Noregret Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Took me 8 months of struggle to get here. When I broke up with the xMM, I thought he died or something. The void was GRAVE! What's worst, I see him 5 days a week!?! While my self-esteem went down to negative 00, I came across this book, that helped me look at myself, and figure out what I should have avoided.. Sometimes, or many times we fall into this OW/OM crap, without intention. I know I had NO intention. Having loved him for 3 yrs, I didn't open my mouth because I knew he was married or give him signs. However, he found out in the 3rd year while we were doing over time and we broke up 8 months later. I guess I went along with the A, because I was living a fantasy that I have been weaving for 3 years. But I'm glad d-day happened, else I would have never been able to take him out of my thoughts... Here's the book for us gals... It is called Straight Talk, No Chaser by Steve Harvey. It is to the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Wandaland Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I think you should warn your xMM's wife about him. No one deserves to be with a terrible man like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Took me 8 months of struggle to get here. When I broke up with the xMM, I thought he died or something. The void was GRAVE! What's worst, I see him 5 days a week!?! I am extremely interested in how you got over him when you see hinm 5 days a week. I see an ex at work and have just started nc 3 weeks ago but it doesn't seem to be getting better. Does it just take time or must you avoid them? Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 How did you get over him when you see him so often? I haven't seen MM for 5 months anywhere and I am still not over him yet. Gentlegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noregret Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 I am extremely interested in how you got over him when you see hinm 5 days a week. I see an ex at work and have just started nc 3 weeks ago but it doesn't seem to be getting better. Does it just take time or must you avoid them? I am 10 months into my break-up. It was not easy, because I he did try to keep LC with me, and vice versa but all personal e-mails were off. As a person, if someone hints that they don't want me in their life, I create a distance. Same with my MM. I became distant. My exchange with him was to the point. Even if he tried to talk at length or start topics, I would just talk to a certain point. Like I never asked him after the DDay - "oh how was your weekend?"... he still asks me. And all I say is "Good. Just very fast." That's it.. No details. Don't need to give any. Then when it came to his birthday which was HUGEEEEEE deal for me, prior to our break-up, I just had a small b'day lunch, like i organize for everyone else. This year, I have stopped celebrating birthdays all together. HOWEVER... he was away ON his birthday, so we celebrated it the next day. But I did e-mail him on his birthday to wish him. He responded. However, someone forgot my birthday (or did he pretend??). He wore my fav sweater (first time in the year), that too two days before my birthday but no wishing me on the day of. And three days later he casually comes to ask me when my birthday was? He said he thought it was in this range, but didn't know the date. And this same person was so upbeat about my birthday last year. Then again personal interest was a big thing. As much as I enjoyed him getting personal, I realized that it was making me weak. I always felt that i owed him an explaination, or just owed him everything. So it was best if I didn't ask how things were with him, unless he voluntereed. Again, when I went away for a while on vacation, I did not hear from him. No wishing me a safe trip (i always did!), new year or xmas. So more distance there.. Recently, when I lost someone, he gave me a quick hug, which lasted less than 10 secs. I pulled away because I didn't want to look weak. So there.. And ofcourse, I have put my defenses up because he knows he makes me weak. Still does. But is it worth it?? I just see couples walking on street, holding hands and I get reminded of how he wanted me to be a secret. One minute we would have shared everything and next minute, we are strangers. Worst was he said THANK YOU after we got physical. I thought being him was joy not a service... So little things like these were helping. Its been 10 months and I have awful memory. But this is just a jist of it. Remember -- DISTANCE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noregret Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) How did you get over him when you see him so often? I haven't seen MM for 5 months anywhere and I am still not over him yet. Gentlegirl I guess it is a little different when you have not seen the person. When you do see the person regulary, you see the true colors when things are put to test. For me, I hear him talking about his wife, home etc. and makes me burn. Then when we parted ways, I would hate to hear him talk to his wife, but again they have a life together and you have to understand that. No matter what, they have bonded for a reason. We are the outsider. And that guilt used to eat me too.. Coming from a family with couples who have been married 30,40,50 years - being an OW was shameful for me. When you see someone often, you say to yourself - OK EITHER THIS WILL MAKE ME OR BREAK ME. If it breaks me, the career is gone because there will be rumour mills, and I won't have a good impression. If it makes me, I will be a better/wiser person, learn from my mistakes and move on. I decided that I will make myself. I put up this strong front, didn't matter if I cried all night, had nightmares or imagined him with his wife. But one thing, there was a slight relief, because I knew for sure that he was not mine and I didn't have to give every detail to him and him to me (no matter how much I loved doing it!!!). I realized that I didn't want to spend every waking moment thinking about him (which I still do!!), when he doesn't care two spoons. I started taking more care about myself. I started working out, taking more courses, laughing, joking, partying with family, meeting friends more often - ALL THAT I GAVE UP WITH HIM (Big Mistake!). Gentle Girl, it takes time, but it also gets easier with time. When someone cares for you, they would do anything to get back together. Since we had split for just ONE day before, the final break-up broke my trust entirely. And he didn't do much to gain it back. So..... Edited May 24, 2011 by Noregret Link to post Share on other sites
Wandaland Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I'm actually serious about you warning your xMM's wife about him though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noregret Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 I'm actually serious about you warning your xMM's wife about him though. Thanks Wandaland. I don't wish to do that, as this will cause nothing but humiliation for me and her. Women get more affected.. And I have decided to move on. Telling his wife about him means going back to the past. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Why to you want everyone to tell the W about the A?? I would never tell my MM's wife, and would probably deny it all if she confronted me. It is not my place to tell her, i don't know her. Or do I want to. I'm involved with him. Obviously we have a Secret bond, why would I ever tell on him or myself. That would just be plain stupid, if you ask me. Remember the color yellow....^^^^^^right there. But since the post wasn't directed at you telling anyone anything, you don't have a problem do you. The post was directed at a person that the responders felt might do something to help someone other than themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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