Guest Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Hello, newbie here. I'll make this short, and replying emails for clarifications. I'm kind of confused right now. I've been married (first for me) for almost 2 years to a divorced mom with a 10 yr old. Everything was fine, I read articles about being a new step dad, which is still a slow mover, but going the right way, and now the marriage is already going downhill. I don't know what the deal is, but why am I so insecure (after being accused of that, and smothering her)? I thought about it and came to a conclusion. My wife went to the company christmas party, without me. She forgot my birthday, she forgot our 1yr anniversary. she never asks me out to go somewhere, just the 2 of us, and so on. I never hang out with friends anymore, trying to spend time with the new family, and trying to strengthen the relationship with her and the new step son. But, she wants to go out all the time, always takes the first invitation given to her to go out somewhere, and want to do different things, without me. We didnt take a honeymoon because her ex decided to keep the kid, so we had to drive over 1000 miles to fetch him. We only went out twice, alone, when we managed to find a babysitter, but she has never approached me to do something alone. Then she slapped the "I'm smothering her" line at me. I don't get it? If she wanted me to spend time with her son, and make a great family, what gives? I feel like she was trying to marry a babysitter instead of a husband. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 no you seem to know what you want, expect, and deserve...so quit the nonpaying sitting job. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Just from the information you gave, it sounds like you are dedicated to this marriage and she is not. Time to have an honest heart to heart with your spouse and find out if she wants to make this marriage work. Marriage is a two-way street so if you're meeting her needs by letting her have some time to herself, she needs to be meeting yours by acting like a wife and spending some time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
gues Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Wow, didn't expect that kind of answer!! lol. I tried telling her that it was a tough job for me to become a new step father, and fighting some sort of insecurity. I feel like I'm jumping and waving my hands to get her attention, only to be ignored or being called a "controller" or a "child". I also told her (while i'm feeling at fault for all of this) that I should not feel uncomfortable for her going out with her friends. Then I feel like total crap afterwards because she wont ask me out (now I'm starting to feel like my head is spinning and should be admitted to a shrink visit or something!) Am I jealous? If yes, then what? Am I actually feeling sad because my own wife won't ask me out on a date? Wow, i'm really confused lol. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 that was my off the top answer...since i do not have details...plus i get sick of listening to people get taken advantage of and not do anything about it. it takes two people to make a marriage work and she doesn't seem to want to try, and it doesn't sound like she cares too much about your feelings anyways. if it -she, the kid- is worth it to you then yes, try as hard as you can to work things out. if you can live with out her and move on, i would try to get going. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts