I think she might want me back...

[Ginger Beer]

I'd say you have some thinking to do. Go NC, stay friends, move and be with her... You have your options and I think only you can make that decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

I will say that, coming from my own recent break up, when you part in a good way and are still being nice it's so much harder. You both know that there's something still there and you both know that if one texts the other, that door will be opened again. If you do intend to go NC again on her, then be prepared for that.

 

As I said, this is your decision, but we can offer advice. You clearly have very strong feelings for her, so you need to picture your life in say a years time; either with or without her. Moving to be with her is a big committment, but maybe it's one you do want to make... only you know that answer.

 

If it was possible for me to move to be with her, I would do it straight away, but it's not.

 

I think I'm going to end up getting in touch with her to be honest. It seems like a waste to just let her go forever.

 

We never had an argument and I've known her for three years, we were good friends before this. I'm sure I can't just be friends with her but I don't know if I want her gone completely.

[rayne05us]

You're just feeling alot of different emotions right now...everyday is up and down. I promise it will feel better with time. Sometimes, a person we love very much, for many different reasons, can't be in our lives. Be it war, or distance or whatever...but that doesn't mean you have to stop loving them. But you also can't let this hold you in place. Regardless of whether she's in your life or not, you still have the choice to find happiness. Try to do that...focus on that and taking care of YOU and it will get better. Remember she's not in the picture so there's no one to hold you back but yourself...Hang in there...

[rayne05us]

When I had a really bad breakup a couple years ago, I found this video on Youtube and it REALLY helped me alot. Now I just want to make it clear, I am NOT soliciting this guy's program at all...that I'm not sure about. But this specific video explain why I was going through all these mixed emotions and that what we're is actually normal when having a breakup. It also showed me ways to help fill the void. If you go on You Tube and search "How to Not Go Crazy" It should be the first one. Again...I don't know about this guy's program, but this helped me soooo much and kind of put me at ease.

[smudge21]

You clearly love her mate - I would suggest you do what you can to keep things alive. I honestly think you'd really regret it if you gave up now.

[Leda]

If it was possible for me to move to be with her, I would do it straight away, but it's not.

 

I think I'm going to end up getting in touch with her to be honest. It seems like a waste to just let her go forever.

 

We never had an argument and I've known her for three years, we were good friends before this. I'm sure I can't just be friends with her but I don't know if I want her gone completely.

 

I think this relationship is completely salvagable, actually, with a few simple changes. Honestly, it sounds like this girl loves you.

 

The changes (on your end)

-that you start understanding her perspective on long-distance relationships. If you understand and acknowledge that a long talk about your relationship after a long day at work doesn't meet her emotional needs....or that if you lived together, she would come home and into your arms rather than flashing people at the pub or whatever....you will be able to keep in mind that feeling too tired for a certain type of long-distance interaction doesn't mean she doesn't love YOU. She does. She just doesn't love having emotional discussions by text message after a long day and then going to bed alone with no sex and not getting to kiss her man goodnight--most girls don't love that.

 

-that the two of you make a plan for the future, so that she can remember that the long-distance thing is temporary.

 

-for godsakes, go to London and see her! It sounds like she's in London and you're in the UK too? Make it a priority to stay with her 2 weekends or more a month, until you can move to London. Save complicated relationship talks for in-person interactions.

 

Please reread all of the points SHE made about the relationship and her feelings. I think the Long Distance thing has actually been less of a problem than your weird cluelessness about it!! (I see that a lot on these boards, guys who are like, "What's the big deal if we don't live together for another 5 years, I'm only 35.") Now that you know it's getting to her, you can share your willingness to change it as soon as you can.

 

If you start to actively acknowledge that the long-distance part is horrible, it will feel less horrible to her.

 

If it was possible for me to move to be with her, I would do it straight away, but it's not.

 

 

Tell HER this--including the sad face!--and start working together to rearrange things to move in together at a SET TIME in the future. Use your text conversations to have fun, share love and humor, plan future times together, and get closer, rather than just talking about how the relationship is going.

 

I disagree with the people saying to go NC.

[Ginger Beer]

BUMP.

 

It turns out that she considered us to be friends since the last time I posted in this thread. She never told me this. I was wondering why it felt like she was pulling away.

 

NC now, the next few weeks and months are going to be so hard.

[Ginger Beer]

Some things that were said:

 

- I asked why did she say she loved me so many times then suddenly stop, she said 'because at the time I did, the distance between us means it's never gonna happen so there was no point'.

 

- I mentioned the getting her tits out in public incident and how I felt disrespected, she replied 'I don't know what to say'.

 

I'll post again shortly.

[0hpenelope]

BUMP.

 

It turns out that she considered us to be friends since the last time I posted in this thread. She never told me this. I was wondering why it felt like she was pulling away.

 

NC now, the next few weeks and months are going to be so hard.

 

Mmm.. Sorry to hear that, buddy. I advocate NC but when people want to break that, I'm very supportive of it. Sometimes, the pain of finding out unwanted information is the kick in the butt people need to understand why going NC gets the most support.

 

I'm all for alternatives too, simply because I've seen different and circumstances are different, but the hard part is the one that most understandably don't want to choose and that is to let the ex go. To believe the ex when he/she says that he/she doesn't want to be with you anymore. The break ups I usually see on LS are the ones that really need NC but if they want to break it, well... go right ahead. Good luck.

[Ginger Beer]

Mmm.. Sorry to hear that, buddy. I advocate NC but when people want to break that, I'm very supportive of it. Sometimes, the pain of finding out unwanted information is the kick in the butt people need to understand why going NC gets the most support.

 

I'm all for alternatives too, simply because I've seen different and circumstances are different, but the hard part is the one that most understandably don't want to choose and that is to let the ex go. To believe the ex when he/she says that he/she doesn't want to be with you anymore. The break ups I usually see on LS are the ones that really need NC but if they want to break it, well... go right ahead. Good luck.

 

I'm dying to tell her I hope we can be friends but I can't at the moment. I feel very sad and confused right now.

 

She also said: ''So we really can't be friends at all then? That it's all or nothing?'', I thought this was a bit selfish, maybe others might not.

 

You think I'm doing the right thing by going NC?

 

I'm worried because she lives away from me I'll never hear from her again.

[0hpenelope]

I'm dying to tell her I hope we can be friends but I can't at the moment. I feel very sad and confused right now.

 

She also said: ''So we really can't be friends at all then? That it's all or nothing?'', I thought this was a bit selfish, maybe others might not.

 

You think I'm doing the right thing by going NC?

 

I'm worried because she lives away from me I'll never hear from her again.

Yup, you definitely need NC before you can even work on becoming a friend. It's about boundaries. You become her friend, she'll see you as just a friend. It's pretty simple.

 

It's normal to feel afraid you won't speak to her ever again. But keep in mind the times your contact with her left you hurting. You aren't in a neutral space yet where you can begin to become friends again.

 

Also, YES she was selfish. I agree with you. If you become friends with her so early on, you'll stay feeling bad for a long time and you'll simultaneously help her get over you. She wants the break up, give her the break up. I really dislike the exes who want to break up assume that the person they leave owes them support after breaking up.

 

You can talk to her but remember how it just feels bad right now when you do. Distance yourself, don't entertain her contacts with you. You have to heal. It is hard and saddening, but you have to heal.

[Ginger Beer]

Thank you 0hpenelope.

 

It's hard knowing if you're doing the right thing or not. I suppose I am. We sort of ended on bad terms yesterday, we didn't argue but this happened on messenger and I quickly said bye, explained it had to be good and blocked and deleted her before she could reply. She text ''Thanks for letting me say bye'' straight away.

[TheHurtProcess]

Ginger... I'm sorry to read all of this bro. I spend some good time reading though the entire 11 pages of your thread, thinking the entire time "this girl is just coming back to close off loose ends" and I was seriously hoping that I was going to be proven wrong by the time I got to the last page and that you were going to get your happy ending. I was seriously praying for a fairy-tale.

 

Almost the same exact thing happened to me about a week ago. My ex and I went NC for a while. Then out of nowhere she started sending me texts. That lasted for about a week. I figured that the texts didn't mean anything and that they weren't going to progress to anything other than what they were, small talk. Therefore, I stopped texting out of the blue one day and didn't talk to her for a few days. Finally, she calls out of nowhere asking if we could get together and talk. Well, as you can imagine this talk led to us pouring out our feelings for one another and it was almost as if we were back were we left off before we broke up (minus all of the fighting and whatnot). The sad part is that I knew deep down inside that it was only temporary and that it was only a matter of time before she was gone again. But, I refused to listen to my instincts.

 

Needless to say, it was all rather short lived. Not even three days had passed and she starts acting all wishy-washy again, which takes me back to the past and makes me feel as I did right after we first broke up. I get few texts, calls and so on few and far between. Everything is at her convenience. Then out of nowhere she begins stating that she doesn't know what she wants or if she has the time with school, work and so on. Fast forward a few more days and here I am, back at NC again.

 

The bright side is that I've already gone through most of the grieving before all of this happened, so I don't feel as though I have to start from square one as everyone seems to say you do after breaking NC. In other words, I feel as though I can start off right where I left off, before she broke NC.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to drop a post your way to say that I'm totally 100% right here with ya bro. I know exactly how you feel. I'm hoping that like me, you won't have to start from scratch in the grieving process and that you can pick your life up right where you left off. I know it sucks, but what choice do we have? You can't force someone to care. Plus, she re-opened several wounds and the scars are going to go much deeper now. If there is ever a next time, my instincts are definitely taking shotgun and she can take the back seat. She definitely obliterated any trust that I had left in her. Now I can officially say that it's finally over and I can move on.

 

I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Someday a girl will come along who deserves the love that we have to offer. Someone who would never put us through what we had to go through with our exes. Someone who genuinely loves you, would/could never do that to you. I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy.

[Ginger Beer]

Ginger... I'm sorry to read all of this bro. I spend some good time reading though the entire 11 pages of your thread, thinking the entire time "this girl is just coming back to close off loose ends" and I was seriously hoping that I was going to be proven wrong by the time I got to the last page and that you were going to get your happy ending. I was seriously praying for a fairy-tale.

 

Almost the same exact thing happened to me about a week ago. My ex and I went NC for a while. Then out of nowhere she started sending me texts. That lasted for about a week. I figured that the texts didn't mean anything and that they weren't going to progress to anything other than what they were, small talk. Therefore, I stopped texting out of the blue one day and didn't talk to her for a few days. Finally, she calls out of nowhere asking if we could get together and talk. Well, as you can imagine this talk led to us pouring out our feelings for one another and it was almost as if we were back were we left off before we broke up (minus all of the fighting and whatnot). The sad part is that I knew deep down inside that it was only temporary and that it was only a matter of time before she was gone again. But, I refused to listen to my instincts.

 

Needless to say, it was all rather short lived. Not even three days had passed and she starts acting all wishy-washy again, which takes me back to the past and makes me feel as I did right after we first broke up. I get few texts, calls and so on few and far between. Everything is at her convenience. Then out of nowhere she begins stating that she doesn't know what she wants or if she has the time with school, work and so on. Fast forward a few more days and here I am, back at NC again.

 

The bright side is that I've already gone through most of the grieving before all of this happened, so I don't feel as though I have to start from square one as everyone seems to say you do after breaking NC. In other words, I feel as though I can start off right where I left off, before she broke NC.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to drop a post your way to say that I'm totally 100% right here with ya bro. I know exactly how you feel. I'm hoping that like me, you won't have to start from scratch in the grieving process and that you can pick your life up right where you left off. I know it sucks, but what choice do we have? You can't force someone to care. Plus, she re-opened several wounds and the scars are going to go much deeper now. If there is ever a next time, my instincts are definitely taking shotgun and she can take the back seat. She definitely obliterated any trust that I had left in her. Now I can officially say that it's finally over and I can move on.

 

I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Someday a girl will come along who deserves the love that we have to offer. Someone who would never put us through what we had to go through with our exes. Someone who genuinely loves you, would/could never do that to you. I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy.

 

Cheers mate. It's good to know there are other people who know how I feel.

 

Do you still hear songs or see things that remind you of her? I do loads and it makes me feel sick every time. I just want it to go.

 

How long were you with your ex for?

[1784]

Hey,

 

I know that there are a lot of reasons for no contact and they're all very valid. After reading several posts within this thread it made me think of another reason why no contact and working on your own happiness, sans ex, is so important. Here it is...

 

When you've reached the end of a relationship, as in you've broken up, there is usually a lot of energy spent on breaking free. You have all sorts of conversations with your ex about "Is this the right thing?", "I love you so much", and everything else that goes with the territory. Frustration increases because the two sides do not want the same things. I mean, you wouldn't be in this situation if the two sides did. That doesn't make it any easier to break up for either side but one of the sides generally wants to break free more than the other. Texts, phone conversations, emails, face-to-face meetings, etc. By this point all you're doing is piling sh*t on top of sh*t. And this is my point. When your relationship becomes 'this' (essentially a sh*t sandwich) then it's time to pack it in and go no contact. By this point you're only going to make things worse. every 'heartfelt' conversation is going to leave a bad taste in both people's mouths. Why? Because in the end you're breaking up. "I miss you", "I love you", "I'm sad" and all the rest of the messages you get are all bull sh*t. Sure, they may be sort of true but if they were genuine then you wouldn't be breaking up, would you?

 

What I'm trying to say is that NC works because not only does it give you time and space to work on yourself but it also prevents you from making an already sensitive situation worse. There's nothing you can say or do right now to make anything better. If you do happen to stumble upon the MAGIC WORDS that cures everything it's only going to be short-lived anyway. Time and space are the only two things that will ever enable you to revisit a relationship... way later on. So many things have to get back to normal before that can happen. And all of those things have to be done by you, without your ex. So don't pile extra crap onto an already messy situation. Be brave enough to step away. It's the very best thing you can do even though you think there MUST be something. There MUST be something I can say or do to make a difference here, right? Yeah, there is. Step away and let it breathe. Go NC.

[Sugarkane]

Hey Ginger Beer I can relate to your story. My other ex left me coz he is immature and wanted to be single. I told him go ahead you won't find someone better than me! Months later he texts me, always late at night. I ignored them but curiosity eventually got the better of me.

 

My ex said all the usual things he missed me, PROMISED to meet up with me etc etc. But he hadn't changed at all. He stood me up again. Asked me to come over late at night and sleep over [as if I was going to take him back that easy]. And never actually met up with me. I was disappointed, but knew not to get my hopes up. I told them that I was sick and tired of being lied to and stringed along. I told him I'd had enough. Well he cracked it because he said jump and I didn't. Then he told me that I was a nutjob and that I need help! WTF?

I haven't heard from him in months and I feel much better. He only contacts me when he hasn't been laid. Very disappointing as he only lives max 30 minutes from me. Yet he does the whole I miss you, but won't put any action into getting back together with me.

 

Its best to go NC.

[TheHurtProcess]

Cheers mate. It's good to know there are other people who know how I feel.

 

Do you still hear songs or see things that remind you of her? I do loads and it makes me feel sick every time. I just want it to go.

 

How long were you with your ex for?

 

There are so many triggers. No matter how hard I try not to think about her or the relationship, I realize that resistance is futile. I hear songs, see objects, read about a particular topic, go to or think about a specific place, talk to or hear about a certain person and so on. I could keep going forever, but I'm sure you get the hint. I used to get sick to my stomach. I actually just started eating again as I used to before all of this happened.

 

I feel as though I'm slowly getting my life back and I know for sure that I am moving on one second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year at a time. I believe that I've made some great strides in my recovery. I'm also setting goals with deadlines to better my life in the long run. Regardless of whether we ever get back together or not, I don't ever want to have to repeat the same situations whether it be with my ex or another girl in the future. I suggest you give it a shot, if you haven't already. Before you know it, you'll find that you're not thinking about her as much if at all. Plus, you'll be so much better off in the long run. Hell, you might even impress a few people.

 

To answer your last question, I was with my ex for about 3 years. We've had the occasional argument which resulted in a day or two breakup. For a little while there at the beginning, we were seeing each other, but not as serious. However, we were loyal to one another (At least I know that I was). I truthfully didn't open myself up and give her my heart until about 1.5 to 2 years into the relationship because I knew that for some reason as soon as I did, she'd have everything she wanted and therefore, she'd most likely want to go see if the 'grass is greener" elsewhere, which is exactly what happened in the end.

 

Well, more or less, same story. She started going out to the bars, clubs, drinking a lot. She also started spending less time with me, whether it be in person, on the phone, text, etc. Started the typical "I don't know what I want right now" BS. Nonstop excuses for everything such as why we couldn't hang out, why she was acting a certain way and why she was doing certain things and so on. She was acting really self-centered, narcissistic and just plain selfish. But obviously she didn't see it that way.

 

I'm sure you know exactly where I'm coming from considering you just about went through the same scenario.

[Ginger Beer]

There are so many triggers. No matter how hard I try not to think about her or the relationship, I realize that resistance is futile. I hear songs, see objects, read about a particular topic, go to or think about a specific place, talk to or hear about a certain person and so on. I could keep going forever, but I'm sure you get the hint. I used to get sick to my stomach. I actually just started eating again as I used to before all of this happened.

 

I feel as though I'm slowly getting my life back and I know for sure that I am moving on one second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year at a time. I believe that I've made some great strides in my recovery. I'm also setting goals with deadlines to better my life in the long run. Regardless of whether we ever get back together or not, I don't ever want to have to repeat the same situations whether it be with my ex or another girl in the future. I suggest you give it a shot, if you haven't already. Before you know it, you'll find that you're not thinking about her as much if at all. Plus, you'll be so much better off in the long run. Hell, you might even impress a few people.

 

To answer your last question, I was with my ex for about 3 years. We've had the occasional argument which resulted in a day or two breakup. For a little while there at the beginning, we were seeing each other, but not as serious. However, we were loyal to one another (At least I know that I was). I truthfully didn't open myself up and give her my heart until about 1.5 to 2 years into the relationship because I knew that for some reason as soon as I did, she'd have everything she wanted and therefore, she'd most likely want to go see if the 'grass is greener" elsewhere, which is exactly what happened in the end.

 

Well, more or less, same story. She started going out to the bars, clubs, drinking a lot. She also started spending less time with me, whether it be in person, on the phone, text, etc. Started the typical "I don't know what I want right now" BS. Nonstop excuses for everything such as why we couldn't hang out, why she was acting a certain way and why she was doing certain things and so on. She was acting really self-centered, narcissistic and just plain selfish. But obviously she didn't see it that way.

 

I'm sure you know exactly where I'm coming from considering you just about went through the same scenario.

 

I feel exactly like how you did. Except the feeling sick thing would also happen when I speak to her and go when I'm in NC, then come back whenever I am reminded of her.

 

3 years is a fair amount of time together, we were only together from July 2010 to September 2010 (6 weeks) When I look at it like that I feel quite pathetic that I feel as bad as I do, but she did string me along from then until December with hurtful things happening in between. Then obviously from March to now you can see in the thread what the situation was. I would consider this my first serious relationship, others might not but I never felt this strongly before. I love her. I partly want to give her a quick message to say I didn't want us to part on bad terms the other day, I'm sorry.

 

Probably a bad idea but I'm not sure if I want her thinking that. I don't know.

[Robby 123]

My wife left me a few years back and left me with the 2 children I spent months trying to get her back sleepless nights feeling sick we have all been there. I found this web site and found it very helpful to me one of the best things I found out is the more you try to get someone back the more they go the other way have a look hope I have helped

 

http://tinyurl.com/6hxc57z

[Ginger Beer]

Spam? (10 characters)

[Robby 123]

How can you spam free information ? please tell me

watch the FREE video

[Ginger Beer]

Today has been quite a good day.

 

Recently I've not been able to train, I had no motivation and obviously not eating just meant I was losing weight. I have done a small workout today, I got a new phone and new number, tried to keep busy with other things and made some money too.

 

I'm feeling hungry again, I ate five doughnuts yesterday and I've eaten three meals so far today, still hungry.

 

I know there will obviously be worse days than today. The worst bit is bedtime when I'm able to think about things. That is difficult at the moment. I'm trying to smile and laugh more as I read it tricks your mind into believing you're happy when you're not. Who knows if it's true but I suppose at least it's better than frowning.

[Robby 123]

Ginger beer

I know how you feel I used to be paranoid that my phone was charged just in case she text me, could not sleep I could go on for ever but one thing I have learnt IS SHE IS NOT THE ONLY WOMAN OUT THERE AND TIME IS THE MOST GREATEST OF HEALERS may not seem like it now i know. I was on my own with 2 young children 8 months and 2 years

 

Rob

[TheHurtProcess]

I feel exactly like how you did. Except the feeling sick thing would also happen when I speak to her and go when I'm in NC, then come back whenever I am reminded of her.

 

3 years is a fair amount of time together, we were only together from July 2010 to September 2010 (6 weeks) When I look at it like that I feel quite pathetic that I feel as bad as I do, but she did string me along from then until December with hurtful things happening in between. Then obviously from March to now you can see in the thread what the situation was. I would consider this my first serious relationship, others might not but I never felt this strongly before. I love her. I partly want to give her a quick message to say I didn't want us to part on bad terms the other day, I'm sorry.

 

Probably a bad idea but I'm not sure if I want her thinking that. I don't know.

 

Nothing pathetic about love, my friend. I swear I've been in love (I admit... perhaps infatuation???) with a girl in even less time than that. You love who you love and no one can tell you otherwise. Only you know how you truly feel about someone.

[TheHurtProcess]

Today has been quite a good day.

 

Recently I've not been able to train, I had no motivation and obviously not eating just meant I was losing weight. I have done a small workout today, I got a new phone and new number, tried to keep busy with other things and made some money too.

 

I'm feeling hungry again, I ate five doughnuts yesterday and I've eaten three meals so far today, still hungry.

 

I know there will obviously be worse days than today. The worst bit is bedtime when I'm able to think about things. That is difficult at the moment. I'm trying to smile and laugh more as I read it tricks your mind into believing you're happy when you're not. Who knows if it's true but I suppose at least it's better than frowning.

 

It took me a while to get back into training on a daily basis again. I lost all motivation to workout and my motivation to eat every three hours was completely gone. I'm an ectomorph (aka hard-gainer), so I have to eat a lot to gain the slightest amount of weight/muscle. It almost sounds as if you are similar.

 

Anyways, It's been a little over a month since the actual breakup happened and only about five days since she left again. Thursday was the last day I actually talked to her and I haven't seen her since Wednesday. Like I said earlier, it's almost as if I picked up right where I left off with NC. I feel as though I can be much stronger this time around. I have quite a few goals that I've set for myself as well as deadlines. Many are business goals/ideas I've been considering for quite some time now. I've decided to shoot for the stars. I also started working out again (as previously mentioned), I'm re-enrolling in college to finish off my IT degree, I've been hitting the job market much more fiercely, I've also picked up my guitar and started writing music again. With that, I'm hoping to have a whole album complete by the end of the year. I've picked up quite a few DIY books to learn some new skills. I'm a freelance graphic/web designer in between jobs. I've been wanting to learn a few new programming languages, software and the like.

 

I figure, what better time than now? Now that I don't have the distraction around anymore. It's perfect timing. I might just stay single for a while. I've been enjoying the peace, quiet and lack of distraction. Well, except for when my son comes over on the weekends. But he won't ditch out on his dad. So he can take all of the time he needs.

 

The worst part of the day for me is the mornings. When I wake up, I still turn over to find no one there. It's as if subconsciously, I'm expecting that person to be there when I wake up, each and every day as they used to be. I'm hoping to break that habit soon. It's absolute torture at times. The sadness can take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or so to disappear sometimes.

 

I know she's not coming back again any time soon. Even if she did, the last time she came around, she burned the hell out of that bridge. I don't think I can repair it. The damage is done. The trust is completely gone. It's time to move on and this time around I'm 100% ready.

 

I hope you're feeling somewhat better, Ginger. Keep your head up high and try to use this time to make something of yourself. Perhaps learn a new skill, hobby, etc. You have all the knowledge in the world at your fingertips. Anything is absolutely possible from here on. Remember that. Where do you see yourself in a couple of years?

Edited June 22, 2011 by TheHurtProcess

[Ginger Beer]

It took me a while to get back into training on a daily basis again. I lost all motivation to workout and my motivation to eat every three hours was completely gone. I'm an ectomorph (aka hard-gainer), so I have to eat a lot to gain the slightest amount of weight/muscle. It almost sounds as if you are similar.

 

Anyways, It's been a little over a month since the actual breakup happened and only about five days since she left again. Thursday was the last day I actually talked to her and I haven't seen her since Wednesday. Like I said earlier, it's almost as if I picked up right where I left off with NC. I feel as though I can be much stronger this time around. I have quite a few goals that I've set for myself as well as deadlines. Many are business goals/ideas I've been considering for quite some time now. I've decided to shoot for the stars. I also started working out again (as previously mentioned), I'm re-enrolling in college to finish off my IT degree, I've been hitting the job market much more fiercely, I've also picked up my guitar and started writing music again. With that, I'm hoping to have a whole album complete by the end of the year. I've picked up quite a few DIY books to learn some new skills. I'm a freelance graphic/web designer in between jobs. I've been wanting to learn a few new programming languages, software and the like.

 

I figure, what better time than now? Now that I don't have the distraction around anymore. It's perfect timing. I might just stay single for a while. I've been enjoying the peace, quiet and lack of distraction. Well, except for when my son comes over on the weekends. But he won't ditch out on his dad. So he can take all of the time he needs.

 

The worst part of the day for me is the mornings. When I wake up, I still turn over to find no one there. It's as if subconsciously, I'm expecting that person to be there when I wake up, each and every day as they used to be. I'm hoping to break that habit soon. It's absolute torture at times. The sadness can take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or so to disappear sometimes.

 

I know she's not coming back again any time soon. Even if she did, the last time she came around, she burned the hell out of that bridge. I don't think I can repair it. The damage is done. The trust is completely gone. It's time to move on and this time around I'm 100% ready.

 

I hope you're feeling somewhat better, Ginger. Keep your head up high and try to use this time to make something of yourself. Perhaps learn a new skill, hobby, etc. You have all the knowledge in the world at your fingertips. Anything is absolutely possible from here on. Remember that. Where do you see yourself in a couple of years?

 

The funny thing is, I was making brilliant progress in my training when I was in NC.

 

In a couple of years, I would like to be at university studying nutrition or something diet/fitness based as that is my main hobby and something I've been doing for a few years now. Uni is actually my dream, I would one day like to make enough money keeping people fit/teaching people to live a nice life.

 

To be honest, I don't even want her back, she is not good for me, I just want the hurt and memories to go away. I want to meet lots of new people. Like you I feel the trust is gone. I have a lot of anger at the moment too.