I think she might want me back...

[Ginger Beer]

OK, some of you might be aware of my ''story'' already, that my ex has been texting for the last month after I've been in NC for the last 4 months.

 

I had been unsure of whether to reply and I still haven't. I avoided even talking to friends about her in case I was told something bad and it hurt. Anyway I spoke to a mutual friend today about whether he thinks I should reply and he said:

 

''She said she would come and see you the moment she could if you let her, she thinks you're perfect now, believe me and text her!''

 

What do you guys think? I did think it could have been something more because of the amount of texts but I'm just wondering if I should reply and more importantly, what with?

 

Thanks.

[JasonRules]

OK, some of you might be aware of my ''story'' already, that my ex has been texting for the last month after I've been in NC for the last 4 months.

 

I had been unsure of whether to reply and I still haven't. I avoided even talking to friends about her in case I was told something bad and it hurt. Anyway I spoke to a mutual friend today about whether he thinks I should reply and he said:

 

''She said she would come and see you the moment she could if you let her, she thinks you're perfect now, believe me and text her!''

 

What do you guys think? I did think it could have been something more because of the amount of texts but I'm just wondering if I should reply and more importantly, what with?

 

Thanks.

 

 

Is there anything stopping or preventing her from calling you or texting you that she'd like to meet up for a drink or dinner to talk? Or is she missing half the buttons on her mobile and just can't compose anything meaningful so she has to go to 3rd parties to communicate with you?

[Ginger Beer]

We don't live in the same city, she has rang but I didn't answer.

[smudge21]

How do you feel about it though? Do you want to see her? Can you handle seeing her? Do you want her back?

 

I would love my ex to get in touch, but I know if she did it would hurt hearing her voice (unless she truly wanted me back).

 

If you think it's the right thing, then get in touch with her, but seriously think about what it is you want from this meeting.

 

As for what to say, well that depends on what her texts have been saying. I would keep it short and simple. Nothing romantic. Just friendly. Take things slowly.

 

Good luck.

[Ginger Beer]

How do you feel about it though? Good, a little nervous but good. Do you want to see her? Yes. Can you handle seeing her? I don't know. Do you want her back? Yes.

 

I would love my ex to get in touch, but I know if she did it would hurt hearing her voice (unless she truly wanted me back).

 

If you think it's the right thing, then get in touch with her, but seriously think about what it is you want from this meeting.

 

As for what to say, well that depends on what her texts have been saying. I would keep it short and simple. Nothing romantic. Just friendly. Take things slowly.

 

Good luck.

 

Her texts have been saying she misses me, not hearing from me is killing her, she's begged me not to ignore her and has text things like ''miss you gorgeous boy'' and when things remind me of her she's text me, she said she misses me in nearly every text.

 

I dunno what to reply with.

 

''Hi, how are you?'' ?

[Eddie Edirol]

Are you sure she broke up with you because of your jealousy, or did she start dating another guy?

 

If she started dating another guy then she started calling you up again because it didnt work out with him and she doesnt want to be by herself. you dont want to be in that situation. This is important so that you dont get back with her only to be dumped in a couple months.

 

Has any text or voicemail she sent said anything about trying again?

 

It sounds like all of her texts have been just talking about how her ego is hurt by you not needing her.

[smudge21]

There was another thread in here much the same sort of thing - what to say to an ex who texts. It's one of the longer ones but worth a read.

 

I would simply reply back with "sorry I haven't replied sooner but you probably understand why. I do miss you too. Hope you're okay."

 

In that way you're showing you still care but are making her aware that you weren't sure about getting in touch. That you do still miss her too, and that you're hoping she's doing well. It kind of keeps things open (never ask a question that can be answered with a basic yes or no) for her to respond.

 

I did also read that if she texts you in the evening or nighttime, by not responding until the morning it says you've been thinking about it all night and woke up thinking about it.

[Ginger Beer]

Are you sure she broke up with you because of your jealousy, or did she start dating another guy?

 

If she started dating another guy then she started calling you up again because it didnt work out with him and she doesnt want to be by herself. you dont want to be in that situation. This is important so that you dont get back with her only to be dumped in a couple months.

 

Has any text or voicemail she sent said anything about trying again?

 

It sounds like all of her texts have been just talking about how her ego is hurt by you not needing her.

 

AFAIK she didn't dump me for jealousy, I don't know if she has dated another guy.

 

Will try to find out before I possibly reply.

[Eddie Edirol]

There was another thread in here much the same sort of thing - what to say to an ex who texts. It's one of the longer ones but worth a read.

 

I would simply reply back with "sorry I haven't replied sooner but you probably understand why. I do miss you too. Hope you're okay."

 

In that way you're showing you still care but are making her aware that you weren't sure about getting in touch. That you do still miss her too, and that you're hoping she's doing well. It kind of keeps things open (never ask a question that can be answered with a basic yes or no) for her to respond.

 

I did also read that if she texts you in the evening or nighttime, by not responding until the morning it says you've been thinking about it all night and woke up thinking about it.

 

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

 

Ginger you do NOT want her thinking that you still care, or that you miss her.

 

Think about it, she hasnt given up on texting you because two things - she thinks you dont care, and she thinks you dont need/miss her. its making her absolutely nuts. It makes her emotional, you have her right where you want her.

 

This is what is making her pursue you like this. If you show her you need her, theres no challenge anymore, and she will likely lose any interest. You have to make her EARN your trust and affection. She wants to earn it. of course unless she is just looking for attention and nothing else.

 

if you ever get to talking to her, you dont update her on what youre doing, you stay distant, and you dont bring up the idea of you two getting back together, you make her do it. You have to make hr think that since she broke it off, she has to convince you why you should give her another chance.

In your other thread you stated that you got jealous and things got awkward, and she dumped you after that. Why did she dump you then? Did she go back to her ex?

Edited April 7, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[Ginger Beer]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

 

Ginger you do NOT want her thinking that you still care, or that you miss her.

 

Think about it, she hasnt given up on texting you because two things - she thinks you dont care, and she thinks you dont need/miss her. its making her absolutely nuts. It makes her emotional, you have her right where you want her.

 

This is what is making her pursue you like this. If you show her you need her, theres no challenge anymore, and she will likely lose any interest. You have to make her EARN your trust and affection. She wants to earn it. of course unless she is just looking for attention and nothing else.

 

if you ever get to talking to her, you dont update her on what youre doing, you stay distant, and you dont bring up the idea of you two getting back together, you make her do it. You have to make hr think that since she broke it off, she has to convince you why you should give her another chance.

In your other thread you stated that you got jealous and things got awkward, and she dumped you after that. Why did she dump you then? Did she go back to her ex?

 

I thought the suggested reply was good apart from the ''miss you'' bit, I wouldn't have said that for the reasons you stated. What (if anything) do you think I should reply with?

 

She didn't go back to her ex, no. I don't know what she did since we weren't close at all after that.

[Trevster]

If i may ask why did she break up with you man, you can keep it short i would just like to know, i have recentley been broken up with and i dont want to lose hope.

[Ginger Beer]

I don't know. She said at the time she was having family problems and she couldn't be how I wanted her to be so it was best it was over.

 

Unfortunately at the time I did the polar opposite of what I now know I should've done (I kept telling her I loved her etc).

[Trevster]

Yea I kept telling mine that i loved her and how much i missed her send flowers write notes and emails, i was off and on NC for 3 weeks and now im on total NC and she means the world to me but like idk she deleted me off her FB and all our pictures like she is possessed like we never happened and right now she wont even talk to me its not the same sweet girl. Did your girl keep telling you that she couldnt do it anymore or she was done or anyhting like mine is telling me!!!!

[smudge21]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

 

Ginger you do NOT want her thinking that you still care, or that you miss her.

 

Think about it, she hasnt given up on texting you because two things - she thinks you dont care, and she thinks you dont need/miss her. its making her absolutely nuts. It makes her emotional, you have her right where you want her.

 

This is what is making her pursue you like this. If you show her you need her, theres no challenge anymore, and she will likely lose any interest. You have to make her EARN your trust and affection. She wants to earn it. of course unless she is just looking for attention and nothing else.

 

if you ever get to talking to her, you dont update her on what youre doing, you stay distant, and you dont bring up the idea of you two getting back together, you make her do it. You have to make hr think that since she broke it off, she has to convince you why you should give her another chance.

In your other thread you stated that you got jealous and things got awkward, and she dumped you after that. Why did she dump you then? Did she go back to her ex?

 

That's all well and good if she'd only texted a few times, but hasn't she been texting constantly AND according to friends, clearly been talking to them as well. If you continue to ignore her then eventually she will give up, then the opportunity to reply will be gone. You can only 'make someone nuts' for so long before they walk away.

 

I never said he should show that he 'needs' her, but the he should acknowledge he's ignored her previous attempts to contact him and, as he clearly does miss her, be honest with her and simply agree with her texts - "yeah, I miss you too". That line doesn't imply that you're on your knees begging for her back, it just simply says you do miss her - it's stating the obvious really. If you didn't miss her, you never would reply anyway.

 

As for letting her know you still care - why not? If you contact her, you're already telling her you still care, and why shouldn't you. You dated each other. If you contact her and come across as you don't care anymore then that's exactly what she'll pick up from you, and she'll walk away. By replying to her texts you're opening that door for her to come back into your life, but you also need to let her know there is still a reason to step through the door.

 

I think the circumstances say a lot here with the fact she's constantly been chasing him. Fair enough, if it had been only one or two texts, then definitely do not reply, as that's only breadcrumbs. But this is different. She's making a lot of effort to get him to contact her. Okay, she could make more, but I'm betting she's nervous about how to approach things and really doesn't know what the best course of action is.

 

I do however agree with staying distant to a point. You do need to keep things basic at first. She's possibly wanting you back and even though you may want her back just as much, you don't show that. You have the power and it's up to her to convince you she's worth dating again. She does indeed need to earn your attention now. Forget the balls in your court, you own the court.

[Ginger Beer]

That's all well and good if she'd only texted a few times, but hasn't she been texting constantly AND according to friends, clearly been talking to them as well. If you continue to ignore her then eventually she will give up, then the opportunity to reply will be gone. You can only 'make someone nuts' for so long before they walk away.

 

I never said he should show that he 'needs' her, but the he should acknowledge he's ignored her previous attempts to contact him and, as he clearly does miss her, be honest with her and simply agree with her texts - "yeah, I miss you too". That line doesn't imply that you're on your knees begging for her back, it just simply says you do miss her - it's stating the obvious really. If you didn't miss her, you never would reply anyway.

 

As for letting her know you still care - why not? If you contact her, you're already telling her you still care, and why shouldn't you. You dated each other. If you contact her and come across as you don't care anymore then that's exactly what she'll pick up from you, and she'll walk away. By replying to her texts you're opening that door for her to come back into your life, but you also need to let her know there is still a reason to step through the door.

 

I think the circumstances say a lot here with the fact she's constantly been chasing him. Fair enough, if it had been only one or two texts, then definitely do not reply, as that's only breadcrumbs. But this is different. She's making a lot of effort to get him to contact her. Okay, she could make more, but I'm betting she's nervous about how to approach things and really doesn't know what the best course of action is.

 

I do however agree with staying distant to a point. You do need to keep things basic at first. She's possibly wanting you back and even though you may want her back just as much, you don't show that. You have the power and it's up to her to convince you she's worth dating again. She does indeed need to earn your attention now. Forget the balls in your court, you own the court.

 

Brilliant reply. I'm gonna reply I just don't know what with. Her last text was as follows:

 

I know you've spoken to *mutual friend's name* which just means you're blanking me... Can you at least speak to me even if it is to tell me to **** off and never to talk to you again Not hearing from you is killing me xxxxxxxxx

 

Thanks for all the replies.

[Ginger Beer]

Yea I kept telling mine that i loved her and how much i missed her send flowers write notes and emails, i was off and on NC for 3 weeks and now im on total NC and she means the world to me but like idk she deleted me off her FB and all our pictures like she is possessed like we never happened and right now she wont even talk to me its not the same sweet girl. Did your girl keep telling you that she couldnt do it anymore or she was done or anyhting like mine is telling me!!!!

 

No, she said she still liked me she just couldn't be how I wanted her to be.

[Trevster]

Just reply casual as in you know "sorry iv been busy lately' or "how have things been going" just dont say nothing that is going to imply your emotions or you want her back.

[JasonRules]

I don't know. She said at the time she was having family problems and she couldn't be how I wanted her to be so it was best it was over.

 

Unfortunately at the time I did the polar opposite of what I now know I should've done (I kept telling her I loved her etc).

 

 

Mine also alluded to having family problems as well, but I asked her "And what does that have to do with me?". She never replied. Her reasoning was that she has family issues, emotional baggage, she just can't be in a relationship right now, and that she's been "turned off" by all the drama of the past months (others getting involved/saying stuff about me etc).

 

Personally, I think they are cowards. My gut feeling tells me there is another guy involved, but she never had the balls to tell me because of what others would say about her because I'm a stand up guy and a great catch. This is why she left leaving things ambiguous. In case things don't work out with the other guy she can just say "Oh, now I feel much better and am "healed"", whereas if she would have told me she met someone else I would never in a million years lower myself to take her back. Last time we spoke I asked her flat out "In your mind, are we done as a couple?" She replied "I don't know". Purposefully leaving things up in the air. It doesn't matter though; to me "I don't know" is the same as "Yes, we are done".

 

Bottom line is this; never EVER chase a man or a woman no matter what your feelings are for them. If its not mutual, its not worth it!

[Ginger Beer]

I'm thinking of sending:

 

Hello, sorry I didn't reply sooner. Hope you're cool x

 

What you think?

[Eddie Edirol]

I'm thinking of sending:

 

 

 

What you think?

 

you dont apologize for not replying, cuz you didnt reply on purpose.

 

heres your reply:

 

"What is it you need from me?"

 

if she doesnt initiate some sort of talk about trying again, you go back to ignoring her.

 

remember, the reality is that you still need the relationship more than she does. She dumped you because she lost attraction to you for some reason, and she still holds power over you in general. Thats why you dont tell her you miss her. You cant let her think you dont miss her and then tell her you do.

 

I still think she doesnt want you back, she just wants to know why you are ignoring her, her ego is hurt. but you wont know until you give her a chance to say it.

[1784]

You probably know how I feel by now based on other threads that we're interacted but I'll throw my two cents in here for ya.

 

1- When people talk about the fact that she has to be "knocking down your door"... well I think she pretty much has been. Maybe not in a 1965 kind of way but in a very 2011 kind of way. People here need to understand that the importance of a text message is valued much higher than it ever was. Now I'm 35 and I think text messages kinda suck but I do know that there is a lot of importance put on them. You can't ignore how often people use them to communicate.

 

2- If you are going to respond, don't apologize. There's no need. Don't let her off the hook for anything and you don't need to explain yourself in any way, shape or form. When she broke up with you she lost all privileges to your inner workings. She hasn't earned them back. You don't owe her anything at all. Having SAID that, if you do choose to respond just make it casual. You're responding. You're not sending an introductory message. You don't have to state anything. A simple "Hey, how are things?" would be absolutely fine.

 

3- It sounds to me like this one is up to you. You went NC and she has come back, poking around. What you do now is totally in your control. You don't need to prove anything to her. She has everything in the world to prove to you. So let her. Don't be too eager and just see what she has to say (if that's what you want). If you don't really want to 'go there' then just keep ignoring her. But I do agree with a previous poster who said eventually she'll just get frustrated and go away for good.

 

NC is a great tool but it isn't the end all be all of existence. When you ignore someone long enough EVENTUALLY they WILL get the idea. So be aware of what message you're sending, even if that message is to send no message at all. It's your life. It's your world. Control it and make it work for you.

[Ginger Beer]

Thank you for that reply, 1784. Some good points there.

 

OK, I think I will be prepared to receive nothing, I will expect nothing. I am going to reply with ''Hi, how's things? x'' and see how it goes from there.

 

Wish me luck.

[Ginger Beer]

OK, so she replied almost immediately:

 

They've been terrible do u realise how much I've missed u n how worried I've been!! Not even funny I've thought about u every day xxxxxxxxxx

 

Now I'm confused haha, no idea what to reply with or if I should wait before replying etc.

[1784]

I understand how you must feel. It's much like the text I got after a month that said "I really miss you". It's something but it's not a message that changes anything at all. Of course she misses you. That's natural. It's nostalgia. I don't want to sink your ship here but take it for what it is, okay? I just want you to remain here with me in reality before your emotions go bonkers. They won't help here.

 

So.. what to do?

 

Well, number one, don't reply right away. If she's waited this long for a reply and you finally gave her one then don't rush back to her. Let her take in the fact that you did finally reply. And when you do reply to her, once again, you do not owe her anything. You don't need to tell her what you've been doing, who you've been doing it with, if you've missed her, if you haven't, etc. It's really nice that she missed you and that she's been worried but that's on her. That's what happens when you end it with someone and she has to realize that. She brought that upon herself. It's nothing that you did, that's for damn sure. Do not address the guilt that she's ultimately feeling. It's not your problem. And if she's even SUGGESTING that YOU'RE the cause of her feeling terrible then she can go F herself - no offense.

 

So if and when you do reply just keep it simple. Right now she'll take anything you give her from the sounds of it. This means, don't give anything of yourself or how YOU'VE been feeling. Keep her in this vulnerable state and do not let her get the upper hand. This is indirectly what she is looking for. That will make her feel better.

 

And again, not to beat a dead horse, but all of his means NOTHING in terms of you getting back together with her. Until she brings that up then this is all small talk.

[Ginger Beer]

Thanks man. Just got back from the gym, was speaking to the same friend on the phone on the way back and he said her exact words were ''I would book a day off work to go and see him tomorrow if he wanted me to'' and he was saying she hasn't shut up about me and she really regrets what happened etc. This has made me feel good, although in a way I don't really care as like you say it means nothing until she brings ''us'' up.

 

Still haven't replied and I'm going to go out in a bit for a walk. Thank you 1784, dunno what I'd have done without a lot of your posts mate.