Is cheating equally wrong in both genders?

[Lizzie60]

I have to disagree... I think that in our society a woman is judged much harsher if she cheats... We are used to hear that men cheat (most do LOL).. men have multiple wives and it's OK in many cultures... etc...

[Owl]

I PERSONALLY don't believe its "more wrong" for either gender.

 

I don't know that society in general judges one as worse than the other.

 

I do agree with Woggle's observation that women friends seem to be more likely to aid each other in doing this kind of thing moreso than men typically do.

 

I have no statistics to back that up...just my perception. I've seen it happen both ways mind you...but it just seems more common that women will support each other more than men will.

[ladydesigner]

I PERSONALLY don't believe its "more wrong" for either gender.

 

I don't know that society in general judges one as worse than the other.

 

I do agree with Woggle's observation that women friends seem to be more likely to aid each other in doing this kind of thing moreso than men typically do.

 

I have no statistics to back that up...just my perception. I've seen it happen both ways mind you...but it just seems more common that women will support each other more than men will.

 

Yep in my case they did. After discovering my H's A's every single one of my friends told me that I needed to have my own fling. The only person who gave me sane advice was my mother (who had a couple of A's in her past), she knew.

 

I chose wrong.

[Spark1111]

I PERSONALLY don't believe its "more wrong" for either gender.

 

I don't know that society in general judges one as worse than the other.

 

I do agree with Woggle's observation that women friends seem to be more likely to aid each other in doing this kind of thing moreso than men typically do.

 

I have no statistics to back that up...just my perception. I've seen it happen both ways mind you...but it just seems more common that women will support each other more than men will.

 

Owl, I respectfully disagree. I think women will aid another woman if she has painted a loveless, miserable marriage by no fault of her own!

 

However, I have seen a group of men, many happily married, get rediculously sexual in innuendo when a a young, scantily clad babe walks by.....and everyone is really okay with it.

 

Sorta like, boys will be boys...

[Owl]

Owl, I respectfully disagree. I think women will aid another woman if she has painted a loveless, miserable marriage by no fault of her own!

 

However, I have seen a group of men, many happily married, get rediculously sexual in innuendo when a a young, scantily clad babe walks by.....and everyone is really okay with it.

 

Sorta like, boys will be boys...

 

Did they push their married friend to pursue it further? Recommend that he actually "do something"?

 

Or was it guys talking trash?

 

That's the thing...guys will talk trash amongst themselves. But I'd say that most true friends wouldn't think about suggesting that he actually pursue anything with someone else.

 

But if a woman paints the picture to her friend that she's in a loveless marriage...her friends will chime in and help her carry on whatever.

 

Heck...my wife was one of those "friends" many, many years ago. I was gone on deployment, she made friends with another GI's wife...told me all about how this poor woman was in an abusive relationship, etc... Mentioned that she'd started seeing someone else...which I didn't approve of. My wife watched her kids for her a couple of times.

 

After I came back, I got to know this woman and her H. Her H loved her, trusted her, and was far from abusive. In fact...he was whipped.

 

The truth turned out to be that this woman had never had a successful monogamous relationship before. She wasn't in an exit affair...she was seeing multiple other men and cheating on her H with all of them. But she'd convinced my wife that she was in a horrible marriage and was going to leave for one other guy...and my wife bought it and supported her until we learned the truth.

[Woggle]

My ex had friends who encouraged her to cheat as well. I also used to work with two women that talked about their cheating as if it was the greatest feminist act of defiance ever. I don't know if most women feel this way but I have seen it often.

[PerpetualMotion]

I've seen a woman on TV recommend other women to cheat when they feel their husbands aren't giving them what they need (sexually, financially, whatever it is).

 

On the other hand, I also saw the news of a woman that confronted the OW, beat the crap out of her and then uploaded the video to Orkut.

 

Women can be scary...

[Snowflower]

 

But if a woman paints the picture to her friend that she's in a loveless marriage...her friends will chime in and help her carry on whatever.

 

Heck...my wife was one of those "friends" many, many years ago. I was gone on deployment, she made friends with another GI's wife...told me all about how this poor woman was in an abusive relationship, etc... Mentioned that she'd started seeing someone else...which I didn't approve of. My wife watched her kids for her a couple of times.

 

After I came back, I got to know this woman and her H. Her H loved her, trusted her, and was far from abusive. In fact...he was whipped.

 

The truth turned out to be that this woman had never had a successful monogamous relationship before. She wasn't in an exit affair...she was seeing multiple other men and cheating on her H with all of them. But she'd convinced my wife that she was in a horrible marriage and was going to leave for one other guy...and my wife bought it and supported her until we learned the truth.

 

Thanks for sharing this, owl. Your story here made me think...a lot of affairs between platonic members of the opposite sex start in a very similar way as what you describe here.

 

There are certain types of people who will gladly distort the truth about their relationship for pity, attention, validation, who knows. It appears your wife's friend was one of those.

 

Again, change the participants to one of each gender and there is the breeding ground for an affair.

 

Makes you go hmmm....

[whammy]

I used to think it is worse for women to cheat but that was back in high school. I have since taken women off the pedestal. Women are no different then men and in fact I think they are worse in relationships. I have yet to meet a good woman...a truly good woman. There are so many selfish, cruel, messed up women out there that I dont even take them seriously anymore when it comes to relationships, which is why ill never get married. tying your future and your finances to a womans romantic interests is beyond insane in my opinion. So no, i think it is equal because women are not any less likely to cheat. In fact, what I have learned from, personal experiences and, recent studies, women cheat quite a bit more than men.

 

but when it comes to the actual physical act aspect of things, i think it is worse. for a man to get sex, it takes some amount of skill. for a woman to get laid, it takes...being alive. In most situations, for someone to exploit something so easy, people would say you are weak. Which is why i hate women complaining about the "slut double standard" that women complain about so much. "its cool for a man to get many sex partners but if women do we are sluts" My question to women that say that is...who is it cool with? not other men, as much as movies and tv make you think it. real men dont give a sh*t about the sex lives of other men. We dont high five each other say "awesome bro, you banged 3 chics this week, your the coolest!" so once again, who is it cool with? who rewards these men for bangin lots of chics?....thats right...you (women) do![/QUOTE]

 

Say what????

 

 

s." go read studies. I am confident in the truth of the studies i read that say cheating women outnumber cheating men these days and that men are now more romantic as well. listen to how men talk about thier marriages. You will hear alot of "i worship the ground she walks on, love at first sight, queen of my heart, etc..." Women will talk about things like about what she gave up for this, how marriage isnt as fulfilling as she tought, etc...

 

and on the second part, im serious. We hear it all the time. "its ok for men to have lots of sex but when women do it they are sluts" but what women dont say is they are the ones rewarding these men by allowing them to have sex with and discard the)women. Men dont care about other mens sex lives (well real men dont...I dont...no man I know does)... so it is not men who think it is cool for other men to have sex with lots of girls. so when women say "its ok for men to have lots of sex partners but not us" they leave out the part where they should say "but we are the ones who think it is cool and make the choice to be the next girl he sleeps with"

Edited April 7, 2011 by whammy

[Woggle]

 

 

s." go read studies. I am confident in the truth of the studies i read that say cheating women outnumber cheating men these days and that men are now more romantic as well. listen to how men talk about thier marriages. You will hear alot of "i worship the ground she walks on, love at first sight, queen of my heart, etc..." Women will talk about things like about what she gave up for this, how marriage isnt as fulfilling as she tought, etc...

 

and on the second part, im serious. We hear it all the time. "its ok for men to have lots of sex but when women do it they are sluts" but what women dont say is they are the ones rewarding these men by allowing them to have sex with and discard the)women. Men dont care about other mens sex lives (well real men dont...I dont...no man I know does)... so it is not men who think it is cool for other men to have sex with lots of girls. so when women say "its ok for men to have lots of sex partners but not us" they leave out the part where they should say "but we are the ones who think it is cool and make the choice to be the next girl he sleeps with"

 

Exactly. Men would not be able to be players without women lining up to sleep with them.

[threebyfate]

I've stopped giving a rats ass about cheaters and those low enough to cheat with them.

 

Woggle, stop giving people who don't care about you any power over your life. In remaining fixated on cheating, you give them energy you should be giving in a positive way, to your loved ones which includes yourself.

[Woggle]

I am reading some of the comments from women on this article and if a female celebrity ever had a scandal like Tiger Woods or John Edwards they would have a ton of support. Not from all women but they would have a cheering section.

[bentnotbroken]

I am reading some of the comments from women on this article and if a female celebrity ever had a scandal like Tiger Woods or John Edwards they would have a ton of support. Not from all women but they would have a cheering section.

 

 

Woggle...don't. There have been women celebrities over the years who have been dogged royally for their actions. Why dig for the dirt? We all ready know it is there. We just don't have to live in it or shovel more onto the pile.

[Woggle]

Woggle...don't. There have been women celebrities over the years who have been dogged royally for their actions. Why dig for the dirt? We all ready know it is there. We just don't have to live in it or shovel more onto the pile.

 

Maybe these types of articles just attract gender haters on both sides and aren't reflective of the general population but I am pretty disgusted now.

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe these types of articles just attract gender haters on both sides and aren't reflective of the general population but I am pretty disgusted now.

 

 

Go look at your wife and love on her. She is representative of what the majority thinks and how they behave.

[threebyfate]

I am reading some of the comments from women on this article and if a female celebrity ever had a scandal like Tiger Woods or John Edwards they would have a ton of support. Not from all women but they would have a cheering section.

Yup, you've picked up the crack pipe again.

 

Woggle, there are no guarantees in life for anything. You could get killed in a car accident tomorrow, whether you're driving, being a passenger or crossing the street. Does this mean you shouldn't leave the house anymore?

 

Do stop being silly and wasting effort on things completely out of your control. Like cheaters. Like who really gives a crap about which gender cheats more or less? I know I don't. They're all lumped into the same pile of who gives a crap.

[dreamingoftigers]

 

 

s." go read studies. I am confident in the truth of the studies i read that say cheating women outnumber cheating men these days and that men are now more romantic as well. listen to how men talk about thier marriages. You will hear alot of "i worship the ground she walks on, love at first sight, queen of my heart, etc..." Women will talk about things like about what she gave up for this, how marriage isnt as fulfilling as she tought, etc...

 

Sources, please. These really shouldn't include anything from askmen or sosuave. It would be a good exercise to see such a claim backed.

 

and on the second part, im serious. We hear it all the time. "its ok for men to have lots of sex but when women do it they are sluts" but what women dont say is they are the ones rewarding these men by allowing them to have sex with and discard the)women. Men dont care about other mens sex lives (well real men dont...I dont...no man I know does)... so it is not men who think it is cool for other men to have sex with lots of girls. so when women say "its ok for men to have lots of sex partners but not us" they leave out the part where they should say "but we are the ones who think it is cool and make the choice to be the next girl he sleeps with"

 

Now quite frankly.... I don't know if you have heard of this before but men lie to get sex.

 

Often.

 

Not all men, not even most men. But the type that play girls are often pretending to at least be in quasi relationships with them.

 

In fact my husband who had a high number of sexual partners before he met me, really put me back. It actually turned my stomach until he proved to me that he wanted to leave his past behind him. It took me about 2 years to see fully past that (ironically he started cheating long after that). I don't view myself as having rewarded his sordid past, but his efforts to leave that behind him. I was willing to give him a chance based on his other qualities.

 

When he has gone out looking for affairs and flings he lies to those girls too.

 

We could nicely say that the naive reward lying with sex.

[dreamingoftigers]

I've stopped giving a rats ass about cheaters and those low enough to cheat with them.

 

Woggle, stop giving people who don't care about you any power over your life. In remaining fixated on cheating, you give them energy you should be giving in a positive way, to your loved ones which includes yourself.

 

I second this and cheer it on. Has any woman on LS ever told you that they hope your wife cheats on you and dumps your "useless male ass?"

 

I am reading some of the comments from women on this article and if a female celebrity ever had a scandal like Tiger Woods or John Edwards they would have a ton of support. Not from all women but they would have a cheering section.

 

Not to start a gender flaming war here, but when has there been a female Tiger Woods equivalent? And why would any halfway sane woman cheer that on?

 

Key word here: sane.

You can live your life looking at the craziest things in the world but if you set that as a benchmark for your life, you end up judging yourself and others but what 'crazy is doing.'

 

I personally would rather look at "what sane is doing" and set my sights that way.

 

What's your choice?

[Woggle]

There hasn't but if there ever was one I bet she would get a ton of support. Not from all women but she would have her supporters.

[dreamingoftigers]

There hasn't but if there ever was one I bet she would get a ton of support. Not from all women but she would have her supporters.

 

Charlie Sheen has a ton of supporters, is he healthy or sane?

[Woggle]

Charlie Sheen has a ton of supporters, is he healthy or sane?

 

Not at all but I think most people like the trainwreck aspect and find it entertaining.

[dreamingoftigers]

Quite frankly unhealthy and insane opinions surfacing trouble me. Some LS poster's opinions trouble me. BUT if someone like Charlie Sheen came up to my door tomorrow and told me that the way I was living my life and my beliefs were all "bunk" and that I was "duh, losing!" because I didn't drive what kind of car he drove or whatever......

 

I wouldn't really take it too seriously, I also would be disturbed, but I wouldn't change on account of him because he lives his life in a way that (from my limited perspective) I don't respect. Aside from giving to Japan. That part was okay.

 

He is unhealthy and not sane.(from what I have seen on clips etc) In fact he is so mentally and relationally screwed-up that I wouldn't even want his life or to trade places with him if it meant having his issues. All of his money doesn't even sway me.

 

The other side of that coin is not only not taking his criticism (etc) seriously but that I wouldn't fuel it by doing a round-the-world tour condemning it either. The more attention I give that lifestyle, the more attention it gets.

 

If I choose to sit around and fixate on what Charlie Sheen is doing, that means that I have become a spectator to "crazy" and that I am giving it more creedence in my life then it deserves.

 

What we seek out in life becomes a part of us. If you keep seeking out the worst in humanity, and the lowest of cheating women, you will keep finding them. There will never be an end to that source. If you seek out loyalty and examples of loyal wonderful women, then the opposite is true as well.

 

It's all about where you set your lense. But I think you already know that.

[fltc]

I think cheating is equally wrong for anyone regardless of gender but I do believe from what I've read here that the devastation may be a bit less for women cheated on than it is for men cheated on, I also think that maybe women can recover better than men can?

 

Maybe not but reading stories here leads me to believe that.

[dreamingoftigers]

Not at all but I think most people like the trainwreck aspect and find it entertaining.

 

Gotta admit I did find the trainwreck kind of shocking at first, but not because of who it was.

 

I did look at more clips in the beginning because I was so depressed at the time (right after mine and H's initial separation) and I would actually think "I may live in a messy place and be depressed and my husband and I are 99% done and I feel like a failure, but at least I am not as nuts as Charlie Sheen." It wasn't a fair way to think, but it did help...

 

 

But the wonderful thing is that we can decide what level we want to live on morally and relationally. No one can take that away from us. Every single woman in the world but 5 can be cheaters and you don't have to date any of them.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think cheating is equally wrong for anyone regardless of gender but I do believe from what I've read here that the devastation may be a bit less for women cheated on than it is for men cheated on, I also think that maybe women can recover better than men can?

 

Maybe not but reading stories here leads me to believe that.

 

Quite frankly, bull****.

 

I can't imagine anything more devastating. In my case I will be honest that I drew most of my self-esteem from my relationship and the rupture of it caused everything else in my life to be bleak and non-sensical.

 

I wanted to die for a long time but EMDR therapy helped that. Nothing has ever been worse in my life then my husband's cheating. Even my father's abuse and him trying to kill me. Even someone forcing things on me when I was younger.

 

Nothing was worse and quite frankly I think it will scar me the rest of my life. I don't think that I will ever feel good or even okay about my body.

 

I can't speak for every woman out there, but what I went through psychologically doesn't seem too far off the mark.

 

Men seem to be able to pick up and go to a different relationship and be angry with their ex-wife. I won't say that I think men have it easier but in general men seem to have their self-perception come from other things like their work etc.