Princessjesabell Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 my b/f of 2 years has a devilish past, he was in a relationship with his 9 year old sons mother for 11 years, and I spoke to her once and she informed me of his cheating ways in depth. When they parted he went on a spree and needless to say his past with women has quite a list, I have suspected him of cheating before I once found a letter from a women who was proclaiming her love for him while we were together, just a few weeks ago I was dropping a friend off, and when I drove past the bar he was at low and behold he was outside with a girl who had her hands placed on his hips... he jumped into my car immeditley with tears in his eyes saying it was the wife of his brothers friend who is deceased, doubtful I freaked out but let it go by morning. Today, I looked in his cell phone and found a number Ive never seen the call was dialed out by him @ 12am. When I got to work I did a reverse phone # look up and it came back to girl. Am I being nuts? Is it true once a cheater always a cheater Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 That's usually the way it goes. People are known to change but if you have a feeling deep in your guts that he is not being faithful then you have to go with your gut even if you are right or wrong you have to beleive in yourself first. Good Luck, Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Some people who cheat once see the mess it brings about, and make the decision not to do it again. Some people who cheat do so in certain relationships, and are faithful in others. Some people cheat pretty much on anyone they're involved with. Your boyfriends' past problems with fidelity is one thing, but that he is currently pulling the same stunts with you is a good indication of what you can expect from him if you continue to date him. It's not that he can't change, it's that he doesn't wish to stop his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 It doesn't sound at all like you are nuts. There might be a lot of exceptions to the 'once a cheater always a cheater rule', but I'd be really suspicious if I were you. If the letter was just from a woman who had a crush on him (hard to believe), why he never showed it to you, why did he keep it? You could try to call the girl whose number you got on his cell phone and ask her what is going on. You might contact the woman who wrote the letter, if you can get your hands on her address, and ask her what was going on. Good luck with this relationship, I hope it turns out he is not cheating, but the odds are not in your favour. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I don't think you are nuts at all. I would be running for the hills, if I were you. He probably drove his son's mother crazy, which is why they are no longer together. He sounds like a player, especially with the tears and all. Spare yourself and turn and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Yes. Call the number on the cell phone. You need to know for certain, and he will probably not answer you honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 If you do call the number please do not freak out on the lady. Remember, she is NOT the one who said he loves you - He is. Besdies you can catch more flies with honey. I had the same identical situation a few years ago with my ex b/f. I found out that he was cheating so I proceded to call the young lady with whom he was having his affair and I told her exactly what I just suggested you remind yourself - I told her that "although I do not want to be best friends, he has MORE explaining to do to me than you do. So would you mind telling me what he is going on with him? Does he do this all the time when I am not around?" If you do call, don't be mad you would be surprised what people will tell you when confronted with the truth. Good Luck, Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princessjesabell Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Thanks for the advice I confronted him last night, well sort of. I asked him if he loved me and he said without a doubt, I asked if he would ever cheat on me and he said never. I know this could be a bold face lie, but there are certain things that do discorage me from believing that is or has, I have lived with my parents my entire life up until 2 months ago when I moved in with him, We lived in a okay apartment that he would not let me move into until he thought it was "pretty" enough for me to live there. We both stayed there for a month until we found a beautiful house which we just moved into 3 days ago. He exclaimed how he didnt want to take any of the old furniture he wanted to start brand new with everything all for me, does this account for anything, why would someone go through so much trouble and take the chance of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by Velveteel Yes. Call the number on the cell phone. You need to know for certain, and he will probably not answer you honestly. That's exactly what I get, short handed. I know what's what though. I'm glad you pointed this out, though. Denial is a must for a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Is it true once a cheater always a cheater I suspect people who cheat are more likely to cheat again. Sin, like anything else, becomes easier with repetition. As for your husband, I'd say there's overwhelming circumstantial evidence that he's having an Affair. That your husband would cheat and want only the best house and furnishings for his family is not unusual. Cheaters can be good Dads, thoughtful husbands and wonderful sons. Not all cheaters boil bunnies. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 And it's exactly what I got also.......he NEVER admitted anything until I told him about my "conversation" with his lady-friend and pointed out a few facts that only THEY would know. Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Originally posted by zarathustra I suspect people who cheat are more likely to cheat again. Sin, like anything else, becomes easier with repetition. As for your husband, I'd say there's overwhelming circumstantial evidence that he's having an Affair. That your husband would cheat and want only the best house and furnishings for his family is not unusual. Cheaters can be good Dads, thoughtful husbands and wonderful sons. Not all cheaters boil bunnies. Was this post directed at me, Zara? If so, I don't think my husband is having an ongoing affair...if he is, I honestly wouldn't care. I've made my mind up for SURE, that I am OUT of here...screw waiting for the "right time" with the "best circumstance". I've decided to get off the pot with this thing once and for all. There's no such thing as a "good time" to get a divorce. It's not going to be easy, but I sure as hell won't be living in this nightmare anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 No, my post was directed to the thread starter, Princessjesabell . I do believe that some evidence exists that spouses who cheat are more likely to cheat again. Once that barrier has been broken, the restraints no longer restrain. Sad, but I suspect also true. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Originally posted by zarathustra No, my post was directed to the thread starter, Princessjesabell . I do believe that some evidence exists that spouses who cheat are more likely to cheat again. Once that barrier has been broken, the restraints no longer restrain. Sad, but I suspect also true. Right, and in accordance with that theory is my take on that matter...once a spouse cheats, and whether or not they admit to it...you are staying with them at your own risk. If you stay knowing that they have cheated, you are condoning it. For me, it won't stop until I leave. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 I have a difference of opinion. I am not married to my S/O but I did cheat.. one time. I did learn quite a few valuable lessons, and can honestly say that I would never travel that road again. I worked hard and steady for the lessons I now have, and I fully take all responsibilty for my actions. Once a cheater, not always a cheater. BUT if the person does cheat on a habitual basis, yes I do agree that the once a cheater always a cheater does apply. It is the sport of it, will he get caught, if so, will you leave or will you forgive and pray there is no next time. If you think he is cheating, check it out as much as you can. If you are prepared to confront him with what you know, be prepared for lies/denials. I wish you luck and hope things work out for the best (for you). Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 All of the RED FLAGS are there. To me, it sounds like he is cheating. In 2 of my previous relationships, I had a gut feeling that my ex's were messing around. In both instances, my gut was right and I found out in time. The # in the phone, the showing up at the bar and he's with another girl...I'm sorry but that's the evidence you need. Sometimes we believe the bs stories our significant others tell b/c we dont want to accept the fact they are messing up. My ex gf was the same. She'd tell me she was at one place, I'd drive past to look for her car...it would not be where she said. This happened on more than one occassion. Sometimes, I was in the neighborhood, sometimes I purposely checked up on her. She'd tell me that the "car was there, you missed it" although I'd circle the block 2 -3 times looking. I actually wanted to believe her and began doubting what I'd seen w/my own eyes. I didn't want to believe it. I'd call her and there were guys in the background, etc., all of the red flags were in front of me, yet I chose to ignore them. When I finally confronted her, she dumped me over the phone and we had plans to go out that night. I was devastated, and we were together for 4 1/2 yrs. In truth, she was probably messing around for 1-2 years yet I stayed. I will not accept that from anyone else ever again. My advice to you is the same, get rid of him. You'll be better off in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
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