12mths NC

[so-wrong]

I posted a few days ago as I was considering breaking NC after a couple of mths. However I've had a change of heart & am now considering giving it a year. This hopefully will have given me sufficient time to move on & not actually want to break the NC, but also I figure that if my MM is going to repair his relationship, it will have been fixed (or not) by then.

 

Has anyone out there been in situations where NC has been broken by either party quite a way down the line? I would love to hear about it if so.

[JadedAmore]

I'm only six weeks into NC, but I'm determined to stand my ground.

 

What would be the point of breaking it? Are you really wanting to know if MM misses you? Would it really matter if he did?

 

I remember speaking to a good friend about my AP, and I said the entire situation all around really stunk. I expressed I wasn't sure if my xMM was going back to his W or not, but whatever he did do I wished the best for him. That friend said to me that if xMM was going back to his W that he would be sure to stray again, because someone that is loyal and dedicated to their partner will not stray to find an affair, AP or EP outside of the marriage. And if they do, it's not a habit that can be broken overnight. It will likely happen again.

 

So think about it for a minute, if your MM was unable to save his marriage and was suddenly available, would you really want him? Wouldn't you fear he'd do the same to you?

 

Best of luck!

[siuys]

I posted a few days ago as I was considering breaking NC after a couple of mths. However I've had a change of heart & am now considering giving it a year. This hopefully will have given me sufficient time to move on & not actually want to break the NC, but also I figure that if my MM is going to repair his relationship, it will have been fixed (or not) by then.

 

Has anyone out there been in situations where NC has been broken by either party quite a way down the line? I would love to hear about it if so.

 

Stay strong. I think you're still analysing everything too much perhaps and by telling yourself 12 NC you are justifying when it would be ok to contact him.

 

Maintain NC and focus on healing and moving on. Make a committed decision. If not, you will not move forward.

 

Off the top of my head I only know East7 and Circular having xMW breaking NC after 6 or 12 months. xAP like to fish it would seem. It does not mean they have changed.

[fooled once]

I posted a few days ago as I was considering breaking NC after a couple of mths. However I've had a change of heart & am now considering giving it a year. This hopefully will have given me sufficient time to move on & not actually want to break the NC, but also I figure that if my MM is going to repair his relationship, it will have been fixed (or not) by then.

 

Has anyone out there been in situations where NC has been broken by either party quite a way down the line? I would love to hear about it if so.

 

Why would you break NC after a year? What do you hope to accomplish? What do you hope the outcome is?

 

So let's pretend - a year has passed; you haven't heard from him. So you decide to contact him. What do you say? Why are you calling him?

 

So he tells you he is still married, but misses you. What do you do? Resume the affair? I am just trying to figure out what you hope to accomplish. I don't want to see you go through all the mental and physical pain of ending an unhealthy relationship to throw it all away by contacting him.

[so-wrong]

Why would you break NC after a year? What do you hope to accomplish? What do you hope the outcome is?

 

So let's pretend - a year has passed; you haven't heard from him. So you decide to contact him. What do you say? Why are you calling him?

 

So he tells you he is still married, but misses you. What do you do? Resume the affair? I am just trying to figure out what you hope to accomplish. I don't want to see you go through all the mental and physical pain of ending an unhealthy relationship to throw it all away by contacting him.

 

Thanks for your responses. Things became quite bitter after D Day & his BS has basically got him by the balls & has punished us both in various ways (which I fully understand). I just want him to have the chance to sort things out but if they can't I would love to be at the very least his friend, as we knew each other for years even before the A & I do still care & miss him.

 

I also realise that I have made mistakes since D Day in comments made & emails I've sent & eventually I just want the chance to show I'm not as crazy as I probably have appeared. I know everything is too raw right now though & need to give time for the dust to settle.

 

I guess I'm just over-emotional & struggling to move forwards. I just feel compelled to have belief that we will be in touch again. I don't know what I'd say, though I do daydream about it sometimes & I'm 99% sure he wouldn't want to resume the A (and I've sworn never to have an A again having experienced the terrible pain caused to so many).

[whichwayisup]

You two can never be 'friends'. It's impossible. The best thing to do, that HAS to happen is the grieve the loss and let go. That part of your life is a closed book forever and never open that book, not even a crack!

 

His wife doesn't "have him by the balls". She put up boundries and rules that he MUST follow if they are to work things out..He's there willingly and doing what she has asked SO he can gain her love, respect and trust again. Please don't make her into the bad guy here...He is. He's the one who cheated and betrayed her, and now he's the one who has to work his ass off to stay married. Resenting her will prevent you from letting go. Have some sympathy for her, even though she reacted and you reacted after D-Day.

 

Affairs are MESSY and everybody gets hurt.

[so-wrong]

You two can never be 'friends'. It's impossible. The best thing to do, that HAS to happen is the grieve the loss and let go. That part of your life is a closed book forever and never open that book, not even a crack!

 

His wife doesn't "have him by the balls". She put up boundries and rules that he MUST follow if they are to work things out..He's there willingly and doing what she has asked SO he can gain her love, respect and trust again. Please don't make her into the bad guy here...He is. He's the one who cheated and betrayed her, and now he's the one who has to work his ass off to stay married. Resenting her will prevent you from letting go. Have some sympathy for her, even though she reacted and you reacted after D-Day.

 

Affairs are MESSY and everybody gets hurt.

 

You're spot on, BS hasn't got him by his balls. But it is a good example of the way in which I'm blaming others for my mess. I guess I just resent her to a certain extent cos she's got him & I haven't & I just picture them having moved on already, whilst my pain continues.

[Fight4Me]

so-wrong, forgive me if this has been mentioned in another post and I somehow missed it, but what are you doing to repair the damage done to your BH and children? Have you sought counseling yet to help you sort out your marriage and yourself? If not, I think redirecting your focus is essential to jump-starting the healing process in your own home.

[whichwayisup]

You're spot on, BS hasn't got him by his balls. But it is a good example of the way in which I'm blaming others for my mess. I guess I just resent her to a certain extent cos she's got him & I haven't & I just picture them having moved on already, whilst my pain continues.

 

Okay, I totally forgot you were married as well.

 

Since there was D-Day, I have to say, I'm pretty surprised that his wife hasn't contact your husband to tell him what's been going on under his nose..

 

How can you 'resent' his wife when you're married too?

 

Please, when you do an update (the last time you posted was in December) it's best to give all the info, because then people assume you're an OW, not a MW.

 

What about your husband? What are you doing to reconnect and fix things at home? You said in your original post that you do love your H and your family unit as one, but you were bored and your instructor provided excitement... And you two carried on the affair, right under his wife's nose.