My best friend is jealous of me

[Kelemort]

A little background: I'm now 23 but my friendship with my best friend began when I was 16. He's an artist and I am a writer. He dropped out of college about halfway through, but I finished and earned my undergraduate degree. I'm now a freelance writer and I'm still looking for some actual work using my degree. But I digress -

 

When we were in high school, my friend (he's a gay man) was highly sought after by all of the girls. Because of our friendship, many of the girls envied me to the point of trying to sabotage me. My friend thinks this is hilarious and has made comments about how I'm "nothing to be jealous about." Thanks, man.

 

His jealousy didn't start to surface until we got into college. During our first year in school, financial aid more than covered his expenses. I had no problem with that - stick it to the man, get your money's worth. However, his mother married a very wealthy man (their combined income is more than $250k a year now) that year and the next year, my friend didn't receive any financial aid. I still received aid (my family of three made about $30k a year), but it never fully covered my schooling.

 

This made my friend livid. "The government should be paying for me to go to school. Or my parents should. I should be able to get money for school. This is ridiculous." When he found out that I was getting one $1,000 scholarship in particular, he could barely contain his envy and rage. "Well, that's great. I don't know what you did that was so special for you to get that. We've achieved roughly the same things." I can understand it smarts to have your aid cut, but to let it manifest in such open bitterness was just totally beyond me. What did he expect me to do about it? "Here, I'll go get the money and give it to you." Seriously.

 

The bitterness only increased when I graduated from college. He seemed to enjoy the fact that I had difficulty finding work after I graduated, and he would go on about how "useless" and "stupid" college is. On one particular afternoon, he told me, "I can't believe people are so dumb that they actually pay to go to college. I should paint a degree burning for as useful as it is. I mean, I'm glad that -you- went and finished because I know that's what you wanted..."

 

Usually when his sour grapes surface, he'll tell me later on at some other juncture that he feels bad that he didn't finish college, etc. Sometimes it seems he can actually get a grip on his jealousy, but most of the time he seems consumed by it.

 

He's also very selfish and focused on his own needs and wants. He has little problem screwing others over, but if they in the slightest, intentionally or not, disturb him, he's livid. It's tough for me because we've been friends for so long and because he can give great advice, but he's also very flaky. He's told me in the past that if I needed a place to stay, I could live with him and his boyfriend - but I know that when the time came, he would have a convenient excuse, as he does whenever I need help that requires more than a few seconds of his time.

 

I can't tell him about these concerns because he invariably gets upset or acts like I'm blowing it out of proportion. I'm tired of being in this unwilling rivalry with my own friend. Whenever I make a mistake, it's like he's right on top of it, belittling me to make himself feel better.

 

Have any of you had 'friends' like this? I am about ready to cut this one loose because I'm tired of his toxicity.

[whichwayisup]

He has his own issues and needs to get them in check. His jealously IS toxic and obviously damaging the friendship.

 

I suggest you have an honest talk with him and let him know how he's been acting around you has made you feel.

 

Or, detach and cut him out of your life. You don't need toxic people in your life like that! They bring you down and never have your back, they wait and hope that you fail so they can feel better about themselves.

[BeginAgain]

They already have a term for it. It is called a frenemy.