Stuck

[WorldIsYours]

If that is your perception then you are sadly mistaken.

 

No I'm actually on target as always. No need to try and deny it.

[TMCM]

No I'm actually on target as always. No need to try and deny it.

 

:lmao::lmao:

[WorldIsYours]

:lmao::lmao:

 

Yea okay.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[drifter777]

TMCM I know what you mean, but she's been trying to get me to talk to him since before he got into the accident. So I wonder if this was another of her attempts to persuade me.

 

Towardstherain: Anyone who is not offering help and understanding to you should be off your list of "people to talk to" for a while. When you need to, talk to a counselor or someone you whose opinion you trust. Until then simply avoid those people who are not providing the support you need right now. As you heal, the relationship with your Mom and other family members will sort itself out but it really should not be your the focus right now. As a former betrayed spouse myself, I am impressed by your actions to date as you seem to be doing the things that will help you recover in the long run. If you are not ready or don't want any contact with the cheater, that's cool and it's completely your decision. You should continue to do those things that you believe will lead to your future happiness and I'm sure that you will be able to truly put this incident behind you and find that happiness for yourself.

[Chi townD]

I'm sorry to hear about you're situation. But, what was the cause of the accident?

[Mimolicious]

Fooled Once, yes we were cuddling and I was telling her how much I loved her. She started sobbing and when I asked her what was wrong she said she had something to tell me. Told me she couldn't keep holding it in and that's when I got floored.

 

I haven't spoken to my brother. If I do it'll only be about how I want to **** him up.

 

Ah! "GUILT"- the gift that keeps on giving and eats some alive...

 

Listen, I could just imagine your anger but sad to say that it's not worth doing a bid for. Life has it's way of getting even, leave it to karma. You need to take action and not exactly go facking people up. Takes you nowhere but to central booking. Kick her the hell out and don't ever speak to your brother. Silence is golden.

 

Remember- we are never alone. We have our conscience who always keeps us company. Especially at night. (for those who may have one, at least)

 

KICK THE H*E OUT!!!!!!!!!!

[Mimolicious]

I think your family understands it. What they want to do is sweep it under the rug and make it go away like it never happened. I am floored by their attitude. TMCM made excellent points. 8 months is long time to be screwing your brother in your home and in your bed. Your wife clearly has a broken moral compass and you clearly did not know the real her. For her to engage in such behavior for 8 months and humiliate and disrespect you and your marriage in such a way is simply beyond comprehension. Your brother by the way is also a total piece of crap.

 

Think about seeing an attorney and think about relocating away from your family and start a new life. Not all women are like your wife. I am curious but what did your wife think would happen by screwing your brother for 8 months?

I wish you luck.

 

OP- Listen tho BP. This is on point.

[Mimolicious]

I do think if she had something to tell me about our sex life she should've. But she never gave me any indication that something was wrong and when I asked her she'd tell me everything is okay. I was only gone two days a week. Now here she comes telling me she's been using those days to **** him!

 

I am sorry but the energizer bunny can fix that. There is no excuse for what she did and to top it all with your brother.

 

I didn't even drink anything. I laid in bed thinking I was going to get something later but I feel asleep.

 

Good! Don't drown your sorrows in alcohol, this may take you on to a darker path and not really resolve anything. If you don't have children consider yourself lucky and walk NOW!

 

You haven't spoken to your Bro and it was going on for 8 months so there must have been some sort of connection with the 2 of them. Set her free for your brother to have. That is your biggest revenge. They deserve each other and HE deserves HER more than you do. You deserve better. How old are you? I'm single. LOL! :lmao:

[Mimolicious]

World, sometimes your stance is just too one track...

 

Come on now!

 

I know about the pain of infidelity. I still feel it, not going to lie. It destroys lives but it doesn't end it (I mean, excluding suicide and homicide caused by betrayal but those are choices we make). Nothing in life is as serious and permanent as death.

 

Thing is (and I want you to consider this OP) I am not sure how serious your brother's condition is but let's say he passed... You are staying alive and just as I mentioned before, we live with our conscience. 10 yrs from now, you may not be angry anymore and won't be feeling too swell about not seeing your brother, at least for the last time. I am not suggesting that you go see him and forgive him but just to think about which one will have the longest lasting effect in your life.

 

Also, just like I said before... Life as a way of getting people back. Karma is not a bitch, she is a reminder of how much of one we have been BUT that goes along for everything we do in life, it can also come back for you. This is a very crucial point in this situation because now you are dealing with something larger than life. Possibly death. The way you handle this accident of your brothers, may define you as a better human being. You will get very little of reacting with negativity and it may affect you more than it will benefit you at the long run. Let the anger simmer and think about the best way to move forward. Your W, you are already handling that biotch well so just stay firm on your decision. Your brother...

 

Think about it.

 

Your mother- (speaking as one). Please, don't listen to the nonsense that WIY posted. She is a mother. You don't have children yet. Watch the day that you do, you'll understand her. Her heart must be torned. Nobody wants to see their child in their death bed and also deal with what you are going through. My heart goes out to her, you and to your family.

 

Another thing. Nobody deserves death. Everyone deserves to live, to pay for their actions.

 

Be well but most be wise.

[WorldIsYours]

World, sometimes your stance is just too one track...

 

Come on now!

 

I know about the pain of infidelity. I still feel it, not going to lie. It destroys lives but it doesn't end it (I mean, excluding suicide and homicide caused by betrayal but those are choices we make). Nothing in life is as serious and permanent as death.

 

Thing is (and I want you to consider this OP) I am not sure how serious your brother's condition is but let's say he passed... You are staying alive and just as I mentioned before, we live with our conscience. 10 yrs from now, you may not be angry anymore and won't be feeling too swell about not seeing your brother, at least for the last time. I am not suggesting that you go see him and forgive him but just to think about which one will have the longest lasting effect in your life.

 

Also, just like I said before... Life as a way of getting people back. Karma is not a bitch, she is a reminder of how much of one we have been BUT that goes along for everything we do in life, it can also come back for you. This is a very crucial point in this situation because now you are dealing with something larger than life. Possibly death. The way you handle this accident of your brothers, may define you as a better human being. You will get very little of reacting with negativity and it may affect you more than it will benefit you at the long run. Let the anger simmer and think about the best way to move forward. Your W, you are already handling that biotch well so just stay firm on your decision. Your brother...

 

Think about it.

 

Your mother- (speaking as one). Please, don't listen to the nonsense that WIY posted. She is a mother. You don't have children yet. Watch the day that you do, you'll understand her. Her heart must be torned. Nobody wants to see their child in their death bed and also deal with what you are going through. My heart goes out to her, you and to your family.

 

Another thing. Nobody deserves death. Everyone deserves to live, to pay for their actions.

 

Be well but most be wise.

 

Oh hush. See this is the type of stuff I'm talking about. "Oh she's still your mother and you must obey her wishes, regardless of what your sister or brother did to you.":rolleyes: Sometimes your stance is just too wide to fit the size.

[What_Next]

WIY and I sometimes agree, sometimes we don't. In this case I agree with him. There is no WAY IN HELL I'd set foot inside that hospital to see your brother. Hell no. As for your mother, if she doesn't understand then too bloody bad. Period.

 

Do what you need to. It's your life, who cares what others think.

 

How are you doing?

[Towardstherain]

Mimolicious and WIY you guys both bring up some good points, including everyone else that has given me great advice.

 

Mimo, in regards to your advice I respect that you have empathy for not only me, but my whole family, because you, yourself are a mother. I know full well my mom is feeling down because he's in the hospital, but what she asked of me was too hard to accomplish. I just couldn't look at someone who I was very close to, and someone who betrayed me, in the face. I honestly thought it was kind of selfish of her to even ask me to visit him, considering what he's done and what she and our family didn't do. Maybe this is my anger talking but all in all, I felt my whole family hasn't been there to support me with this. If they won't bend their backs for me, why should I do it for them? Why should I go see someone who basically told me he hates me?

 

I'm not trying to argue or anything because I see where you're coming from. I'm trying to take in everything into account and solve this as best as I can but at the same time, I know I must go about this journey alone. It hurts to accept that but, if that is what I must do then it is what it is.

[Towardstherain]

WIY and I sometimes agree, sometimes we don't. In this case I agree with him. There is no WAY IN HELL I'd set foot inside that hospital to see your brother. Hell no. As for your mother, if she doesn't understand then too bloody bad. Period.

 

Do what you need to. It's your life, who cares what others think.

 

How are you doing?

 

Hey What Next I'm okay. Just throwing myself into my work to help pass time. Hopefully this summer will lift my spirit a little.

[Mimolicious]

Oh hush. See this is the type of stuff I'm talking about. "Oh she's still your mother and you must obey her wishes, regardless of what your sister or brother did to you.":rolleyes: Sometimes your stance is just too wide to fit the size.

 

 

Nobody is saying that he has to obey anything. He is not a toddler...

And I don't think we exactly know how his mother feels about what his brother did to him, so with that said... "Hush" applies to you as well.

Regardles, to lose one son due to death is far more painful than this romantic drama bullshyte. My father was murdered about 30yrs ago. My grandmother has been dead alive since. I think she would exchange brotherly beef for having lost a child.

 

You are far too dramatic and think that infidelity is the worst thing in the world. Get over it! You are not the only person that has been cheated on. SO HAVE I! I lost my home and family due to it BUT I am not dead nor need to hate the world for it. I rather my stance be wide and not live life trapped in an instance. Life goes on... Sometimes life takes away something out of your path to make room for something better.

 

To the OP, divorce and send everyone else from your family to hell. Follow the advice of those who are still trapped inside themselves, and you too will join them. 20-30yrs from now you will regret handling things in such a negative way, which is not really the "high road". Good luck!

[Mimolicious]

Mimolicious and WIY you guys both bring up some good points, including everyone else that has given me great advice.

 

Mimo, in regards to your advice I respect that you have empathy for not only me, but my whole family, because you, yourself are a mother. I know full well my mom is feeling down because he's in the hospital, but what she asked of me was too hard to accomplish. I just couldn't look at someone who I was very close to, and someone who betrayed me, in the face. I honestly thought it was kind of selfish of her to even ask me to visit him, considering what he's done and what she and our family didn't do. Maybe this is my anger talking but all in all, I felt my whole family hasn't been there to support me with this. If they won't bend their backs for me, why should I do it for them? Why should I go see someone who basically told me he hates me?

 

I'm not trying to argue or anything because I see where you're coming from. I'm trying to take in everything into account and solve this as best as I can but at the same time, I know I must go about this journey alone. It hurts to accept that but, if that is what I must do then it is what it is.

 

Did your brother tell you he "hates" you? I am not trying to be cynical because actions are way way louder than words. Have you had a chance to speak to your brother at all? Look, I am just trying to maybe give you something to think about, rather than wishing even death on your own. You can read it all over this place what these illicit Rs make people do.

 

Ok, gotta run for now but I'll be back.

[Towardstherain]

To the OP, divorce and send everyone else from your family to hell. Follow the advice of those who are still trapped inside themselves, and you too will join them. 20-30yrs from now you will regret handling things in such a negative way, which is not really the "high road". Good luck!

 

How am I handling this in such a negative way?

[Towardstherain]

Did your brother tell you he "hates" you? I am not trying to be cynical because actions are way way louder than words. Have you had a chance to speak to your brother at all? Look, I am just trying to maybe give you something to think about, rather than wishing even death on your own. You can read it all over this place what these illicit Rs make people do.

 

Ok, gotta run for now but I'll be back.

 

He told me he hated me when he invaded my marriage. Same for the woman who was supposed to be my wife.

[Mimolicious]

He told me he hated me when he invaded my marriage. Same for the woman who was supposed to be my wife.

 

 

I don't mean to sound crazy... TTR- I know you are angry, livid and right now you are feeling like the empire state collapsed on you. I know the feeling all too well, babes. Perhaps, yours is x2. I don't know how it is to be betrayed by a sibling. Lucky for me, I only have a brother and he's not into men. I do know what it is to be betrayed by a spouse. I can't even phantom the idea of how it can hurt much more than it already does...

 

(how do I say this delicately?)

 

You'd be surprise the nonsense that people do when they are in the heat of the moment. Now, you know your relationship with your brother. We don't. If your brother has always had animosity and has been jealous of you, then yes I can see him doing it out of spite. You only can recap your past R with him. If this has never been the case, he didn't say he "hates" you and I know that his actions are beyond disgusting. I want to fack him up for you too BUT there is more to it than your pain will allow you to see.

 

I am not saying that you should be buddies, not at all. You may never speak to him ever again, that is fine too. Unfortunately, you can't change the fact that he is your blood. 20-30yrs from now, when you are beyond this and hopefully have kids of your own, this will all look as something to laugh about. You'll be surprised, you may find the woman of your dreams and thank your brother for releasing you from such trash.

 

Now, how critical is his condition? If I may ask...

 

Like I said before, karma is a mofo. Your brother just got a taste of some of his but remember, we all get what we put out. Let's say (God forbid) your brother dies tomorrow, you will feel happy? Be honest.

To wish death upon your own can't bring liberation or closerure. Think about it. Nothing will bring YOU closure than to get yourself to a better place and it's all in the way that you handle it. Don't go rotten for what life has thrown at you, you are only sabotaging yourself. If your brother's condition leaves him with permanent damage, consider yourself the lucky one.

 

As per your mother- My most humble prayers go out to her. You think you are torned? Wait till you have children of your own and see them fall apart.

 

I am sorry if I sound delusional to many here, especially to WIY, but I have a heart and a conscience. Trust me, I have been through hell and back but nobody is going to turn me into something that I am not. Be well...

[WorldIsYours]

Nobody is saying that he has to obey anything. He is not a toddler...

And I don't think we exactly know how his mother feels about what his brother did to him, so with that said... "Hush" applies to you as well.

Regardles, to lose one son due to death is far more painful than this romantic drama bullshyte. My father was murdered about 30yrs ago. My grandmother has been dead alive since. I think she would exchange brotherly beef for having lost a child.

 

This ain't got nothing to do with this man's situation.

 

You are far too dramatic and think that infidelity is the worst thing in the world. Get over it!

You are far too dramatic if you think infidelity is not one of the worst things in the world. And point to exactly where I said infidelity is the worst thing in the world. Get over it!!!!!!!

 

You are not the only person that has been cheated on. SO HAVE I! I lost my home and family due to it BUT I am not dead nor need to hate the world for it. I rather my stance be wide and not live life trapped in an instance. Life goes on... Sometimes life takes away something out of your path to make room for something better.

I never said I was the only person that has been cheated on. I have moved on too and found someone else but I don't criticize someone who's not putting up with the way their family and spouse treats them, simply because one is a parent.

 

To the OP, divorce and send everyone else from your family to hell. Follow the advice of those who are still trapped inside themselves, and you too will join them. 20-30yrs from now you will regret handling things in such a negative way, which is not really the "high road". Good luck!

The man is already going through tough sh*t right now. What the hell you want the man to do? Call his mother and ask for her forgiveness? Go visit his brother who helped trash his marriage? If he decides he doesn't want to speak to his family ever again he has that right, and it's completely justifiable. "She's still your mother! How dare you, young man!" Old ladies these days.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think that it probably wouldn't be rational to show up at the hospital unless you want to put him in super-critical condition.

 

It just isn't wise to risk it. And really when you have been cheated on like that you have enough emotional bull**** to deal with.

 

Let your ex visit him if she's so in love with the guy.

[Mimolicious]

This ain't got nothing to do with this man's situation.

 

You are far too dramatic if you think infidelity is not one of the worst things in the world. And point to exactly where I said infidelity is the worst thing in the world. Get over it!!!!!!!

 

I never said I was the only person that has been cheated on. I have moved on too and found someone else but I don't criticize someone who's not putting up with the way their family and spouse treats them, simply because one is a parent.

 

The man is already going through tough sh*t right now. What the hell you want the man to do? Call his mother and ask for her forgiveness? Go visit his brother who helped trash his marriage? If he decides he doesn't want to speak to his family ever again he has that right, and it's completely justifiable. "She's still your mother! How dare you, young man!" Old ladies these days.

 

 

WIY- You reek the same shyte day and night on these boards. Seriously, don't give me that. You compare infidelity with death, that's pretty much one of the OR THE ONE worst thing in the world.

 

Old lady who? I bet I am younger than you. LMAO!

 

Anyway,have some little more respect for other people's stories. For you to tell me this

This ain't got nothing to do with this man's situation.

about me saying of my father's death is a little out of place for you. I was speaking about the OP's mother having some sort of tragedy, not coming out of my a$$ with some irrelevant comment. Goes to show...

 

and WTF exactly did his mother do for him to not hear her out? Whatever.

 

and the bolded- THAT you don't what? Yeah, you don't criticise, you call names, disrespect people on here all the time. Let's be for real... Bwhahahhahahaah! and who said that I am criticising him? If so, then don't well all.

 

OP- It's your life, good luck in your path to recovery.

 

NEXT!

Edited April 20, 2011 by Mimolicious

[WorldIsYours]

WIY- You reek the same shyte day and night on these boards.

 

So do you, mother.

 

Seriously, don't give me that. You compare infidelity with death, that's pretty much one of the OR THE ONE worst thing in the world.

 

Seriously don't give me that. You suggest the man somehow be friendly with his brother who penetrated his wife for almost a year, or Karma will get him later on in life.

 

Old lady who? I bet I am younger than you. LMAO!

 

If you are then no wonder why your statements are hilarious!

 

Anyway,have some little more respect for other people's stories.

 

You need to eat your own advice and drink it down with water.

 

For you to tell me this about me saying of my father's death is a little out of place for you.

 

For you to even use you own father's death as an analogy to suggest that this man stop moving on the right path is way out of place for you.

 

I was speaking about the OP's mother having some sort of tragedy, not coming out of my a$$ with some irrelevant comment. Goes to show...

 

No those comments came right out the booty crack from which you pass gas while you're watching TV.

 

and WTF exactly did his mother do for him to not hear her out? Whatever.

 

WTF exactly did his mother do for him? Whatever.

 

OP- It's your life, good luck in your path to recovery.

 

NEXT!!!

[drifter777]

Mimo & WIY: maybe more focus on helping Towardstherain instead of personal squabble?

 

Towardstherain: How are you doing? Do you plan to continue with divorce proceedings?

[Towardstherain]

Mimo & WIY: maybe more focus on helping Towardstherain instead of personal squabble?

 

Towardstherain: How are you doing? Do you plan to continue with divorce proceedings?

 

Hey I'm doing fine. Just had to leave for a few days to clear my head. And yes, I will proceed with divorce. The only logical decision.

[TMCM]

Hey I'm doing fine. Just had to leave for a few days to clear my head. And yes, I will proceed with divorce. The only logical decision.

 

 

A change of scenery can do a person a lot of good.

 

There is a school of thought that states that a betrayed spouse must try to find the causes of the betrayal before he/she can truly move on. Unfortunately this is akin to asking a rape victim to analyze her rapist's motivations for raping her. I don't subscribe to this because it makes the betrayed spouse's recovery dependent on the betrayer and that can make moving on with life extremely hard to do.

 

Your STBXW's actions have proven that she has issues - like most betrayers - that make her unworthy of the title of wife. Ironically a divorce may be just what she needs to face them, but whether she does so or not that is her problem.

 

Consider instead on focusing on achieving the things you are most passionate about but may have put on hold because of the marriage. You now have that opportunity, seize it.