DreamerGirl27 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I don't get it. I think men are really cynical when it comes to a woman who actually likes them and can't believe it's true or something. It seems like, the more I pursue a guy I'm interested in, the more turned off he gets. It's like this one friend I have, he's talked to me on IM before, but only when HE initiates it. I'm sorry, but I don't function that way. If I want to talk to you, I want to talk to you and I'm not going to wait for you to IM me. Anyway... Plus, I have this friend who keeps reaching out to me, even though he says he doesn't like me like that and the only reason I think it is, is because I told him I like him first. I just read another post like this on these forums and 2 men in the entire post said they would be leery of a woman pursuing them. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 leery strikes me as a bit odd. i might use the word 'irritated' if the woman was persistent and tactless after i've made it clear that i wasn't interested. otherwise i'm always at least flattered when an attractive women flirts with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 leery strikes me as a bit odd. i might use the word 'irritated' if the woman was persistent and tactless after i've made it clear that i wasn't interested. otherwise i'm always at least flattered when an attractive women flirts with me. Those weren't my words, those were literally what a few other men said in a post similar to this. and you said you'd be flattered if she only flirted with you. What about asking you out? Telling you she's interested. Taking the initiative, etc.. It seems that men are really turned off by that. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 BeginAgain: Though in my case based on my own personal history I would wonder what game she is playing and what scam she is running. I wouldn't trust her. I would expect she was trying to make a fool out of me for her own personal enjoyment and the enjoyment of nearby friends. Otherwise she is trying to con something out of me. orangelady: I don't think it's a good idea to think women are all out to get you. BeginAgain: I don't think all women are out to get me but women tend to want to find something to exploit about me even when I have shown no interest in them. They usually like to do it in groups. Probably since they don't have the guts to do it alone. orangelady: They sound kind of immature. BeginAgain: A lot of it is probably far back in the past and I am just having a hard time getting over "once bitten twice shy." I just need to get over myself. Sometimes I can but sometimes I revert.I'll just quote my discussion with OL. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Those weren't my words, those were literally what a few other men said in a post similar to this. and you said you'd be flattered if she only flirted with you. What about asking you out? Telling you she's interested. Taking the initiative, etc.. It seems that men are really turned off by that. Why? If we are talking about men who aren't me or like me. "For some men it is emasculating." The man is suppose to be the one who wears the pants and runs after the girl. Many men and women believe this to some degree. Basically it is an uncomfortable role reversal. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Those weren't my words, those were literally what a few other men said in a post similar to this. and you said you'd be flattered if she only flirted with you. What about asking you out? Telling you she's interested. Taking the initiative, etc.. It seems that men are really turned off by that. Why? i have no idea. maybe these guys still live in the 1940's where women wore balls and chains in the kitchen and should never venture beyond that. for the few times that an attractive woman has actually asked me out, i've never been suspicious of it. this isn't typical though; most women let me know indirectly that they'd like to go out with me. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 i have no idea. maybe these guys still live in the 1940's where women wore balls and chains in the kitchen and should never venture beyond that. for the few times that an attractive woman has actually asked me out, i've never been suspicious of it. this isn't typical though; most women let me know indirectly that they'd like to go out with me. Actually in the past century, the years of WW2 were one of the moments when women were most liberated. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Hmm... I am a woman and a sleepy one at that so forgive me if I err horribly when I type this. Aren't men wired to pursue women though? I find it fine and dandy to flirt and leave hints, give cues that his efforts are not in vain, but to straight up pursue a man might make him uncomfortable... and what does one do when being chased? They run. I guess it's like the fine art of fishing. Gotta hook 'dat fish and reel it in just right. Too much and you'll rip the lip, too little and the fish will swallow the lure... either way fishy gone. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Aren't men wired to pursue women though? I have been very attracted to women in the past but never have I felt this incredible urge to beat my chest, scream "THE HUNT BEGINS", and run her down like a lion chasing a gazelle. I think it is another female fantasy that feeds into her need to be a man's sole focus. The only part of the mating game men like is the actual act of mating. The rest is mostly for a woman's enjoyment. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Actually in the past century, the years of WW2 were one of the moments when women were most liberated. i had a feeling someone was gonna nitpick on that one what i meant to say was 27,000 BCE. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Men are hunters, they are much mire comfortable chasing down the cute little deer then having the rabid, possibly testicle-eating deer come running at them from out of the woods. You have to be careful when dealing with rabid-looking deer. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I don't get it. I think men are really cynical when it comes to a woman who actually likes them and can't believe it's true or something. It seems like, the more I pursue a guy I'm interested in, the more turned off he gets. It's like this one friend I have, he's talked to me on IM before, but only when HE initiates it. I'm sorry, but I don't function that way. If I want to talk to you, I want to talk to you and I'm not going to wait for you to IM me. Anyway... Plus, I have this friend who keeps reaching out to me, even though he says he doesn't like me like that and the only reason I think it is, is because I told him I like him first. I just read another post like this on these forums and 2 men in the entire post said they would be leery of a woman pursuing them. Why? There is a difference between an assertive woman and an annoying woman. Keep calling and hounding a guy even though he is not interested is unattractive. Even women dont like it when guys do that. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Men are hunters, they are much mire comfortable chasing down the cute little deer then having the rabid, possibly testicle-eating deer come running at them from out of the woods. You have to be careful when dealing with rabid-looking deer. I have yet to find a deer I want to chase. I typically just stop my car and let them cross. Also I have never had a deer chase me. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I just put it down to yet another aspect of the 'human condition'. i.e. People always take for granted that which is given for free or Everyone wants what they can't have. As I said to a female friend of mine recently.. if you're flirting with a guy and he's not biting.. chances are he's just not interested. As for the 'why' of it, I suspect it doesn't really matter why. The results speak for themselves. Women who get very good at flirting are never shy of male attention Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 What if one's biting, but not biting? Like, constantly reaching out to you, you never contact him, etc, but he has you in the "friend zone"? Wouldn't this confuse the hell outta you? Because I know it has me. He's so much apart of my life, that I'm dreaming about him. And it's not me doing the reaching out. Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I have been experimenting with this "chasing" or "pursuing" people idea and to me its a total waste of time. Most people wont say to your face they are not interested, they'll pretend to be interested while catering to their other "ongoing" stuff, cancel dates and keep stringing you along until they either need you or you've been deemed unsuitable for whatever reason they saw on a TV show that day, preferably sex in the city. Good writing there. If someone is interested they make it happen right away and this stuff is figured out within seconds of engaging someone. Otherwise its just a waste of time. You try to be nice and make yourself available and it just turns people off. Just do your thing and ignore them until they come knocking. Oh yeah, I'm a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 I have been experimenting with this "chasing" or "pursuing" people idea and to me its a total waste of time. Most people wont say to your face they are not interested, they'll pretend to be interested while catering to their other "ongoing" stuff, cancel dates and keep stringing you along until they either need you or you've been deemed unsuitable for whatever reason they saw on a TV show that day, preferably sex in the city. Good writing there. If someone is interested they make it happen right away and this stuff is figured out within seconds of engaging someone. Otherwise its just a waste of time. You try to be nice and make yourself available and it just turns people off. Just do your thing and ignore them until they come knocking. Oh yeah, I'm a guy. I don't believe that's true, though. Because friends get together all the time and in fact, this probably makes for a better relationship. If you can't even stand each other as friends, you're certainly not gonna make a good couple. And it allows for things to develop slower. I hate the dating game where you go out on a couple dates and the whole goal is just to kiss the girl (coming from a guys perspective) after 1 or 2 dates, or even get her in the sack. I'd rather be more nonchalant and be friends with no sexual pressure first. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I have yet to find a deer I want to chase. I typically just stop my car and let them cross. Also I have never had a deer chase me. You also live in an era with grocery stores. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 If he's put you in the friend zone, why would this confuse you? He has put you in the friend zone! I know when a girl puts me in the friends zone, I know exactly where I stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 If he's put you in the friend zone, why would this confuse you? He has put you in the friend zone! I know when a girl puts me in the friends zone, I know exactly where I stand. I don't believe a man's "friend zone" is the same as a woman's "friend zone". Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Men are natural hunters. Think "eye of the tiger"! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 that's retarded...it shows that men still don't hold women as equals. If women were truly equals, it would not turn a man off to be asked out by her. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 derp... The only person who can tell you what works for you is you. So...how's your methodology working for you? Mine works just fine for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I have been very attracted to women in the past but never have I felt this incredible urge to beat my chest, scream "THE HUNT BEGINS", and run her down like a lion chasing a gazelle. I think it is another female fantasy that feeds into her need to be a man's sole focus. The only part of the mating game men like is the actual act of mating. The rest is mostly for a woman's enjoyment. Thanks for the laugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Thanks for the laugh! ditto :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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