My Story. rebound relationships and NC

[EmperorR]

look at yourself she's with someone new and prob already had sex with him.

 

Your just extremely blinded by your love for her.

 

Stay nc

[zlixer]

It seems that she is ok.. And I'm thinking about her all the time like a idiot... NC is soooo hard.. I would feel much more better if I could talk with her..

It's so hard to me, but why it's so easy to her?? Maybe she is truly happy with this new guy? If she wouldn't be happy with him then she definitely would contact me.. but she isn't..

It's almost a week when I initialized NC and 2 weeks when I initialized LC.. When I initialized LC she contacted me 2 times and we had a short chat.. but now when I have initialized NC she hasn't contacted me.. just that accidental meet up 1min long... But it's very hard to accept that she don't care about me.. because she hasn't contacted me after that 1min long meeting.. she doesn't care if I have new gf.. because if she would care then she definitely would contact me and ask if I have.

 

I'm not thinking what I did wrong in our relationships, but what she is doing right now.. How she feels and if she cares about me.. Why she isn't contacting me.. What they are talking about and when they will meet.. Is she really happy and how can she be happy is she is..

 

I know that she isn't meeting that guy very often, but I know that they chat very often, because they are from different cities

 

Maybe I need to invite her to a meeting? I know that I would feel much better if I could meet her and I know that she would want to meet with me, because when I initialized NC she said that if I need something or want to talk to her then I can do that..

Edited April 11, 2011 by zlixer

[Fufu]

NC gets better and better, you have to start believing the positive outcome of what NC is going to give you.

 

Why would you want to talk to her anymore when she is in a new relationship with another guy?

 

It doesn't matter if she is happy or not now.

Right now at this very moment, are you happy or not?

 

If you had initiated NC and she's not initiating contact with you, it just means she's not interested to talk to you.

 

Maintain NC, you don't need to continue hurting yourself.

 

And by contacting her to meet up, what do you want to achieve?

 

If she truly wants to be with you again, let her be the one to initiate the sincere contact and action to get you back. You are not the Dumper.

[zlixer]

NC gets better and better, you have to start believing the positive outcome of what NC is going to give you.

 

Why would you want to talk to her anymore when she is in a new relationship with another guy?

 

It doesn't matter if she is happy or not now.

Right now at this very moment, are you happy or not?

 

If you had initiated NC and she's not initiating contact with you, it just means she's not interested to talk to you.

 

Maintain NC, you don't need to continue hurting yourself.

 

And by contacting her to meet up, what do you want to achieve?

 

If she truly wants to be with you again, let her be the one to initiate the sincere contact and action to get you back. You are not the Dumper.

 

I want to talk to her because I still love her and I will feel better if I will see her.

I'm not happy now, because I love her and I can't even talk to her because I initialized NC.. and I'm hurting myself by maintaining NC because it's very hard and I truly want her back..

 

If I could met her I would feel much better I know that, because when I met her last time it made my day. I was so happy to met her even it was just 1min..

[zlixer]

Maybe I should contact her? NC is just hurting me.. Maybe I will heel myself faster if I will contact her? Because after reading lot of threads I understood that NC is not about getting her back but for heeling and moving on, because most of people here after NC don't even want ex back.. I'm thinking about her every second and I can't stop thinking about her.. But if I feel better when I can contact her then shouldn't I do that? It could be easier for me to get over it. I'm wrong?

 

How long this pain will last? It seems that it's even harder than it was.. I truly think that it will be easier if I will contact her.

Edited April 11, 2011 by zlixer

[Fufu]

Let me ask you this:

 

Is she doing anything or saying anything to you that she truly wants you back?

 

If no, by contacting her, don't you think you will prolong the sadness even longer?

 

Yes, going NC initially will be difficult because all of us have been in contact with our exes before the relationship ended everyday and suddenly to cut contact will be something that is hard to grasp. However, the beauty of NC is, it always make sus feel better and stronger. And by continue to wait around for your ex and want to contact her, you will not feel better, you will only feel more confused and upset because you won't know for sure when she is going to say, "I want you back." She could continue to feel confuse or totally cut you off from her life for life.

 

Even if you do want her back, by contacting her and by meeting her are just going to push her away more. You do have to back off for yourself to think properly, to calm down yourself, to be less emotional towards the end of the relationship, also in a way for her to think thoroughly (if she thinks or not is entirely up to her)

 

You may feel slight contentment of contacting her still, but it will not be the kind of happiness you are looking for because she has not say and do anything to tell you for REAL she wants to be with you again.

 

If you are still not convinced, you can try (though I am against it) to ask her out and ask her the ultimatum question.

 

Do you still love me? Do you still want to be with me? Do you want to rebuild our relationship?

 

If she says no or anything that she still confused and stuff, MOVE ON. You don't have to wait around for her when she chose to leave.

 

You mentioned earlier in this thread, "It does matter because I can forgive her that she is with another guy."

Accept this and move on. By still wanting to wait around for her and want to contact her, definitely you are not forgiving her and worse of all, you are not forgiving yourself.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Fufu

[zlixer]

You are right she isn't doing anything to get me back.. she is with new guy and said that she is happy.

 

No I wasn't thinking to ask her out and talk about our relationships.. I could ask her how she is doing in university and something like that..

 

If I would ask if she loves me she would say "No".. because she already said that when I was begging her to come back.

 

I know that everything what you say is true, but it's very hard to accept. I hope that maybe they don't have anything serious and she is just confused.

[Fufu]

If she realizes that she makes a big mistake by leaving you, let her be the one initiating to come back to you.

 

For yourself, you just need to move on. In the process, you will gain closure and acceptance via NC.

 

You can do it, put your heart and mind into it, I promise you, NC gets better and better.

[zlixer]

Thank you Fufu. I really hope that it will be better and better, because right now NC gets worse and worse.

[broken-and-lost]

they are right m8 stick with NC, i didn't and all i did was drag out my pain, all you will get is a quick fix which will last 1 sec then you have 23 hours and 59 minutes of pain and back to square one.

 

Nc is hard but in the end nothing will bring her back unless she wants to come back and if she does she will do the contacting if you contact her it gives her the blanket she needs to carry on knowing your not going anywhere any way

[Jayerjay]

Maybe I should contact her? NC is just hurting me.. Maybe I will heel myself faster if I will contact her? Because after reading lot of threads I understood that NC is not about getting her back but for heeling and moving on, because most of people here after NC don't even want ex back.. I'm thinking about her every second and I can't stop thinking about her.. But if I feel better when I can contact her then shouldn't I do that? It could be easier for me to get over it. I'm wrong?

 

How long this pain will last? It seems that it's even harder than it was.. I truly think that it will be easier if I will contact her.

 

I know it's extremely difficult, but if you contact her thinking that it's going to help you then you're going to learn the hard way that it's going to make things worse.

 

Same exact thing happened to me, I couldn't understand how she seemingly got over me so easily and why she didn't even care to talk to me anymore. So I contacted her because I was in pain and I thought it would help, it made things much worse.

 

It's not easy being on their side either, but they're handling it by focusing on something new in their life and you're going to be the guy that brings back bad feelings. So they're going to treat you accordingly, and it will suck.

 

There's nothing else I can tell you other than give NC at least 3 months (it takes about 2-3 months before I really started feeling good again), and after that time if she still hasn't contacted you then you can consider it again if you are in the right mindset. If you don't believe us, go ahead and contact her and when it makes you feel 10 times worse come back and we'll start over.

[zlixer]

I actually think that she get over so fast because of this new guy, she just get with him together to heel pain.. But I hope that I will not need 3 months because I don't have appetite and I can't work and can't actually do anything except thinking about her, but I hope NC will get better and better.

 

I will talk with her when I will get over this of course if she will not contact me first..

[Jayerjay]

I actually think that she get over so fast because of this new guy, she just get with him together to heel pain.. But I hope that I will not need 3 months because I don't have appetite and I can't work and can't actually do anything except thinking about her, but I hope NC will get better and better.

 

I will talk with her when I will get over this of course if she will not contact me first..

 

You'll make it. The worst is definitely the first week or two, then it gets better and better. It took me about 2-3 months before I felt like my normal self again and back to happy, as far as loss of appetite and not being able to work... that will go away a lot faster. Just give it some time, I promise you'll come out the other side better for it one way or the other.

 

You are 100% right she is using the other guy to heal herself and hide from her emotions. People get into rebound relationships for the wrong reasons, and often times those relationships crash and burn pretty quickly. But you can't count on it, and you have to keep in mind it's out of your control now.

 

Just take it day by day and do what you can to keep yourself occupied. Take up some new hobbies that you never had time to do before, or hit up the gym to take some aggression out.

[Fufu]

zlixer: NC in the beginning is quite tough because we are new and stranger to NC, so it takes time to make friend with NC too.

 

You will definitely get over her. I have not contacted my ex for donno how long (when I went NC, I didn't count the days, I just went through it day by day). And I believe he has a new gf now, yet I actually felt happy because I wouldn't want a man to drop me off so easily and not being committed to me, worse still don't even want to give the relationship a chance to talk and work things out.

 

I was completely drop off by my ex, cruel and definitely very hurting.

 

But i realized, I don't have to be cruel and mean to myself.

 

And, my ex will not break up with his friends, but if he can break up with me for real, he didn't treat me as a FRIEND at all.

 

If I can move on with NC, you can too.

I will talk with her when I will get over this of course if she will not contact me first..

You don't have to talk to her anymore.

Edited April 12, 2011 by Fufu

[zlixer]

I have decided to go to stylist. I hope that he could change my look and I will have more confidence

[Fufu]

Way to go

 

I remembered I change my hairstyle and hair colour after the break up too and I felt so much refreshed.

[zlixer]

I so much want to text her that I still miss her very very much.. I know i can't do that but it's so hard..

 

Maybe I need to start dating new girl? She is dating guy and was healed very quickly..

Edited April 12, 2011 by zlixer

[tyler123]

Listen to fufu-

i have been where you are at many of times and currently there now. my lady friend has lived with me part time (divorced) so when she does not have the kids she has consistently been with me. Well 2 weeks ago she kissed me good bye and i have received no phone calls and a few generic text messages. in the past when she has been distant it is very simple " she does not want to be with me" - i have kicked, screamed, obsessed, chased her - you name it- i wanted answers to WHY? how can you do this to me? think about all the promises you have made to me and now this?- all this did was push her further away- she would always come back to me and my dumb ass would roll out the red carpet. then it would happen again. everytime i called her and she would ignore my calls, texts, or answer and be short with me - i would feel worse. I am doing the NC i am pretending that i am fine when i am really stirring and having the same obsessive feelings- why am i doing the NC because these people on the board are right about one thing - when one party does not take actions of being a loving partner there is nothing worse than chasing them down. Everyone deals with situations differently and might not meet our expectations- the key is acceptance- IT'S HARD but trust me i am at work, hanging out with friends, doing things that i know are better than calling her or chasing her. you mentioned she has healed- i have heard my lady friend say a 1000 times within the first week or 2 when i am really struggling that she is "happy" - don't believe what they tell you- people including myself have weird ways of defining happiness- and if one is happy cause they have filled a hole with another person- trust me they are not healed.

 

Wise man says to be happy means to not have to need a relationship with another person.

 

I can't do this alone- we can do this- instead of making contact i am choosing to use these boards to offer help and suggestions and take them, this does diminish my hurt and pain and is part of recovering, contacting her is moving in the wrong direction. So everytime you feel the need or desire - type, read on this- it beats the alternative.

[timchambo]

dunno how long your RL was, as I know I have read this thread before but forgot the details...so I skipped to the end. I see you are still struggling to get by day to day. Ill tell you from experience each day gets a bit easier. Slowly but surely. Those miserable lonely days become familiar to the point where you know you'll get by. Eventually they become less miserable. You need to work on shifting that focus from her to yourself. You don't want to look back 12 months from now and wonder wtf you did with all that time, and why are you still in pain.

 

Be ready though, chances are she is in compare mode with the new guy. He isn't you, never will be. There was a reason she was with you. She has to be happy right now, she wouldn't have left if she didn't think she would be happy. At some point don't be surprised if out of the blue you get a text or a phone call or some form of communication. If you share mutual friends, she will be asking about you. She hasn't forgot completely, but that shouldn't matter now. In the end we all lye in our death bed alone, you need to be happy with yourself.

 

7 years and my life's plans tossed aside like they never meant a thing. I know it sucks =( It gets better, trust me just stick to NC.

[Fufu]

I so much want to text her that I still miss her very very much.. I know i can't do that but it's so hard..

Don't text, if you feel like texting her, start doing other things to distract yourself. I remembered I put my mobile phone far far away from me.

 

 

Maybe I need to start dating new girl? She is dating guy and was healed very quickly..

 

Don't jump into a relationship. Because in the end, either you ended up being hurt by the new girl or you hurt the new girl because you are not ready to commit into a new relationship.

[zlixer]

I have read two books about "how to get you gf back" and in these book was said that I need to NC for about a month and then if she isn't contacted me then I can contact her and ask her out. I think it's right, because if I will NC more than 1 month then she will throw me out of her mind and I will never be able to get her back.

 

Today is 8 day with NC.. We have never previously been in NC for so long time

[Fufu]

Actually to me, NC is not about getting back with your ex because this little hope in your mind will not help you to move on.

 

If she doesn't initiate any contact with you, it just simply means she is firm in her decision.

 

And even if she initiates any contact with you, you have to think logically if she's sincere in reconciliation or she just wants to be your friend and nothing more. Or at times, some Dumpers keep Dumpees around them as fallback plan.

 

NC is always about yourself first, you are the priority.

 

Even if there's possibility of reconciliation, you still have to move on first which means you can live on with your life happily and independently without her in your life if she never comes back to you.

 

Leave it to fate, if she's meant to be with you, you don't have to do much to get her back and probably you may want to ask yourself this question.

 

Do you want her to choose you actively?

 

or

 

being settled for?

[zlixer]

I know that I should move on and that is why I will go to stylist.

 

If I will not try then I will never forgive myself.. Maybe she is just confused and if I will wait more than 1 month then I will lose her forever.

[Fufu]

Good to hear that

 

How's your new hairstyle? Any pics? hehe.

 

Anyway, in the process, don't lose yourself because she has chosen to lose you first.

[zlixer]

Today is 10 day with NC.. yesterday I felt really good, but this morning isn't that good at all.

 

I'm thinking about this NC and I'm not sure if it is good for me.. What if she still loves me and don't contact me just because I said her to not contact me? I want to text her: "I still miss you" and see what she will replay, maybe she also miss me but just can't say that because of NC..

 

What is the worst thing that can happen if I send her that text? And what is the best thing that can happen if I text her?

 

Worst thing in my opinion: she will replay: "Sorry to hear that. I don't miss you. Move on.."

Best thing in my opinion: she will replay: "I too miss you. Can we meet?"

 

So why shouldn't I text her? In worst scenario she will just confirm what I think now.. And if she will replay "I don't miss you" then it could help me move on, because I then will know that I don't have any chances to get her back.. Or maybe I ask her out and then talk to her?

Edited April 15, 2011 by zlixer