How did it end

[kis]

Would like to hear some stories of how your affair ended especially if there was no D-Day. But if there was what caused D-Day. How did you get caught?

 

I would imagne some just play out. But of course it would be one sided. Yes?

[KineticsEng]

We had a D-Day. Here is the short of it...

 

The MW I was in the A with handled all of the bills in her household. So she always intercepted her cell bill and thus didn't have to worry too much about texts and calls being discovered by her H. That worked fine until she decided she didn't like Directv and switched to ATT Uverse. when that happens she wanted her H there for the installation ect.... and of course he was curious about the first bill when it came so he opened it. Since her Cell phone was with ATT also it was wall bundled together and thus he discovered our relationship... and its been hell ever since.

[OWoman]

Would like to hear some stories of how your affair ended especially if there was no D-Day. But if there was what caused D-Day. How did you get caught?

 

I would imagne some just play out. But of course it would be one sided. Yes?

 

My previous As ended when I got tired of the MM and dumped him.

 

My last A ended when my H dumped his xW and we got together full-time.

 

No D-days.

[jthorne]

...............

rethought posting some one else's details.

Edited April 8, 2011 by jthorne

[Spark1111]

fBS here...we accidentally exchanged phones while on vacation with the entire family (HIS) and I discovered texts expressing undying love between them!

 

I was playing Scrabble with his sisters and even though I think I heard my brain and heart melting from shock, I scored a 7-letter word and won the game!

 

I would never hurt my in-laws so I waited until we got home, snooped through all, discovered all, and then told him we had to meet for lunch where I confronted him on all. Then threw him out and told him to go get his soulmate.

 

They must have called and texted each other 50 times on DDAY.

 

In retrospect, I think he subconciously wanted to get caught and get out of it.

 

From what I read, most cheaters are caught, and mostly through all these digital devices; internet, emails, cell phone bills and bank statements.

[Irishlove]

I'm not sure. We've been over four times. This time he made something out of nothing on a text and hasn't talked to me since. He will call soon. He is going to hear a dial tone because I am NOT going back. I told him I won't go back if I found out he is lying. He lied. I'm done.

[TinaniT]

He ended his marriage. No D-day to that point. When she asked, he was honest.

[TurboGirl]

No big D-Day at the end. About 2 years into it I was tired of being at his beck & call, when convenient for him. Discovered that I really do love my hubby and was wanting to work in my relationship...slowly not being as available for the xMM and not as sweet and whatever you want, blah blah blah, and then one day a few months ago during a text exchange when we were planning on meeting - that would have been the day that I planned on ending it - I was flip with him on text, a girls gets tired of being sweet & accommodating all the time, and apparently he didn't like what I said, so he dumped me via text message. That was a charming touch, I thought. No "let's talk on the phone" No "niceties" No "I wish you well" No nothing. Naturally I called him & texted him back, of course no response. I hate to end anything on a bad mean nasty note, but obviously he didn't care. I was one of about 5 As this guy had (that I know of) and I'm sure he's on to the next stupid woman at this very moment.

 

Just as well... NC here, and when & if he contacts me, he will get no response. I've written all the things I wanted to say in several emails, of course I didn't send them.

[siuys]

I couldn't handle the flip flopping and inconsistencies any more. I was stressed to the max. I also realised I was in a situation that would only cause more pain and I needed to get out. So I walked away. No D-Day.

[20Seconds]

My A ended when I realized that I wanted and needed more from a relationship. No D-day.

 

This is the reason I have tried to end it..about 5 times now in the past 18 months.

 

There will not be a D-Day unless I tell the BS.

[Got it]

We had a timeline on when he projected leaving. We hit that point and his wife grew suspicious. She found cell phone records, got into his email, found emails, etc.

 

We broke up a few days later after dday due to the stress of it and him not making an immediate decision. He left home a few months after dday and we got back together.

 

There was no throwing under the bus on any side.

 

I was a MW, I left the marriage and divorced and there was no dday.

[Silly_Girl]

No d-day. Periods of NC/LC when he went back on his promise to tell his wife. Eventually he told her, moved out, and we're together.

[JadedAmore]

No DDay here. I also grew tired of the flip flopping, and our relationship began to feel as if it were filled with more stress than bliss. I never exactly pushed him one way or the other, but the indecisiveness really wore on me emotionally and I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

We'd tried LC and NC on several occasions, but finally we both reached a point where we mutually decided to walk away and we've been NC since. I have no idea if he went back to his W or not, and at this point if he had and decided to come back to me I'm not sure I could fully trust him, so I would likely leave it as it is.

[thewheelscameoff]

Hello I've lurked here for so long and never posted, but this thread made me want to post for the first time.

 

Was seeing him for 18 months, he was always 'waiting for the right time to leave'. Back in September I gave him a final chance to sort things out, to get a place of his own and then I could trust he was going to leave. He got a place, but then backed out on the lease because the mother in law got ill. A familiar story eh?

 

I'm similar to jadedamore, the pain and stress got too much. I tried to make him change things one way or the other, to make a decision about what he wanted. We ended up arguing and I told him I just couldn't see him leaving her. He snapped and ended up screaming 'just f*ck off' down the phone and hanging up on me. And that's the last I ever heard from him. No text to apologise and say sorry for doing that but I just can't take this anymore. Nothing. We were together for 18 months and talked every day, and then bang, he's gone.

 

So the wife never found out and we never mutually agreed to call it a day. I just pushed him too far and he just threw his hands up in the air and walked away.

 

6 weeks and counting. And it really bloody hurts. But this way I have more self respect than to go getting back in touch. He wants me to 'f*ck off' therefore I will. :-(

[kis]

This is the reason I have tried to end it..about 5 times now in the past 18 months.

 

There will not be a D-Day unless I tell the BS.

 

 

This is very interesting. It seems that most with no D-day was ended by the OW who just got fed up. You would think at least half the time the MM would get scared and end it or decide that he wanted to work on the marriage. But no. This is enlightning.

[BB07]

This is very interesting. It seems that most with no D-day was ended by the OW who just got fed up. You would think at least half the time the MM would get scared and end it or decide that he wanted to work on the marriage. But no. This is enlightning.

 

 

I disagree......about the mm getting scared and ending it and here is why. Most of them are cake eating and if it came down to it they would not leave the marriage as evidenced here every day. Since the MM is the one who gets his needs met by 2 different women why would he give up what he considers a good thing. Also the longer he has gotten away with it without being caught the more secure he gets in that he isn't going to get caught.

[Flabbergaster]

her life had changed in a way that made it...hard for us to stay in contact. the daily contact was over, the seeing each other a few times a week was just plain out.

it got to the point where i just couldn't handle the randomness, the late nights (hmm like this one...old habits) while hoping for some crumb from her.

Then she had more life changes on the way...so i suggested a break for my sanity and got her on the phone w intention to declare NC. I think what i really wanted was a reexpansion of communication, some reassurance from her...i called her to state that maybe it was time to try NC for a bit.

Then i found out she didn't actually love me anymore, had drawn closer to her fiancee in the recent weeks w/o much contact (probably a self defense maneuver to cope with me; good for her). That hurt, badly. Hearing the 'out of love and exasperated with you' voice...hurt a lot.

She asked me not to draw her back in...so i'm trying like hell not to draw her back in, to let her enjoy her life. Knowing that she was afraid of that as a possibility helped my pride a bit?

So i'm still in NC 7 or so weeks later, some days are really really rough. Others are ok. I think it's been getting better, and is better (in some ways at least) than where i was when i was still in the A, in pain.

 

Oh btw i was the MM, she was the OW.

 

A big part of her fallign out of love...was the intentional drifting away i would do (even though i didn't want to) so she would get mad at me, get tired of the flipflop.

 

So do we count this as an OW or MM triggering the breakup w/o dday? I vote for MM.

[silktricks]

I was the BS. No D-Day, except/until my husband told me and told me that he was ending it. I worked with him on how to do it least painfully for the woman, but that seemed to backfire. She hounded/haunted us for a looonnnnggg time - measured in years not months or days. I guess since he was nice at the end she thought that he wasn't really done.

 

BTW - I disagree with the premise that no D-Day equals affair ended by OW. As we all know, not many WH post here, and ones who have quit and are glad to be out of it will not be posting at a site like this anyway (they just want it to go away, and pretend it never happened). A BS who doesn't know about the affair will obviously not be here either. So, the stats are seriously skewed.

[Breezy Trousers]

Also BS speaking here.

 

My husband had an affair years ago. He was warm and sweet and sexual with me and suddenly -- overnight! -- the room got cold, metaphorically speaking. I couldn't figure out what had happened to our marriage. Within a month of this, he's telling me he's thinking of divorce, and I was shocked. We got into marriage counseling, and a therapist figured things out very quickly and asked if he was having an affair. He denied it. He wasn't acting like himself at all, though .... A week later, he confessed after I screamed at him, pushing him to please quit lying to everyone. I asked him to move out of our house and in with his OW. I was disgusted and ending the marriage. I was not interested in begging him to stay. Personally, I didn't think he had much in common with OW, but was under the influence of the new-sex hormones ("new relationship energy," as it's called by polyamorous people). But, at that point, I thought, "Who cares. She's welcome to a liar and a manipulator." I knew that if he did it to me, he would do the same thing again ... to me if I stayed, to her if I didn't.

 

A day he read a book by Patrick Carnes about sex addiction and everything added up. He quit all contact with OW (who he now refers to as his 'acting-out partner') and got into Sex Addicts Anonymous, where he continues to help other men with sex addiction 10 years later. We also got into counseling.

 

His OW - who was a single mother with a child who had filed with bankruptcy shortly before she (allegedly) initiated the affair with my husband -- married someone else 16-20 weeks after my husband ended it with her.

[MLC64]

Four and a half months it lasted, we are both M....No dday...yet..

After the first month the flip flopping started, I became stressed, I would pull away to protect myself, he would be insecure..., then the issue of him cancelling meetings very last minute started.. like I am talking I am there...he txts says he can't come...blah blah blah.....(most of these A's are really based upon the spouse of the MM not the OW), I found that very annoying and hurtful, more arguing over that. Then I caught him in lies, lies and more lies. This is at least his 5th A, what an idiot I am. Of course he is a liar and master manipulator..duh. Then I recently found him on not just one but two dating sites..one being Ashley Madison which he claims he never used b/c you have to pay...ha. That did it for me; he lied and lied until I caught him using a fake profile. He msgd me and I almost threw up at work. I told him I was off the rollercoaster ride...he didn't like that. Now we are done. He says I am annoying! Imagine that! I reget it all but it hurts like hell b/c I cared for him. For sure he is onto his next victim.

[gilluk]

over the 8 years i cant tell you how many times its ended, through texts or emails, one of us having doubts and ending it, or the worst texts or emails being found by our other halfs..but we have always found each other again, he is like a drug to me i just cant let him go...but as i posted the weekend argument was something never done before, we have never fallen out face to face..and i do blame the alcohol we were both drunk and things said..these things though cut deep and i dont know if either of us will forgive this time:(

[Summer Breeze]

We had 4 or 5 ddays. I really don't remember. Each time I spoke with his W and answered her questions and she answered mine. About six months after the last one something developed with someone else I was dating and I ended it with xMM. We had plenty of ddays but the end was me becoming exclusive with someone. He was pretty surprised and his best friend told me just around Christmas he's still struggling. It's several years later and I still get flowers on Valentine's and my birthday.