Stuck

[RobD70]

So I'm sitting watching TV and she comes to tell me I can look at her phone and email account if I want, then she went on a rant about how she loves me and she wants us to work out. I tried to ignore her by not saying anything but she kept telling me to say something and I gave in and got in her face and told her I hate her with my ****ing guts and she can go **** herself. I told her everything I did was for her and she ****ed it all up. I told her she must've thought she was the **** since she got to **** him and spend my damn money.

 

Long story short I dropped her off at her mother's then went back home and packed a big bag and checked into a hotel not far from my house. I just want to be at peace for a while. I might drink myself to sleep.

I wish more people reacted this way.

[Memphis Raines]

I hate that my wife of 5 years had and affair with my brother. She told me yesterday while we were sitting down hugging each other. Said she and him did it for 8 months last year. While I was traveling out of state to work, she was at home ****ing him. I have thoughts of them having sex and it makes me sick. Threw up this morning thinking about it. She even had the nerve to see what I was doing, as if she actually gave a damn. I threatened to hurt her if she touched me. I'm fighting the will to just go over to his house and beat him until I get tired. I'm trying to hold it together and I just don't know what to do.

 

and you haven't divorced her, and disowned him why exactly?

[Memphis Raines]

Fooled Once, yes we were cuddling and I was telling her how much I loved her. She started sobbing and when I asked her what was wrong she said she had something to tell me. Told me she couldn't keep holding it in and that's when I got floored.

 

I haven't spoken to my brother. If I do it'll only be about how I want to **** him up.

 

thing is, if you have this view of your brother now, and rightfully so, then your views of your wife should be equal if not worse.

 

you can't say you want to beat him up, then sit there still married to her as if this is salvagable.

 

divorce her. do you really think you can handle her and him being at family functions in the same vicinity?

[Towardstherain]

Good for you dumping the trash where it needs to go. Next stop, confront your brother. You gotta let him know this will not be tolerated.

 

You bring up a good point Worldisyours. I think eventually I will have to confront him about this.

[Towardstherain]

Yeah she loves you all right but she also loves to have sex with other men, including your brother(s), without your knowledge.

 

True love is based on deeds not words. Her deeds of betrayal clearly show that she does not love you and is not mature enough for a committed relationship.

 

If she was experiencing sexual longing, it was her duty and obligation, as a wife, to clearly express that to you, her husband. Not allowing another man to satisfy that need.

 

I do think if she had something to tell me about our sex life she should've. But she never gave me any indication that something was wrong and when I asked her she'd tell me everything is okay. I was only gone two days a week. Now here she comes telling me she's been using those days to **** him!

 

Totally understandable to hit the bottle after one of the worst ordeals a human being can go through but take care that it doesn't become a self-destructive habit.

 

I didn't even drink anything. I laid in bed thinking I was going to get something later but I feel asleep.

[Towardstherain]

I don't remember if you said whether or not you have kids. If you don't, ending the marriage will be the easiest thing for you 2 do 2 go forward.

 

Sorry must've forgot. No we don't have any kids together.

 

You must be young, right?

 

Yes sir. Me and her are both twenty-five.

 

Consider chalking this up 2 experience, get some good counseling (many big companies will offer free counseling services for a time, mine did and it saved me after I found out about my wife's affair 9 years ago), and be prepared for a happy fu2re with someone worthy of your love.

 

-ol' 2long

 

Thanks 2long. I'm looking into EMDR therapy like Dreaming suggested.

[Towardstherain]

thing is, if you have this view of your brother now, and rightfully so, then your views of your wife should be equal if not worse.

 

Why do you think I sent her to her mom's?

 

you can't say you want to beat him up, then sit there still married to her as if this is salvagable.

 

Yea you're right.

 

 

divorce her. do you really think you can handle her and him being at family functions in the same vicinity?

 

Probably not.

[WorldIsYours]

You hangin in there buddy?

[freestyle]

Your wife threw you and your marriage under a bus for 8 months, therefore:

 

a) She is untrustworthy, doesn't respect you, and a lied to you.

 

b) Call your brother and tell him you know *everything* and as far as you are concerned he did the worst possible thing to you that he could possibly do. Tell him he is now "dead to you" as far as you are concerned... and maybe one day you'll forgive him, but don't call you, don't talk to you and frankly "f" off.

 

c) Your wife needs to leave the house not you. Why should you be burdened by her infidelity? She needs to feel the sting of her 8 month "sexathon" with your brother. She needs to go find a place to live while things settle, NOT you! So don't go anywhere Towardstherain, throw her bags on the bed and give her a hour to pack and leave. Tell her she has done you wrong, she has tossed your marriage out the window, and now she has to deal with the consequences of her affair. You don't care where she goes, she just has to go, and where she goes is not your problem it is completely hers.

 

d) Take the high road, be firm but honorable... and don't let your wife's crocodile tears trick you. She has no remorse, 8 months is a long time to cheat on you, and frankly it would be a total deal-breaker for me. I could never trust a woman again who would cheat with my brother in my home while I was out on the road providing for her.

 

Best of luck.

 

 

Quoted for emphasis.

 

There's absolutely NO reason that you should be the one inconvenienced by having to leave YOUR home---the MARITAL home.

 

Your W is the one who chose to step out on the marriage--she should be the one to feel the consequences.

 

 

I'm so sorry for your pain--double betrayal is very hard to overcome, and it can take a long time to heal from.

[Towardstherain]

It's been very hard so far, thinking about what she told me and what happened on Sunday but I'm dealing with it. This week I've been going home cleaning out the house, throwing some things out (the bed, couch, etc), and dropping off my wife's things on her mother's porch. I guess she saw me putting her things on the porch on Thursday and came outside to talk to me but I ignored her and left. She's been calling and leaving a bunch of voicemails but I just delete them. I thought of calling her a few times but I know nothing good will come out of it.

 

And it seems Karma got my brother. He's in the hospital for getting into a car accident this morning and is in critical condition. Mother called me and told me what happened. As some of you will predict, our conversation did not go well. She's pissed because I didn't want to go to the hospital to see him. I probably won't need to confront him now, considering he got exactly what he ****ing deserved!

[seibert253]

It's been very hard so far, thinking about what she told me and what happened on Sunday but I'm dealing with it. This week I've been going home cleaning out the house, throwing some things out (the bed, couch, etc), and dropping off my wife's things on her mother's porch. I guess she saw me putting her things on the porch on Thursday and came outside to talk to me but I ignored her and left. She's been calling and leaving a bunch of voicemails but I just delete them. I thought of calling her a few times but I know nothing good will come out of it.

 

And it seems Karma got my brother. He's in the hospital for getting into a car accident this morning and is in critical condition. Mother called me and told me what happened. As some of you will predict, our conversation did not go well. She's pissed because I didn't want to go to the hospital to see him. I probably won't need to confront him now, considering he got exactly what he ****ing deserved!

 

Outf#@kingstanding job!

Well done.

[WorldIsYours]

It's been very hard so far, thinking about what she told me and what happened on Sunday but I'm dealing with it. This week I've been going home cleaning out the house, throwing some things out (the bed, couch, etc), and dropping off my wife's things on her mother's porch. I guess she saw me putting her things on the porch on Thursday and came outside to talk to me but I ignored her and left. She's been calling and leaving a bunch of voicemails but I just delete them. I thought of calling her a few times but I know nothing good will come out of it.

 

And it seems Karma got my brother. He's in the hospital for getting into a car accident this morning and is in critical condition. Mother called me and told me what happened. As some of you will predict, our conversation did not go well. She's pissed because I didn't want to go to the hospital to see him. I probably won't need to confront him now, considering he got exactly what he ****ing deserved!

 

That's good news. I'd still confront that idiot when he gets well enough to take an ass beating but overall, still good news.

[What_Next]

You've done the right thing. Who cares if your mother is upset, too bloody bad.

 

What they have BOTH put you through, they should pay, and pay dearly.

[Darth Vader]

I do think if she had something to tell me about our sex life she should've. But she never gave me any indication that something was wrong and when I asked her she'd tell me everything is okay. I was only gone two days a week. Now here she comes telling me she's been using those days to **** him!

 

 

 

I didn't even drink anything. I laid in bed thinking I was going to get something later but I feel asleep.

 

 

She's Blameshifting so she doesn't own her actions! Even if something was wrong, she should've spoken up! She wanted to screw him!

[TMCM]

It's been very hard so far, thinking about what she told me and what happened on Sunday but I'm dealing with it. This week I've been going home cleaning out the house, throwing some things out (the bed, couch, etc), and dropping off my wife's things on her mother's porch. I guess she saw me putting her things on the porch on Thursday and came outside to talk to me but I ignored her and left. She's been calling and leaving a bunch of voicemails but I just delete them. I thought of calling her a few times but I know nothing good will come out of it.

 

You may want to consider writing her a letter to respect your wishes not to contact you. Give it to one of her parents to deliver it to her.

 

And it seems Karma got my brother. He's in the hospital for getting into a car accident this morning and is in critical condition. Mother called me and told me what happened. As some of you will predict, our conversation did not go well. She's pissed because I didn't want to go to the hospital to see him. I probably won't need to confront him now, considering he got exactly what he ****ing deserved!

 

I agree with your decision not to go to the hospital but if you were in your mother's shoes, would you have done anything differently?

[Towardstherain]

TMCM I know what you mean, but she's been trying to get me to talk to him since before he got into the accident. So I wonder if this was another of her attempts to persuade me.

[TMCM]

TMCM I know what you mean, but she's been trying to get me to talk to him since before he got into the accident. So I wonder if this was another of her attempts to persuade me.

 

Remember that you and your sleazeball 'brother' are her children. Your mother probably considers your relationship with your brother more important than your relationship with your wife - sort of a motherly version of 'bros before hoes'.

 

Only you know your mother, but if she is a good woman then she probably was very upset and ashamed at your brother for his despicable betrayal of you.

 

Many times women are a mystery, and that includes mothers. Maybe your mother wanted your emotional support. Remember that you are not the only one who is living through some very dark times, so is she.

 

My advice is to be gentle and understanding with her, as much as it is humanly possible for you under the present circumstances.

[WorldIsYours]

Remember that you and your sleazeball 'brother' are her children. Your mother probably considers your relationship with your brother more important than your relationship with your wife

 

While those are her children and one of them is in the hospital, that in now way excludes or reduces the horror this man is going through and his mother needs to realize that. Throwing the "we're still family" title around doesn't justify what happened.

 

- sort of a motherly version of 'bros before hoes'.

 

Ahhhh!!!!:lmao:

 

My advice is to be gentle and understanding with her, as much as it is humanly possible for you under the present circumstances.

 

That needs to be the other way around.

[TMCM]

While those are her children and one of them is in the hospital, that in now way excludes or reduces the horror this man is going through and his mother needs to realize that. Throwing the "we're still family" title around doesn't justify what happened.

 

Agreed but looking at it through her eyes, the devastation of one of her children dying - for the time being anyway - takes precedence over the devastation of betrayal her other child is experiencing. But you are right.

 

 

That needs to be the other way around.

 

Indeed but as you know, it's easier to recover from betrayal that it is from death.

[WorldIsYours]

Agreed but looking at it through her eyes, the devastation of one of her children dying - for the time being anyway - takes precedence over the devastation of betrayal her other child is experiencing. But you are right.

 

Well from what this guy wrote it seems his mother's and the rest of his family's priorities were never in his best interests in regards to him being cheated on. His own health and life was put at risk too when his brother and wife had an affair. These types of events show the true colors of those close to you.

 

Indeed but as you know, it's easier to recover from betrayal that it is from death.

 

Ahh no it is not. Infidelity is just as devastating as death.

[TMCM]

Ahh no it is not. Infidelity is just as devastating as death.

 

I beg to differ. My second wife's death was far more devastating than my first wife's infidelities. The infidelities of one did not even come close to the death of the other.

[WorldIsYours]

I beg to differ. My second wife's death was far more devastating than my first wife's infidelities. The infidelities of one did not even come close to the death of the other.

 

I must beg to differ also. Someone close died to me too and my first wife's infidelities hurt just as much as his death....

[TMCM]

I must beg to differ also. Someone close died to me too and my first wife's infidelities hurt just as much as his death....

 

Maybe the difference between your situation and mine had to do with how much emotionally vested we were towards our first wives.

 

In my situation, my first wife's abusive and cruel behavior towards me and our daughters, eventually killed most of the love I had for her, so when I found out about her infidelities, it just emotionally put last nail on the coffin of our marriage. Though I won't deny that were many times when her betrayals broke through my defenses and made me break down and cry. I had for the most part, emotionally detached from her as a coping mechanism.

 

Now the situation regarding my second wife's death was an emotional tsunami I had never, ever experienced before. The aggressive nature of her cancer had metastasized so quickly that in less than a year after she was diagnosed with it, she was dead. Even my daughters, her step-children suffered greatly her passing.

 

I don't doubt the sincerity of your statements, but as they apply to me and many others, they really don't.

[WorldIsYours]

I don't doubt the sincerity of your statements, but as they apply to me and many others, they really don't.

 

It may not apply to you and many others, but they do apply to me and many others. Just because you had the unluckiness of experiencing two traumatic events separately doesn't mean everyone does. I never questioned whether you doubt my statements, only that you realize that in this man's case, there are no excuses and he is not obligated to participate in old traditions at his emotional expense.

[TMCM]

that you realize that in this man's case, there are no excuses and he is not obligated to participate in old traditions at his emotional expense.

 

If that is your perception then you are sadly mistaken.