zlixer Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) We were together for almost 4 years. There were no actual problems. About a week after she ended with me she meet some other guy.. I discovered that and said her that there are no hope that we will be together anymore. She felt really bad about that and said me that she regret it and she wants to give us second chance, because they had gone only to movie and that she only wanted to check whether she is able to meet other men. Then I agreed that we deserve a second chance, but the day before she had to move back she told me that it will not work out and we shouldn't try again.. I begged her to come back and said that I've realized my mistakes and want her back, but it certainly did not work. About 3 weeks after we break up I met her and I gave her things she had forgotten to take when she moved out. After that meeting she sent me email where she said that she was crying and that it's very sad that I have realized my mistakes too late. I didn't understand why it's to late because it's only 3 weeks after we break up. Then I decided to give her time and started contact her less. Yesterday I discovered why she said that it's too late.. She is together with the same guy which went to the movie!! I yesterday contacted her and said that I'm very happy about them and wish all the best to them (I didn't know what else to say...). She said that she is very happy with him and hoping that I'll also soon find someone with which I could be happy together. She also said than she now feels much better because she didn't know how I will react when I will discover about that new guy! Then I said that I'm ok but it will be better if we will not contact each other for some time, because I could discomfort her new boyfriend if I would contact with her. Then she said that it's ok and we can contact, but I said I will give them space and will not contact her for some time.. she said that if I need something or if I want to talk with her then I can do that.. I really think that she is now in "rebound relationship" http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_rebound_relationship and I hope that they will soon break up and I will be able to get her back.. I really don't understand how she can be happy with someone else just 2-3 weeks after breaking up and they both have now together for some 1-2 weeks. Greatest fear I have about it is that they could have sex and then I will not want her back anymore! Edited April 7, 2011 by zlixer Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Greatest fear I have about it is that they could have sex and then I will not want her back anymore! What's so bad about this outcome? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 You clearly want her back and she knows this, that is why you keep contacting her and being the nice guy who's considering her feelings while she's going out with another man. Look pal it's over. Lose her number and lose her. Dont contact her, phone her, email her, send smoke signals or send her a carrier pigeon and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 I love her and I still want her back. I can't imagine my life without her and if they would have sex then it would be impossible to swallow.. I now have this hope that they will soon break up, she will understand that she wasn't right and everything will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 You clearly want her back and she knows this, that is why you keep contacting her and being the nice guy who's considering her feelings while she's going out with another man. Look pal it's over. Lose her number and lose her. Dont contact her, phone her, email her, send smoke signals or send her a carrier pigeon and move on with your life. Actually I think that you are right. Why should I accept that she is already with someone else? I initialized NC and I think that it will help me to get over it.. But I still don't understand how she can be happy with someone else just 2 weeks after break up? At least she said that they are both happy.. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 She said she's happy.. Fine.. You can be happy too. Remember, it's your own life. You don't depend your own happiness from/on someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
RomoGuy Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 My ex was in a relationship soon after our breakup... Even though it doesn't matter if she is happy or not... although we should be happy for our exes being happy... If she told you she was miserable, she would look very stupid for leaving you. So don't always believe what they tell you. Worry about just yourself and don't take what she says to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayerjay Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Sorry to say it, but you have to start moving on. I was in a very similar situation as you, I broke up with my ex and within a week she was seeing someone new. It is definitely a rebound relationship, and typically they enter the relationship for the wrong reasons but you never know how it will turn out. I know numerous people who have gotten married to their rebounds, but on the flip side they will see within a few months if they got into something with the wrong person. All you can do is move on and let her figure it out. If you try to stop her you'll just hurt your chances, I know it doesn't feel like that right now but trust the people on here and focus on yourself and not her. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 Sorry to say it, but you have to start moving on. I was in a very similar situation as you, I broke up with my ex and within a week she was seeing someone new. It is definitely a rebound relationship, and typically they enter the relationship for the wrong reasons but you never know how it will turn out. I know numerous people who have gotten married to their rebounds, but on the flip side they will see within a few months if they got into something with the wrong person. All you can do is move on and let her figure it out. If you try to stop her you'll just hurt your chances, I know it doesn't feel like that right now but trust the people on here and focus on yourself and not her. Best of luck. But did you initialize NC? I have initialized NC and maybe she will miss me and will understand that she loves me and not that other guy.. Link to post Share on other sites
longterm Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 You must not dwell on the subject of "how can she do this". You have established the NC. Stick with it. No one would really be able to answer this question but her anyway. You have to stop thinking about it and try to enjoy life. Eventually she may come back but would you really want her? I would not be able to trust anyone that left me so soon. I'd want real answers too. So in this case, dont even think about this. Move on and maybe someday you will find out. By then, who knows, maybe that will be all you really want. Just to know that answer. Too bad we cant fast forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 You must not dwell on the subject of "how can she do this". You have established the NC. Stick with it. No one would really be able to answer this question but her anyway. You have to stop thinking about it and try to enjoy life. Eventually she may come back but would you really want her? I would not be able to trust anyone that left me so soon. I'd want real answers too. So in this case, dont even think about this. Move on and maybe someday you will find out. By then, who knows, maybe that will be all you really want. Just to know that answer. Too bad we cant fast forward. Yes I will not contact her but it's so hard.. If I wouldn't know that she is with new guy then I would feel 100x better.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayerjay Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 But did you initialize NC? I have initialized NC and maybe she will miss me and will understand that she loves me and not that other guy.. I made all sorts of mistakes for about 3-4 months following the breakup and probably killed any chance I had by the time I went NC. So you are in a good position and are handling it correctly and giving yourself a shot. My breakup was almost exactly a year ago, and I believe she's still with the other guy, and I could care less now. It sucks, but going into NC you have to be in the mindset that she's gone. It's best for both of you... for her to figure things out and for you to move on. If you read some of the stories on here the trend is usually that they come back after you have moved on, and then you have all the power to decide if they're even someone you want anymore after seeing clearly what they've done and the type of person they really are. Just stick with it, and trust people on here when they say not to break unless she dumps the other dude and comes crawling back, begging you for a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 ... Just stick with it, and trust people on here when they say not to break unless she dumps the other dude and comes crawling back, begging you for a second chance. Ok, but I still don't understand why she was crying 1 week ago when we last time met and I give her things which she forget to take when she moved out? She was already with that guy by that time.. Is she really happy or she just pretends? Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 It doesn't matter if she is pretending or not. She is with another guy and this is the reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 It does matter because I can forgive her that she is with another guy. Maybe she is just confused because otherwise she wouldn't cry.. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) A person can cry for many reasons, even if one is happy, one can cry too. She's with another guy, forgive her if this is what you decide to do (Personally, I think it is fine) As long as you start your own personal healing journey to be happy again. Personal Experience: When my ex bf broke up with me and those times when we met (I haven't convince myself that I need to focus on myself and my mind was all about him back in those times), he cried, he said he was not happy. And I thought there was a chance in being with him again since he was not happy at all and maybe he was just being confused. However, I started to realize that he wasn't doing any actions to choose to be with me again. He was only saying he was sad, upset, depressed and cried buckets of tears but all these were not active actions that he wanted to work things out in this relationship. Whether he chooses to remain single or date a new girl, it doesn't matter/affect me anymore. It's his choice, his life, he makes his own decision. My life, my choice, I make my own decision. Edited April 8, 2011 by Fufu Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 I still hope that she loves me and NC will bring her to me. There is so many questions unanswered.. in first week after break up she even sent me apology letter and said that she is crying all the time, loves me and wants to return.. but then she changed her mind and get together with that guy. Now she says that she is very happy and wish me to find a new gf.. How that can be? How she can be happy so soon? She can't be happy with that guy.. I hope that she is lying and just wants to hurt because I hurt her.. Link to post Share on other sites
RomoGuy Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Anyone can tell you their happy even if their not, so don't believe everything she tells you... btw. Unanswered questions was a big issue with me, thats what bugged me the most. My ex went into NC immediately after the breakup, I was sooo tempted to break NC the first couple of weeks just to get me answers! But as time went by I realized that she may not even be able to answer the questions I had. Sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves and find out what they want from life... Maby its a little voice in their heads telling them that "you can do better" or "the grass is greener" or even influence from family and friends, who knows... but I dont think the answers are always there. Link to post Share on other sites
nana841121 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 How can she be happy within 2 weeks after your break-up? She didn't love you anymore long time before the break up that's my point of view i had the same question about my ex Link to post Share on other sites
longterm Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Keep with the NC. No matter how long it takes. Also don't dwell on her with this other guy. Enjoy your own life. If she just wanted to hurt because you hurt her, then show no hurt. She may or may not stay with that guy. If she does want to stick with him, then you have nothing anyway. Go find someone new yourself. There is always lost feelings long before the actual break happens. It sucks that there isn't enough communication. Things build and decisions are made without consultation. You may have been sized up without even knowing. Anyway, like I said on another post, you will never really get a true explanation unfortunately. If she does try to come back, I would not talk about the break and ever try for that answer. Best not to discuss it at all. I'm going to add that she is saying that she is happy though. Anyone that tells you to get another person has no feelings left at all. Not the ones you want anyway. She will have to retrieve the feelings herself and that is what the NC helps with. She is going to go thru this other guy first though. You will have to wait a while I think. Go have fun with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayerjay Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Ok, but I still don't understand why she was crying 1 week ago when we last time met and I give her things which she forget to take when she moved out? She was already with that guy by that time.. Is she really happy or she just pretends? That's the way breakups go. People are torn and confused. My ex balled her eyes out when we broke up and told me it didn't feel right, but was with a new guy almost instantly. I was the one that broke up with her, she started NC with me and it drove me nuts and I wanted her back more than ever, and at that point I technically becamse the dumpee. Here is the deal though, don't misinterpret her tears or emotions for wanting you back. She will miss you, she will have torn feelings, she will cry... but bottom line when they go to someone else it means they have moved on for now and you aren't going to be able to change their mind. She is in the honeymoon phase of her new relationship and that's a phase you can't break and any efforts you make to try and break it will either make her resent you or make you look weak, either way not attractive and will make her believe she made the right choice. Show her you can live without her, and while you want her back in your life, you don't need her in your life. You'll come off as confident and strong, and maybe in the process you'll actually get that swagger back you had before the relationship busted. I know it all seems counter intuitive right now, and I know it's tough as hell, but once her rebound relationship shows its crack and true colors, if you've positioned yourself right then that's when she goes back to seeing that attractive guy she wants and is in love with. I'll just keep saying it, stay strong and take it from a guy who has failed and knows exactly what you're going through. Link to post Share on other sites
harhar18 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 We were together for almost 4 years. There were no actual problems. About a week after she ended with me she meet some other guy.. I discovered that and said her that there are no hope that we will be together anymore. She felt really bad about that and said me that she regret it and she wants to give us second chance, because they had gone only to movie and that she only wanted to check whether she is able to meet other men. Then I agreed that we deserve a second chance, but the day before she had to move back she told me that it will not work out and we shouldn't try again.. I begged her to come back and said that I've realized my mistakes and want her back, but it certainly did not work. About 3 weeks after we break up I met her and I gave her things she had forgotten to take when she moved out. After that meeting she sent me email where she said that she was crying and that it's very sad that I have realized my mistakes too late. I didn't understand why it's to late because it's only 3 weeks after we break up. Then I decided to give her time and started contact her less. Yesterday I discovered why she said that it's too late.. She is together with the same guy which went to the movie!! I yesterday contacted her and said that I'm very happy about them and wish all the best to them (I didn't know what else to say...). She said that she is very happy with him and hoping that I'll also soon find someone with which I could be happy together. She also said than she now feels much better because she didn't know how I will react when I will discover about that new guy! Then I said that I'm ok but it will be better if we will not contact each other for some time, because I could discomfort her new boyfriend if I would contact with her. Then she said that it's ok and we can contact, but I said I will give them space and will not contact her for some time.. she said that if I need something or if I want to talk with her then I can do that.. I really think that she is now in "rebound relationship" http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_rebound_relationship and I hope that they will soon break up and I will be able to get her back.. I really don't understand how she can be happy with someone else just 2-3 weeks after breaking up and they both have now together for some 1-2 weeks. Greatest fear I have about it is that they could have sex and then I will not want her back anymore!:rolleyes:what you shud do is counter attack..wait...you can do things first before she does,thats awesome,you may check this websight i heard about,so many great things thesingleslife.com,check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 I still hope that she loves me and NC will bring her to me. There is so many questions unanswered.. in first week after break up she even sent me apology letter and said that she is crying all the time, loves me and wants to return.. but then she changed her mind and get together with that guy. Now she says that she is very happy and wish me to find a new gf.. How that can be? How she can be happy so soon? She can't be happy with that guy.. I hope that she is lying and just wants to hurt because I hurt her.. As long as she's not telling you anything, there's no point trying to figure it out what's she thinking and feeling and making yourself more and more confused and depressed. My ex bf also did the same to me, apologizing to me and said he cried every night and said he's being confused still loved me. But to me all these actions are not active actions that he does want to come back. After weeks, my ex bf also asked me to look for a better bf. Stop confusing yourself, and start moving on. You do not want to come to a stage where you look back and said, D*MN, why am i doing this to myself. If you made mistakes in this past relationship, learned from your mistakes and be a better person. Remember, it's never all your fault that a relationship ended, both parties are responsible, however if one doesn't want to work it out anymore, no matter how compatible you guys are, the relationship is hard to maintain. A serious and long-term relationship is all about actively choosing one another. You don't have to hurt yourself anymore. Start NC and Move on, don't put yourself in the past, always look forward, there are so many good things waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlixer Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) I accidentally met her with her mum when I was waiting for friend who were late. They both were going to shop. She smiled and asked if I'm waiting girl and will go to date.. I smiled back and said that it's a secret and didn't tell her that I'm actually waiting just a friend Then she said that they are going to shop and then they both leave.. Is that good sign if she asked if I will have a date? Edited April 10, 2011 by zlixer Link to post Share on other sites
Jayerjay Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 I accidentally met her with her mum when I was waiting for friend who were late. They both were going to shop. She smiled and asked if I'm waiting girl and will go to date.. I smiled back and said that it's a secret and didn't tell her that I'm actually waiting just a friend Then she said that they are going to shop and then they both leave.. Is that good sign if she asked if I will have a date? It doesn't matter what it means, don't try and play these games as it's only going to make things worse on you. Don't have anymore "accidental" meet ups, or if it happens you tell her you can't talk because you're meeting with a friend, and then leave. No more looking for signs of hope. The sooner you are able to accept that it's over and move on, the sooner you're going to be on the right path. Link to post Share on other sites
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