I think she might want me back...

[Ginger Beer]

There wasn't one. I wasn't on the forum then mate.

[2011]

I thought that is might have been the case!

 

2011

[Ginger Beer]

We've texted today but I don't feel ''happy''.

 

I am worried she's going to leave me again, or the novelty of me speaking to her will go away and she'll go back to how she was before Xmas.

 

I text her about an hour ago, we were doing some ''late night texting'', she hasn't replied. Probably nothing but what do you lot think? It's just that the doubts are now running through my mind and I'm hurting again.

 

I feel so bad at the moment. I don't think I can trust her. Every time I text or speak to her I worry that it's just making it more likely she's going to get bored and end it.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[timchambo]

I think that is one of the factors that people consider when they say 2nd chances generally don't work. She broke the relationship when she left. As did my ex. I don't know how you can repair that. I would play it cool and let her continue to chase.

[1784]

Ginger Beer,

 

You've committed to seeing this through, so do it. But do it with some self-respect, dignity and most of all CONFIDENCE. The last thing you want to do is sabotage this with your own self doubts. Believe me, I know what it feels like to constantly question another person's motives. I used to do it with my ex all the time. It wasn't good. I was always wondering if she was mad at me or upset about something. It was truly awful. she always respected me most when I respected myself. When I believed in myself and stayed strong in my own convictions. She came back to YOU, remember? Take some pride in that. If you truly want a shot at making this work then you have to believe in yourself. Do not make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't get all soft when she is already handing you the upper hand. She won't respect you for it and you won't respect yourself either.

 

Stay strong. Play it cool. You'll be fine. You haven't committed to anything yet. See where things go, be patient and be confident. Confidence is a very attractive thing.

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont chase her, she will answer when she answers, and so will you. Dont worry about her motives. TYou can stay suspicious to keep you from getting attached, but you have to treat this as if its a new relationship, and she has to earn your affection, dont just give it to her.

 

Assume she just said she wanted to get back with you just to feel better and fill the void.

 

Assume she tried to talk to other guys and it didnt work out, and you are her second choice.

 

Remember youre giving HER a chance, not the other way around. You dont need this relationship as much as she does, keep your power.

[Ginger Beer]

Ginger Beer,

 

You've committed to seeing this through, so do it. But do it with some self-respect, dignity and most of all CONFIDENCE. The last thing you want to do is sabotage this with your own self doubts. Believe me, I know what it feels like to constantly question another person's motives. I used to do it with my ex all the time. It wasn't good. I was always wondering if she was mad at me or upset about something. It was truly awful. she always respected me most when I respected myself. When I believed in myself and stayed strong in my own convictions. She came back to YOU, remember? Take some pride in that. If you truly want a shot at making this work then you have to believe in yourself. Do not make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't get all soft when she is already handing you the upper hand. She won't respect you for it and you won't respect yourself either.

 

Stay strong. Play it cool. You'll be fine. You haven't committed to anything yet. See where things go, be patient and be confident. Confidence is a very attractive thing.

 

Thanks man. She text first thing this morning saying she fell asleep last night. She wouldn't have did that after the break-up; would have just waited for me to ask and replied with ''oh, my battery was flat'' etc...

 

Suppose that's a good thing. I'd love to speak to her on the phone now, we've only been texting/e-mailing so far but I don't know if I should ask her this or wait for her to offer?

[Ginger Beer]

Dont chase her, she will answer when she answers, and so will you. Dont worry about her motives. TYou can stay suspicious to keep you from getting attached, but you have to treat this as if its a new relationship, and she has to earn your affection, dont just give it to her.

 

Assume she just said she wanted to get back with you just to feel better and fill the void.

 

Assume she tried to talk to other guys and it didnt work out, and you are her second choice.

 

Remember youre giving HER a chance, not the other way around. You dont need this relationship as much as she does, keep your power.

 

Feels like it's the other way round though.

 

If she has to earn my affection, this means I can't give her any doesn't it? That means we're just talking as friends? Which isn't what I want.

[2011]

Thanks man. She text first thing this morning saying she fell asleep last night. She wouldn't have did that after the break-up; would have just waited for me to ask and replied with ''oh, my battery was flat'' etc...

 

God I hate those excuses why can't they just be direct??

 

2011

[Ginger Beer]

Have to be somewhere in the morning so tried to get an early night. Not working as I have a bad cough that keeps me awake. Anyways at the moment we are texting a couple times a day but it doesn't feel right.

 

She last text about 3 hours ago, just small talk and my plan is to not respond until tomorrow when I'll text her in the morning before she goes to work to say have a nice day etc.

 

I really want her to tell me exactly what she wants, I think we need to talk but at the moment it feels like she's just content with a couple text messages. Is this normal?

 

It's hard to explain but I don't feel like we're back together, I just feel like friends. I haven't had a proper ''conversation'' with her yet. It's hard to try and do anything constructive or useful towards ''us'' when all I'm getting at the moment is texts. It's like, we are getting to know each other again aren't we? Don't we need to have conversations or phonecalls at least? It's too early to ask her to meet me somewhere. I obviously can't overdo texting her (which I'm not, and I'm not being affectionate either) so I'm clueless.

 

Should I flirt? Ask her for a phonecall? Just leave it and let her initiate all contact?

Edited April 11, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[Ginger Beer]

**** it just text to see what she's up to and she's taking the piss to reply, I doubt she's busy or asleep as I only text at about 11pm. This is making me feel exactly like before NC.

[smudge21]

Leave it now mate. Don't initiate a text or even reply to one. You're working away and you left your phone at home for the week. You did it before, do it again. If she's going to play games, play them back. I hate doing that too, but sometimes you need to.

 

You don't want to go right back to where you were and I think you can see that coming. Don't let her control your life again by constantly checking your phone or worried when she doesn't reply.

 

The fact still remains you have NO IDEA what is going on in her head. For all you know, she is wondering the exact same things - that you may only want her as a friend now and is worried and doesn't know how to respond. You don't know.

 

Give her a bit of silent treatment and then see what happens at the weekend (when you get back home...). Have a few days off from it all and check back then. Doctors orders...

[Ginger Beer]

OK well I've spoken to her since. She actually was asleep on that night, she text me in the morning to reply.

 

She's been hassling me to speak so seems like she's eager, we spoke for a fair amount of time tonight, nothing too heavy or anything. Just normal conversation, made her laugh a few times.

 

She also sent me quite a long text on her way to work yesterday morning saying how she's reading my letter I sent her when we were together about all the things I love about her and she couldn't stop smiling and it nearly made her cry but she was on the train so couldn't. This is a good thing isn't it? That she carried it in her handbag all day?

 

As I was ending the conversation tonight I said ''take care, speak soon'' to which she replied ''when you say ''soon'', I think you're going to disappear again'' and I said ''I'm here, I don't think I'm going anywhere, don't worry'' and she said ''hmmm, OK''. Does this mean she's worried about losing me? I didn't want to say ''I promise I'm not going anywhere'' because to be honest I don't even know myself. If it goes tits up I will indeed be disappearing again.

 

Feeling better though, I don't seem to be analysing everything as much, I'm sort of thinking to myself, ''well, if it does go wrong again, who cares?''.

 

But yeah just taking it slow, I'd say it's going alright (at least I think it is?).

Edited April 15, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[smudge21]

You may not be analysing at the moment because it seems to be going well, but if she starts being off with you again, then you'll probably start thinking in that way. It's normal, don't worry about it. The important thing here is that the conversations are all very nice and they are like two people who have just met. It's like you're both getting to know each other all over again.

 

I think you're handling it just fine so carry on doing what you're doing and be happy. If she is worried that she may lose you, good, least now she's realising what she's had, what she's lost, what she wants back.

 

Really hope this goes well for you mate (it can't go as bad as mine has anyway).

[Ginger Beer]

You may not be analysing at the moment because it seems to be going well, but if she starts being off with you again, then you'll probably start thinking in that way. It's normal, don't worry about it. The important thing here is that the conversations are all very nice and they are like two people who have just met. It's like you're both getting to know each other all over again.

 

I think you're handling it just fine so carry on doing what you're doing and be happy. If she is worried that she may lose you, good, least now she's realising what she's had, what she's lost, what she wants back.

 

Really hope this goes well for you mate (it can't go as bad as mine has anyway).

 

I appreciate this. It's my birthday in less than two weeks. That might give me a good idea of how things are going I think.

 

EDIT - Just read your comment on it being normal to analyse, that's helped.

Edited April 15, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[Fufu]

Ginger Beer: Happy Advanced Birthday, this is kind of out of topic, I miss drinking ginger beer.

 

Anyway, since your birthday is coming, sit back and see if she's doing something surprise for you. Take things slowly

[Ginger Beer]

I don't think she'll do anything special for it to be honest. Will probably just text right on midnight and that's it.

 

I'm drinking ginger beer now. Thanks for your birthday wishes.

[smudge21]

Birthdays can be tough but try to have something to do otherwise you may focus on her too much during the day - or she may come on strong as it's your birthday and at the moment you're still playing it safe and cool.

 

Have a good one.

 

Ginger Beer does indeed rock! Have you tried the South African ginger beer, Stoney? Really nice.

[Ginger Beer]

I haven't. I rarely drink it, I just called myself ginger beer because that's the first thing I saw upon registering.

 

Can anyone give me any tips with how to text? Like when we're texting, I don't want to keep it going for too long, in case she gets used to me always replying if that makes sense?

 

What's the best way to text? Send a few then ignore her? Just text but don't be too eager?

[Ginger Beer]

Another small issue, I've been texting her today and since NC, she goes clubbing every week and drinks every week, which she never used to do, (she did turn 18 only last summer though).

 

Not sure if I trust her to behave when she's out if I'm honest. Her friends are the type who get with boys when they're drunk so I assume the same will be true of her? I'm not around her to find out. They're nice enough girls but I don't want her around that sort of behaviour, surely it will only rub off on her?

 

She does get a lot of attention, she's beautiful. I can't see her turning down every single pass made at her though.

[Ginger Beer]

She was out tonight, she text me a couple times, one said how she's annoyed at her friends because they tried to make her get with some boy she didn't want to. Then she rang me and we spoke for about 50 minutes, nothing serious or anything. She did say ''you have really disgusting friends... apart from me'' which I thought was a bit odd, this a bad sign?

[Ginger Beer]

She also text me within minutes of me hanging up, ''Thankyou for being so nice, I'd missed your voice xxxxxxx'', I said I'll speak to you tomorrow though when I hang up.

 

Women are very confusing.

[smudge21]

She's hanging out with her friends and still getting in touch with you. I'd see that in a positive light. Normally when you're out with friends you just enjoy the time and don't really think about anything else. So chin up fella. Smile and start seeing this as a glass half full rather then half empty.

 

As for what to text back, I think you're doing fine, so it's hard to tell you what to say as you're doing it as well as you should do. You are chatting too. Have you met up yet? If not, maybe it's time to just have a drink (not alcohol - Starbucks or something) and a catch up. This is so like two people who are meeting again and getting to know each other, so see it like that. Don't focus on the past for now, just continue as you are doing - whether it be over text, talking or even face to face.

 

Women are confusing (in fact, everyone's confusing) but keep going, keep posting on here as I for one am really hopefull this works out for you.

[Ginger Beer]

Not met up yet, I don't want to ask. It has to be her because I don't want to push her at all. I said to her ''we've been on the phone for nearly 50 minutes now'' and she said ''it's like old times'' which I thought was good.

 

I really hope this works. I love her.

[smudge21]

Don't tell her you love her, not yet anyway. Like you say, it's got to be her that asks to meet - she's still got to make the effort. But you are doing well and it's really nice to read.

 

I think if she did ask to meet now then you should say yeah okay, but just to keep her on her toes, when she suggests a date, say you're busy that day but then offer another one. I don't know why, but I just feel agreeing to everything she suggests is too much right now.