The dreaded break up talk :-(

[whichwayisup]

I deleted him from everywhere, and I have faith I can do the nc on my end. But the text just gave me so much anxiety- I barely slept.

 

It makes me feel so crappy that he feels sorry for me. During the break up talk he just kept saying "I feel so bad"- then he said it again in a text afterward, then an e-mail- and then this text. I almost want to say "F-off! Stop feeling sorry for me, I'm fine!"

 

I don't understand why someone has to keep saying they feel bad for them. Honestly it's making me feel more bad about myself hearing that!

 

I don't think he's consciously playing a game, trying to make you feel bad .. But, this is going to drive you nuts until he stops and leaves you alone.

[threebyfate]

Consider call block, D.

[pandagirl]

You know what I think? As cliche as it sounds, I don't think he got a lot of love as a kid. I met his mom, and I really liked her, but she's a really weak woman, meek even. He said a few things in passing about feeling neglected as a kid. His dad is a bit narcissistic, and I think he lives in his own world.

 

Meh, back to analysing him again in order to know where I went wrong so I can fix him- I don't want that challenge.

 

Weird. Very similar parental background to my ex. Arrogant, narcissistic father, and a detached mother, resulting in a emotionally avoidant child! It's easy to analyze to find the "answers," I do the same thing. I think it's ok to do in moderation, but dwelling and ruminating on it is bad, because your mind will just go into -- what I like to call -- the black vortex of no good!

 

Another thing I think K or TBF mentioned -- try not to intellectualize your feelings. I have a tendency to do that too. It's almost like I try to think my way out of feeling a certain way, so you try to find answers, but emotions don't really work like that. Just let yourself feel what you're feeling.

 

I just wanted to throw this out, and I hope it isn't too personal, but are you on any meds right now? I saw this because people who suffer from depression have the tendency to ruminate -- a symptom of depression -- which only keeps you stuck in the state you're in. I find when I am on meds, that it's exponentially easier to snap myself out of that state.

[D-Lish]

I don't think he's consciously playing a game, trying to make you feel bad .. But, this is going to drive you nuts until he stops and leaves you alone.

 

I know he's not doing it consciously, and it's been 12 days since we had our good-bye emails to one another right after we broke up.

But I certainly don't need him checking in on me from time to time to see how I am doing after he broke my heart!

 

It's such a setback when you hear from them! I'm back to being teary eyed and sad all over again.

 

Consider call block, D.

 

Can I block his email address too?

I blocked him on fb.

I erased his # right away when I got the text- so I'd have to get another text to block him on my phone

[threebyfate]

Can I block his email address too?

I blocked him on fb.

I erased his # right away when I got the text- so I'd have to get another text to block him on my phone

You can filter his emails directly to trash so you don't have to see them.

[D-Lish]

I just wanted to throw this out, and I hope it isn't too personal, but are you on any meds right now? I saw this because people who suffer from depression have the tendency to ruminate -- a symptom of depression -- which only keeps you stuck in the state you're in. I find when I am on meds, that it's exponentially easier to snap myself out of that state.

 

I'm not at the moment- my dad suggested I should get back to taking the wellbutrin as it helped so much before. But I didn't want to run back to the meds over the break up. I think my dad is worried that given my history of depression that this situation will push me back into that horrible place I've visited in the past. I probably never should have gone off the meds in the first place!

[D-Lish]

You can filter his emails directly to trash so you don't have to see them.

 

Thank you:)

I'm sooooo not tech savy!

[pandagirl]

I'm not at the moment- my dad suggested I should get back to taking the wellbutrin as it helped so much before. But I didn't want to run back to the meds over the break up. I think my dad is worried that given my history of depression that this situation will push me back into that horrible place I've visited in the past. I probably never should have gone off the meds in the first place!

 

I think it might be something to consider. Your dad is right.

 

Depression can be triggered by any kind of event, whether a death, a breakup, or another sort of tragedy.

[Kamille]

I'm not at the moment- my dad suggested I should get back to taking the wellbutrin as it helped so much before. But I didn't want to run back to the meds over the break up. I think my dad is worried that given my history of depression that this situation will push me back into that horrible place I've visited in the past. I probably never should have gone off the meds in the first place!

 

Related questions: are you managing to sleep well? I find I stop ruminating if I can force my body into a good night of sleep, whether through taking valerian or going for an intense work out.

[dreamingoftigers]

[quote=Kamille;3356133

Great tip DOT. I'm going to see if can help me curtail my insane snacking habit. (Not extremely self-destructive, but I gained weight lately and I want to bring it down).

 

It has been great for that for me anyways.

[dreamingoftigers]

It is better to air on the side of caution and take the ADs until you are positive that you are past the dark side of this.

 

I don't like pharmaceuticals but there are a couple exceptions.

 

As well I would totally erase and ignore. Any response validates what would be considered in my books "poor" behaviour.

[D-Lish]

Related questions: are you managing to sleep well? I find I stop ruminating if I can force my body into a good night of sleep, whether through taking valerian or going for an intense work out.

 

Not at all- this past month I am lucky to get a few hours a night- and my sleep is always interrupted sleep. I wake up several times a night!

 

That's why I am thinking of getting my meds renewed- Something to help me sleep could help me loads!

 

Thanks again to everyone who has replied in my thread- it helps so much to process things this way.

[Art_Critic]

Hey D....

 

Pulling the bandaid off is always the best way to stop the hurting..

 

You have always spoke very highly of your Dad..

He is your confidant... maybe you should take what he is saying into consideration since he knows you the best.

 

Mad Love for you

[D-Lish]

Hey D....

 

Pulling the bandaid off is always the best way to stop the hurting..

 

You have always spoke very highly of your Dad..

He is your confidant... maybe you should take what he is saying into consideration since he knows you the best.

 

Mad Love for you

 

Mad Love for you too:love:

[The_411]

Dlish,

 

It took me 18 years to finally get on meds on stay on them. I loathe the idea of being dependent on medications but I've realized that I can't not take 'em because they boost my ability to focus (ADD diagnosis). I fought against because I hated taking medications but my productivity has increased and I'm much better at focusing. I also see my doc once a month.

 

Taking with someone and sticking with the meds should bring stability or least give you some relief from some difficult times.

 

From a man's perspective I will give some advice, unsolicited as it may be, that will help you with men going forward.

 

Men aren't very good at concealing their intentions. We pretty much think of women from a very simple frame of reference: a) someone we want to sleep with b) someone we don't want to sleep with

 

The relationship potential develops after we get to know you and determine if you are suitable partner.

 

The relationship part has little to do with the sex part in the sense that a man can't have a one stand with a woman's personality. Either we as men like you or we put up with you so we can sleep with you.

 

How does this relate to you?

 

You have greater options then us men do. We're supposed to pursue you and and woo you. Based on your picture and your discussion about your weight (I'm not trying to be shallow but rather honest) I'd gather you probably garner a lot of interest from men.

 

The key is separating the wheat from the chaff and learning how to filter men who are saying things simply to have sex and not follow-up and men who are actually legitimately interested in sex but also won't leave you high and dry.

 

I udnerstand it isn't easy, but if you go under the assumption that all straight men that you meet are trying to have sex with you. You can eliminate that guesisng portion of the game and cut to the chase.

 

Don't be afraid to ask questions you think will reveal a guy's personality.

 

The other thing is that you have to be quick to cut the cord when you see red flags and not be blinded by your feelings. This is much easier for us men becuase physiologicqally we operate from logic whereas women tend to operate from feelings.

 

Don't be afraid to show some vulnerability and/or weakness.

 

Ment are supposed to play the role of dominant figure if you don't let a guy do that he becomes emasculated.

 

I'm not suggesting you become some pushover because then you're going to get incompatability.

 

Your miscarrige did have a silver lining in that you found out early that this guy was completely unsuitable and a bad fit as a partner. Be thankful that it happened now as opposed to being 3-4 more years in, being married, and having some sever happening anf find him abandoning you or cheating on you.

 

Be mindful you can only control you and the more you try to the control something or someone the more they resist. That's why nagging really turns a guy off. We don't like to be told what to do.

 

Doesn't mean you can't upset or irritated and voice your displeasure. It means we don't like being scolded by our mother.

 

Easiest way to get us men to do things is to reward us.

[D-Lish]

Dlish,

 

It took me 18 years to finally get on meds on stay on them. I loathe the idea of being dependent on medications but I've realized that I can't not take 'em because they boost my ability to focus (ADD diagnosis). I fought against because I hated taking medications but my productivity has increased and I'm much better at focusing. I also see my doc once a month.

 

Taking with someone and sticking with the meds should bring stability or least give you some relief from some difficult times.

 

From a man's perspective I will give some advice, unsolicited as it may be, that will help you with men going forward.

 

Men aren't very good at concealing their intentions. We pretty much think of women from a very simple frame of reference: a) someone we want to sleep with b) someone we don't want to sleep with

 

The relationship potential develops after we get to know you and determine if you are suitable partner.

 

The relationship part has little to do with the sex part in the sense that a man can't have a one stand with a woman's personality. Either we as men like you or we put up with you so we can sleep with you.

 

How does this relate to you?

 

You have greater options then us men do. We're supposed to pursue you and and woo you. Based on your picture and your discussion about your weight (I'm not trying to be shallow but rather honest) I'd gather you probably garner a lot of interest from men.

 

The key is separating the wheat from the chaff and learning how to filter men who are saying things simply to have sex and not follow-up and men who are actually legitimately interested in sex but also won't leave you high and dry.

 

I udnerstand it isn't easy, but if you go under the assumption that all straight men that you meet are trying to have sex with you. You can eliminate that guesisng portion of the game and cut to the chase.

 

Don't be afraid to ask questions you think will reveal a guy's personality.

 

The other thing is that you have to be quick to cut the cord when you see red flags and not be blinded by your feelings. This is much easier for us men becuase physiologicqally we operate from logic whereas women tend to operate from feelings.

 

Don't be afraid to show some vulnerability and/or weakness.

 

Ment are supposed to play the role of dominant figure if you don't let a guy do that he becomes emasculated.

 

I'm not suggesting you become some pushover because then you're going to get incompatability.

 

Your miscarrige did have a silver lining in that you found out early that this guy was completely unsuitable and a bad fit as a partner. Be thankful that it happened now as opposed to being 3-4 more years in, being married, and having some sever happening anf find him abandoning you or cheating on you.

 

Be mindful you can only control you and the more you try to the control something or someone the more they resist. That's why nagging really turns a guy off. We don't like to be told what to do.

 

Doesn't mean you can't upset or irritated and voice your displeasure. It means we don't like being scolded by our mother.

 

Easiest way to get us men to do things is to reward us.

 

Thanks 411, that was helpful.

 

I made an appt today to talk to my Dr. about getting back on the meds.

I functioned much better when I was on them- and slept better too.

 

Everything you say makes sense about how men are and what they like and don't like. I've read enough books on men and how they operate- and I operate in that manner despite my knowledge.

 

During my pregnancy I became that nagging gf - but it was also a low time for me. Then when I saw he was distancing, I tried to pull him back when in essence I was shoving him away trying to control him (and the situation). A better man would have told me how it made him feel. I knew instinctively I was doing the opposite of what I should have been doing to keep him happy. In the first 3 months he made me feel safe and secure, and I didn't operate like "that girl"- but the pregnancy made me confused and needy, and when I wasn't getting enough of the support I needed, that's when I started trying to control everything.

 

I was completely open to change though, all he needed to do to make things better was to give me some guidance on what he needed from me. I've never dated a man with the ability to communicate, it would be such a refreshing change for me.

 

It helps getting a guys perspective!

[snug.bunny]

Thanks 411, that was helpful.

 

I made an appt today to talk to my Dr. about getting back on the meds.

I functioned much better when I was on them- and slept better too.

 

Everything you say makes sense about how men are and what they like and don't like. I've read enough books on men and how they operate- and I operate in that manner despite my knowledge.

 

During my pregnancy I became that nagging gf - but it was also a low time for me. Then when I saw he was distancing, I tried to pull him back when in essence I was shoving him away trying to control him (and the situation). A better man would have told me how it made him feel. I knew instinctively I was doing the opposite of what I should have been doing to keep him happy. In the first 3 months he made me feel safe and secure, and I didn't operate like "that girl"- but the pregnancy made me confused and needy, and when I wasn't getting enough of the support I needed, that's when I started trying to control everything.

 

I was completely open to change though, all he needed to do to make things better was to give me some guidance on what he needed from me. I've never dated a man with the ability to communicate, it would be such a refreshing change for me.

 

It helps getting a guys perspective!

 

This I think, is the heart of it. Being in a relationship with someone and sustaining it involves not just open communication, but effective communication. You've identified your part in negative communication "nagging, controlling", there may have been a better way with your response and behavior towards him when this all occurred, that would have enabled him to react differently versus shutdown. BUT, keep in mind, based on his past relationship history, his communication style is to shutdown and ultimately fade away mentally, even though he may still be there, in the flesh.

 

So, I wouldn't internalize this if I were you into "all the things wrong with D-Lish" and/or "all the things wrong with the ex". It seems he did care for you but he has limitations that he just couldn't get past. Sometimes there are red flags present initially, other times there are none and you can be years into a relationship and things start to manifest, or the relationship just dies over time, or someone does something to f it up.

 

I know it may not seem like a prize in the grand scheme of things, but you are and have been capable of loving someone, though it may not be returned in the way you'd like, you have given a part of yourself to someone, and that is a gift in itself.

[threebyfate]

This I think, is the heart of it. Being in a relationship with someone and sustaining it involves not just open communication, but effective communication. You've identified your part in negative communication "nagging, controlling", there may have been a better way with your response and behavior towards him when this all occurred, that would have enabled him to react differently versus shutdown. BUT, keep in mind, based on his past relationship history, his communication style is to shutdown and ultimately fade away mentally, even though he may still be there, in the flesh.

 

So, I wouldn't internalize this if I were you into "all the things wrong with D-Lish" and/or "all the things wrong with the ex". It seems he did care for you but he has limitations that he just couldn't get past. Sometimes there are red flags present initially, other times there are none and you can be years into a relationship and things start to manifest, or the relationship just dies over time, or someone does something to f it up.

 

I know it may not seem like a prize in the grand scheme of things, but you are and have been capable of loving someone, though it may not be returned in the way you'd like, you have given a part of yourself to someone, and that is a gift in itself.

I think it's important to emphasize that D was going through an unexpected pregnancy and then traumatic miscarriage with a guy who wasn't eager to be a father.

 

As a member who's had first-hand knowledge of what it's like to be pregnant, I can't imagine how my own insecurities would have manifested had I been with someone who didn't want our child. That I had the loving support of a man who was literally bouncing with happiness over being a father, made it so much easier for me.

 

D, this isn't intended to make you feel bad as a comparison but it's important that other members realize how silly it would be to internalize this situation. It wouldn't surprise me if the members who've criticized your actions have not been in your shoes, much less been pregnant...period.

 

It's a very biological time, where instinctual reactions dominate. Instincts would automatically be trying to confirm a source of security and not finding one would have stressed to the max. No man can ever understand this and neither can another woman who hasn't experienced it.

[snug.bunny]

I think it's important to emphasize that D was going through an unexpected pregnancy and then traumatic miscarriage with a guy who wasn't eager to be a father.

 

As a member who's had first-hand knowledge of what it's like to be pregnant, I can't imagine how my own insecurities would have manifested had I been with someone who didn't want our child. That I had the loving support of a man who was literally bouncing with happiness over being a father, made it so much easier for me.

 

D, this isn't intended to make you feel bad as a comparison but it's important that other members realize how silly it would be to internalize this situation. It wouldn't surprise me if the members who've criticized your actions have not been in your shoes, much less been pregnant...period.

 

It's a very biological time, where instinctual reactions dominate. Instincts would automatically be trying to confirm a source of security and not finding one would have stressed to the max. No man can ever understand this and neither can another woman who hasn't experienced it.

 

I agree.

 

My post was not meant to be critical towards her, I have not been in her shoes, so I cannot imagine what it must have been like for her. Had her ex responded differently, she most likely wouldn't have reacted in what she stated as "nagging/clinging". She identified that for herself, and later felt bad because of it, even though her reaction is perfectly understandable given the circumstances.

 

What I am suggesting, is that IF she reacted different during this time (the opposite of nagging/clinging), she may have been less inclined to feel guilty over it. She can't control his actions (or lack of actions for that matter), only hers, so if he wanted to pull away, let him - that's on him...

[The_411]

Thanks 411, that was helpful.

 

I made an appt today to talk to my Dr. about getting back on the meds.

I functioned much better when I was on them- and slept better too.

 

Everything you say makes sense about how men are and what they like and don't like. I've read enough books on men and how they operate- and I operate in that manner despite my knowledge.

 

During my pregnancy I became that nagging gf - but it was also a low time for me. Then when I saw he was distancing, I tried to pull him back when in essence I was shoving him away trying to control him (and the situation). A better man would have told me how it made him feel. I knew instinctively I was doing the opposite of what I should have been doing to keep him happy. In the first 3 months he made me feel safe and secure, and I didn't operate like "that girl"- but the pregnancy made me confused and needy, and when I wasn't getting enough of the support I needed, that's when I started trying to control everything.

 

I was completely open to change though, all he needed to do to make things better was to give me some guidance on what he needed from me. I've never dated a man with the ability to communicate, it would be such a refreshing change for me.

 

It helps getting a guys perspective!

 

Dlish,

 

It's pretty normal for someone to act "out of character" when your hormones are going cuckoo.

 

It's reasonable that your will have feelings that are over the map and a guy worth being with will give some leeway.

 

Key point is to understand that nagging means that there's likely a lack of communication and somethings need to be ironed out.

[D-Lish]

I think it's important to emphasize that D was going through an unexpected pregnancy and then traumatic miscarriage with a guy who wasn't eager to be a father.

 

As a member who's had first-hand knowledge of what it's like to be pregnant, I can't imagine how my own insecurities would have manifested had I been with someone who didn't want our child. That I had the loving support of a man who was literally bouncing with happiness over being a father, made it so much easier for me.

 

D, this isn't intended to make you feel bad as a comparison but it's important that other members realize how silly it would be to internalize this situation. It wouldn't surprise me if the members who've criticized your actions have not been in your shoes, much less been pregnant...period.

 

It's a very biological time, where instinctual reactions dominate. Instincts would automatically be trying to confirm a source of security and not finding one would have stressed to the max. No man can ever understand this and neither can another woman who hasn't experienced it.

 

 

Thanks tbf:love:

 

That resonates with me, and that's exactly how I felt at the end. I really was seeking security, that's all I needed to get through that situation in a much less reactive way. I wouldn't have had any of those reactions (to that degree) had I just felt safe and supported.

 

Not that I don't have needy and controlling tendancies sometimes, and I can be a nag at times- but during that time, everything was heightened- my senses, my emotions, my body changing. I was really reactive and incredibly sensitive. He never told me to have an abortion, but that IS what he wanted. His exact words: "I don't want kids, but I'll support whatever decision you make". And that's the last discussion we had about it- we no longer communicated about any sort of decision after that.

 

Like you said- any man that would judge me for my emotions during my pregnancy and mc isn't a strong or good enough man for me. He judged me and then he left me 3 1/2 weeks after my mc, then I am left with 2 losses and a heap of self blame- he left everything on my shoulders.

 

I do have to stop blaimng myself. I go back and forth between feeling guilty for my behaviour, and feeling justified. I am obviously justified in some of my responses to him during that time because HE WAS distancing, and that did cause a chain reaction of emotions and behaviour.

 

You're so right that no one that has experienced a pregnancy can possibly understand how much it intensifies things.

Edited April 22, 2011 by D-Lish

[D-Lish]

So, I went to edit my "break up letter" today as I have 3 days off and quite frankly, I took a couple of steps back in my healing today because I don't remember the last time I had 3 days in a row to relax. Problem is I am not relaxing, I am thinking of him again- lots.

 

I am actually going to post my initial letter- the one I wrote for therapeutic reasons, but never sent. Thankfully I didn't send it- there is a whole lot of self blame I could do without in that letter. This what I originally wrote and last edited a week ago:

 

Now that the smoke has cleared and I've had a chance to reflect on my

contribution to the break up, process the pregnancy, feel relief from the

hormones - I feel horrible about how I acted and reacted to things. I really did try to control everything, including you- it occurred to me how much of a nag I became in the last couple of months. It must have been really unpleasant for you to have to experience that (and I'm so sorry for that).

 

I neglected to realize that you had needs too, and I wasn't meeting them like I should have. I'll always have regrets about that. I became completely focused on "me, me, me" when I was pregnant and afterward. Somewhere along the way I forgot that you probably needed a lot of things from me that I wasn't giving because I was being so selfish.

 

I know I took your generosity and patience for granted, I never meant to do that- and I'm really sorry that I did do that.

 

You said when you broke up with me that we aren't right for one another. But the fact that you and I didn't get to connect and fall in love doesn't mean I don't hope you find it one day. I personally think we could have found happiness with one another had we communicated our needs and expectations in a better way. I know I dropped the ball on that one- saying angry or hurtful things I didn't mean instead of just being honest that I was afraid.

 

Honestly, the smoke cleared, I got through dealing with the pregnancy, and then I just felt really bad about how I handled things. Looking back I feel like such a monster in terms of my reactions and behaviour.

 

I don't want you to write back- I still feel a sting from the break up, and I'm better off not talking to you. But I couldn't move on without telling you how bad I feel looking back.

 

 

So, obviously a whole lot of unwarranted self blame, and a great willingness to take responsibility for everything.

 

I talked to my mom tonight- she now knows everything, as does my dad, but I told him first. Tonight my mom just went off (which she never does). She was so angry at my ex, and she was so angry that I have been internalizing his avoidance as a problem with me.

 

My mom became so angry and distraught- and she's always in check of her emotions. I am adopted. My mom lost 2 babies- both went to full term and didn't make it in the 60's. So they adopted.

 

I knew that story sort of. I knew I was adopted because my mom couldn't have children of her own. I always felt like being adopted was like fetching a day old piece of bread off of the shelf because the good stuff was sold out- so you get what you can get.

 

My mom admitted to me tonight that after her 2 failed attempts at pregnancy that she was put in an institution and remained there for a year. My dad stuck by her through all of that because he was worth his weight when it came to support, and he was a strong enough man to guide her through the pain.

 

I didn't even have a man that could handle me being bitchy and confused, and conflicted- yet I am pining for him even now. The dude left me 3 1/2 weeks after the mc, why I give any energy to him is beyond me.

Edited April 24, 2011 by D-Lish

[desertIslandCactus]

So, I went to edit my "break up letter" today as I have 3 days off and quite frankly, I took a couple of steps back in my healing today because I don't remember the last time I had 3 days in a row to relax. Problem is I am not relaxing, I am thinking of him again- lots.

 

I am actually going to post my initial letter- the one I wrote for therapeutic reasons, but never sent. Thankfully I didn't send it- there is a whole lot of self blame I could do without in that letter. This what I originally wrote and last edited a week ago:

 

 

 

So, obviously a whole lot of unwarranted self blame, and a great willingness to take responsibility for everything.

 

I talked to my mom tonight- she now knows everything, as does my dad, but I told him first. Tonight my mom just went off (which she never does). She was so angry at my ex, and she was so angry that I have been internalizing his avoidance as a problem with me.

 

My mom became so angry and distraught- and she's always in check of her emotions. I am adopted. My mom lost 2 babies- both went to full term and didn't make it in the 60's. So they adopted.

 

I knew that story sort of. I knew I was adopted because my mom couldn't have children of her own. I always felt like being adopted was like fetching a day old piece of bread off of the shelf because the good stuff was sold out- so you get what you can get.

 

My mom admitted to me tonight that after her 2 failed attempts at pregnancy that she was put in an institution and remained there for a year. My dad stuck by her through all of that because he was worth his weight when it came to support, and he was a strong enough man to guide her through the pain.

 

I didn't even have a man that could handle me being bitchy and confused, and conflicted- yet I am pining for him even now. The dude left me 3 1/2 weeks after the mc, why I give any energy to him is beyond me.

 

Perhaps it's because you haven't met anyone to compare him to.. Excepting your loving father who considered your mother as part of him - and he mourned with her for the loss of their babies.

 

You haven't met the right man yet. Leave this man in the past.

[jerbear]

Hey D-licous!

 

Your parents went through a different process and life in the 60's. They were prepared for many things and your dad was in it 100%. This is after getting married, mc#1, mc#2, knowing your mom for awhile. Your dad is a strong man and many guys out there will have a hard time meeting his and your mom's expectations.

 

Don't view being adopted as day old bread. There are certain circumstances where a parent would give them up for adoption.

 

There are guys out there that would stand by you and beside you; deal with your bitchy, confused and conflicted.

 

Don't internalize the stuff, that is alot of emotions to go through in a short time you two were together. You found out now instead of later. Unfortunately but you found out now instead of later on when you are more invested.

 

Take the days off to do something, clean, go out with friends, divert idle self. Go do something you've always wanted to do!

[ganbare]

. I always felt like being adopted was like fetching a day old piece of bread off of the shelf because the good stuff was sold out- so you get what you can get.

 

Oh my gosh! Every life is sacred! (But you already know that don't you? )