1784 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Just lookin' out, man. I feel a civic duty to my fellow LoveShackers here. When I feel like I can lend a hand, I do. You all do the same for me. It's sort of like a Pay It Forward type deal (in my eyes anyway). Usually if we're here we're not always in the best state of mind to make clear headed decisions for ourselves. Getting a text like you did called for immediate logical digestion. I didn't want to see you run off with it and do something emotional and stupid (not saying you would). I think if we all play our cards right we'll get what we want. This doesn't mean we'll get our EX back but there's never any reason to make impulsive, emotional, I REALLY LOVE YOU type decisions. If we handle ourselves with care, speak of ourselves with pride, and carry ourselves with dignity then how can we go wrong? Good luck, bro. We'll be here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 So I replied to her text after a few hours with: Aww. So what you been doing then? x Again she text back almost immediately, with the following: Working that's it really what about you cherub? xxxxxx Trying to plan what to say and when to say it is very difficult. The advice I've been given suggests not to tell her about me or what I've been doing, so how would I reply? Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Tell her you've been keeping busy. Consider these texts to be like a first date situation. You never give away too much and just keep things basic in the beginning. I'm quite jealous by this as it's what I would love to happen to me (but unlikely considering a few differences). Keep us informed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 Keeping busy, you think it'd be a good idea to text now or leave her hanging overnight? Don't want to seem too keen etc. As it's been about 20 mins since she replied and it's 10:53pm in the UK. Keeping busy seems a bit short though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 I replied with: Yeah, I've been busy-ish, been ill all this week though with a chest infection and headaches, it's nothing too bad though x She replies with: Oh noooo get better soon please! I had to take a week off work cos I got scarlet fever it was siiiiick erghhh xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Well, she didn't ask you a question. I'd let this one stew for a while. You've done enough for today. That's enough small talk from you. We don't want her feeling comfortable and I'm starting to think she already is. You gave her a teeny taste. Not take the drug away from her and make her beg for more with something more significant. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Personally, I think that you've received good advice here in the present and in the past. I think you should be straight forward with her. You guys seem to be dancing around these texts. Find out exactly what she wants. I think you now know what the difference is between actually wanting to get back together and what are breadcrumbs. If she wants you in the "friend zone" then breadcrumbs. Back to NC and start healing ALL OVER AGAIN. Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I agree with Chi townD for the most part. It's not what I would do but it makes some sense. My angle is not to seem too eager, excited or to put her in a position where she feels you want her back. By you asking her anything relating to your relationship, you're doing just that. I think it's important to establish a new rapport with her showing her that you really couldn't give a flying f**k if she's there or not. Why? Because you're a rock star with or without her. And she needs to realize this. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I agree, her last message didn't request a response (as I said before, always think about what you say and avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no), so don't give her one. Leave it now, but I'm pretty much putting my money on her texting in the morning. Try not to say too much about yourself in your replies either. After all, it's really none of her business at the moment. I reckon if things carry on like this they'll be a point where she'll ask to talk - either over the phone or in person. That's when you give her a big pause and get your arse on here for some advice... Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I agree with Chi townD for the most part. It's not what I would do but it makes some sense. My angle is not to seem too eager, excited or to put her in a position where she feels you want her back. By you asking her anything relating to your relationship, you're doing just that. I think it's important to establish a new rapport with her showing her that you really couldn't give a flying f**k if she's there or not. Why? Because you're a rock star with or without her. And she needs to realize this. EEEEEEEEXACTLYYYYY Because now it sounds like she just wanted someone to talk to, and now that she is talking to you, thats all she needs, nothing more. You dont need her, act like it. Dont tell her your business. Dont keep this small talk going for more than two texts. Dont bring up the relationship either. You will find out soon enough if she is serious. Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Yeah, to reiterate what I said and what smudge and eddie contributed as well, you kept her at bay for quite a while. From the sounds of it she was literally chomping at the bit to hear from you. Generally when people are desperate to say something to you they come up with some pretty great stuff. Why? Because they've had so long to think about it. They know that they might not get another chance. They want to make it count. How often does some random farmer get the ear of a king? Not often. Maybe once. Well this should be your attitude. "Okay, serf. You made it all the way into the castle and somehow got past my guards and made your way to my throne. What say you?". I mean, don't SAY this literally but do think it. I wouldn't want to hear her whining about being sick or anything else that really doesn't matter all that much. She's been wanting to "talk" to you for what in her mind seems like ages now. So let her talk. See what she's got and go from there. If you start letting her dictate the conversation then pretty soon she'll be sitting on the throne and you'll be headed out to plow the fields. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Hi everyone. Been good today, I'll be updating the thread later although I don't know whether it'll be a good or bad thing. I'm feeling quite nervous but good/excited. I don't feel as bad as I thought I would be if I got in touch, I feel like if it does turn out to be breadcrumbs, then going back to NC won't be that difficult. I think I am ready. I feel ready at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Thread update. Think it's bad news tbh. She said last night ''I'm gonna text you tomorrow, need to tell you some stuff'' and she hasn't text. Doesn't look like she will either. I'm pissed off tbh. Maybe she's leaving it late on purpose or is nervous but I dunno. If she doesn't text tonight looks like it's back to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Stop it! What you're doing is trying to guess what is going on her head. I do the same, we all do. The truth is you have no idea, and there's no point in me giving you options of what she might be thinking either. Sadly you've allowed this contact to get to you, to build you up, and now because she's gone a bit quiet you're thinking about it too much. I don't blame you, I'd be doing the same thing. Just remember where you were when she contacted you: in a good place mentally. So stay there and get on with other things. Leave it up to her and keep on concentrating on you. What you've been doing so far has worked out pretty well, so why stop now. Sit back, enjoy this nice British weather for the weekend and see what happens. Try not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Stop it! What you're doing is trying to guess what is going on her head. I do the same, we all do. The truth is you have no idea, and there's no point in me giving you options of what she might be thinking either. Sadly you've allowed this contact to get to you, to build you up, and now because she's gone a bit quiet you're thinking about it too much. I don't blame you, I'd be doing the same thing. Just remember where you were when she contacted you: in a good place mentally. So stay there and get on with other things. Leave it up to her and keep on concentrating on you. What you've been doing so far has worked out pretty well, so why stop now. Sit back, enjoy this nice British weather for the weekend and see what happens. Try not to think about it. I know mate, but from what my friend was saying last night he swore to me she was desperate to ''make it up to me'' after everything that's happened. So confused. In fact she also said to him she regrets what happened and I'm ''perfect for her''. Wtf? Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Try not to listen to what other people say. Until you hear it from her, presume it's not true. People can easily say anything about anyone, but it's hard to say things face to face. I think you may be over worrying. I do believe she is interested again, but to what ends, I don't know. Anything from a friendship to a relationship. But you've got to remember that even though she is the dumper, this still may be very hard for her to know what to do. She may also have doubts. You want to remain in that place you were before, where you were doing so well. Don't let her take you back to the place I'm in currently. Just get on with things, don't text her asking why she hasn't got in touch and if you don't hear anything over the weekend, don't worry. You did well to ignore her before so you can do it again. You want to know something stupid I did today that may take your mind off things - I Googled my ex's email address and it linked to a few forums she's joined. Nothing special about them but there were pics of her partying - Now of course I'm only thinking of her out having a good time without me around all the time. I know that's not true as it's only a snapshot of a few hours of one day of her life, but it still hurts. I guess I'm just saying, you're in a good place. Somewhere I can only wish to be. Think positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Try not to listen to what other people say. Until you hear it from her, presume it's not true. People can easily say anything about anyone, but it's hard to say things face to face. I think you may be over worrying. I do believe she is interested again, but to what ends, I don't know. Anything from a friendship to a relationship. But you've got to remember that even though she is the dumper, this still may be very hard for her to know what to do. She may also have doubts. You want to remain in that place you were before, where you were doing so well. Don't let her take you back to the place I'm in currently. Just get on with things, don't text her asking why she hasn't got in touch and if you don't hear anything over the weekend, don't worry. You did well to ignore her before so you can do it again. You want to know something stupid I did today that may take your mind off things - I Googled my ex's email address and it linked to a few forums she's joined. Nothing special about them but there were pics of her partying - Now of course I'm only thinking of her out having a good time without me around all the time. I know that's not true as it's only a snapshot of a few hours of one day of her life, but it still hurts. I guess I'm just saying, you're in a good place. Somewhere I can only wish to be. Think positive. Suppose, there's no way I'm replying though. I think that's why I'm finding it so hard, because I know I can't reply and it has to be her that texts. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Can I ask, how did you get through all those other texts she kept sending you? I for one would probably reply back much quicker if my ex texted. How did you manage to hold back for so long? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Can I ask, how did you get through all those other texts she kept sending you? I for one would probably reply back much quicker if my ex texted. How did you manage to hold back for so long? No idea tbh. From September to mid-December, the period where she ended it and before I began NC, every day I felt sad and before Xmas I decided to turn my phone off and my plan for the new year was not to turn it back on again until Spring (which I stuck to). Once my phone was on again, I was scared to text her anyway, in case of bad news. When she started sending all the texts, my thoughts were ''don't reply, it'll only set you back''. I had convinced myself she wasn't interested and I wasn't really arsed about replying. The first time she text, I had a feeling of anxiety/panic, but that disappeared after about an hour and I was fine since then. It's strange but I really didn't care about her texting, I even laughed at some of them then carried on doing whatever I was doing and didn't think about them. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Well I got to admit that's good to stay NC, especially when she started texting. I believe my ex will get in touch at some point, and I hope I can remain strong like you did. Make some plans for the weekend and go do them. Try not to focus on what she's thinking. In fact, turn off your phone again until Sunday night. You've done it before, you can do it again. You said yourself you laughed off her texting before, so now just laugh off her lack of texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Phone is off. Only thing is I might miss a text, when it was off before loads of people said they text me asking where I was, but I never got the texts. Thanks for the advice mate. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Don't know how you manage to turn off the phone - I can't live without it Well enjoy the weather, have a good weekend and then see where you stand on Sunday night. Keep us informed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Well, she has text twice, I am absolutely stunned to be honest, in a good way. They said: Hello (my name), Sorry I didn't text you yesterday I've been trying to think of what I wanna say to you. I know that things will never be like they were, and I don't blame you if you hate me and never want to talk to me again. I feel so sorry for what happened, and I definitely paid for it by you going away for months, that was honestly awful I feel so relieved to have heard from you now even though things are a bit awkward. You don't feel like the same person but tbh you probably feel that way about me which is the worst thing, cos I'm the exact same girl you were/are perfect, I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just stuck to my guns, I can't tell you how deeply sorry I am, that's not the person I want you to remember me as, I'm not like that at allAnd: You'll always be special to me and I'll always like you, but I probably know exactly how you feel about me now so it'll never happen I just had to let you know how I feel and I'm sorry if you don't know what to say back or I've made it awkward for you I didn't mean to chickennnn. I'd still marry you in a heartbeat but I think that ship has sailed, my fault miss my *my name* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxIs this good? Smudge, I know I turned my phone off but it was under my pillow and I felt the urge to check it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 By the way, when she sent those texts was about four hours ago, I replied after about 3 hours, I said: Babe, first thing I want to say is I don't hate you, so don't think that. I'm just confused, do you want to talk? I'm guessing I made about five mistakes there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Well, she responded with: I don't have anything to say, just miss you and realised i made a huge mistake and was a cunt. sorry if i came across a bit strong earlier i was just talking from the heart :'( xxxxxxx I replied with: Do you mean to send me mixed signals though? You just wanted to say you miss me and that you're sorry? Be direct xx She said: I still have feelings for you. And it's not miss as in oh i havent spoke to you how are u, everything reminds me of you I dont mean to be confusing xxx I am ****ing baffled. Link to post Share on other sites
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