Is the man's "friend zone" the same as a woman's "friend zone"?

[DreamerGirl27]

I don't believe it is. Because when a man's friend zone pretty much means, we're just friends, but if we happen to bleep one day, that's fine, too.

 

A woman's friend zone means just this. We are friends, no boinking, period, end of story.

 

Men don't make any sense.

[Ross MwcFan]

Doubt it as I'm sure he'd still **** her if he had the chance.

[runner]

I don't believe it is. Because when a man's friend zone pretty much means, we're just friends, but if we happen to bleep one day, that's fine, too.

 

A woman's friend zone means just this. We are friends, no boinking, period, end of story.

 

Men don't make any sense.

 

not this guy. women i'm close friends with, i'd never 'bleep'. never.

 

if i desired that at all, i'd probably not want to get too close to them, unless there was potential boinking later.

[DreamerGirl27]

not this guy. women i'm close friends with, i'd never 'bleep'. never.

 

if i desired that at all, i'd probably not want to get too close to them, unless there was potential boinking later.

 

which doesn't make.any.sense

[runner]

which doesn't make.any.sense

 

which part ?

 

i have friends whom i'm close to, and acquaintances whom i barely know at all. makes sense to me i guess.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

There are some women that are so unattractive, that I'm friends with, that I'd never 'bleep.'

 

Then there are some that are attractive, that I would if I had the chance. And have fantasized about it before.

[DreamerGirl27]

which part ?

 

i have friends whom i'm close to, and acquaintances whom i barely know at all. makes sense to me i guess.

 

I personally don't get close to people I'm not attracted to. Even my best girlfriend I think is pretty. I just don't associate with people I'm not attracted to, period.

 

I have "acquaintances" that are less than average in my mind, but my really close friends, guys or girls, I find attractive in some way shape or form. This isn't entirely true for girls, because I don't have to kiss them, but it most definitely is for guys.

 

I try and keep my guy friends limited to only the ones I'm attracted to. Why talk to guys for anything else?

 

I guess I think like a man in that sense.

[runner]

I personally don't get close to people I'm not attracted to. Even my best girlfriend I think is pretty. I just don't associate with people I'm not attracted to, period.

 

well yea sure. i'm attracted to all of my friends as well, in one way or another. as for my woman friends (sisters), i may not have physical chemistry with them, but they blow my mind in other ways which defines my attraction to them.

 

I have "acquaintances" that are less than average in my mind, but my really close friends, guys or girls, I find attractive in some way shape or form. This isn't entirely true for girls, because I don't have to kiss them, but it most definitely is for guys.

perhaps you should tone down the kissing agenda ? keeping that at the forefront of your mind might make you come across as desperate and not easy going.

 

I try and keep my guy friends limited to only the ones I'm attracted to. Why talk to guys for anything else?

 

i take it you don't have brothers or male cousins that you're close to ? i think that women and men carry a gendered lens when percieving the world around them; that said i highly value the input i get from my women friends on a variety of topics. makes for good convo at the pub

[LucreziaBorgia]

The key here is the word 'friend'. If a guy is genuinely friends with a girl, and is close to her in a platonic way he will not sleep with her.

 

If a guy is "friends" with a girl just because he doesn't see her as girlfriend material but wants to keep her around for whatever reason he is able to sleep with her if he is sufficiently attracted.

[BeginAgain]

MEN DON'T HAVE FRIEND ZONES!

 

Women think because they have "friend" zones, i.e. guys they string along for attention, that men must too especially when he calls you a friend. He is only calling you a friend because that's what you want to hear.

 

Women have only three roles in a man's life: MOTHER, LOVER, and OTHER. The MOTHER type is a woman he isn't interested in sexually who he keeps around because she takes care of him in some way like a mother. It is very rare for a woman in a man's life to be in the mother role. Men see almost any woman no matter her age in some fashion sexually. The OTHER type is a woman who means nothing to him personally. OTHER is an acquaintance or stranger he feels nothing for. The LOVER is not just his girlfriend, fiancee, or wife. It is any woman he has any level of sexual/romantic feelings for even if he doesn't really know her. Those LOVERS he is closest to he keeps around as backups, waiting for the day she'll be inclined for more, or to be the girl on the side. If a man is in a serious relationship his other LOVERS who aren't his SO are there possibly as what was mentioned or he if never expects to leave her, don't trust what he says about this, those girls are for him to flirt with because that is all the contact he can have with the opposite sex unless he is willing to risk his relationship. A man will feel the desire to risk it and with a lapse in judgment he might, but he'll be on hands and knees pleading for a second chance from his true girlfriend. All men want a harem but there is always one favorite he wants more than any else. The only exception is if the relationship with her has been dead for a long time and allowed to fester in the parlor for everyone to see. Don't bank on this exception. Even if the relationship is mostly dead he'll still be crawling back to her.

 

A lot of this is unintentional and more subconscious. You have been WARNED. Believe in whatever silly little girl FANTASIES you wish.

[WTRanger]

The friendzone is vastly different than a healthy platonic, genuine, friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

 

A man's friendzone involves sex without a relationship.

 

A woman's friendzone involves a relationship without sex.

 

Now honestly, does either one sound like a healthy option for someone?

[DreamerGirl27]

MEN DON'T HAVE FRIEND ZONES!

 

Women think because they have "friend" zones, i.e. guys they string along for attention, that men must too especially when he calls you a friend. He is only calling you a friend because that's what you want to hear.

 

Women have only three roles in a man's life: MOTHER, LOVER, and OTHER. The MOTHER type is a woman he isn't interested in sexually who he keeps around because she takes care of him in some way like a mother. It is very rare for a woman in a man's life to be in the mother role. Men see almost any woman no matter her age in some fashion sexually. The OTHER type is a woman who means nothing to him personally. OTHER is an acquaintance or stranger he feels nothing for. The LOVER is not just his girlfriend, fiancee, or wife. It is any woman he has any level of sexual/romantic feelings for even if he doesn't really know her. Those LOVERS he is closest to he keeps around as backups, waiting for the day she'll be inclined for more, or to be the girl on the side. If a man is in a serious relationship his other LOVERS who aren't his SO are there possibly as what was mentioned or he if never expects to leave her, don't trust what he says about this, those girls are for him to flirt with because that is all the contact he can have with the opposite sex unless he is willing to risk his relationship. A man will feel the desire to risk it and with a lapse in judgment he might, but he'll be on hands and knees pleading for a second chance from his true girlfriend. All men want a harem but there is always one favorite he wants more than any else. The only exception is if the relationship with her has been dead for a long time and allowed to fester in the parlor for everyone to see. Don't bank on this exception. Even if the relationship is mostly dead he'll still be crawling back to her.

 

A lot of this is unintentional and more subconscious. You have been WARNED. Believe in whatever silly little girl FANTASIES you wish.

 

This is pretty much what I have thought for a loonnggg time.

[somedude81]

That's interesting BeginAgain, I never looked at it that way.

 

For my situation, the fact that I'll gladly have sex with any one of my female friends means I don't friendzone women.

 

What's kind of funny is within that group, there are women I want to have sex with, and there are also girls that I don't have any interest in but I'll gladly take care of if they wanted it.

 

One thing I don't quite understand is guys who would reject sex with a female friend who was at least moderately attractive. I guess that's because I don't have any really close female friends that I knew for a long time.

 

I also never had any friends that were so far below my standards that I wouldn't do them.

[Ross MwcFan]

I personally don't get close to people I'm not attracted to. Even my best girlfriend I think is pretty. I just don't associate with people I'm not attracted to, period.

 

I have "acquaintances" that are less than average in my mind, but my really close friends, guys or girls, I find attractive in some way shape or form. This isn't entirely true for girls, because I don't have to kiss them, but it most definitely is for guys.

 

I try and keep my guy friends limited to only the ones I'm attracted to. Why talk to guys for anything else?

 

I guess I think like a man in that sense.

 

Are you saying you will only be friends with people male or female who you think look physically attractive? Or are you talking about finding their personality attractive?

[OldSkool]

Here is an interesting article on what men expect from women who only want to be platonic friends. http://dearreid.wordpress.com/2006/11/12/how-to-be-platonic-friends-with-a-guy/

 

1. No hugging or kissing for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobs are pressing against him. Kissing means sex. Always.
   
2. No sleepovers. Men think of all women who sleep in bed with them as potential sex partners. He spends much of his free time trying to coax women into that bed, so if you get in there, he can’t help but think you want some.
   
3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on a guy’s lap or next to him in a one-person seat, the proximity is arousing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. While he’ll suffer any indignity not to be the designated driver, it might not be the seat belt poking you.
   
4. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can’t outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in his while walking or lay against him on a couch or other things like that. Those things lead to thoughts about sex.
   
5. As the man said, you never give another man’s woman a foot massage. In fact, absolutely no neck/foot/back rubs or massages of any kind are allowed in a platonic friendship. That’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn’t want the main event.
   
6. No passing judgment on any girl that he dates. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends’ job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends. If a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated him but you just wanted to be friends.
   
7. No judgments on any of his behavior. This could lead him to think you care a little too much about his well being. No telling him to stop smoking, drinking, or using women. If he is truly being an ******* in some situation, however, feel free to clue him in—that’s what friends do.
   
8. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. Men don’t like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with them. In a pinch you can bribe him to do man chores with beer.
   
9. No flirting. So if you laugh at his jokes, they better be funny jokes. There is nothing that says “I want you” more than laughing at jokes that aren’t funny.
   
10. No being attracted to him. He is going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so this one may be difficult. In fact, don’t even tell him that he looks good, as that will torment him for days wondering if you’ve changed your mind about him.
    
11. No confiding in him about boys. While you may not be able to grasp the difference, he is not your girl friend; He is your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam him with details about particular guys you are sleeping with.
    
12. No dating any guy who treats you badly, disrespects or neglects you in any way—that’s just a slap in your friend’s face. He must truly adore you in order to suppress all those natural man urges for your friendship, so at least respect him enough to date someone who respects you as much as he does.
    
13. You have to let him know immediately if you want to be more than friends. He’s only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more—and he hasn’t moved on to someone else—rest assured that he will too.
    

[DreamerGirl27]

Well I've already crossed the line on about 10 of those and I'm glad I did.

 

I <3 him.

 

This is totally, entirely and utterly backwards.

[DreamerGirl27]

Are you saying you will only be friends with people male or female who you think look physically attractive? Or are you talking about finding their personality attractive?

 

When it comes to males, yes. Men are only good for sex.

[Art_Critic]

I'm generalizing but to me a man's friendzone is really just a backburner.. to be brought out of the friendzone when & if she will finally have sex with him

[DreamerGirl27]

I'm generalizing but to me a man's friendzone is really just a backburner.. to be brought out of the friendzone when & if she will finally have sex with him

 

 

Pretty much how I feel about it.

 

I've said it before on this site and I'll say it again.

 

I think like a man.

[Duckduckgoose]

I tend to think like a male too. I however respect the guy friends I have and don't put myself out there. I have not broken the rules that Oldskool posted. Which are very good btw.

 

I am also assertive enough that if I am attracted to a guy I will out and say it.

 

There is no guessing with me... if I want a fellow I will be blunt.

[OldSkool]

Well I've already crossed the line on about 10 of those and I'm glad I did.

 

I <3 him.

 

This is totally, entirely and utterly backwards.

 

Which is why he continues to send you mixed messages. If you give enough signals that you are sexually attracted to a guy, he will play the "waiting game", even if all he is interested in is sex.

[somedude81]

Well I've already crossed the line on about 10 of those and I'm glad I did.

 

I <3 him.

 

This is totally, entirely and utterly backwards.

The article already answered your point

 

"Please note that these rules only apply in a situation where there was initial, obvious attraction on the part of the guy. Almost all rules are moot if he never wanted you in the first place"

 

In all other situations, those rules are very accurate.

[sumdude]

I'm friends or at least friendly with most of the women I've even been with. I've also ended up with some sort of 'action' with most of them., if even just a hot make out session one night. The good thing is there's always been mutual respect so when things happen then don't go further everyone gets on with life and no harm no foul. A couple of them, every once in a blue moon we'll run into each other out partying and both have a need.. then we move on with our lives because we know there's no more in the cards. The only true platonic female friends I have are my buddies wives and SO's and some coworkers.. I don't cross that line though a couple time there's been obvious attraction...or I'm just not attracted to them. Which of course is the female's friend zone. Guys a girl wouldn't schtupp though they're cool to talk to and they're nice to her.

Edited April 8, 2011 by sumdude

[BeginAgain]

When it comes to males, yes. Men are only good for sex.

If you actually believed that then you would already be in his bed. You would not be on here crying about wanting to be with him when you can and worrying that if you are you would only be a FWB. On top of that you would be having sex with any guy remotely interesting and not obsessing over just one guy. Also you would have many more girlfriends than guy friends because you can pick up a guy anywhere. You don't need him as a friend first if he is only for sex.

 

I'm sorry but you are full of such horse pucky. You don't think like a guy at all. More and more you are coming off as the female counterpart to the gay husband except you don't realize you are gay.

[interfuse]

Here is an interesting article on what men expect from women who only want to be platonic friends. http://dearreid.wordpress.com/2006/11/12/how-to-be-platonic-friends-with-a-guy/

 

1. No hugging or kissing for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobs are pressing against him. Kissing means sex. Always.
   
2. No sleepovers. Men think of all women who sleep in bed with them as potential sex partners. He spends much of his free time trying to coax women into that bed, so if you get in there, he can’t help but think you want some.
   
3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on a guy’s lap or next to him in a one-person seat, the proximity is arousing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. While he’ll suffer any indignity not to be the designated driver, it might not be the seat belt poking you.
   
4. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can’t outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in his while walking or lay against him on a couch or other things like that. Those things lead to thoughts about sex.
   
5. As the man said, you never give another man’s woman a foot massage. In fact, absolutely no neck/foot/back rubs or massages of any kind are allowed in a platonic friendship. That’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn’t want the main event.
   
6. No passing judgment on any girl that he dates. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends’ job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends. If a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated him but you just wanted to be friends.
   
7. No judgments on any of his behavior. This could lead him to think you care a little too much about his well being. No telling him to stop smoking, drinking, or using women. If he is truly being an ******* in some situation, however, feel free to clue him in—that’s what friends do.
   
8. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. Men don’t like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with them. In a pinch you can bribe him to do man chores with beer.
   
9. No flirting. So if you laugh at his jokes, they better be funny jokes. There is nothing that says “I want you” more than laughing at jokes that aren’t funny.
   
10. No being attracted to him. He is going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so this one may be difficult. In fact, don’t even tell him that he looks good, as that will torment him for days wondering if you’ve changed your mind about him.
    
11. No confiding in him about boys. While you may not be able to grasp the difference, he is not your girl friend; He is your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam him with details about particular guys you are sleeping with.
    
12. No dating any guy who treats you badly, disrespects or neglects you in any way—that’s just a slap in your friend’s face. He must truly adore you in order to suppress all those natural man urges for your friendship, so at least respect him enough to date someone who respects you as much as he does.
    
13. You have to let him know immediately if you want to be more than friends. He’s only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more—and he hasn’t moved on to someone else—rest assured that he will too.
    

 

Interesting article... so should I let the guy I like know that I want to be more than friends then? Lol... I don't want to sound too easy either.

Edited April 10, 2011 by interfuse