The experience of being raped

[Vivid_29]

Whoa!!!

 

D-Angel -- I'm sorry that you had to go through such a terrible experience.

I hope your counselling sessions go well, so that you may overcome this.

 

This may be a little far-fetched, but I have to ask. Is there any way these men can be tracked down, so that they may be punished for violating you?

 

Anyway, best of luck to you, sweetheart.

 

Much love and aloha,

Vivid

[meanon]

Deranged I'm so sorry you had to see that. He DOESN'T have the right to say that, not here anyway.

[johan]

I actually think I know who this person is, and I really don't wish for them to be banned.

 

He had a right to express his opinion, I guess. Cruel or not.

 

Wow. You have my respect. And I hope you can rise above the awful thing that happened to you. Whatever it takes. If you want to see an LS flash mob, identify the guys who did it.

[aroseInLove]

Originally posted by DerangedAngel

...I made some dumb choices about leaving home with someone I didn't know very well, the end result being placing myself in situations I would have given everything short of my life to have avoided....I was raped. That's over simplifying, but hard to spit out nonetheless. Three men forcefully used me for pleasure... anal sex, and oral.

 

Hi Sweet Angel.. I am so very sorry as well.. *********HUG***********I always tell my girls... I'll tell you, now.. Please.. right now, take each arm and hand... put it on its opposite arm ..hold.. on.. nice and snug... and squeeze slightly inward... .........That's ME hugging YOU!!!!! Well via coaxial cable.. but it's my hug to you.. to your sweet soul.. and to you as well 'average guy' ..and to sweet Rayn ... and to all who've been violated..

 

I wrote to Rayn ... and some might have seen this segment...

 

[My daughter... 16 y/o young daughter ..hearing impaired.. in a boarding school for disabilities.. was attacked coming out of a bathroom stall IN SCHOOL in the middle of the night.. raped.. a female vicious violent attack on my daughter.. police called it rape... a lesbian rape.... she is marked for life.. now, she is 26... she just got MARRIED to her college bf of 7 years.. She loves him yet STILL has nightmares and issues from that horrid night... .. ]

 

What I didn't say to Rayn, as it was superfluous in context.. but 'dumb' choices happened that night as well... ALL the girls in that dorm had just come back from spring break... they were 'celebrating' that they were going into final quarter.. and they celebrated with booze that someone brought in from home during break..

 

My daughter was sloshed earlier on that night.. Hearing impaired or not.. even her getting caught off-guard like that .. she still MIGHT have been able to fight off a female peer IF she HAD her bearings... but she didn't... Is she faulted by ME? No.. Absolutely not.. And.. just like YOU.. maybe it CAN be called a dumb choice in that it set the stage.. but, please, DRAW THE LINE right there....NEITHER of you had ANY inkling of the disaster yet to follow..

 

It resulted in severe PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)... Married and 26 and STILL has problems sexually... May she never read this site.. I might even remove my photo after saying this.. but sexually, she has NEVER once enjoyed sex to come close to an orgasm as she relives that night during every sexual experience.. it blows her away... .. And Damn it.. just like you, You sweet beautiful angel... and Rayn and Average Guy... and all others.. You were all ROBBED!!!!!

 

Nightmare after nightmare, crying.. years and years of hysteria.... countless nights of waking me from a sound sleep to hear her SCREAMING as IF the attack was happening ..but it was only happening in her dreams.. I was horrified...My younger daughter was horrified.. we were in chaos.. for years,, Even went to ER's it was so bad.. ... my daughter would intermittently rock her world... even WITH help... And she can't get past it... Even now.. she says to me.. "Mom, all your life, you made a conscious decision to be/or not be with a female in a sexual nature; I was robbed of that choice..." "What can I go back and change... Why can't I.. " ...We can not re-write history... We can only learn from it.. and use what we learn to help others.. that's therapy... Each time she would go back into therapy, she would learn to deal with how this PHASE of her life affected that horrid night.. Stages.. do exist.. EACH time.. and all different therapists, they'd provide her with insight and techniques allowing her to take blame off herself.. take away the shame.. stop re-living the pain in dreams.. and to help her in her relationship with her partner.. and move forward from pain she was in..

 

 

This girl, MY sweet angel, do you know what she does for a living?.. She's a grad student in Clinical Therapeutic Psychology.. Yes.. she's a Psych. Therapist with a case load of victims like yourself.. and herself.. male and female ... she touches their souls and pulls them OUT!!!! Out from hell.. just like post from 'average guy' explained it.. he was right ON!!!

 

Please dear Angel.. dear Average Guy .. and Rayn.. and to all else who suffer... Please find help.. speak in forums ... talk to the professionals.... RELEASE your pain... and know there ARE techniques to get past sexuality issues...

 

And, Dear sweet Angel... You have to look into your heart and soul and remember WELL that little sweet playful angel of a child? Focus on an older photo.. Remember her well.. then.. Sketch her into your soul? Remember her? Hold her... Love her... Make her laugh!!.. Make her smile!!! Go buy her something hot and sexy... Get her nails done... just FEEL GOOD!!! .. Love yourself DEEP within... to WANT to want FOR yourself.. in makeup.. in clothes... in men.. in life.. and in SEX... make that girl HAPPY again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless you sweet Angel.. I'm praying for you... for ALL of you.. God bless.. rose

[spencer]

Originally posted by DerangedAngel

 

The only two people I have told about this, seem to think it's not such a big deal. Really. As soon as it was mentioned, it was just forgotten. I tried to do the same, but... well.

-Deranged

 

many people cant handle it when someone tells them something horrific. they dont know how to respond. just because they didnt make 'a big deal' about your story doesnt mean its insignificant, this actually reflects more their character, than your abuse.i assure you. Im sorry those people took away your need for validation. mabye in the future you can talk to another survivor, they can really listen when you need to talk.

 

common thoughts for a rape victim

for example: "i am only good for sex, i dont even care what i do sexually because normal sex for me is over. I might as well give up and just do what everyone else wants." "beside if i even try to feel anything i might go over the edge and never come back to reality."

 

do you hear yourself saying any of the above?

the first statement reflects self hatred, the latter sentence refers to shutting down or physical numbness. both part of the truma.

 

know that you are not abnormal in your thoughts or feelings, your not crazy, these things that are happening to you is the coping mechanism, soon, you will learn the healing process, which includes forgiving yourself. eventually you will learn to love yourself again, help it along by taking care of you and pamper yourself. you need to do nice things for yourself to remind you that you worthy and derserving of love.

 

a little mental trick i learned...when you think of the attack change the ending, picture instead the men being horribly stabbed with missing limbs, visualize your revenge and how it would have rendered them weak and you in the power position.

 

i'll post again when i can think better, im really tired but i wanted to send my support to you.

[morrigan]

To Deranged Angel and anyone else who has been a victim of sexual abuse:

 

I'm sorry about the terrible crime that was committed against you. It could have happened to any of us--and rape and molestation is never the victim's fault. It's never too late to get counseling, because so many victims of sexual abuse develop self destructive feelings. It leaves emotional scars.

 

I've known girls who who were victims of date rape in college, who often started to drink heavily due to their anger and shame over what happened to them. My boyfriend's mom told him when he was 18 that his grandfather (her dad) had molested her until she was 11. She told my bf that she loved my bf's father, but the only reason that she ever had sex was so that she could have children.

 

I went to a guy's dorm room--after talking and flirting for a half hour, he grabbed my arms and attempted to pin me down. I was fortunate enough to kick at the SOB enough that he let me go, thought I had some bruises on my arms. I didn't report him, but I warned everyone I knew about him. Had he raped me, I do believe I would have killed him. It makes me disinclined to trust men who seem too friendly.

 

Take care of yourselves.

[Midnight Magic]

I too have been thru a traumatic experience, with a very abusive man who I was pregnant with, long story short, I had an abortion, ten years ago, and until recently I did not get counselling, what a bad mistake.

That ordeal clouded my life and Please don't wait any longer. Go and please talk to someone, get help, from a professional.

 

You will heal over time, it will take some time, but I am getting better. I no longer feel that I am a bad person for

what I did, and sometimes I still get the nightmares, but they too are fading in my memory.

 

You are in my prayers, and your life will get better

 

Trust me

From someone who has been there

And has rebounded into a better person

 

Take care

Anytime you need to talk we are there for you

[sportsloving]

I am sorry that this has happened to you. I wish you only the best.

[LILUIL]

I salute you D.A. ! I'm totally moved with your whole thread and reading the heartfelt wishes is really (i cant find a word good enough). It puts tears in my eyes to read your story.

 

Bad things happen to good people. **** happens. It's not your fault! I'll have to agree with some of the writers here, coz if it were me, I'd want revenge.

 

I know I'm not much help but just wanted to wish you all the best.

[blasted]

That was a horrible thing that happened,

 

one thing though,

 

Its not what knocks you down, but its how you cope with it that makes you the person you are.

 

Get some councelling, talk it through, you have allready made the first move buy bringing it out into the open.

[BlueHeavens]

Angel...

 

I am so glad you had the courage to speak out about what happened to you. It's horrible that you had to go through such a thing. However, it is so important that you are talking about it now, and seeking counseling.

 

I have read/heard stories of this kind of horror in the past and if there's any one thing I can suggest it is for you to not let it affect you for the rest of your life. For the perpetrators, it's a momentary act. For you, it seems like it is still current. You're taking the right steps to make sure they don't still have that power over you and that they aren't still robbing you of the beautiful experience of loving physical relationships in your life.

 

Please don't judge yourself for this thing. I think we're all grateful you're getting the help you need.

[dudesomewhere]

your post haunts me a bit.

 

Let me begin by saying I love women. I respect them. But of course I don't do so blindly. I love good women . Stories of rape always incense me to the point of rage.

 

Your story haunts me because you say things someone I am dating has said.

 

"well. I just don't respond the way I should to love anymore, and it's becoming a problem. I don't know how to react when people treat me well. Is that insane? And sexually, I'm so submissive, I don't know what it is that I even want from a partner. I just don't care about that anymore. I want to please someone else."

 

I love that she wants to please me, as I do her but oftentimes you really do get the feeling why and in my case wish she could be stronger. She tells me the same things on love and being the romantic and gentlemanly type I often don't know how to act around her. Sometimes she goes on the offensive when I show care or concern and even gentleness, which makes it so hard.

 

I sit here and wish you two could know each other...but it's only a thought. Maybe a rhetorical thought

[gypsy_siren]

I didn't see anyone else mention this, so I thought I would .. have you talked to RAINN (the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network)

 

They operate a toll-free rape crisis line ... the number is 1 (800) 656-HOPE .. or you can visit their website at http://www.rainn.org

 

*big hugs*