as I said before the fact you want to be her friend also points to her being your type.

 

My councilor has asked me to ask them to teach me how to flirt. I did ask one of the girls' date=' but she felt like flirting was something that could not be taught. However, I have been getting out a lot more, including the gym and a Relay for Life overnight thing where I hung out with the girls.[/quote']

 

Don't ask people to teach you how to flirt. You need to teach yourself. Theres no formula to it. Just saying "hi" in a playful way could be considered flirting. Its really about having fun with a girl in a "I'm interested in you" kind of way. Paying attention to them, and them paying attention back. Telling them how cute their laugh is after you tickled them litteraly or verbaly.

 

When that girl was feeling sad you could have cheered her up by asking her out on a date. Making some moves. Maybe hugging her and cuddling then kissing her.

 

It was a bad idea to make her feel better by being like "look how bad my life is I'm a virgin and I plan on killing myself if things don't work out." I think its good for you to talk to people about those feelings... just not girls you're attracted to who are talking with you. That was a great oportunity to flirt and get a date.

 

This describes my thoughts and feelings about courting that it’s eerie. It’s just that how do I make my intentions clear without coming across as either a desperate virgin' date=' a creepy dork, or the aforementioned ‘brazen men’? [/quote']

 

There is no way to avoid comming off creepy. In fact if you try to avoid it you will just become more creepy. In fact its probably your attempt to never appear desperate or creepy that has kept you in your current predicament. Just go up to girls and be aggressive for once in your life. If a girls crying at a party don't be all "my life is worse then yours" be "hey let me cheer you up babe" don't use those exact words but you catch my drift. You need to put girls on the spot, put the pressure on and enjoy it.

 

You may have ruined your chances with the one girl... but if you can arange a date with her DO IT! and you make some moves on that date... physical ones.

[AKollegeGuy]

You know when I graduated from college it would have been ridiculous for me to have a "no college girls" policy. You've taken it a step further saying "well I graduate soon so not like I want to start dating a girl who has time left." Live a little more in the here and now. You can't say "oh sh edoesn't graduate at the same time so if I move it won't work out." You just can't do that.

 

I meant after I graduate I’m going to leave the city where the campus is so I don’t think starting a relationship with someone that I will have to leave in a month or so for is worth it. I mean why would I date a girl for a short amount of time? It seems cruel.

 

As a single guy you can't be all about making girls you like your "friend." Also you need to look at girls as an entire person, as in you can be great friends with a girl and also kiss her and touch and yes have sex! The fact that she's someone you want to be friends with should only add to her sex apeal. When a girl tells a guy "I just see us as friends" thats just a nice way of rejecting some one. It has nothing to do with some philosophy that guys and girls who date arn't friends. You're more then just friends.

 

I don’t like the idea that the only reason I should be friends with a girl is if I’m interested is getting into her pants. Being with them as friends has been lifted me up a little as now I can see the girls can ‘like’ me and not just be polite to me like any stranger off thestreet.

 

Guys with your problem often report not being able to just enjoy and feel sexualy attracted to a girl while in their presence. It's something they do and think about outside of the girls presence. You need to let yourself get horny around the girls you like. You need that animal motivation. Overthinking this stuff is not good.

 

Believe me, I want to feel attracted to women when I’m out, but when I see a girl I think is hot or cute instead I become uncomfortable and upset. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, no negative thoughts required. I remembered one time I saw an attractive girl at a social event and I kept away from her because I felt so horrible being near her. It’s a ****ty way to live, but it seems I can’t stop feeling this way.

 

If you personaly find her "very attractive" then she is your type! If you said something like "she's very attractive but I don't find her attractive" then you'd be communicating she's not your type. If you're saying "oh yes I find her very attractive" that means she very much is your type, and as I said before the fact you want to be her friend also points to her being your type.

 

When that girl was feeling sad you could have cheered her up by asking her out on a date. Making some moves. Maybe hugging her and cuddling then kissing her.

 

It was a bad idea to make her feel better by being like "look how bad my life is I'm a virgin and I plan on killing myself if things don't work out." I think its good for you to talk to people about those feelings... just not girls you're attracted to who are talking with you. That was a great oportunity to flirt and get a date.

 

You may have ruined your chances with the one girl... but if you can arange a date with her DO IT! and you make some moves on that date... physical ones.

 

Before that moment the thought of flirting with her or anything was not just laughable to me, it never truly even crossed my mind at the moment. I’m trying to get out more and I have been hitting the gym regularly with one of the girls and my roommate. They've been supportive and all but at the end of the day, when I'm lying in bed trying to get to sleep it just feels like the odds are against me. People are becoming more and more insular. Sometimes I drink just to take the edge off and sometimes I get so upset with my loneiness that I've actually considered that I'm destined to be one of those men that never finds love, never gets married, never has kids. I refuse that destiney, but struggling against it is so drainning. I'm 26 going on 27 with nothing that I'm proud of. My work means nothing, my thesis means nothing, and my master degree will probably mean nothing to me too. All that matters to me is a girlfriend, the one thing I can't get just by trying or working hard, because you don't get sometihing becasue you want or even if you try. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.

 

I wonder if I'm too damage to be fixed.

[AKollegeGuy]

I think you just come up with a lot of excuses. Like the one about "well I move away in a month so no point in trying just cruel." Thats f'ed up logic. I mean by that logic you shouldn't care right now if you don't have a girl because you're about to move... .but you do care, and you should make a move.

 

If you haven't asked out more then a handful of girls all year you arn't really trying. If you don't ask out girls you like because you'd rather be friens you arn't really trying. If you arn't making moves on girls like touching/kissing you arn't really trying.

 

Try to enjoy yourself and realize all the stress is in your head.

 

The mind games are indeed something that takes the wind out of my sails, especially the anxiety. The type where your heart beats irregularly and you can't get comfortable. I've been finding ways to deal with it, but conquering it entirely is my main goal.

 

These past few days I've been making some big steps forward. I called an old friend I hadn't talked to in months and found out that he was going through a rough patch through his recent marriage. He was very upset about it but I managed to get him back up with some pep talk. It was hard for me to know my friend was suffering but getting him back on his feet made me feel better about myself too.

 

As for the dating, I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable being so bold as making moves on a girl that involves touching, kissing, and the like. But I did come up with an idea, the girls on my floor that I hang out with have shown interest in helping me break through my problems so I proposed something, a practice date. Basically I take one girl out while the others watch and critique me on it.

 

It sounds weird, I know, but getting some perspective on what I'm doing wrong may help. I'm also hoping to hang out with the friend I called during the summer because he was quite the player before he got married, so hopefully he'll help me out as well.

[AKollegeGuy]

Kinda sad that some of Dust's comments are gone, I liked them.

 

Anyway, I went out with the people on my floor again two weekends ago, group dinner, ice cream, drinking, the usual college stuff I guess. Anyway we get to the house of one of the girl's boyfriend's home like last time and we start drinking and playing beer pong and all that. And playing with kittens, which led me to a conclusion that girls tend to get all cutesy talk with kittens or anything cute and adorable.

 

After a while, I was going into one of those friendly jabs with one of the girl's on my floor, I had leaned in because the was sitting and I was standing when another girl joking told the first girl to 'kiss him' (me). What happened next was a knife in the chest.

 

"Ew." she said.

 

That took me for a loop. Back in high school I was the guy girls said 'ew' about and that brought up real bad memories and feelings that alcohol was not making better. I later asked her why she said that about me and her response was 'because you're older.' I'm 6 years older than her, how is that considered 'too old'?

 

Anyway after getting that sorted out, I managed to make another social faux pas (that I don't want to talk about) that I fixed, though it did remind me how socially inept I am. It was also awkward that the girl that we had the first party for because her bf broke up with her was back with him and had invited him along. I really distrust the guy, but what can I do?

 

On the plus side I managed to get a kiss on the cheek from two of the girls. Not bad for someone with extremly little social skills.

 

But I have confirmed that none of the girls are 'interested' in me as a bf. Plus they upped the dosage of my meds, making me feel more like a zombie at times, but it beats the panicky, get a gf now or it will never happen feeling. But I will be going back home in two weeks and my time in college will be over, the time where you're supposed to live and love, and have crazy sex times will go with me still in the dust, bumbling around while people I've known from elementary school are getting married and having kids.

 

It's like the mom of the house we partied at said to me 'you've lived a boring life.'

[AKollegeGuy]

This will be my final entry into this thread. With my college days coming to an end I feel that I should leave this behind me and work on my future.

 

My depression and anger to my own virginity, while foolish to some, is still eating away at my core. I have been able to boost myself up with making new friends in college as well as reuniting with ones I haven't seen in years. While I am unhappy that I have to leave some of these friends when I go back home, I see it as sign that I am capable of making friends past the ones I made in high school long ago.

 

Unfortunately I hit a rather hard snag a few days ago when after talking to one of these new friends, a girl, I had inadvertently began talking about my suicidal thoughts. She was discussing a problem with two boys she liked which lead to the drama and I am ill equipped to handle other people’s drama and I let it slip about how being a virgin felt like. To make a long story short she offered her help and gave me her phone number in case I needed someone to talk to. Later on, however, I had discovered that she and other people had gotten together and called the police about my suicidal thoughts. After a discussion with the police I was unhappy about the incident for the rest of the night. But the ordeal made me see how others perceived me.

 

With a big chapter closing in my life, I have asked myself the same questions when I first realized that I was miserable. Am I happy? No. Am I better than when I started? No, but I have been far worse during my time here. Is being a virgin a mark of shame for me? Big time. Did I enjoy college? Only the last part and barely. Did I get what I came here to do? Yes. In the end I think while I did suffer, I achieved my academic goals, and that’s what’s really important.

 

Still, I’m not sure what I’m going to do for the future. Perhaps I’ll try to find a girlfriend…maybe I will end my life. I’m not sure. Bu tcollege is behind me and now I have to focus on other things for the time being. I just hope that this was all worth it in the end.

[casanovadude81]

Maybe you could make a throw away email for me to contact you outside this site. That stinks what happened with people calling the police on you. Kind of funny too I hope you see some humor in it.

[FredRutherford]

No need to bail out.

You're still going to need help as it's usually harder to meet women outside of college, where the supply of women is abundant.

Once you get into cubicle land, you'll see how difficult it is getting out there and not as easy as it was when women were all around you.

Talkin' from experience here.

 

Have some tips I plan to give you, including linking you to the thread I may have posted in this thread, the thread on helping guys in their late 20s, 30s and 40s meet women. I think the tips there could help you.

[dmmm]

No need to bail out.

You're still going to need help as it's usually harder to meet women outside of college, where the supply of women is abundant.

Once you get into cubicle land, you'll see how difficult it is getting out there and not as easy as it was when women were all around you.

Talkin' from experience here.

 

Have some tips I plan to give you, including linking you to the thread I may have posted in this thread, the thread on helping guys in their late 20s, 30s and 40s meet women. I think the tips there could help you.

 

 

Hi Fred

 

Any chance you could give me the same tips? I'm pretty much in the same boat at the same age

[somedude81]

No need to bail out.

You're still going to need help as it's usually harder to meet women outside of college, where the supply of women is abundant.

Once you get into cubicle land, you'll see how difficult it is getting out there and not as easy as it was when women were all around you.

Talkin' from experience here.

 

Have some tips I plan to give you, including linking you to the thread I may have posted in this thread, the thread on helping guys in their late 20s, 30s and 40s meet women. I think the tips there could help you.

ROFL!

 

I don't think, "It's only going to get harder from here," is the right kind of encouragement to give to somebody who is suicidal.

[FredRutherford]

Hi Fred

 

Any chance you could give me the same tips? I'm pretty much in the same boat at the same age

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/269779-_for-those-who-cant-get-dates-their-late-20s-30s-40s

[king]

Forget about women for a year. Assume that you are on a year ban from dating and you are trying hard to avoid women.

 

Now that your education is over and you have achieved your academic goals, focus on your career - nothing succeeds like success - a swell high paying job with a swanky car, might turn around the situation.

 

Lastly, women and sex are over romanticized by the media - very soon after you loose virginity you might feel - "is this all to it - so much hype about sex".

 

Good luck. There is more to life than just fu**ing.

[dmmm]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/269779-_for-those-who-cant-get-dates-their-late-20s-30s-40s

 

Thanks..That's a great thread..Already posted on it!

[AKollegeGuy]

Breaking my own rule here, but just clarifying on something. I'm quitting this thread not loveshack.com. Just felt that this thread had run its course.

[FredRutherford]

Breaking my own rule here, but just clarifying on something. I'm quitting this thread not loveshack.com.

 

Just felt that this thread had run its course.

Unfortunately, your challenges will be bigger.

Depending on the field of work you're in, and the ratio of males to females, it may be more difficult to meet women than in college where you have many activities, social functions and get-togethers.

 

As you leave the insulated college world, you'll need to socialize even more and not keep yourself cooped-up in your apt.

 

 

Am I happy? No. Am I better than when I started? No, but I have been far worse during my time here.

 

Is being a virgin a mark of shame for me? Big time.

 

Why would you be ashamed to be a virgin?

 

If you hold religious views, then that's admirable.

Many respect and admire those that hold out for the right person, trying to honor God's rules, etc.

 

If not, and it's more a matter of being shy, timing and not taking advantage of women, that's fine too.

There's nothing "wrong" about being a virgin or non-virgin.

 

As an adult, you don't needed to be saddled with this irrational view that as a virgin, you're somehow "less" of a man.

[xisnotx]

In my experience..all you have to do is decide it's going to happen.

 

Then you figure out which girls are willing to give it up.

 

And you put yourself in situations where it can happen.

 

A big misconception I see a lot is that it's a smooth process. Sometimes it can get ugly...it is their essence you are trying to take. She's not going to give it up without a fight..

[vk2goh]

I wouldn't put too much thought into it, even though a lot of modern advertising and media seems to communicate it

 

There's also a risk of getting STD or someone pregnant, which will lead onto more problems

 

Finding the right person and being devoted to them is more important.