Unreal!

[Bittersweet_Love]

I have been dating a guy for about two months who I really adore and care for. He was very quick to establish us as a couple and wanted that right away and since then things have been great

 

 

Problems started literally just two days ago. He came over and told me that somebody had hacked into his facebook page and he wasn't able to log in for two days so to ignore any strange postings or messages. I didn't think twice about it...that kind of stuff happens right?

 

The very next day I received two private messages from a girl who told me she had also been seeing my boyfriend and that they had been intimate several times. It seemed suspicious to me because she could not give me any specifics about them hanging out and she also deleted her profile entirely a few hours later

 

I brought it up to my boyfriend who denied the whole thing and told me he loved me and would fight for me no matter what and someone was messing with his page. Even though I felt like someone had punched me in the gut it really did seem strange and I do believe him. Several friends also agreed after seeing the profile that it for sure looked fake and that he had been hacked

 

I told him "it's not that this happened it's how we move through it" and we spent a night talking and I figured that was that.

He left the next morning and kissed me and all seemed fine.

 

Then things got strange with him. He normally texts and calls and is very loving but he left and was very distant all day. The rest of the day he barely texted or called and seemed very out of it. I finally called him out and he said it had been a "rough day". Later that night trying to be supportive I gave him a call and he sounded like he was in the car, he said he would be over at my place "in a bit" and so I waited. Next text I got said he was "pulled over by the cops". I frantically sent him text after text worried out of my mind and didn't get a single response from him. I waited up till 3AM and he never showed up nor did he text me to tell me he was okay. I was panicked

 

I finally fell asleep at 3AM. I got a text from him at 8 in the morning saying "sorry about last night, got a warning from the cops about driving with expired tabs have a good day" Can you believe the disrespect? He couldn't take two seconds to text me telling me he was okay after I sent so many messages? UNREAL.--plus I have no idea where he even was last night.

 

Things are not adding up here. I decided I am not going to give him the power by even letting him know how upset I really feel. I simply said "oh...well next time you should at least let me know you are ok or not coming over but whatever" ....His response "sorry for leaving you hanging"

 

I have been ignoring him all day and just decided I am not making any more effort. Something is weird here and I am backing off. It just makes me sad. He goes from so loving and wonderful to being this way and I just don't know what to think. Any suggestions..and thoughts would be very appreciated.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You're right to trust your instincts. I would be concerned as well.

 

Try to find out from the friends what's really going on.

[2sunny]

don't waste your time. he's a liar. a liar who wasted your evening when all he had to do was tell you he wasn't coming over. believe the gal who contacted you... she had nothing to lose by being honest with you. he hasn't even tried to repair the trust he's broken. he spent a ton of time and energy on a cover up (hacker) - which just lead to MORE lies.

 

he was with her - i'm sure of it - he's trying to appease at least two women and he's been caught. now he needs to pay attention to her so that things will settle down. divided energy will always leave a gal feeling short changed and as if things don't add up.

 

dump him. you deserve much more than that.

[Bittersweet_Love]

Thank you both..it's amazing how you think you know someone and they can completely take the rug out from under you.

It makes me never want to trust again or even love again.!

[2sunny]

not ALL men are this way... but when one shows signs that he is - believe the evidence he's presenting and move forward.

 

you weed out the ones like him by not wasting anymore of YOUR time trying to believe him - when he SHOWS that he simply isn't trustworthy.

 

when you have a boundary and you stick to it - it doesn't leave room for men like this to throw their crap on you without you noticing and getting out as quickly as you can.

 

his other gal threatened to tell you... so he made up the hacker story - just in case she followed through. that alone tells you he's not willing to be honest. then just more of the same followed afterwards. enough said... move forward.

[Bittersweet_Love]

Thank you again. It's so hard to trust anymore. This guy told me he loved me all the time, spent all his time with me and made me feel so loved in private and public. How can people even be this way?

 

It rips your heart right out when you feel this betrayed but you are RIGHT..taking him back or even listening to his bull**** excuses are just telling him what he did was "ok"

 

I waited up all night for him..was scared for him and almost got in my car and drove to the jail to see if he was okay and for what? For a guy who can't even send me a simple text to say he was not coming. He has NEVER acted that way before. I am not going to try and overanalyze him...it's just apparent that some people can so casually say they "love you" and really be a completely different person

[jnj express]

He's cheating on you-----the weird deal with the girl, she was probably trying to either warn you, or get even with him-----as to the cops---unexpired tags is a ticket---cops write tickets in 10 minutes, and let the offender go----this guy is manipulating you----you need to end this, and maybe not hook up so seriously, so fast next time

[Melocoton]

Everyone said it all and it seems you get it to.

 

For future reference, cheaters avoid the other person when close to being caught so they don't tip off or give off guilty vibes to whom they have lied to. An ex confessed all the tricks and traits

[DollyGirl12]

I posted on your other thread also. But, listen to what others are saying. I went through something very similar within the first 2 months of my relationship with my ex.

My simple question to him, after a few months, was whether he was going to be dating others, as if I was going to be having sex with him I wanted to make sure where we stood, with regard to exclusivity. I think that's fair. He told me outright that he was not seeing anyone else and should something like that happen, i would be the first to know. Well, I wasn't the first to know. Turns out he had plans with another woman for NYE and he was still on dating sites. I was stupid and believed him when he said he had no feelings for her, that he felt sorry for her because she had just lost her grandfather and her self esteem was low. He was the kind of guy that had no real male friends(said he didn't relate well to men), just females! LOL! He also still had a personal ad up, which I ended up finding. When I asked him why he still had it up he said he had forgot about it and couldn't even remember the password. Funny thing is that he had been active within the last month. He took it down. Things seemed to go really well for a long while. I became a regular part of his family and his mother was really pushing for something more permanent. His whole family loved me.

Flash forward,,,,at the end he was emailing people on craigslist and checking out escort services. I was very hurt, but there was always that nagging thing in the back of my mind with regard to trust. I realized what type of morals and character he had and I knew I did not want to be with someone like that. WE ALL DESERVE BETTER than this kind of treatment.

I do believe that if you stay with him you will always have things in the back of your head with regard to whether he is being truthful with you or not. He has pretty much shown you his hand. YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!!!!

[Bittersweet_Love]

Thank you all for the kind words and reality check. This site is so great for getting that gut check when you need it. He keeps swearing up and down that his facebook got hacked but now that the trust is already shattered I dont know how to recover from it.

I cannot get over how I sent him so many text messages scared out of my mind and he couldn't respond to a single one of them...the whole thing stinks of something...

[Sebstian]

It does stink to high heaven, and let me tell you, you'll never be able to shed that thought of what was going on. You'll find yourself constantly worrying whether your entire relationship is build on a big lie.

 

I happened with the girl I'm with now, but we had only been dating for two weeks, so I gave it one more shot despite the lies. Now 8 months later I still don't know if it was the right thing to do, as that creeping doubt is always there, and it transcends into how I analyze everything she does. Trust is almost impossible to regain I find. Think I just answered the question to my own questions I'm afraid

[hoping2heal]

I have been dating a guy for about two months who I really adore and care for. He was very quick to establish us as a couple and wanted that right away and since then things have been great

 

 

Problems started literally just two days ago. He came over and told me that somebody had hacked into his facebook page and he wasn't able to log in for two days so to ignore any strange postings or messages. I didn't think twice about it...that kind of stuff happens right?

 

The very next day I received two private messages from a girl who told me she had also been seeing my boyfriend and that they had been intimate several times. It seemed suspicious to me because she could not give me any specifics about them hanging out and she also deleted her profile entirely a few hours later

 

I brought it up to my boyfriend who denied the whole thing and told me he loved me and would fight for me no matter what and someone was messing with his page. Even though I felt like someone had punched me in the gut it really did seem strange and I do believe him. Several friends also agreed after seeing the profile that it for sure looked fake and that he had been hacked

 

I told him "it's not that this happened it's how we move through it" and we spent a night talking and I figured that was that.

He left the next morning and kissed me and all seemed fine.

 

Then things got strange with him. He normally texts and calls and is very loving but he left and was very distant all day. The rest of the day he barely texted or called and seemed very out of it. I finally called him out and he said it had been a "rough day". Later that night trying to be supportive I gave him a call and he sounded like he was in the car, he said he would be over at my place "in a bit" and so I waited. Next text I got said he was "pulled over by the cops". I frantically sent him text after text worried out of my mind and didn't get a single response from him. I waited up till 3AM and he never showed up nor did he text me to tell me he was okay. I was panicked

 

I finally fell asleep at 3AM. I got a text from him at 8 in the morning saying "sorry about last night, got a warning from the cops about driving with expired tabs have a good day" Can you believe the disrespect? He couldn't take two seconds to text me telling me he was okay after I sent so many messages? UNREAL.--plus I have no idea where he even was last night.

 

Things are not adding up here. I decided I am not going to give him the power by even letting him know how upset I really feel. I simply said "oh...well next time you should at least let me know you are ok or not coming over but whatever" ....His response "sorry for leaving you hanging"

 

I have been ignoring him all day and just decided I am not making any more effort. Something is weird here and I am backing off. It just makes me sad. He goes from so loving and wonderful to being this way and I just don't know what to think. Any suggestions..and thoughts would be very appreciated.

 

I smell B.S on his behalf. I have been hacked, had friends hacked and believe you me, none of the messages were about anyone claiming to have slept with anyone. Not only that, but the heads up was just TOO convinient imho. Yeah, the profile looked fake, maybe the girl wants to remain anonymous because she does not want to be attacked or stuff spread about her if her true identity is exposed.

 

Two months is not a long enough time to see consistency that really shows character, and as you can see, his stories began to fall apart pretty damn quickly. I think his distance is just a result of his guilt or stress about being further exposed.

[Professor X]

I am sorry Bittersweet_Love, but as the saying goes:

If it smells like a rat, sounds like a rat and looks like a rat, than its a rat.

 

On the good side, you've been together for only 2 months, so you got off easy Imagine what it would have been like if you were together for 3 years, eh?

[Bionic Me]

Thank you both..it's amazing how you think you know someone and they can completely take the rug out from under you.

It makes me never want to trust again or even love again.!

 

Sorry that you are heart broken but how well do you think you know someone in 2 months?

 

Consider yourself lucky that he didn't start pulling these shenanigans after wasting 4yrs of your precious life. Don't be naive. Follow your insticnts.