I think she might want me back...

[2011]

She was out tonight, she text me a couple times, one said how she's annoyed at her friends because they tried to make her get with some boy she didn't want to. Then she rang me and we spoke for about 50 minutes, nothing serious or anything. She did say ''you have really disgusting friends... apart from me'' which I thought was a bit odd, this a bad sign?

 

 

Why did she say YOU have really disgusting friends, was it not her friends? It sounds like she is sort of testing you to see if you'll flip and get jealous plus a subtle hint of unavailability and scarcity by physcologically saying look I can still kind of go out there and get hooked up, I won't but I could! Sounds almost a wee bit mind gamish just keep your cards close to your chest.

 

You could just neutralise that by saying well you will find someone sooner or later!

 

2011

[Ginger Beer]

Well it was sort of said in a joking way, I was telling her about something one of my friends did.

 

Smudge, I haven't told her I love her, there's no way I will. I thought last night was OK. Until this morning when she texts, ''Hi, I had to come into work early Are *ex's football team's name* playing today because I can see a man wearing a *her ex's team's name* shirt at the station? xxxx'' then within seconds she sent ''Another *ex team's name* shirt....'' and I had to reply like I wasn't bothered or didn't notice. It was the only thing and best thing I thought I could do.

 

She said ''Ohh, I don't like it haha xxxx'' and I haven't replied since then. I felt really hurt by her doing that. Was I right to?

[smudge21]

It seems as if she's kinda' accepting that you're there now, just texting random stuff knowing you'll reply. You still are confused by it whereas I'm picking up she's starting to feel more in control (not totally, not like before) and more relaxed on things now. I think it may be time to go a bit quiet again, just for a day or two.

 

With that said, I am concerned that this has been going back and forth now for some time and I do wonder if you should speed things up. I believe she's wanting to talk about it all, meet face to face, but doesn't know how to bring it up, hence the random texts keeping you in contact.

 

Only you can judge the situation and know if it seems right, but I would be tempted to go quiet for a few days and then get in touch asking to meet her. No other messages, just hit her with a lets get together text. No jokes just polite. Afterall, the longer this goes on then surely it's going to start messing with your head all over again.

 

That's my opinion. I obviously can't say if it's the right or wrong thing to do, but it just feels like this needs to start moving forward in some way. What do you think?

[Ginger Beer]

You mean ask her to talk about ''us'' and what's happening?

[smudge21]

Not really that forward, just more of a "think it's time we got together instead of just texting" kind of thing. I just think the longer this texting/chatting stuff goes on the less likely either of you will move forward and you'll be constantly here asking questions as you'll continue to be confused by it all. By arranging a meet up it moves things forward just a bit.

 

If you do meet up, just keep it friendly still and don't bring up the relationship. Just show her what she's missing and part ways friendly, maybe with a plan to meet up again. Fair enough if she brings it up, then discuss it, but other than that, just be friendly.

 

Still, give it a few days and then text her. See what she sends you in the meantime.

[Ginger Beer]

We spoke last night. We have a mutual friend, he's more my friend actually but he speaks to her. He let her know I wasn't sure what was going on and she asked me to tell her what's on my mind. I asked her what did she mean and she said ''please tell me how you're feeling, I'm not a monster, you used to tell me whenever something small was bothering you, let me in''.

 

So I said that sometimes I feel like she isn't interested because of small things (not texting back at night, saying she would marry me but then apologising for coming on too strong etc), she said she has felt the same and that sometimes she thinks I like her when I call her nice names but then other times I speak to her like I don't know her, she said she was worried with the marriage comment in case it scared me away. She said when she said she loved me the other night and I ignored it, she felt rejected . She said she wants things back to normal and for me to ''love her up'', she then said she loves me, (I told her I love her too).

 

I am glad we spoke about it. I feel a lot better now. At the moment, because knowing how things are with us, something will probably happen and I'll worry again tomorrow or something.

 

But things finally seem to be good between us now.

[smudge21]

Glad you got your chance to clear the air and really tell her how you feel. That's got to make you feel good that she feels like she does.

 

As this is in the open now I would keep the chatting going but still keeping it friendly. Basically you don't want to jump in feet first considering what happened in the past. You simply don't want to be hurt again.

 

Are you planning on seeing her over the Easter holidays?

[Survivor12]

I just replied to your post on the "Dating" board...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=268919&page=2

[Ginger Beer]

Things are absolutely brilliant at the moment. I just got off the phone to her and it was perfect, like how it was before.

 

She text me straight after to tell me she loves me. I'm so happy. I feel like this is a dream, I thought she was gone and would never come back. I don't want this to end. I feel like the luckiest man in the world.

 

Just need to ask her to come and see me.

[smudge21]

I really hope this works out for you. My ex is gone and I'm pretty much certain it is for good. She's happy and that's that. Reading about you though has cheered me up and it's great to see how things are going. Just be on your guard a little though. Remember things ended before, so don't go repeating whatever it was that drove you two apart in the first place.

[Ginger Beer]

Been busy with my birthday and other stuff recently, just came on to say not much has changed really, still going good, she didn't make that much of a fuss for my birthday although she did call me on midnight and again later in the day. Wasn't really expecting anything to be honest though.

 

One of the things I think I did wrong last time was I used to tell her every time something was bothering me, I don't do that now as I'm trying to be more cool about it, she said a week or so ago ''you used to tell me when things were bothering you, now you don't'' so maybe she wants me to? Like if she doesn't text because she falls asleep and then I worry why she hasn't replied etc...

 

I don't want to feel like I'm suffocating her I suppose. Nothing major just I feel more relaxed this time.

[smudge21]

Maybe it's time to stop playing it cool now. I mean, you're both clearly heading towards getting back together now it would seem, and she's done a lot to get this back on track.

 

I don't know, only you can know for sure, but I feel that the time has passed to play games now and you're both in need of being open and honest with each other. If she's concerned why you don't tell her your worries, then why not explain why. I see no point in pushing her away now.

 

That's my take on it but obviously you're the one who has to decide what to do now.

[Ginger Beer]

Thread update.

 

I'm not happy and I don't think I ever will be with her. Since this thread started I've just been going from worrying, to not worrying for a day then back to worrying. She does nothing to ease my worries or make me feel needed. I don't trust her and I don't know what's going on.

 

I'm going to ask her where I stand tomorrow, she's making me feel used, she just seems like she likes the chase then when I show her some affection back, she gets bored and that's when she starts ignoring texts and being off with me.

 

If she says anything like ''I don't want to rush'' or ''I'm happy how things are at the moment'', I think it's time to say bye. I can't be like this because I'm not eating or sleeping properly and I don't want to constantly be going through this for her.

[smudge21]

I thought things were going okay between you two - it was like you were just starting out again as a new couple, with the knowledge that you would both soon need to talk about what happened, and what needs changing.

 

I agree you do need to be honest with her. I honestly believe she does want you, but for all you know, she may not know what you want. So sit down with her and talk it through. Don't go into it with anger in your mind though - you do not know how she feels or what is going through her mind.

 

Keep an open mind but be honest to her and yourself.

[Ginger Beer]

Another thread update.

 

I just found out in January (when I was in NC) she was seeing another boy who lives in her city. My friend said she asked him for advice and her words were something like ''I really like this boy but he's a dickhead to me'' and my friend said ''what about Ginger Beer?'' he tells me her reply was ''I know, he was better ''.

 

I feel sick now, and am smoking, which I don't do.

 

He said it ended after a few weeks which would align with when she first started sending me texts.

 

I feel like I'm her fall-back. I don't know what to do now. I haven't mentioned anything to her from the post above yet.

 

This is ****ing ****. I don't know him, I don't know how she met him and I don't know if she still speaks to him or anything. I couldn't trust her before and now it's worse. My friend said I needed to know. Why?

 

I'm seriously on the verge of NC again. I feel so unwanted and used.

 

She will text me tomorrow as usual and I have no idea how I'm going to respond, or if I will at all, if I should or not. Gutted to be honest.

 

My head is saying I should just say ''if you want me, you need to prove it now or I'm gone for good''.

Edited May 3, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[Ginger Beer]

Bumping this because I really need advice.

[smudge21]

Hang on, so she sees someone else when not with you, states this guy isn't that good and says you were better, so comes back and you two start speaking again. Forgive me if I'm missing something here, but what's the problem? Is it that she's not being as forward as you would like her to be? Is it that she dated someone else after you?

 

I don't get it.

 

First off, whatever your concerns you need to address them. You can't expect her to know how you're feeling about all this. You want more committment from her, then tell her. As I've said so many times, you have no idea what she's thinking, so stop presuming the worse. You want her to be honest and open with you, well how about you be the same to her. Afterall, if you're one step from walking away after all the hardwork then you've really got nothing to lose have you.

 

Secondly, it has nothing whatsoever to do with you what she did when you two broke up. Accept it. I'm not going to even mention that again because it's in the past where it should remain... unless you want to keep bringing it up and letting it eat away at you. We have a past - but they're called 'a past' for a reason! Move on.

 

I really have no idea why you're in such a mess over this. You went NC, your ex came back, you started texting and speaking... so... what's the problem? She can't give you what you want unless you tell her what it is. Women aren't really mind readers, that's all made up to get men to do the washing up!

[Ginger Beer]

To be fair, it was a slight over-reaction.

 

My only thoughts are who ended it and where she met him. If she still sees him regularly (work, clubbing etc) and likes him but he ended it, then that can't be a good thing.

 

I'm speaking to her tonight anyway so gonna bring up stuff from the earlier post (won't mention this other guy though). Thanks Smudge, you seemed a bit aggressive on that post.

[smudge21]

Sorry mate, but it's partly because it seems like you're now looking for the negatives and ignoring the positives. It's almost as if you want to catch her out at something so you can throw it in her face and then you'll be the one to dump her and break her heart. I hope that's not the case.

 

You need to get past this other guy. You were not part of her life. Do you worry about any guys she was with before she even knew you? When you're with someone, you should be thinking about their future, not their past. You keep thinking about this and it will eat you up and destroy everything you've worked for recently. I wouldn't even bring it up unless she does and even if she does, just simply say it's not your concern. Which it isn't. Unless you know for definite she's playing you both off against each other (which I doubt) then just ignore it.

 

Oh and I was also a bit agressive as I would love to have my ex come back like yours has and so it annoys me that you seem to not be that little bit more positive about all this.

[Ginger Beer]

Sorry Smudge, I didn't mean to come across as ungrateful or anything mate.

 

We spoke tonight. Here's how it went:

 

Me:

i keep wanting to talk to u but i dont kno how

Her:

whats on your mind

Me:

many thingsssss

Me:

i miss ur cute txts sometimes

Her:

dont u feel like its different this time

Me:

how u mean ?

Her:

likeee

Her:

not as close

Me:

do u want it to be ?

Her:

you cant make it be something

Her:

its weird

Her:

i dunno what im talking about haha

Me:

oh

Her:

ignore me

Her:

im going to bed instead

Her:

ahaha

Me:

nevermind then

Her:

if youve got something to say then go ahead

Her:

haha

Me:

ur not in a mood or anythin are u?

Her:

no im fineee

Me:

i want us to to be closer more n u said u want me to tell u when things are on my mind

Her:

i know

Her:

and i do

Me:

u want us to be closer

Me:

?

Her:

i was replying to the end bit haha

Her:

i just feel like things are different

Her:

its my fault

Her:

cos im always working

Her:

and when im not im tired

Me:

so we cant really be closer then?

Her:

i want this to work

Her:

its just tricky atm isnt it

Her:

you must agree?

Me:

no i do

Me:

i think if its gona work

Me:

at some point wer gona have to speak about things

Me:

thers things i wanna say

Me:

nuffin bad

Me:

bt we are gona have to speak about tings

Her:

hmmm

Me:

sup?

Her:

nothinggg

Her:

just thinking

Me:

i kno i aint been as loving as i was before

Me:

sometimes i want u to do certain things

Her:

what sort of things

Me:

i cant force anythin out of u

Me:

jst small stuff

Her:

i know u cant i was just thinking the same haha

Her:

and idont wanna say anything i dont mean

Her:

cos i dont wanna fck anything up

Me:

are u happy with how im being?

Her:

yeah

Me:

alright

Me:

ur happy with how stuff is atm then?

Her:

i just dont know if its working due to the fact i have no time do u know what i mean

Me:

so basically ur sayin u cant really do much more atm cos of ur work ? serious q btw not naggin just tryin to understand

Her:

well i have no time really do i

Her:

whenever we talk on the phone im shattered

Her:

and i feel like im boring cos i wanna go to sleep and im not being whole hearted

Her:

ahah

Me:

oh right

Me:

its not time i want tho

Her:

how can we talk if ive got no time tho?

Her:

work ruins my life

Me:

i dont know what to say

Her:

dont say anything

Her:

ignore this happened

Her:

and i really am going to bed now lol

Her:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Then she went, didn't give me a chance to say goodnight or anything.

 

I don't know what to think. This happened like 20 mins ago.

[Leda]

Having serious conversations by text, email, or even the phone is like having a nice dinner of glass and sand. Not food!!

 

You need to talk in person if you do talk. And maybe all these things you want to talk about, you don't really need to talk about--just look deep into each other's eyes, hold and kiss each other, hang out in person. Anything other than that is not a relationship, you might as well just be writing yourself text messages and then getting upset about them.

 

If she is too busy and tired for phone calls, just meet up at bed time and hold each other. But I think she would be less busy if you two had more of a relationship. Text dialogues about the relationship are not a relationship. They're like the bad part without the good parts.

 

You should be going to bed WITH her.

[Ginger Beer]

I don't think you understand, she doesn't live in the same city as me! This is a LDR.

 

That was the only way to speak to her, I wouldn't do it over the phone because I have less time to think about what I'm saying and therefore more prone to making a mistake or saying the wrong thing.

[Fufu]

I can understand how you feel ginger beer.

 

my previous relationship was LDR as well.

 

Even though it was only last year Feb the relationship became LDR, didn't expect ex-bf will really give up this relationship. It just speaks so much of his commitment for the relationship.

[Ginger Beer]

I can understand how you feel ginger beer.

 

my previous relationship was LDR as well.

 

Even though it was only last year Feb the relationship became LDR, didn't expect ex-bf will really give up this relationship. It just speaks so much of his commitment for the relationship.

 

That's the thing, her heart doesn't seem in it.

 

She text this morning, nothing important or anything. What you think Fufu? She can't be bothered or doesn't care?

[Leda]

Ah, yeah, LDRs are really, really hard. Very different issues than if you live nearby.