The OW, MM, and a baby

[lynne76]

It sounds to me like you're already well on your way to getting over this guy

[optomistic_nonsense]

Well nobody likes to beat a dead horse but I figured I'd throw in an update on my MM situation. So...he was out of the office ALL last week due to the birth of his daughter. It was good. I was happy for him, and him being physically away was helping, even though he decided to give me a ring on his ride home from the hospital.

 

Anywho, today was his first day back. The emotional volcano that followed was NOT what I had expected to happen. I was expecting the strong me to prevail and move forward with how I had been the previous week, but no...as soon as I saw him, the air around me was vacuumed away, and I had a complete and total breakdown. Into the bathroom I ran, cried, put myself back together, and went back to my seat.

 

Then the e-mails started. "Are you ok?" "How have you been?" "Things were crazy...can't believe I'm a dad" "I missed you" "I want to talk about us, about the baby, etc"

 

All of which I replied to with either one-worded answers, or simply deleted them. By the end of the day, I got over my little debbie-downer episode and put a smile back on my face and tried to be all "sunshine and lollopops" about the situation.

 

So, quitting time makes its way around, I leave, walk to my car...my phone rings. It's him. I answered, we talked for about 20 mins, super weird. He wants to take things "one day at a time" and see what happens.

 

What. The EFF. Really? I mean...is this normal? So, my anger problems decided to surface after we got off the phone. I was fuming to say the least. He dropped the whole "I really need you in my life" blah blah BLAH. Well if that's the case buddy...you need to choose ONE or the other. He's still basting in the newness of his daughter, so he needs time to enjoy that 'n whatnot...but I'm at the end of my rope here.

 

Wow. Just...wow. I assumed he'd come back around with time, but this...the first day back? Hm. Am I missing something?

[fooled once]

Why are you still involved?

 

Why are you answering his calls, returning his emails?

 

What happened to he is a DAD now and you were done?

[highviolet]

Optimistic, just need to throw this out there-

 

It is safe to say there is NO WAY he is going to leave his wife so soon after the baby is born. Even if he wants to, he will say, I can't do that to my wife, etc, etc... And you've already said you don't want to be the homewrecker.

 

Soooo, knowing that, the only reason for you to continue contact with him is for you to keep being a side piece, while he plays house at home with mommy and baby. You already know you don't want that.

 

How long is he gonna keep stringing you along? Till the baby's one? two? Three? five? When is it a good time to leave one's wife and child? It's never going to be. You cannot waste years of your life on this man. You need to start getting over him, and the only way to do that is NC, and start now. There is no reason to keep it up, unless you want to be the OW for years . Please stop letting him string you along!

[BB07]

Why are you still involved?

 

Why are you answering his calls, returning his emails?

 

What happened to he is a DAD now and you were done?

 

THIS!

 

Hon he is doing nothing but using you to get his ego strokes........he is not about him caring about you and yes I know that hurts to hear it but the sooner you accept this, then you can move on.

[Gotti25]

This A is going no where. Your gonna end up wasting a whole lot of years regreting this. No way his leaving his fam!! Your just a side kick for him I know trust me!!! And seriously find another job! I am a MW and I went out with my co worker twice he kissed me we where pretty intoxicated and let me tell you I had to face him at work the next day he was completely head over heels. I said what happend last night will never ever happend again and guess what this happend 7 months ago and we still hang out and work together and never discuss what has happend he knows better soo his doing his own thing dating other chicks so we are just good friends but he has feelings for me he wrote me on facebook when he went to thailand that he missed me I said I miss you too hommie get back soon so we can hang!! Plain and simple. I have noo feelings for this person what so ever and I think he does for me sooooo I get it!! As for my OM another one he is an A******* called all the time even on christmas when I was with my H what a waste of time!! And me as a MW I absolutely have no feelings for any of these guys call me bad hate me is the truth and that's probably how your MM thinks!!!

[Lucky_One]

You know why I think you keep saying WTF, and what does this meeaaannnn?

 

Because you want someone here to tell you that this guy is head over heels, and that he is going leave his wife post-haste, and that he calls you ASAP because he is so incredibly in love with you that he can't stand it.

 

And have you noticed that no one is saying that?

 

He has a wife who has blood coming out of a torn vagina, whose breasts are swollen and aching, and who is raging with hormones, with a baby who cries for hours at night and a house that is semi-chaotic.

 

He is going to call you OF COURSE. She won't be cleared for sex for another 5 weeks, and she is exhausted and in no mood right now to give him a BJ. He wants a return to familiar, to easy, to zero demands - and that is you.

 

Sorry, but his calling you isn't a measure of anything righteous and ordained from the Gods above.

[gilluk]

slightly different here but ive gone on to have 2 babies since i met my mm, it didnt change anything, actually it made me feel more close to him, he even came to a scan when noone else could, which was for me lovely, my kids up till they hit nursery have met him my 3 year old is all over him when he visits..i know how all that sounds, theres just no way to explain the things we do i just hope that someone somewhere understands

[mitchell]

Give the poor guy some slack. His wife just had a baby. He probably hasn't had sex in a few weeks and she likely cannot have sex for at least 6 weeks. He needs to find someone who can provide him with some easy sex for a nice release. The OP is the perfect person!

 

OP, you need to go NC with this guy. He's bad news and you are weak. Perhaps you should even consider getting a new job and changing your phone numbers.

[bentnotbroken]

slightly different here but ive gone on to have 2 babies since i met my mm, it didnt change anything, actually it made me feel more close to him, he even came to a scan when noone else could, which was for me lovely, my kids up till they hit nursery have met him my 3 year old is all over him when he visits..i know how all that sounds, theres just no way to explain the things we do i just hope that someone somewhere understands

 

 

:eek:WOW! everytime I think I have heard the lowest I could hear...something else comes along.

[Bionic Me]

Why are you still involved?

 

Why are you answering his calls, returning his emails?

 

What happened to he is a DAD now and you were done?

 

 

Yeah, I would like to know the same.

 

You may not be "Debbie Downer" but you're being his "Debbie Diary". He is (probably even unconsciously) using you and you are allowing him.

 

Do as you say. It is really THAT simple or else, you will be who you make yourself out to be. As you said it yourself, a "homewrecker". If that's who you want to be, then the choice is yours. I can see this spinning out of control pretty soon. You'll go back to the romancing the stones with him and when this dude tells you that he's a JC Penny's taking "family" portraits, you will most likely blow off and go tell his wife. Do you have any idea of what giving birth to a child is?

 

You sound like you are not going to build the nerves to stop entertaining his b*llsh*t. You heard him say "talk about US" and you didn't stop him in his tracks. I highly doubt you will, when you're furtherly caught up. Good luck! You have a tough road ahead.

[Bionic Me]

slightly different here but ive gone on to have 2 babies since i met my mm, it didnt change anything, actually it made me feel more close to him, he even came to a scan when noone else could, which was for me lovely, my kids up till they hit nursery have met him my 3 year old is all over him when he visits..i know how all that sounds, theres just no way to explain the things we do i just hope that someone somewhere understands

 

 

Say what? I don't understand this. Who had 2 kids? You or the MM? and if its you, who are you having kids with? Are you a MW?

[gilluk]

:eek:WOW! everytime I think I have heard the lowest I could hear...something else comes along.

 

 

and your prob right to say that..each to their own opinion i say..i personally dont think its low its wanting him to be the man in my life..

[bentnotbroken]

and your prob right to say that..each to their own opinion i say..i personally dont think its low its wanting him to be the man in my life..

 

 

Low doing that to others without their knowledge...yup!

[tinktronik]

I found out my H (now exH) was having an affair weeks after the birth of our youngest. He actually was juggling several affairs; real life and internet. He too left the hospital and contacted one of his OW to share/gloat/ get attention.

 

One cell phone left out in the wrong place was all it took to blow my world and the world of my children apart. One tiny, tiny mistake. It turned what should have been one of the most happy times of my and my children's and families lives into a torturous, chaotic and painful time. My child who should have had a mother and father quietly, lovingly gazing down at him instead had an angry, manipulative (caught out) father and a mother breastfeeding him while sobbing, thrown into depression, confused and nearly suicidal. It turned all of our lives into hell. By all I mean everyone except my H, he was getting all the attention he needed. All eyes were on him. What a selfish rush this was for him. That is how I remember the birth of my youngest. That's what will forever cloud his birth and the time surrounding it; pain, emotional upheaval, confusion, betrayal of me and of our newborn.

 

OP do you want that little, momentary, thoughtless mistake to destroy the comfort and first days of an innocent baby's life? Regardless of your intent that mistake takes only a second to make and it always happens sooner or later. If you don't then go NC. Give this mother and child a time when their family is not under threat. I know that the husband and father in this family is a party to this but you have an option here. Leave this family in a "safe zone" at least for a while, at least until such a time that the revelation of this affair will be more easily handled emotionally by all if discovered.